Friday 27th May 2022

What Is Your Legacy? 25/2022.

What Is Your Legacy? 25/2022.

 

This post contains some thoughts of mine about old age, dying, regret, love & old familial relationships. I know some people may be affected by reading my thoughts. They are just my thoughts. I tell my story with my truth and honesty. Always. However, to protect certain people there are no names or situations/settings mentioned. Denyse.

 

 

 

I really never gave this question, ‘what is your legacy?’  much thought until I watched Hamilton and then knew the lyrics so well I was stopped in my tracks when I heard Alexander Hamilton speak (Lin Manuel Miranda credit) these lines almost at the end:

Wow.

Had I ever thought of what my legacy might be? No.

Had I ever considered that I might share with someone what HIS/HER legacy for me has been?

Well, yes, I can.

What happened next?

After seeing visions like these

 

and remembering Lin’s amazing words…..

Masked Up for Hamilton in Sydney May 2021.

I decided to share with my 98 year old Dad, what his legacy was for me.

But wait.

It is about the richness of the individual’s life, including what that person accomplished and the impact he or she had on people and places. Ultimately, the story of a person’s life reflects the individual’s legacy. Wikipedia.

Now, read on!

I have been at odds with my father over the years. But always knew he loved/s me and cares for and about me.

I have also known how much he welcomed me into his life when he and Mum had me in 1949. Not a familiar pose for us, but here we are on my wedding day 1971.

 

A memory of Dad, Mum and my brother for his special zero birthday in 2002.

Mum died in 2007 and Dad has spent the past 15 years alone. He moved from the family home in 2011 to an independent living unit where he remains. Mum’s dying words, were, to an extent “look after your father”….and of course, whilst he IS independent I have tried to do this.

 

But for his 9oth Birthday above, he actually had to pass on much of the planning and organisation (to me, my brother & sil, and his grandkids too) for this event to be as special as it was. He STILL refers to the emotional reaction it caused 8 years later.

Dad did have a lot happen in his life, not least, when his Dad died in 1935 leaving him, his older sister and younger siblings with no father. This part of Telling My Story tells more.

Personality types that are similar will often clash. Yes, that is us. Both Type A and want to be in control and in charge. 

Has it helped my relationship with my dad that I continued to hold old memories of being judged?

No not really. Nor has it helped my conflict within me.

 

Easy to read…and to say…harder to do but OH so worth it!

Lessing judging, and comparing and BEing…where you are

 

What did it take for things to thaw and to change?

I can truthfully say that I needed to accept my responsibility for my behaviour, thinking and feeling. 

This is not an easy thing to do BUT it requires:

  • acceptance
  • self compassion
  • kindness
  • examination of any evidence
  • and love….

Most of my thinking was concerned with perceptions of what “he” thought about me and I acknowledge that I “believed” this too. I cannot really rehash those details because they no longer serve me. I had some parts of  rubbish thinking  to question (is it true? how do you know?) and to examine and then let them go.

It has taken me the past five years to do this. And, the most recent 6 or so months for it all to come together in my mind.

Naturally my practice of meditation each day and night has helped change my thoughts and beliefs, as has some of the reading and learning from many sources.

Having a serious illness called cancer diagnosed for me in May 2017 was a game-changer of sorts because I had much to do to get myself well, and Dad would let me know how much he considered me both brave and strong.

In fact, even lately he has told me: I don’t think I could have ever done what you did. And he also told me that about taking on the principal role as he said I was offered a CEO role, and knocked it back. I didn’t want to be away from home.

What Did I Share With Dad? 

Dad, you’ve left me a legacy of:

Music and singing along with it….we know how much you enjoyed music in your life, as Gran played piano and taught it too. And yes, dear readers, I am a music lover from the war years, sentimental tunes and songs from musicals. Dad was the person who organised for me & bro to see the Beatles.

Enjoying socialising and the company of others for a meal, coffee and catch up.

Education Oh how much I am glad of this life long love of it that I have been so fortunate, Dad, that you encouraged and insisted on getting tertiary qualifications and we all know how that went. Very well indeed. Dad actually has what he refers to as history lessons each week with friends where he lives. He loves keeping his mind active

Love & care for family. At times it may not have been done subtly and at times I may not be as patient as I could be either Dad, but we know how much we love and care for our family…and in their ways they love us.

Interacting .…reading,  news watching, listening  and engaging with some topics. I also cannot engage with dad on some, so we leave that!!

Organisation and planning. Yes, thanks Dad.

With My Dad, His Mother (Gran, left) and her Mother, Nana (r)

And it’s not what WE think may be our legacy that matters, it’s what others consider to be the legacy.

I know Dad was quite chuffed and taken aback when I shared this with him recently.

Have you got someone in your life that you’d feel sharing the legacy they have left for you is important to share? As Mum used to say “tell people what their lives have meant to you BEFORE their funerals!” Good one, Mum. And yes, we did for you!

Denyse.

Joining in with Natalie for Weekend Coffee Share today

Thank you Natalie.

https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

 

 

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest