Sunday 26th June 2022

Gratitude for Women & Girls In My Life: IWD 2022. 15/2022.

Gratitude for Women & Girls In My Life: IWD 2022. 15/2022.

In past years I have made social media posts for IWD….International Women’s Day.

Today: Tuesday 8 March 2022 I want to go further:

My late Mother.

I did a recent tribute post to her here. We are together in 2003 where she & Dad had their favourite Winter stays 1990s to 2000s : Burleigh Heads.

 

 

My late Grandmothers and my Aunt.

Mum is in this collage too. This is from the tribute to them, from me, as Women of Courage. To be found here.

 

Women Who Helped Me Through Head and Neck Cancer:

from diagnosis, surgeries and into recovery.

Not every woman is here.

There are the ones who asked after me on social media, and are part of head and neck cancer groups.

There are my blogging friends…so many, and they are also here on the women of courage page.

I remain incredibly grateful for their:

Love

Compassion

Concern

Healing Wishes

So, with gratitude I honour my recovery with this collage:

From top left:

  • Every week, from 2017 I had coffee at Randa’s in Wyong. She cared for and about me on some very tough days. I remain in touch regularly.
  • Meeting Lisa via her establishment of the Big Hug Box: we shared a passion for giving back and for our cancer care at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse. Lisa’s story is here.
  • My Friend and Fellow Teacher…and HNC rare oral cancer friend. Tara. Smiles all round when we met. Her story is here.
  • A friend from social media is Dr Katie Nash, a Paediatrician who now lives on Central Coast, and very grateful for her time to chat and have coffee
  • Nadia Rosin: CEO of Head and Neck Cancer Australia. Friend and wonderful advisor to me as an Ambassador. This photo from day we met in October 2018 at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse.
  • Cate Froggatt. My goodness we sure have connected…hugs, words on line, and in person and as the surgical assistant to my professor, Cate has seen more of the inside of my mouth than me. A great friend…on the phone via reassurance too. Her story is here.
  • Julie: the nurse at the Oral Surgeon’s at Ourimbah who KNEW where to refer me for diagnosis and treatment after Stef, the oral surgeon told me I had cancer in my gums. So grateful over and over for her knowledge!
  • Two in one gratitude photo here: with A/Prof Puma Sundaresan who is the chair of Head and Neck Cancer Australia, and Dr Caity Frede, whose initiative to fund raise for HANCA was on behalf of her dad, who had succumbed to Head and Neck Cancer. I was honoured to be asked to speak at the charity fundraising event.
  • My local Federal MP Emma McBride. Emma has been especially interested in sharing more about head and neck cancer after she came to our place for morning tea in July 2018 prior to World Head and Neck Cancer Day.

Then I show my gratitude to these people.

The women and the girls I am related to by blood…as they say.

My daughter: (middle left & right)  an amazing person in many ways, who is far to self-effacing but her Mum can say that. She has raised her family singly but with some support and has been, at the same time, a person who also gives back, as a volunteer at Sydney Jewish Museum, and in past times at her schools, on local sports’ committees. Back to Uni and continuing to teach part time, and raise her kids through very challenging times, she became a teacher librarian at a local school but now, by invitation as stepped up to be an Assistant Principal. Her oldest three are all over 21 but her youngest child is still in primary school…so she is a busy woman. However, she is a caring one who keeps a lookout for her fellow staff members and in this time of covid and teaching from home has been an exemplary leader.

My eldest granddaughter and second granddaughter: (top left & bottom middle) Now adults I can’t say too much of course, but they are finding their feet in life, and staying connected to family. Both of these women were in our care quite a bit as kids, and we share some great memories now. They were also the duo who managed our pre-50th Wedding Anniversary photo shoot.

Our daughter’s youngest. (middle right) This one is somewhat shy but also loves to share her stories and life with us via media. We attended her 9th Birthday last year and she was one happy girl connecting with family and friends.

Our son’s three daughters. One is almost a teen and we are in bottom left and in top middle. Miss R was cared for by us from 5 months to over 5 years a few day a week and we so value her love and presence in our lives. Miss E, dark hair ( middle top, and bottom right) is a character who we cared for from around 5 months till 18 months. When we left Sydney we did not get the same chances to be carers for Miss M, blondie in top left, middle top, and bottom right, but we love her courage, and her determination. She shares my Mum’s name as her second name.

 

Thank you all. Your lives and your stories lift me up. To those not mentioned, you too are valued by me for your presence, love and friendship.

Every day…but especially on International Women’s Day.

Denyse.

This from my son today on social media. I am very touched and grateful.

 

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Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.

Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.

This is the last taking stock  in 2021 and may not be another when in 2022.

So, as this could be the “last one” I am going to share here about my life as it is on the eve of my 72nd birthday.

And as Pema Chodron says here…..

I am grateful for all who have made a difference in my life. Not all people are represented here because I may not have had an image. So, here goes, using images to ‘match’ a word. And using my alphabetical list.

 

Admiring: those people who are the trained professionals in all allied health, surgery and more, and have cared for my health.

Becoming: a part of a family, grateful for the love, care and kindness of parents and grandparents since 1949!

Curious: about life and learning….always! 

Delighted: to meet up with on-line friends when I can.

Excited: that we will get to celebrate my birthday…..out for morning tea! It suits us both to do this…here’s a memory from 2018. If the rain stays away we will be going here again: a local nursery.

 

Feeling: that time is moving way too fast….that seems to happen after 70!

Goingto my Dad’s sometime in December to share some meals and treats. He’s certainly been the constant in my life…known me for more than 72 years!! This from my 71st birthday when I am not sure who was helping who stay on their feet. 

Helping: Head and Neck Cancer Australia as an Ambassador. I have held this volunteer role for 3 years and as I said to the CEO recently, “you got me for life“.

Imploring: people to keep an eye on anything (related to Head and Neck cancer* symptoms)  that might be not healing or increasing in pain. size and so on…and ensuring if a GP or dentist, doesn’t take it seriously, to seek out another option. *all cancers of course,  but these ones have no diagnostic tools.

Joking: No idea what was funny at Oxley lookout last year but this bloke is quite the joker….and this wife, is not always ready for his sense of humour! 

Keeping: this blog going into its 12th year is testament to my commitment but to the engagement of this blogging community even more! 

Loving: the freedom of days’ activities choice when retired. Sure, there is a routine of sorts, and yes, we get up by a certain time (not tellin’) …but no bosses!

Making: memories for me and others! By cards, photos and little albums. I love doing it too.

Next: I am too easily wanting to plan what is next yet, at the same time trying to stay in the present. The one thing for me is knowing where we will be living next year, and so far, the owners have agreed to us staying on. HOWEVER, the way real estate prices have risen here, houses in our street up by $200-300K in less than 4 years, we suspect we will get a rent rise. Sigh.

Observing: the places where I lived as a teen and older and having a deep appreciation for that time. 

 

Pleasing: to notice that I can continue to change some health habits slightly to be more health-aware in my ageing years.

Reading: the many and varied posts that YOU, my blogging friends, share here for Life This Week. We are, today, at #268 of the link up. And how I met some of my blogging friends two years ago.

Staying: on track with meditation. It will be 2 years without missing a session by end of 2021. I now do Daily Calm in the morning and another track in the evening. It still counts as one day! 

Trying: to remember all I am grateful for more than ever…not everyone gets the chance to continue living as I have post-cancer.

 

Understanding: that life is not static. Der. But sometimes when I don’t want things to change, I then remember that they change anyway so grasping to keep things are they are is not on. I have learned much about this thanks to meditation, and listening to a range of CDs from teachers of Buddhism and more. Very wise people..and we are all human. 

Viewing: old photos for this post and feeling the warmth of nostalgia but also heeding the point above! 

Welcoming: changes to Covid restrictions here in N.S.W. soon, with reduction of places where you need to sign in with QR code, and having the choice to wear a mask. We think, for now, we will continue to mask up if in a crowded shop or doctors’ surgery. Definitely needed recently at a Big Hug Box packing day. NB: hope with new strain variant, we will remain vigilent.

X- “X-tra grateful” to all of the women who shared their stories of courage. In the 3 years, more than 72 women shared their stories. Wow. I have included images of all who continue to blog and link up here fairly regularly. I “hope” I have you all in this group. Let me know, if I have missed you. 

Yes: to more plans to do ‘less’….and that sounds like a contradiction. In the meantime, here I am over decades of my life ‘doing’ what I most enjoy: connecting with those I care for and who love me. Perhaps a bit of a stretch re Former PM Julia Gillard, but she did thank me for my education roles. 

Z – Is there anyone else I need to show my gratitude and admiration for their part of my life? Yes, it’s an old image but the LOVE from this Papa to his only grandchildren cannot be surpassed. And the love we had for him is exemplified in my brother now being Papa to his 2 grandkids and that B became Papa when his eldest granddaughter couldn’t get her mouth around Grandpa, and out came “Pa-Pa” and it sure stuck.

Thank you all for reading, commenting and sharing your blog post today.

Take care,

Denyse.

 

Started Life This Week Link Up. Sept 2016.

Life This Week. #268

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Women of Courage Series. #74. Ness. 119/2021.

Women of Courage Series. #74. Ness. 119/2021.

Two years & five months ago… I tentatively courageously launched Women of Courage series on my blog and here was what I said then:

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival in April 2019 and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

This third series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here will conclude today: Thursday 30 September 2021.

Over a couple of weeks soon, I will publish a round-up series of posts  of the women who contributed: not all shared their names and some used initials only but all shared their story and I thank them over and over for their courage to do so. 

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

 

Trigger warning: Miscarriage and infant death. Breast cancer. Information may be found at the end of the post.

 

 

Welcoming Vanessa or Ness for short to this series. Interestingly we have known each other via blogging for probably around 10 years and she turned 50 this year just as my daughter did. We lived within about 8 kms of each other too for a along time, and most likely crossed paths in the local big shopping centre! But we have not yet met IRL (in real life) as they say. So, my words about Ness will likely make her blush a bit but I am not sorry. And we share a love of Downton Abbey!!

I have seen this woman’s life as she describes some of it here via her updates on social media platforms we both were part of when Australian blogging was a much bigger ‘thing’. I remember health news. Cancer news I mean. I also recall the ways in which she had to get on with what was very anxiety producing in treatment and recovery. We are both fans of the work based on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and there is a link at the end of the post.

May I add too, how proud I am to have seen Ness become trained in her work to be able to work in a library and even in Covid I see that she continues to make a contribution…and best of all, she has returned to blogging. Welcome back Ness. You were missed!

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Over the years I’ve had an ongoing struggle with anxiety which eventually led to me figuring out that I’m on the autistic spectrum. I was officially diagnosed ten years ago at age 40.

In 2004 my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Thankfully he is a survivor and going strong. It was a difficult period dealing with his treatment while we also had a toddler and a baby.

In 2007 I was expecting again but had a late miscarriage and had to give birth to my deceased baby which was very traumatic and devastating. Luckily I subsequently had another baby in 2008 and completed our family.

In late 2015 I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer and underwent a lumpectomy plus chemotherapy and radiation.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I spent many years as a stay at home parent but a year or two after my cancer treatment I began volunteer work for St. Vincent De Paul Society Service Centre .

Eventually I went back to TAFE and achieved a Diploma of Library and Information Services.

I originally worked in libraries and had always thought I’d eventually get back into it.

I got a casual job with a council library in January and also  work for a library shelf ready service.

So I guess the change was I stopped putting things off.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Don’t be afraid to admit it if you’re struggling and need help.

I would not have gotten through any of the above without taking medication and seeing a psychologist .

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I must admit that I’m currently struggling again so I’m not sure how to answer the question.

I guess I can be scared and struggling yet still take action however small whereas before I avoided things.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Try to be kind to yourself the same way you would to a friend or family member in the same situation.

Remind yourself it’s not weakness to seek any help you may need including medication if appropriate.

Take things one day at a time and when you’re going through hell, just keep going.

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post. For example a website or help line.

The book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and the techniques used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy were helpful for me.

 

 

Thank you Ness, how pleased I am you have contributed to the series. And it is fitting that a fellow blogger’s story concluded not only Series 3 but Women of Courage Stories.

I so hope we can finally meet up in person too with cakies and coffee!!

Take care,

Denyse.

 

 

Social Media for Ness here:

Blog/Website

https://nessiville.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Nessofnessville/

Instagram:

http://www.instagram.com/ness_nessville

 

Resources That May Help: 

These sites are Australian-based. 

https://www.panda.org.au/

https://www.sands.org.au/stillbirth-and-newborn-death

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 – Crisis Support and Suicide …

Russ Harris: Acceptance Commitment Therapy Information is here. The Happiness Trap is also another resource from Russ.

Breast Cancer resources: from Veronica’s  Women of Courage post found here. 

Pink Hope – Know Your Risk, Change Your Future

http://pinkhope.org.au

Be Dense Aware (Did you know dense breast tissue can make diagnosis more challenging?)

https://www.bedenseaware.com/

iPrevent – Breast Cancer Prevention Through Risk Assessment

https://nbcf.org.au/19/prevention-through-precision-medicine/

Sydney Breast Cancer Foundation – The 3 Step Breast Check

https://www.sbcf.org.au/resources/

National Breast Cancer Foundation – Zero Deaths from Breast Cancer by 2030 campaign

https://nbcf.org.au/

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

Copyright © 2021 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women of Courage Series. #73. Gillian Coutts. 116/2021.

Women of Courage Series. #73. Gillian Coutts. 116/2021.

Two years ago… I tentatively courageously launched Women of Courage series on my blog and here was what I said then:

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival in April 2019 and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

This third series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here will continue to be published each Thursday into September 2021 when it will conclude.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

Introducing Gillian Coutts who told me she is ‘just 50’ so I am guessing she was born in that year which was one I know well, having become a first time Mum then too. It was recommended to me by fellow educator and Woman of Courage Tracey here that I ask Gillian to do this story for us. And here she is. Mind you, we had the odd messaging conversation before the story landed. Something very familiar to many of us. On-line learning and also working on-line. From home. I am very glad she did commit her story to email, and with her images, I know the story ahead will be of interest to many. Thank you Gillian.

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Until I was in my late 30s, I’d been relatively lucky in life.

I’d had an interesting corporate career, come from a great family, I’d married a good man and become an instant step mum.

I became a bio-mum when I was 38, and a year later was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Lots of people at that time would have said I was courageous about the treatment and balancing work and family, but to me I was just doing what you had to do.

There was no other choice.

But what I did next was – in hindsight – more courageous.

There’s something about those experiences that helps you see life is short, and there’s not much point in living the life others expect you to, but rather, taking the path that you want to.

This for me was about finding an alternative career.

I’d been a typical corporate ladder climber, and while I’d started out with a big heart for people and social justice, I’d ended up managing divisions of consumer goods companies which seemed to be more about making profit from people buying things that they didn’t really need.

My heart was definitely not in that.

So when my role was made redundant a few years later, I decided not to take another “job” for two years.

It was risky as I’m the primary bread winner for our family, but I knew there had to be another way.

So I stitched together a “portfolio” of things – consulting, becoming a partner in Potential Project here in Australia, board roles.

The only criteria was that I had to work with people I loved doing things I enjoyed.

I also had to say yes to opportunities if I felt scared (but not if I didn’t want to do them).  So that took courage.

The thing that really took courage though was when my friend and I started to join a folk rock band.  That was really pushing the boat out there!

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Joining the band is a great example of the challenges I felt all the way through the last ten years, in all the things I’ve tried.

It takes courage to dream of doing something that you’re not good at… yet.

It takes more courage to book the venue, show up and play when you know you’re still not that good… yet.

The funny thing was that when I joined the band, I thought maybe I could be one of the lead singers.

It turns out that my voice wasn’t that good.  I was relegated to be one of the back-up singers and played the keyboard, while two great young singers took the lead.

Then I wasn’t that great at the piano, and the bass player decided he’d be better at keys, so I learnt to play the bass too.

Then the lead singers left, and my friend and I looked at each other and decided we had to go for it.

So we got some singing lessons and have slowly worked our way to the front.  We all take it turns to lead now, and have great harmonies too.

It’s been a lesson for me in continuing to turn up, even if you’re not perfect.

It’s taught me an enormous amount about performing in all aspects of life.

If you are content in yourself, and not too precious about how others see you, you can help other people have a really great time.

Even if you’re not the next person likely to win Australia’s Got Talent!

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Letting go of the need to be perfect is so liberating!

It is also infectious.

People have loved coming to see us perform because they can feel free to sing along and just have a good time.

Many have come to tell us that they’ve also been inspired to pursue their own “not yet perfect…” kind of project and share their pride with us.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I think I’ve realised that what is most entertaining and engaging is when you as a performer are engaged, present and having fun yourself.

Sure, you need a base level of talent to not completely embarrass yourself, but fully committing to the present moment is a joyful feat in itself.

It’s rare and people appreciate it.

I’ve had to give a lot of talks and run programs for leaders all over the world now where I would have previously (and still sometimes do) have a massive imposter syndrome moment.

And then I remember that’s human, I know my stuff well enough and just commit to the moment.  And 99% of the time that’s more than enough.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

When it comes to pursuing your dreams, think less about how others will see you, and more about what you want to do for others.

Compassion is an amazing catalyst for courage.

 

Thank you so much. Living life to the fullest with all its ups and downs yet finding a balance between work and family AND being yourself.

Denyse.

Social Media Connections for Gillian.

Blog/Website: www.potentialproject.com/Australia, www.vegasnerve.com.au

 Twitter: @GillianTPP

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gillian.coutts.7

LInkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gilliancoutts/

 

Book: One Second Ahead – Enhance your performance at work with mindfulness

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

Copyright © 2021 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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