Friday 10th July 2020

Women Of Courage Series. #47.JT. 55/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #47.JT. 55/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 I feel like I have known JT for a long time, and when I do the counting back of years, it’s been over 8 years. Known to me via social media and blogging initially, we connected ‘in real life’ some time back where she kindly crocheted items for my two youngest granddaughters. I have known of some of the ‘life events’ here written by JT and know how much courage it has take for this woman in her late 30s years to share today’s story. Thank you JT.

As with others who have shared their stories anonymously, there will be no replies from this Woman of Courage, but I know she will be reading with appreciation.

We share a love of the beach and photography so I dedicate this photo of mine to JT.

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

My courageous journey started when I was hospitalized for my heart and my struggle to medicate and control it.

Eventually it led to a rare diagnosis, which took me along time to accept.

Ironically while I was trying to control my heart my ex was controlling me, making me feel like I had nothing if I didn’t have him and I was always stuffing everything up.

This continued for the next 6 years till he cheated on me with my best friend who I confided in at the time about my marriage failing and not knowing what to do.

I came to learn the terms narcissism and gas lighting which helped me understand how to get my life back on track and realize that I was totally capable of being in control of my own life and raise my 3 beautiful humans.

My confidence and ability to see my worth grew with every achievement I made even the small ones. Eventually this led me to my partner who also has 3 beautiful humans and an even worse ex which I did not think possible who has tried very hard over the past 3 years to control not only my partner but also our lives together.

Being courageous is not something I ever saw myself as being until I started allowing myself to see me for who I am and not for what anyone else has said about me.

Every day I wake up knowing my heart condition is there, I take my tablets and I feel somewhat better for the day.

New challenges arise every day; some days are bad and some are good.

Some days I let those hurtful words my ex has said to me creep back into my life but I now have the ability to see I am so much more than what he said I was.

 

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Being at rock bottom taught me how the small things are so important.

I remember vividly when I was first on my own and I went shopping I took my eldest daughter with me while my other 2 kids were with their dad and the shopping alone was a huge deal because over the 6 years I was told I was terrible at it and he would have to do it because I couldn’t.

I left that shopping centre so proud of myself only to get to my car and have a flat tire.

I sat in that front seat with a boot full of groceries and felt exactly what I was told I was that was a very low point for me.

My first instinct was to call him and get him to rescue me.

Only this time a nice man knocked on my window and asked me if I realized I had a flat.

I said yes and sent him away saying I would call someone.

He knocked again and said he would happily change it for me and it would be much quicker than waiting.

So I accepted his help. It was such a small thing for most people.

Accepting help.

For me I had only ever had one person I called on.

He changed my tire and went on his way to the shops.

I felt so liberated.

This man had no idea what he had just done for me and it wasn’t just changing a tire.

I called my ex back and said “don’t worry about coming to help I don’t need you”.

In that moment I saw light instead of dark and I felt alive.

On the way home I put petrol in my car for the first time in 32 years.

It wasn’t hard and I felt like I could do this, I could live without him and I could keep doing these small things that felt so incredibly big to me.

It started with someone changing my tyre for me and putting petrol in my car and it grew and grew till I felt I was quite capable of being on my own and doing everything I needed to.

I went from being at home 100% of the time unless we went out together as a family, to me going out on my own shopping, working, visiting people, taking the kids out and living my life as I always should have.

 

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

  • You cannot change what people think of you or how they act, only your reaction to it.
  • To start with, my reaction to my ex leaving was to be scared.
  • Being scared made me into a person I didn’t want to be.
  • I felt like it was the end for me because I couldn’t possibly live without him, I didn’t know how to do anything and over the years I had lost a lot of my friends.
  • My relationships changed from that point on.
  • I never ever wanted to feel that only another person could make my life worth living.
  • I learnt to love myself.
  • I learnt things like that I loved to be outdoors and go for bush walks.
  • I love to go on adventures.
  • I learnt to accept help from others.
  • I learnt that a partner is someone to share life with, the good the bad and the truly ugly.
  • It’s ok to not see eye to eye on absolutely everything and it is totally ok to say so.
  • You are important.
  • Your views are important.
  • Your life is important.

 

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Absolutely. Just this past month I’ve been in isolation due to covid-19 and being high risk of complications.

It’s thrown everyone’s world upside down and even to the point I was willing to give up everything because I felt like my heart had become another burden to the man I loved because it means I have to be in isolation so his kids can’t visit as they usually do for the time being.

His ex constantly fought over it to the point I had to get a doctor’s certificate from my doctor stating that I was indeed high risk for complications if I caught it.

Of course it still wasn’t enough and won’t ever be enough for her.

Do I feel that guilt that my partner only has this issue because of me?

Do I feel like I am doing the right thing by keeping myself safe, and loving myself enough to want to be around for a lot longer yet?.

Yes! It is not easy and this is not a normal situation.

There are still times I feel myself slipping into old habits because I’m at home all of the time and it brings back a lot of feelings from before.

But I know once I am able to I can stand up and go back out there no matter how hard it is because I know that I can.

To go from an abusive relationship to come out of one only to find a partner with an ex who is on a whole new level of abuse is terrifying for me but I am so much stronger than I ever was and I am even more determined in life to stop letting people like that ruin my life.

So we move forward.

I’m having a lot of new problems going on with my health right now and it does scare me.

I do know that my heart is a little quirky and it causes me a lot of problems but I can get through this like I have many times before.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

  • You can do this.
  • You are stronger than you think.
  • It feels terrifying but once you do it you’ll feel like you can conquer the world.
  • Start with the small things because everything you do is a step forward.
  • It’s a step to making your life your own.
  • You make the rules in your own life.
  • If you are feeling like its too hard and you can’t do it.
  • You are allowed to have bad days but don’t get comfortable there.
  • Wake up in a new day determined to take those steps.

 

Thank you dear J for opening up from your heart and head. I have added some helpful phone numbers and on-line resources for anyone affected in similar ways or perhaps who may wish to refer a friend or family member.

I will be very pleased to be able to catch up with you soon for that coffee.

Denyse.

 

The following information may be helpful to you or another. These are Australian-based.

Your Family G.P. can be a helpful person to listen and make referrals.

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636

Phone 13 HEALTH (13 43 25 84) for 24 hour assessment, referral, advice, and hospital and community health centre contact details

Qualified Psychologists can be found by visiting https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/

Australian Counselling Association is on 1300 784 333 to find a counsellor

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

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Women Of Courage Series. #46 Christie Hawkes. 53/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #46 Christie Hawkes. 53/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I am pleased to say I have another wonderful blogging friend join us today from the USA for this series. I ‘met’ Christie Hawkes, who is 58, via a regular blogging link up called. Mid Life Share The Love here. We have read each others’ blog posts over the years and I felt quite a connection to the way in which Christie ‘tells it as it is’….and THAT is from a place of courage. I am honoured too, that she is sharing a story that may bring some sad thoughts to the surface in doing so…but I will say no more. Here is Christie and she can tell it her way.

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Like most women who reach middle age, I have faced a number of circumstances that required courage:

  • moving out on my own,
  • getting married,
  • having children,
  • going back to school,
  • applying for jobs,
  • getting divorced,
  • getting remarried (creating a blended family with four teenagers!)…you get the idea.

But the thing that comes to mind for me as the most challenging was facing an adult child’s drug addiction and knowing that I could not fix it for her.

Not only that, but I would have to ask her to leave my home, not knowing where she would go or if she would be lost to me forever.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Perhaps most important, I gained a new confidence in my ability to deal with adversity, and I learned to release things I can’t control. (Well, I’m still learning that one: practice, not perfect.)

  • I learned that I can survive something that initially felt so all-consuming that it might literally destroy me.
  • It did not.
  • I discovered the power of breathing, meditation, and grounding myself in the present moment…rather than projecting into an unknown future.
  • I learned to focus on what I can control.
  • And I learned that you can feel joy even in the midst of the most difficult of times.
  • Flowers still smell sweet.
  • Sunsets are still beautiful.
  • Music still touches you.
  • Coffee still tastes good.
  • These are all invaluable lessons I carry with me today and tools I put to use on a regular basis.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

All the things I listed above, but to simplify, take one breath at a time.

Know that this crisis will not last forever.

It will either pass or you will make adjustments and settle into a new normal.

You are so much stronger than you think.

If you are still breathing, you are succeeding.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Definitely. As I mentioned previously, I have gained confidence in my own abilities and I have developed tools for resilience.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Embrace the small joys.

Take care of yourself physically.

If you become overwhelmed, pause and breathe deeply, refocus on those things that are within your control.

Release everything else to the Universe…to your God…or to whatever higher power is out there.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I would like to share that my daughter is sober today, working as a nurse, recently remarried, and raising her three beautiful children. We remained in touch throughout her journey to sobriety.

I did not lose her forever. I know not every story has a happy ending, but if I had let this crisis…the incredible fear…consume me, I would have missed all the joy, all the growth.

 

 

Thank you Christie for opening up to share this story of courage within many part of your life where courage was also needed. I am glad to read of your daughter’s continuing good health and her life as is now. Mostly too, for many of us, that through reading a story like yours, I am again reminded of controlling what I can control. Only me.

Denyse.

 

Social Media:

Blog/Website:  https://christiehawkes.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/chawkes61

Facebook Page : https://www.facebook.com/SoWhatNowWhatBlog/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christiehawkes/

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #45. Laurie. 51/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #45. Laurie. 51/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

I ‘met’  Laurie, who’s in her early 60s and  from USA, here…from the blogging world we inhabit. Firstly via a link up with another blogging group called Mid Life Share The Love found here….and then. over time, as Laurie began linking up for my Monday’s link up Life This Week. Both of us are teachers who are retired and grandmothers…but there is more for me (and you, dear readers) to learn from Laurie and she shares her story generously with us today. Thank you!

 

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

When I went to college, I already had a toddler at home. My mother, who was retired, babysat for me while I attended classes. I paid for my own tuition, books,  lab fees, etc. from money I made from a part-time waitressing job. I studied to become a teacher.

I graduated after struggling through four years of a very tough and time-consuming chemistry education major, got my first teaching job…and hated it.

I was not a very good teacher that first year. I was at odds with the kids, didn’t feel grounded or appreciated and dreaded getting up and going to school each morning.

I got pregnant with our second son at the end of my first year. In those days, pregnant women did not teach, so I didn’t go back to school. I stayed home with my two young sons and worked part time as a waitress again.

A few years later, we had another son.

I enjoyed staying home with my three boys but one day the local high school (not the same school I taught in before) called and asked if I would be interested in substitute teaching in a chemistry classroom.

We needed the money, so I said “OK”.

I absolutely loved it!

I matured during my time at home with the boys and developed more patience and appreciation for my students.

I went back to teaching after one year of substituting and stayed for another 31 years, loving every minute of it.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I learned patience, perseverance, and that things happen on God’s timeline, not mine.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

I learned to be patient, to trust myself to make the right decisions, and to trust God to be there with me in difficult situations.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I believe that courage, like trust, is accumulated a little bit at a time. When we have been courageous in the past, we can lean into that knowledge if we need to summon our courage. We know we have been brave before, we can do it again.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

I would tell others to relax, find some good mentors or friends who will stand by you and offer encouragement, trust yourself, and pray.

Laurie eventually found the role in her life she loved and I know that must have come as both a great relief and a joy. However, as now retired teachers, I know both of us are glad to be away from the classroom but relishing the life time of memories, joys, highs and lows that come with the privilege of the title ‘teacher’.

Thank you so much for sharing your story of courage. 

Denyse

 

Social Media:

Blog/Website:  http://meditationsinmotion.wordpress.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MeditationsinMo

Facebook Page : https://www.facebook.com/meditationsinmotion/

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #43 Christina Henry. 47/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #43 Christina Henry. 47/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I was so pleased when Christina Henry, aged 54, decided to accept my invitation to share her story as a woman of courage. We are Australian bloggers who catch up by following each other’s blog posts on a weekly link-up called Mid-Life Share The Love which is hosted by two previously featured Women of Courage: Sue, whose story is here and and Leanne who shared here too. Welcome Christina!

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

One of the scariest times in my life was in 2010 when I was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect.

I was a single mother of two teenaged boys and had to undergo several heart procedures.

During one angiogram I was paralysed but still aware so I couldn’t let the doctors know I was awake, and could feel everything.  After another angiogram I bled from the insertion site and went into complete heart block for 6 minutes, requiring CPR.

If I hadn’t still been in the hospital I would have died

 

 

How did this change you in any way?  Please outline further if this has been the case.

Knowing I was that close to dying changed my outlook on life.

I never take for granted the gift of life, and I value the people close to me very much.

I was terrified of leaving my sons motherless so staying healthy has always been a priority.

I lost my own mother to cancer when I was 24 and did not want my sons to go through a life without me in it.

 

 

Is there something you’ve learned from this that you could recommend to others who need courage?

If you are facing challenges and feel scared and anxious, get support.

I’ve cried on my friends’ shoulders many times.

Admit you’re scared – there’s nothing to be ashamed of in voicing your fears.

I’ve found support from others who have gone through the same thing invaluable, so find out if there is a support group that you can join.

There are groups online as well, such as facebook groups.  I have sought help from counsellors as well if I need it.

 

 

Do you think that you are able to be more courageous now if the situation calls for it?  Why is that?

I am about to face more health challenges this year and my priority is to do everything I can to keep my body as healthy as possible.

I have been diagnosed with BRCA 2 gene mutation which puts me in high risk for ovarian and breast cancer, so I have chosen to have risk reducing surgery – removal of my ovaries and a double mastectomy.

It’s really scary, but the thought of having cancer scares me more.

 

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Just take one day at a time, and get through each challenge before you tackle the next.

For example, each doctor’s visit, or diagnostic test, or operation.  When it’s a medical issue, there are often so many appointments to get to.

I look at the calendar each night and work out where I have to be tomorrow.

Take a support person to the ones that you worry about the most, especially specialist appointments.

There’s usually so much information to take it that it can be overwhelming.  Having someone with you can calm you and they will be able to recall the things that you can’t remember.

 

Add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

Facing challenges in life can be overwhelming.

Life can seem to spiral out of control.

In these situations, if you admit you don’t have control it gives you a sense of relief.

If you are a spiritual person it can help to hand it all over to God and say, I know it is out of my control. My life is in your hands, what will be will be.

At the present time the world is being challenged by Covid-19.

We are having to adjust to lockdowns, lifestyle changes and risks to our health – no-one can escape this unless they are on a desert island somewhere.

It is completely out of our control and many people are struggling with it, including myself.

We can’t control everything, but we can control ourselves.

Only get advice from respected official sources and block out the rest – there is so much misinformation out there, and it can be overwhelming.

Get help if you’re struggling.

 

So much courage in those words Christina and yet there is so much to be  scared about. You have a big hurdle of challenges health-wise to overcome, and I wish you all the best in terms of recovery and future good health. So much advice there based on your personal experiences.

Thank you.

I have included some counselling links too, for anyone who may need them. Cancer Council Australia has links too, for the two cancers you are doing all you can to prevent.

Denyse.

Do check out Christina’s sites under her name: midlifestylist.

Website:  https://www.midlifestylist.com

Facebook:  https://facebook.com/midlifestylist

Instagram:  https://instagram.com/midlife_stylist

Twitter:  https://www.twitter.com/midlifestylist

 

The following information may be helpful to you or another. These are Australian-based.

  • Your Family G.P. can be a helpful person to listen and make referrals.
  • Lifeline on 13 11 14
  • Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
  • Phone 13 HEALTH (13 43 25 84) for 24 hour assessment, referral, advice, and hospital and community health centre contact details
  • Qualified Psychologists can be found by visiting https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/
  • Australian Counselling Association is on 1300 784 333 to find a counsellor
  • Cancer Council Australia: https://www.cancer.org.au/

 

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #42. Ann. 45/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #42. Ann. 45/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

This woman of courage, Ann who is 70, has known me longer than anyone who would be reading this blog….unless my brother or father do ….and I suspect not.

Ann and I met aged 10 when our family moved from Wollongong to the northern beaches Sydney suburb of Balgowlah Heights. I was placed in 4th class in December 1959 as Dad decided my brother and I should start school before the long summer holidays. I then went into 5th and 6th class with Ann, who had been at the school since Kindergarten. She and her family also lived in the same street as the school and I remember visiting their amazing house.

Sadly, like my parents’ house it no longer looks as it did in those years.

Ann and I also travelled by bus to Manly Girls High School as the foundation students for the 6 years of the education now known so well and we did both the School (Year 10 1965) and Higher School Certificates (Year 12 1967). By the time the senior years came we had different subject choices, friendship groups and futures planned that were tertiary education-based. I went to teaching and she went to architecture.

We lost any connections until the latter years when we found each other via facebook or maybe one of those school groups. I can’t recall. However, before we left Sydney we caught up for those decades having a morning tea together…and discovering for all those preceding years, she and I had probably passed each other quite a few times as Castle Hill’s “Towers” as she and her family, like ours, settled in the north-west of Sydney, not the northern beaches!

 

 

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I have never considered myself as a particularly courageous person and found myself wondering how to respond to Denyse’s request to take part in her mission, so my first reaction was to look up the meaning of courage. 

“Courage: the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery”, “strength in the face of pain or grief”.

After deliberating, I can look back at times during my 70 years of life on Planet Earth where that “ability to do something that frightens” certainly played into action, although I was oblivious of my strength of courage to work through these events at the time. 

My first need to find strength was during 3rd Grade at school, as we had a most terribly strict female teacher who delighted in the use of harsh military tactics and corporal punishment to maintain discipline. The entire class was petrified, scared stiff and united in our fear of this sadistic woman, to the point that her behaviour was a major talking point amongst us when we were out of the classroom.

I remember waking every Monday morning with dread, then thinking to myself that I made it through last week, so I would get through the coming week.

Courage? Yes, and incredibly, I now realise that I have recalled and drawn on this singular experience of that brave little eight-year old girl many, many times.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I was raised by parents who drew no gender barrier in our household of six females and two males, and due to my love and abilities in the artistic and mathematical arenas, selected a career in architecture.

This was a field dominated by men back in the 1960s, but of which I was rather naively oblivious.

After graduation, I had a struggle finding employment as I had to scan the “Positions Vacant, Men and Boys” columns of the daily newspaper and often did not get beyond the receptionist, who was quick to remind me that I was “a girl”.

However, I persevered over months of unsuccessful interviews and finally did find employment with a delightful partnership of three “liberated” young men.

I still faced the difficulties of a young woman dealing with foremen and labourers on building sites and men in local councils who decided I was the receptionist, but that little girl was always there in the back of my head, pushing me to rise above them and whispering “you’ll get through this”.

I am the mother of four children, born six and a half years apart, and when the youngest was just under three years of age, I found it necessary to end my marriage.

I had since moved my design career sideways, running my own business in stage and costume design, which enabled me to work from home.

But…raising my four children, running the home and working my business, all entirely on my own, was hard, hard work.

There was no time out, apart from the school holidays when my wonderful parents and equally wonderful mother-in-law would take two each of the children for a few days, then swap.

There were times of total exhaustion, but I always remembered my 3rd Grade experience, and how I had managed, as an eight-year old, to “make it through” each week.

Over the last eight years, I have dealt with lung cancer on two occasions four years apart, occurring in each lung and requiring radical surgery both times.

I suffered greatly due to a surgical mishap during the first surgery, so when it was necessary to repeat the operation four years later, I was most fearful of the outcome.

Again, that little girl and my years of experience helped me to remain strong, particularly around my now adult children, who were as fearful of possible outcomes as me.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

I live by the “one day at a time” adage, and it is now obvious to me that my eight-year old self survived her 3rd Grade schooling by taking one day at a time.

Yoga, yoga breathing and meditation follow on from this and both can be done anytime, anywhere.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

As an Elder now, I feel that I now have the advantage of many life experiences to fall back on. 

Strange, though, as I had not realised how important a landmark the courage and determination of that little 8-year old girl had become in my life, until I began to ponder upon Denyse’s questions. Thanks, Denyse!

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

This is a crazy hectic world that we live in, and it is difficult, at times, to not become overwhelmed and fearful.

However, this is your life and you have permission to be selfish about inner peace.

Take time out during times of stress to wind down. 

Relax, breathe slowly and deeply to calm the mind, as it only takes a few minutes to realign.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I give permission to anyone who reads this to use that little voice my that whispered to my 8-year old self: 

“You made it through last week, you’ll make it through this week…”

 

 

Thank you Ann. This was a big one for you to respond to and I am most grateful that you did ponder the questions and let your memory and voice through. Getting to 70 and being well is a great outcome. Let’s continue to connect and one day we will be sharing a cuppa again too! 

Denyse.

Here’s a little trip down memory lane which Ann and I shared. Thanks again, Ann!

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #41 Johanna Castro. 43/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #41 Johanna Castro. 43/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

So good to welcome Johanna (I know her as Jo!)  to share her story here this week. Jo, who is 62, is a regular blogger and writer who has been part of the international and Australian travel and writing scene for a long time. I am pretty sure Jo and I met (or at least saw each other in passing!) at Digital Parents Conference for Bloggers in Melbourne in 2012. So many people at that one and so many are no longer blogging but I have made many on-line and off-line friends thanks to occasions such as those – sadly none like them anymore- conferences and am always grateful for those connections made. Now it’s Jo who is sharing her story today.

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

 

Courage is a funny thing.

  • As the ability to do something that frightens you, I think it presents itself in both big life changing ways and in small everyday incidents.
  • For some people it’s finding the courage to face life in the most warrior-like way when halted by heartbreaking or frightening setbacks.
  • For others it’s being able to summon up courage at points in their lives when if they didn’t they would surely spiral downwards and not recover from the problem.

And for some, courage has to be summonsed every day just to keep living.

 

Have I been courageous?  I would say no, not really.

Although in the overall scheme of things perhaps some people might disagree.

  • Was I courageous when I set off from England for the Continent aged 18 with a rucksack on my back and a guitar slung over my shoulder, waving the White Cliffs of Dover goodbye knowing not what to expect as I headed off to be a groom for a showjumping family in Belgium?

Was this in itself courageous?

  • Well, yes because I was young and shy and emotionally insecure and I was acting out of character and defying the status quo of what was expected of me.
  • But also, no not really, because many young people have set off on similar Dick Whittington quests to travel and see the world.
  • I was also deep down reaching for a new life to escape a situation that was beyond my control because domestic abuse tainted an otherwise idyllic childhood.
  • And this leap of faith into the unknown leaving privilege and fear behind, set the course for the rest of my life when moving countries became the status quo, through necessity rather than choice.

 

 

Some years later I met a geologist from South Africa when we were both backpacking in South East Asia.

When we married I half expected to always be adorned with pretty and priceless pieces of rock that he picked up during the course of his geological hammerings, and that we would be safely settled in England by the age of 40.

How wrong I was. The reality was that we would always be on the move. Project to project. Internationally. And geologists often go in at ground zero level when nothing, not even the houses to live in, have been built.

We’ve lived in the most remote situations.

  • A tiny caravan trawled to a spot high in the Maluti Mountains of Lesotho next to a river which soon came down in flood. Here the mountain road was termed as ‘the road to hell and back’, the big wigs were helicoptered in, we drove.
  • I almost got away with swapping the outdoor Porta Loo they gave us for a palomino pony that a Basutho horseman brought by one day. At least until Dave and the village chief intervened.
  • On another occasion we went from the wide open spaces of South Africa, and a house with a large garden, to a flat the size of a postage stamp on the 22d floor of a high rise building in Hong Kong where I home schooled our children for a year because there were there was a two year waiting list for a place in schools on Lantau Island where we lived.
  • My wild African toddlers were not impressed with the tiny balcony or our tiny flat, but we learnt to love Hong Kong with a vengeance.

In the very early years of our marriage Dave was offered a job as a geologist in the foothills of the Himalayas and I was pregnant with our first child. Six months pregnant and we had an auction on the lawn. All our worldly possessions and furniture went up for sale – bar what we could fit in our suitcases.

Sam was just 5 weeks old when we set off to live at a remote project site between Kathmandu and Pokhara, reached along treacherous roads, where we were without a phone, 3 hours from the nearest Doctor, and where food supplies were scarce. We had to put water through a 5 point purification process in our tiny kitchen before it was drinkable, and our diet consisted mostly of dhal, bhat, tarkari (lentil, rice and vegetable curry.)

I ended up breastfeeding Sam for 21 months, Dave became very sick from combined dysentery and hepatitis, and I was desperately tired, worried and home sick most of the time – though baby Sam thankfully survived in a robust way!

So I guess I have been courageous, and although people might say I’m lucky (of course) I have also had to sacrifice geographical safety and family stability for a life of constant change. We’ve moved 21 times, 11 times internationally. A rolling stone gathers no moss, and I can definitely vouch for that.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Having the courage to leave your roots, your family and friends and continuously jump off a proverbial cliff into the unknown has changed me because in time I realised that I didn’t have to live constrained by the limitations of other people’s expectations, or the chains that society places on us.

I also learnt that leaping into the unknown with courage and energy will always throw up fantastic opportunities and exciting new horizons along with lovely new friendships.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Don’t be afraid to change direction.

There is no wrong direction.

Go boldly and you will find pots of gold that you never even expected.

You have to remember that your heart and your head can put up all sorts of obstructions if you dare to reach beyond your comfort zone, but sometimes you just can’t look at the possible problems that lie ahead, you just have to go for it – don’t question – just go with it.

“I can do this. I’ve got this. Let’s do it.”

It might be a fleeting thought, you might not even believe it when it first appears, but you have to hang onto it, expand it, and nurture it without putting up tons of obstacles.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Yes, definitely. And I hope so! But I guess it also depends on the sort of courage that’s required in the future.

When I had a melanoma on my back I fainted before the surgeon had even made his first cut, and blood tests of any sort always send my heart straight to my boots, and my head longing to reach down between my knees!

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

You are stronger and more resourceful than you imagine.

 

Wow. What a traveller and story-teller from real life living you are Jo! I thought we had lived in some remote teaching spots in New South Wales but your experiences are winners “hands down”. What a ride you have had…and come up for air and can see the courage within too. As for procedures involving nasties like melanomas…you are entitled to deal with that in the way you did. Thank you so much for sharing an amazing story of LIFE lived by you.

Jo has a number of social media connections and they are all listed below for your investigation and following.

Denyse.

Social Media:

Blog/Website: https://lifestylefifty.com and https://zigazag.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/johannaAcastro

Facebook Page (not personal account): https://facebook.com/lifestylefifty and https://facebook.com/thezigazagmag

Instagram: https://instagram.com/lifestylefifty

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Women of Courage Series.#39 Natalie. 39/2020.

Women of Courage Series.#39 Natalie. 39/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I welcome Natalie to share her story here this week. Natalie is a regular and very keen blogger who joins up on my Monday Link Up called Life This Week. Her presence is valued for her continued support of the world of blogging both here and elsewhere in this world of ours. Over to you Natalie.

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I’m sharing three of my life experiences where I have had to be courageous:

  • My first experience with courage came when I was in elementary school. Two students who were older and bigger than me had been bullying my younger sister. One day I caught them doing it in the playground. I felt scared but stood up for my sister and told them to stop. I didn’t know what the outcomes would be but felt I had to say something right at that moment. Fortunately, whatever I said worked and those students never bothered us again.

 

  • I had a near death health-related experience when I was about nine years old. I was misdiagnosed at first. By the time I was taken to the hospital, I was at a critical stage. I remember the sensation of life leaving my body when I was in the emergency room. I ended up in Intensive Care Unit (ICU) with complications that required an operation, a lengthy hospital stay, a second surgery, and follow-up rehab. I had to be brave to survive the entire ordeal as I was very sick and in a lot of pain.

 

  • On a more positive note, I’ve travelled solo to many foreign countries where I don’t know the language. The first solo trip took more courage than subsequent trips. However, every trip is unique so even now, I still feel some butterflies when I go on my own.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

  • From the first experience, I learned to be assertive. Like Maggie Kuhn once said: “Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”

 

  • From the second experience, I learned life is fragile and one health emergency can quickly end it. I learned to always take good care of my health and to enjoy life as much as I can.

 

  • From the third experience, I learned a lot about world cultures, adapting to changes, and opening myself to new human connections. I’m grateful to have made a few long lasting friendships through my travels.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

  • I think we all have courage within ourselves and just need to dig deep when we need it

 

  • What’s important is for the person to choose an action for a better future or to accomplish something personal.

 

  • Inaction or inertia would lead to regrets.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

  • Yes, I think my life experiences and resilience will help me overcome any new crisis.

 

  • Once I survived a near death experience and thrive, everything else seems less critical.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

  • Do self-care and practice positive thinking every day so you feel strong mentally and physically.

 

  • Follow your heart and use your head to get you there.

 

  • Ask for help as needed.

 

Thank you Natalie  for taking the opportunity to share your story of courage, containing three and incredible examples from your life. I sure can understand that you are living a life now that is full and rich based on your experiences and that in itself is testament to your courage.

Denyse.

Social Media: 

Blog/Website:  https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Special Anniversaries.19/51.#LifeThisWeek. 38/2020.

Special Anniversaries.19/51.#LifeThisWeek. 38/2020.

May is a month of memories for me and that is the theme for my ‘special anniversaries’.

In my life, and my family, I have tended to be the one who remembers. Dates, places, weather, occasions and more. Sometimes not perfectly well. I give my age as an excuse now, but I tend to be pretty much sensitive to time of year, weather and place. So, this is my reason for picking May….because:

May, in my instagram feed, is a time I am using memories of people, occasions and time for mark the occasion. For example, without giving years away, 3 women who are very special in my life have their birthdays in May. My 2nd granddaughter on 6th, my niece on the 22nd and my late and cherished Aunty, on 31st. It was in May 2006 we celebrated what we did not know was my mother’s last Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day was an occasion for her but as the years have passed, we (the family) do not make a fuss…because, I found it was a bit of a pressure to be honest..on me! So, that my friends is how I feel. Further on I explain more.

More about May. THIS is probably the reason I chose May for this as my post. It was in early May 2017 that the investigations began in earnest for ‘what the heck was happening in my mouth’….and yes, this has been recorded here in detail. However, just before I made the news of my cancer diagnosis public, I was honoured to have my story published in Celebrating Women. It was a great distraction too. I blogged about it here.

And then I knew what was under those teeth and the bridge that covered them…squamous cell carcinoma AND it had spread to under my top lip too. That knowledge –  shocking that it was cancer but not surprising either – given how long I had been putting up such pain, aggravation and limited ways to eat for over a year!  And I got this news via the phone call from the oral surgeon, at home, alone on Wednesday 17 May. Read more here if you would like to.

The biggest challenge though for scared me (of IBS and travelling not cancer!) was that I would have to be driven by my husband to Sydney’s Chris OBrien Lifehouse on Thursday 18 May 2017 where I would have my first (very long as it turned out) consultation re my head and neck cancer and what would happen to eradicate it. All, we hoped! I have written about the courage it took for me to test my exposure therapy is a big, big way in other place, here for example. And, we set off and became better informed – BIG time – about what was next.

What on earth did I do then? Oh, I was OK…after some time to gather myself emotionally, and my husband and I drove the long drive home in the dark with a feeling of confidence that where I was to be treated and by whom meant the confidence of knowing it was right for my cancer. Both of the head and neck cancer surgeons – the A/Prof Ebrahimi and then Prof Clark ‘felt’ then after the pretty rigorous examination that surgery only would be required but until that time, and lymph nodes’ samples etc were taken for pathology they could hope for no radiation.

But wait, there is more. Always more it seemed to test me that May!

24 May and 30 May were “back to Sydney” appointments but this time to Westmead in Sydney’s west. We knew this area well as we had lived in the region for many years. It was, however, the first visit to Oral Sciences…aka the dental hospital where I/we would meet the man and his assistant we got to know very, very well over the ensuing years. I admit I needed my husband there with me and the tears on that first visit came pretty frequently as I did not compute/understand well as all what would be happening but when chatting with my husband he was very confident of the prosthodontist’s role and skill in the area where I was to have surgery. He also accompanied us to radiography to get exacting scans done and to test blood flow in my legs. It was later that I found as I had better blood flow in my right leg, then that would be where the fibula and flesh/skin would be harvested not the left as originally planned.

Other May Memories!

In my recollections of May, I found Mother’s Day to be more of a day of obligation rather than a day to celebrate mothers. My mother in particular. I have often thought it a sad thing though because it is my father’s voice of judgement I hear re mother’s day not Mum’s. Ever.

It’s a complicated thing this life and traditions isn’t it! He (Dad, now 96) was brought up in a single parent childhood following his Dad’s untimely death in 1935 and Dad’s mother grieved her whole life after that and I am pretty sure nothing that was ever said nor done for her was appreciated wholly.

For whatever reason, then Dad made sure “we” celebrated our Mum. I have memories of breakfast in bed for her.,…and she did not enjoy that! I do recall her appreciation of cards and flowers. We, as then grown up children, might try to combine a mother’s day morning or lunch or even dinner.

To me, also a mother, it felt like “I” missed out. And I dislike that I even thought that.

So, despite my now-knowledge of where all this probably emanated…I still thought similarly in ‘shoulds’ around Mother’s day. So, I often got disappointed…and I am embarrassed about that. I vowed sometime back never to do ‘that’ to my adult kids so celebrated without any fanfare at all nor expectation until we left Sydney.

The first year I heard from no-one.

Yes, I was sad…and on subsequent Mother’s Day I may have had a card or a phone call or both from one or either of our adult offspring. In 2017 not knowing of my cancer investigations I had a visit to our place. Nice. We put on lunch. See photo above.

Then in 2019 I met my daughter and we had morning tea out together. No kids. Just us.

This year, as this is posted, we will have had our first visit in COVID-19 back to her house for a mother’s day morning tea.

Making New May Memories. 

  • Mum taught me quite a bit about cooking and often have her in my mind as I try to replicate her recipes. To that end, as I am visiting Dad this week I have made Mum’s recipe of lemon butter just for him. Food is such a powerful memory!
  • Mum also advised me about colours and planting of colourful flowers and I use this knowledge in picking and placing plants.
  • Mum’s smile was one I inherited….and a liking for brightly coloured clothes.
  • I make May a time for reminiscing but also for celebrating…..how far I have come, post head and neck cancer!

ONE Year ago in May I got my “end of two years” of cancer surgeries and treatment Apple Watch and it is worn with pride every day and continues to motivate me to move more!

My reward for 2 years post cancer: apple watch

TWO Years ago in May I became more resilient than I knew I could be as I faced a 4th (the last, I hope) reconstuctive surgery because my mouth and skin had not recovered well enough for the upper prosthesis to be fitted.

Post surgery #4 was a shock!

THREE Years ago in May I found how many people in my life cared for and about me and it was humbling. Many of those are reading this post now. Thank you all so much for being who you are.

That’s my special anniversary….May!

What special anniversaries are part of your life?

Did you celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday?

Thanks also for your kind words last week AND 100% of bloggers who linked up, commented on my post.

That IS a win/win!

Denyse.

Link Up #188.

Life This Week. Link Up #188.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

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Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 20/51 Share Your Snaps #4 18.5.2020

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