Wednesday 26th January 2022

Women of Courage Series. #74. Ness. 119/2021.

Women of Courage Series. #74. Ness. 119/2021.

Two years & five months ago… I tentatively courageously launched Women of Courage series on my blog and here was what I said then:

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival in April 2019 and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

This third series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here will conclude today: Thursday 30 September 2021.

Over a couple of weeks soon, I will publish a round-up series of posts  of the women who contributed: not all shared their names and some used initials only but all shared their story and I thank them over and over for their courage to do so. 

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

 

Trigger warning: Miscarriage and infant death. Breast cancer. Information may be found at the end of the post.

 

 

Welcoming Vanessa or Ness for short to this series. Interestingly we have known each other via blogging for probably around 10 years and she turned 50 this year just as my daughter did. We lived within about 8 kms of each other too for a along time, and most likely crossed paths in the local big shopping centre! But we have not yet met IRL (in real life) as they say. So, my words about Ness will likely make her blush a bit but I am not sorry. And we share a love of Downton Abbey!!

I have seen this woman’s life as she describes some of it here via her updates on social media platforms we both were part of when Australian blogging was a much bigger ‘thing’. I remember health news. Cancer news I mean. I also recall the ways in which she had to get on with what was very anxiety producing in treatment and recovery. We are both fans of the work based on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and there is a link at the end of the post.

May I add too, how proud I am to have seen Ness become trained in her work to be able to work in a library and even in Covid I see that she continues to make a contribution…and best of all, she has returned to blogging. Welcome back Ness. You were missed!

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Over the years I’ve had an ongoing struggle with anxiety which eventually led to me figuring out that I’m on the autistic spectrum. I was officially diagnosed ten years ago at age 40.

In 2004 my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Thankfully he is a survivor and going strong. It was a difficult period dealing with his treatment while we also had a toddler and a baby.

In 2007 I was expecting again but had a late miscarriage and had to give birth to my deceased baby which was very traumatic and devastating. Luckily I subsequently had another baby in 2008 and completed our family.

In late 2015 I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer and underwent a lumpectomy plus chemotherapy and radiation.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I spent many years as a stay at home parent but a year or two after my cancer treatment I began volunteer work for St. Vincent De Paul Society Service Centre .

Eventually I went back to TAFE and achieved a Diploma of Library and Information Services.

I originally worked in libraries and had always thought I’d eventually get back into it.

I got a casual job with a council library in January and also  work for a library shelf ready service.

So I guess the change was I stopped putting things off.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Don’t be afraid to admit it if you’re struggling and need help.

I would not have gotten through any of the above without taking medication and seeing a psychologist .

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I must admit that I’m currently struggling again so I’m not sure how to answer the question.

I guess I can be scared and struggling yet still take action however small whereas before I avoided things.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Try to be kind to yourself the same way you would to a friend or family member in the same situation.

Remind yourself it’s not weakness to seek any help you may need including medication if appropriate.

Take things one day at a time and when you’re going through hell, just keep going.

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post. For example a website or help line.

The book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and the techniques used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy were helpful for me.

 

 

Thank you Ness, how pleased I am you have contributed to the series. And it is fitting that a fellow blogger’s story concluded not only Series 3 but Women of Courage Stories.

I so hope we can finally meet up in person too with cakies and coffee!!

Take care,

Denyse.

 

 

Social Media for Ness here:

Blog/Website

https://nessiville.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Nessofnessville/

Instagram:

http://www.instagram.com/ness_nessville

 

Resources That May Help: 

These sites are Australian-based. 

https://www.panda.org.au/

https://www.sands.org.au/stillbirth-and-newborn-death

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 – Crisis Support and Suicide …

Russ Harris: Acceptance Commitment Therapy Information is here. The Happiness Trap is also another resource from Russ.

Breast Cancer resources: from Veronica’s  Women of Courage post found here. 

Pink Hope – Know Your Risk, Change Your Future

http://pinkhope.org.au

Be Dense Aware (Did you know dense breast tissue can make diagnosis more challenging?)

https://www.bedenseaware.com/

iPrevent – Breast Cancer Prevention Through Risk Assessment

https://nbcf.org.au/19/prevention-through-precision-medicine/

Sydney Breast Cancer Foundation – The 3 Step Breast Check

https://www.sbcf.org.au/resources/

National Breast Cancer Foundation – Zero Deaths from Breast Cancer by 2030 campaign

https://nbcf.org.au/

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

Copyright © 2021 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women Of Courage Series. #49. Rosemarie. 61/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #49. Rosemarie. 61/2020.

Trigger: miscarriage and infant death.

 

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

I have yet to meet Rosemarie, who is in her late 40s. However, we have connected! It was at Newcastle Writers Festival, where Rosemarie is the founding director  and that is where I heard Jane Caro speak  in 2019 and which was the beginning of the series of posts called Women of Courage. When 2020 Newcastle Writers Festival was cancelled due to COVID 19, I was saddened but of course that was the case for everyone to do with the much anticipated Festival. Yet, Rosemarie rallied and organised a series of on-line and web-based events which were a great way to remain connected to the great love shared between authors, and their words…their books. I was chuffed that Rosemarie agreed to share her story of courage. And thank her for the way in which she has done so. We will meet up I am sure!

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

The loss of two babies in the second trimester and the decision to try and have another baby afterwards required enormous courage.

In both instances, I went into premature labour and was forced to give birth knowing my baby would not survive.

The first time, when I lost my son Joe, medicos described it as an unfortunate but not uncommon occurrence.

The circumstances were particularly traumatic and the timing – a week before our wedding – meant that it took us almost a year before we were ready to take the risk again.

I then had a healthy baby boy and we didn’t look back.

My biological clock was ticking so we decided to try again quite quickly for another baby, buoyed by the trouble-free pregnancy and birth of our second son.

When I was 18 weeks along with my daughter, I was woken by the familiar onset of labour.

Contractions are not easily mistaken.

I remember going to the bathroom at the back of the house to phone the hospital.

The midwife said they had a room for me and to come in as soon as possible.

I wept, and waited for as long as possible before waking my husband.

I don’t think we – or anyone else – thought we would ever have another baby.

I remember holding my tiny, perfectly formed daughter, who we named Alice, and realising that I could not bear for her to be my only daughter.

So, with the support of a brilliant obstetrician and the guidance of another specialist whose area of expertise was miscarriage, we tried again.

My second daughter will be 10 in September and she represents the courage I managed to draw on a decade ago.

 

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

It may sound strange, but I remember feeling that a lot of my ‘every day’ fears were unnecessary.

I had faced arguably one of the worst things a woman could experience – enduring giving birth to two babies I knew could not survive – and worrying about the appearance of a wrinkle, or being attacked by a shark while swimming at the beach, suddenly seemed so silly.

I let go of a lot.

I didn’t feel naively invincible, but I felt like I had the ability to face whatever life threw at me.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

The whole experience demonstrated to me that there are few things more soul-destroying than the loss of hope.

When you’re in the midst of a crisis, it can be hard to hold on to the idea of a future, but if you can put one foot in front of the other, more often than not, you will make it through.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

See above.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

I was lucky to have the support of my partner, family and friends, but ultimately you have to rummage up the courage from within.

As an avid reader, it helped me to turn to books by other women who had endured challenges.

While everyone’s circumstances are different, reassurance can be contagious.

 

Thank you for sharing what happened during this time, Rosemarie. There is a sadness that never quite lifts, of course, but I found comfort in the ways in which you not only named your children but included them in your family life. I have learned from you too that there is indeed comfort in the stories of others and thank you for your generosity and frankness in sharing your story of courage.

Denyse.

Social Media:

Blog/Website:  https://www.newcastlewritersfestival.org.au/

Twitter: @RosemarieMilsom

Instagram: @rosemariemilsom

 

https://www.panda.org.au/

https://www.sands.org.au/stillbirth-and-newborn-death

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 – Crisis Support and Suicide …

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest