Tuesday 3rd August 2021

Reflections On Mother’s Day 2021. 56.1/2021.

Reflections On Mother’s Day 2021. 56.1/2021.

 

Content Warning: Should any post about Mother’s Day be a concern for you, please don’t read…I am sorry for your situation whatever it is.

 

After a long period of reflection (years) I chose to write about Mother’s Day to be published on Mother’s Day, 2021.

My mother told me Mother’s Day flowers were chrysanthemums and were always white. She recalls her mother being given a white flower at church on Mother’s Day. I remember these things. But cannot find any pics of chrysanthemums.

Here it IS Mother’s Day 2021.

I cannot help but do a trip down memory lane to try to understand my mother and my mothering…OK. Not all of it, because much cannot be put into words.

Reflections.

  • I grew up in a 1950s-60s  household where Mother’s Day was remembered….by my father whose domineering and controlling manner meant I have had his words about this occasion rattling around my head since I could remember. Maybe 6 till my recent old(er) age.
  • It was a day where of course we gave Mum a card, probably some flowers and may be a gift. But I never thought of the occasion without ‘obligation’. This is who I am. Long memory.
  • Mum was a kind, sharing and shy woman whose care of her husband and us two kids was exemplary. She loved that she could care for us that way. In fact, it carried on to the ways in which our kids and my brother’s would remember “Noreen” for, and her three great-grandchildren who knew her before her death in 2007.
  • Dad….where will I start? Here at the point of the conversation I had with him only 3 weeks ago when I spoke of the courage his mother had coming to Australia to marry her fiance. His comments? “She was alway cranky and complaining and wanted to know, when we arrived to visit, when we were returning” OK. I understand but as I said, Gran having been widowed with 4 kids probably had a lot of grief.
  • So why did I begin to resent the forced nature of Mother’s Day? Probably for that reason. It did not come from my heart and then, as I had kids (strange but true) I believe I began to feel the old family history repeating itself.
  • Sigh.
  • I became entangled in the “event” that should be happening as I am a mother. Oh how embarrassed I am now about that. I did not demand anything (not my Dad) but I felt sad and disappointed if I was forgotten on Mother’s Day.
  • Cringe.

What Has Changed?

  • My mature thinking, a big dose of cancer and an obligation-free mindset
  • I honour MY adult kids as they make me so proud to be their Mum.
  • I actually asked my kids, a few years back,  to allow for my imperfections (there are many) as their Mum as I was, at the time, doing the best I knew.
  • I expect nothing back. At long last. Not anything. Thanks Dad…by the way, I have told him this but his memory is…dim.
  • I know that I am loved but I do not need to see evidence or whatever based on the ‘have to’ mindset we see far too often.

Two Posts: 1971 and 1979.

These two posts are about my mothering years, in particular giving birth to our daughter, and then after a long gap where we thought that we could not have any more children, we had our son.

My Mother’s Day 2021.

  • It’s a Sunday.
  • We will be cleaning the house on our fortnightly roster.
  • I will go out for my Sunday coffee.
  • I will reflect on my gratitude for a change of mind and heart and send my love to our kids and their kids…and Dad.
  • Forgiveness is powerful as is My Loving Kindness practice.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Denyse.

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One Year Ago: So Much Change Happened. July- December. 2020. 31/2021.

One Year Ago: So Much Change Happened. July- December. 2020. 31/2021.

Recently I wrote here about the changes for me, and many of us, in the first half of 2020 in my life, my local area and wider community during Covid 19 conditions in Australia.

From memory, I think we started to deal with the restrictions of Covid 19 here in our local area quite well:

Central Coast (located on map below – right side -Eastern Australia between Sydney and Newcastle)

It’s in the state of New South Wales Australia.

There were many who would say differently and that is because of these Covid 19  impacts:

  • Borders between states and territories closed/opened/required permits/required quarantine….with changes occurring immediately or overnight. Often without warning.

 

  • Those who were trying to get back home to Australia from overseas were met with cancellations by airlines at the last minute, changes in Australia’s capacity to manage quarantine situations if and when people returned

 

  • As I write, late February 2021, this is still quite an issue. The Australian (Federal) Government and its various Departments are doing what they can (they say) but as we are also State-based, those leaders have to agree/acknowledge their limitations for taking people into quarantine. I know little about it but keep an eye on facebook friends who I know are in this situation and understand it is not great.

 

  • Then there is this. The quarantine comes at a personal cost to returning travellers/citizens and whilst initially it was free, it is now $3000 per first person in family and less for subsequent members. A friend is almost finished her quarantine with her 18 year old daughter and has shown updates from their room, food supplied and more. She is Australian, with her daughter, also Australian, returning to the capital city where they used to live for her to start University. They still live as expats in Singapore for her husband’s work.

 

  • There is also this example. Another friend cannot travel across Australia to see her family (a new & first grandchild born before Covid hit) because of the states’ laws between her state (New South Wales) and that where her grandson and family live (Western Australia). Quarantine costs time AND money and as she is the sole income earner in her family, she cannot afford to do this. We know why, it is just hard!

 

  • For those reading from countries other than Australia, our country, is also a continent and is roughly close in physical size to North America.

Health (again!)

June and it brought my first colonoscopy in over 10 years. It was something I needed but oh my, I hate the prep. I would have to say, it is probably worse than any surgical procedure!! Anyway, because I know I could be having some surgery in my future, I did take the chance once some of the Covid rules for travel and visiting were reduced, to go see my father who had been automatically socially isolating because of his age and where he lives. As always he was pleased to see me and I carried some frozen meals and treats for him. It’s roughly a two hour drive to him from us and similarly on the way back. I listen to audiobooks most times! As the walking on beaches was less restrictive over time, I could visit again.

Our 7th grandchild turned 7. There was no family party but she knew we were thinking of her. We always send a card, which I add lots of photos inside as a memento of the grandchild and us…and often some money is put in the parent’s bank account for the child to spend later on something needed or wanted or even both. Schooling continued to be a mix of home and at school from memory and like everything and everyone, adaptations happened.

My colonoscopy result was good (no cancer ) but also, yes, you need rectal prolapse surgery so I began preparation for the date allocated in July. School holidays were in this month but we had no visitors nor did we visit. Being winter, everyone was pretty cautious around going anywhere and restrictions for visitors to the home were still in place. There was no outdoor concerts, nor even indoor ones at this point. On-line shopping and event gathering happened via Zoom. My pre-hospital admission ended up being over the phone for the late July surgery.

I admit, that pre-major surgery I do get concerned/worried/stressed and much of it, in this case, related to the procedure, what it would be like before I went into theatre – an enema would be carried out – and the preparation whilst thorough and necessary for the type of surgery just added to my load.

I tried to get myself into some nature, locally as it was fine to visit, and to making some meals so that I would have plenty of variety for me to eat. You see, since head and neck cancer surgery, eating anywhere other than home, and in small and suitable quantities is how I have to keep well-nourished.

I did it. Well, the surgeon did, and I am, as always  a model patient and excellent recoverer so I got to come home a night early. I was so stressed because…couldn’t eat much, very uncomfy and my colo rectal surgeon kindly OK-ed me to go home. Best place ever!

World Head and Neck Cancer Day: 27 July 2020. Suddenly when COVID hit, all aspects of fundraising in person went by the by, and in came virtual events, cooking demonstrations and Soup For the Soul via individuals where groups might gather. My surgery was within the same week as this but I did what I could prior to the Day in my role as an Ambassador….and jumping ahead to September, Beyond Five had a name change to Head and Neck Cancer Australia. I remain honoured to be continuing this important work of awareness sharing and telling my story.

August arrived with some wonderful people we had not seen since late the previous year…at least I had but my husband had not. Grandchildren and our son, their Dad. I was still very gingerly post-op with a sore tummy that had an upside down T incision from belly button to pelvis because of the finding of a hernia on top of doing the repair. Sigh. Thank goodness I was wise enough to get some very loose fitting pants and slip on slipper/shoes because getting up and bending was not part of my repertoire then. Nevertheless I had the wonderful feeling of wellness and happiness because...family!

The wellness continued until it did not.

My wound, which had an area of where the opening had been a challenge for my surgeons, opened up slightly but enough to be scary. Fluid leaked constantly and fortunately my G.P. got me straight back to my surgeon, who arranged for wound debridement surgery the following Monday. The hospital stays were about 3 weeks apart. The surgery meant I wore a bag called a VAC attached to the wound and I had home visits from a nurse for almost 3 weeks, then visits to my local GP Nurse. I was not finally well…i.e. the wound closed and good till October 6th! 

More Than “just” Health…Life Goes On!!

Head and Neck Cancer Check in early September 2020 went so well my head and neck surgeon said “see you in a year”. I was in shock. Many of us with cancers who have on-going checks which indicate no changes (for the bad or cancer returning) tell me that hearing that from the doctors can be like that. We are so used to someone keeping an eye on us!

Father’s Day: no get togethers but I remembered the Dads in my life…and that of our children and their children.

6/9/2020: the Fathers & Grandfathers

Together For Fifty Years!

In October we celebrated our meeting as young teachers at a NSW Teachers Federation Conference Dinner at Tamworth in 1970 by going back. It was a great trip down memory lane and some of these snaps capture it. I wrote about it more for Telling My Story here too.

November. Staying In Touch.

Our two eldest granddaughters visited for a mission…taking photos (memories) of their grandparents to celebrate their 50 years together. It was so good to see them again too. What fun we had. Lots of smiles and laughter!

Time for another visit to see my Dad. Important for me (and him) having these more frequent visits as he has kept himself more isolated socially due to Covid and his restricted physical mobility.

I also have almost no other reasons to be driving back and forth to Sydney so can factor in seeing Dad once a month now.

He has had some tricky (for him) health scares including potential melanoma (not) and a serious balance issue (sorted in 2018 along with the permanent loss of vision in one eye (only about 20% OK) so he relies on this better eye. An avid reader, and writer, he is very restricted for both now. He does however, remain very active in one social group where he lives and relies on his TV news and more including sport and other interests.

My husband joined me on my 30 November catch up morning tea because it was my 71st Birthday!

The two of us.

Suddenly it’s THAT month: December.

I spent quite a bit of time on-line and out and about at the local ‘cheap shops’ as I call them finding memorabilia and items for our Golden Wedding Anniversary coming up in mid January 2021. I admit it was fun and very distracting and I enjoyed both the research and the rewards.

I had a little niggle of pain in the area of my upper prosthesis and had a hastily arranged appointment in Westmead with my prosthodontist where he felt it would be OK once I took a dose of anti-biotics and took care with some ‘sharp foods’…ok, chips.

Happily back in the car to see Dad as a pre-Christmas visit. We had plans to go to our daughter’s in North Western Sydney to join most of our family, and Dad was going to my brother’s for Christmas Day….and whilst I did get to see Dad on 17 December, on 18 December everywhere on Sydney’s Northern Beaches – where Dad and brother live – was declared a Covid Hot Spot. Oh Great. NOT.

COVID really interrupted many plans for Christmas and BEYOND. Big time.

By close to Christmas Day, we made the decision not to travel to our daughter’s house.

My Dad would be going to my brother’s as his house, whilst in the Northern Beaches, was OK to have visitors from within the same area.

I ended up with some more pain in my gum and my prosthodontist was able to fit me in 3 days before Christmas (all was OK but he left me with an anti-biotic script just in case) and I took the chance to swing by my daughter’s beforehand to drop off our presents and biscuits I had made to her and see two of my granddaughters.

 Time to Reflect.

Gratitude was my word for 2020. I needed it. I remembered it and I am glad I chose it.

Our extended family stayed well, despite some visits to emergency departments for chronic conditions and accidents. No covid.

Those in our family had shelter, an income and care of each other. Money coming in did reduce and some were helped by the Australian government Covid payments.

We felt generally well, and very safe in the house we call home (even though it is not ours) and we know we are here until April 2022.

We could not fault those in the medical and hospital and ancillary health services who cared for us, as older citizens.

I was glad to be a supporter of all that was happening in schooling and schools things changed…because I am a “cheerleader” but not to have to manage a family and work anymore.

We were grateful we had plenty of practice living as a retired couple and 2020 did not challenge us too much at all. We have separate spaces for our hobbies and interests and that is a good thing.

We had each other.

We remained focussed as much as we could on the good the year had brought, particularly to me as I ticked health boxes and recovered so well.

Summing it up:

How was the second half of 2020 for you and your family?

Denyse.

Linking up here with Leanne for Lovin Life Linky

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

 

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One Year Ago: So Much Change Happened. Jan-June. 2020. 25/2021.

One Year Ago: So Much Change Happened. Jan-June 2020. 25/2021.

Yes it did. So what? Isn’t everything constantly changing anyway?

The only thing that is permanent is impermanence.

2020 was to be my year of Gratitude…and here I was in my first instagram post of 2020.

And I can tell you that I DID keep to that routine of finding gratitude every day and wrote a post here last week.

Things were still pretty grim on the east coast of Australia where bushfires had been wreaking havoc, causing death, property loss, and much much more from late Spring. Here we were in January 2020 and things were still every grim. Hot. Unrelenting. Smokey skies…but where possible,  LIFE for us/me, and as this is my version of the changes, had to go on.

First for me, and that had knock on changes for my on-going eye health was a visit for a regular check in early January 2020 where the optician was sufficiently concerned for the cataracts he could see appearing, I brought my specialist appointment forward and attended her rooms in Sydney.

Right, she said “time for cataract x 2 surgeries” and we can do them 2 days apart in Parramatta. The big changes occurred instantly early March but took a while for my vision to be ready to adapt to simpler reading glasses. The best part? Lining up at the local NSW Service Centre to have “glasses for driving” taken off my licence.

In February there was the most welcome relief of all from the unrelenting heat, smoke and fires…in the form of pouring rain, flooding roads and more but the fact is most of the fires were now put out thanks to this change. However, changes of all kinds ARE indeed mixed in their blessings!

And from January onwards we heard from time to time about something called Coronavirus that had been found in Wuhan China. We saw news items with many people covered from head to toe in what we now know as PPE. Personal Protective Equipment: masks, boots, face covers, and scrubs…

But in February and March, for my experiences as a patient visiting my head and neck surgeon for a post-cancer check, attending a charity fundraising function and for being part of a head and neck cancer video, there was just one mention at the entrance to Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in early March…and none at all in February. I had a prosthodontist check at Westmead where there were no restrictions. Glad I had that because it suddenly had to stop all bar emergencies and did not come back until the latter half of 2020. Fortunately I remained OK and my regular dentist was able to see me for a check in May.

We had our first Central Coast Head and Neck Cancer Support Group Meeting in February 2020 and then…we had to cease all meetings. We were not alone. Hospitals and other organisations were affected. We were not to meet again until close to Christmas for a luncheon and then last week, February 2021 we got together like this:

 

February saw me take a solo drive to Newcastle and attend an event at the Civic Theatre. It was Chat 10 Looks 3 with Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales and neither they, nor the audience knew it would be a last gathering in large crowds….and as I write, in February 2021, there is a return to concerts, theatre and live events but with some Covid-based restrictions.


I also took part in a video being made for head and neck cancer patients and families at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse. We were, as they say, so lucky to get that kind of event before the greater restrictions were announced.


Already though, on-line and in person there were warnings that we should not visit under any circumstances if we were unwell or had travelled from certain countries.

At my day surgery for my eyes in early March (9 & 11 March) some restrictions commenced on the first visit – some questions were asked on arrival. By the day after that, I had to have a temperture check, answer a series of questions and have no-one accompany me. I didn’t anyway. I could feel the tension levels rising.

By the next day after that when my husband drove me to Morisset for post-cataract check, even more restrictions were put in place. I spoke to my Opthalmologist a few months back when she finally started seeing patients again and she said to manage “the many changes, and the ways in which services had to be offered, they were in a constant state of readiness for change and being flexible. Every day brought some new measure”.

And Then More Changed. Where We Could Travel. What We Could Do.

16 March onwards.

Our eldest granddaughter, already immuno-compromised, “left home” where she may have been exposed to any part of this very scary and unknown virus because her mum and young sister attended schools. Still schools remained open..but then they too had to adapt. BIG time.  Ms J. came to the Central Coast to stay with her paternal grandparents and in those months I think the generations made it work well for them. She did have a sneaky day trip to see us and we agreed: HUGS were happening. She said “I so miss hugs”.

About Schools. Teachers, Principals and The Students. Parents Too.

When announcements were made by our N.S.W. Premier, the Health Minister, The Police Minister and the Chief Health Officer,(and sometimes others)  those announcements were many fold.

Every state and territory managed the matters of education, transport, health and so on and there were/are continuing conflicts about Aged Care and Quarantine/Border Matters being state or federal. It truly has been very trying all-round. Schools, because of the close contact via their very nature of operation, had to make swift, educationally-sound and major changes of day to day operation.

It was non-negotiable for public schools. They had to stay open for vulnerable kids and those too of workers in essential industries. They also had to provide quality and consistent work at school for students and for those who could stay at home. I only read about this and viewed how it was via my teaching contacts. Our daughter, a teacher-librarian then at her school found it huge as a shift but like all, they got on with it. It would have been a logistical issue of huge proportions for all schools. I was a very understanding and empathetic cheerleader where I could.

Life As We Knew It…Mostly Changed! 

We here in N.S.W. learned to live with:

  • daily updates of covid cases, diagnoses, tests, and sadly deaths. This happened most mornings at 11.00. a.m. I kept up via updates in social media.
  • sad stories of what was happening in aged care facilities. So many stories that have had to be managed via (I think) a Royal Commission
  • mixed messages from different levels of government. By mixed I meant it was inconsistent because of our way of being governed.
  • shortages…in supermarkets. The first time I visited a supermarket post our levels of restriction in those early months: only leave home for essential shopping, health reasons, exercise and essential work, it blew me away. I wondered what had happened….

“this” item most likely to have been bought AND to have run out!

  • I missed my daily drives and had to re-invent how to take care of my emotional health and form some routines that worked for me at home.
  • I did still do shopping, but was in & out as soon as possible.
  • Our GP practice offered telehealth appointments and we knew they were early days for them too, my husband in particular found a challenging medical issue very difficult to manage via phone. The doctors at that stage were saying no-one over 70 attend the surgery.

Getting Accustomed To The Changes.

  • It was all about being safe. We recognised that. We could not (and would not) disobey the then rules around being out of the house. We saw many more people in our neighbourhood walking past as part of their day.
  • We could not just go out for fun at all in March into early May.
  • I was incredibly relieved when, following the strict rules, my hairdresser was able to re-open and I got a much needed psychological boost of a haircut and a connection with my caring hairdresser
  • Over time, of course, we saw the emergence of Covid Test centres and I had a temperature and a bit of cough so went through the then procedures to got to my local hospital test centre. It felt weird but knowing i had to do the right thing because of this invisible virus, I self-isolated at home and was glad to get my results within a day and a half. Negative.

Changes Happened Regularly.

April – June. My commentary related to New South Wales, and what I recall specifically affected me/us.

  • Covid rules went up and down in severity depending on where clusters of cases had been found and so on
  • Where we live, is an hour’s drive to Sydney and then another 45 minutes to either my Dad’s on the Northern Beaches or our Kids’ in the North West.
  • For quite a few weeks, into months, we could not travel at all, other than locally.
  • It meant no visits for celebrations or care. We did not know how long this would last but fortunately in time for Mother’s Day – May – we could drive to Sydney to see our family and later in that month to visit dad.
  • We also could see via media reports from around Australia that where we lived, we were doing OK relatively. It did not stop our feelings of sadness and concern for many who did lose their lives and the fact that families could not be with loved ones as they were dying.

 

My Health Also Needed Better Solutions.

I have written about this here before but will just summarise, I needed to have a colonoscopy once my G.P. determined how severe my rectal prolapse was in earliesh May. I did get to the colo-rectal surgeon and he very quickly sorted out my thinking do I have to….with yes, how else might we know what’s going on “up there”.

  • Meant to happen late May. Local Private Hospital where he worked one day a week for these procedures accepted my forms for procedures …psyching myself up was the hard part…and then promptly cancelled/postponed because of Covid restrictions on surgeries. They were now a quater of what was before Covid.
  • Waiting not my best thing, but had to. Had my flu injection…sitting outside G.P. surgery while he came out to give me the jab.
  • Finally late June “had the dreaded” colonoscopy. Findings: you need rectal prolapse surgery. Stat. No cancer though.
  • Stat: in Covid times, meant when larger regional private hospital could book me in and I could have relevant pre-op checks. I did. My surgery date was late July.

 

Regular Health Checks Continued.

  • We still saw our podiatrist
  • I had a physio session for my shoulder
  • We eventually went back to choice of face to face at G.P. with mask and social distancing.
  • Saw screens go up at all facilities over time.

Getting Out and About.

I missed my going out for coffee but even when I could return, there were very strict rules for being seated. Over time, and now, I have stopped having a coffee anywhere unless it’s outside. It’s not somewhere I want to linger any more. Perhaps that need has shifted. We do not miss going anywhere as a couple as we stopped that way before this anywhere. Even our get together for a morning tea out has stopped.

I could get back to driving to the beach and walking. There were, in winter, loud hailers and even a police helicopter above the sands, telling us to keep moving, no sitting…it felt big brother ish.

I did do some shopping on-line, like many, but missed actual shops. Sad to say, many of those I enjoyed frequenting for clothes have closed some local shops and the value is no longer there.

That’s it for now.

I will be back soon with July to December.

How was your first half of 2020?

Stay safe, everyone…we are almost at Covid jab time here. Phew.

Denyse.

Linking up here with Leanne for Lovin Life Linky

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

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Telling My Story. Chapter Seventeen. 2007. Part Two. 81/2020.

Telling My Story. 2007. Part Two. Chapter Seventeen. 81/2020.

2007 was a very full year of significant events which is why I have made it a two-parter! 

So, about a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author (her story is here) that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed. Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at…drum roll… Chapter Seventeen. Part One from last week is here.

I know it’s been a while since I last posted. All the posts are here if you would like to check them out.

My Mum Has Died. 

Whilst her life in the last 2 or so years were not great, Mum did have a story to tell which I, along with my father and brother were happy to write as part of her soon-to-happen funeral.I admit, some of the days prior were a bit tense but when a family comes together and they wish to do what the remaining partner (Dad) wishes, then so be it. With help and support from extended family, a private funeral service and a wake back at (Mum) and Dad’s house family set about getting organised. Mum and Dad’s early years together are part of this Telling My Story Chapter here:

My daughter – Mum’s first grandchild – and I put together the small orders of service and we reminisced about a lot. My brother and his wife were helping Dad – they lived a lot closer and things like Mum’s clothes and the food and drink back at the wake were organised. Our contingent, travelled in a couple of cars from our area of Sydney and we met at the family home. I had an idea that if each of the women and girls wanted to wear something of Mum’s jewellery to her service, that would be nice. Everyone did and kept that.

I know my reaction to the event was both sad and also of relief. I actually wanted to give the eulogy but Dad refused. He gave that job to the minister who had never met Mum and only knew Dad from arranging the service at a church that he felt Mum would have wanted. Nevertheless he did a reasonable job and there were smiles and tears at the words. Dad, again, his idea, decided that no-one would accompany Mum’s body to the crematorium. Sadly she left alone. Our son, called out to her in farewell as her casket was taken.

Back to Dad’s house – not Mum’s anymore and we all mingled, with some of the close  friends Dad invited and gave her a farewell with champers and food. Sigh. Dad collected Mum’s ashes some weeks later, offered some to his family, and we said “no, thanks, keep Mum together!”. Dad planted 3 new favourite plants of hers (pretty sure, they are in this background) and added her ashes. When he sold the house and went to the independent living unit, he took one remaining pot with him.

Dad, Me & His (then) 3 Great Grandkids: front garden.

How Did I Manage?

Given that I had to start at a new school and a new job at a college just as we received the news that Mum had brain tumours, my mind was in overdrive. However, the income was needed but over the 2 weeks or so as she was hospitalised in palliative care, my wise GP told me I was far better acknowledging the grief and distraction and to take time off now and into the time following Mum’s death. I agreed and it helped greatly to know that I could get over to see her and help Dad as needed.

Never think a job is more important than these very significant times in family life.

There Will Be A New Grandchild In Our Lives in 2007.

This news was unexpected, welcomed and a big surprise. The mother-to-be and her partner, our son, were expecting. This gave me a very different and welcomed focus. I sure love being Grandma…and had 3 gorgeous grandkids already, but it had been 6 years since any were babies. I admit I went into Grandma-Must-Get “this for them and this for our house” and more….because having passed the grandbaby part of our lives, I had given quite a bit away. I was told that I needed to pull back a bit from this and I admit I needed this big time…looking at it now, I did, ahem over do it and yes, it was probably a great way to overcome the sadness of Mum’s death.

School. Work. Back To It. Grief.

It’s always hard to return to a job after a significant event like this one, my mother’s grave illness then death, but routine and work can help. I admit to some overwhelm and sadness and I think this was more about me trying to keep it all together. I have mentioned before that Mum and I were never that close yet it did surprise me that I felt the  tears prick at times, and as Mother’s Day 2007 beckoned, I recall thinking “no need for a card any more” and that sure did cement the finality. As the years have gone on, I have had some regrets about my relationship with Mum and have, in some ways, made some peace with her in the ways in which I bring up her name in family conversations and talk to Dad about her. He saw a grief counsellor after Mum died and the idea put to him that he write letters to Mum gelled. He filled folders and folders of these, only finishing a few years back. Every family event, anything of significance, Dad wrote to Mum about it. He would say it was very helpful.

Yes, back to work. I maintained the face of not minding where I was teaching but when an offer came that I could return to my former and preferred school I jumped at it. Sure it wasn’t as it used to be there as a new teacher had been appointed but I knew the school, the kids and the staff…and was 10 minutes from home. 3 days a week. Done. Did not go back to the College once the first term was over. Yay.

Moments, Days And Times To Enjoy.

Dad is a very practical person and he had run the house he and Mum lived in for at least 2 years before she died. Mum, who was incredibly energetic and liked to socialise had changed greatly over the years and this had taken a toll on Dad but he also needed to get stuff done. He stayed in their large family home for the next few years. More on that in chapters to come. He was the one who, on Mum’s death, disposed of her clothing and more once any of of us had a chance to speak up for what we might like. I took some scarves (never was my Mum’s small size anyway) and I was given all of her jewellery after others had a chance to select something for themselves. I have these in safe keeping now. Dad had a good set of friends and one part of his  family were not too far away. He got on with some days well, and at other times he craved company and went next door or to his local club to catch up.

I was busy back at the school I loved, and wrote the school’s English as a Second Language policy. The person who replaced me (ha!) got the job based on seniority on a waiting list. Her skills in administration were not, ahem, those of a former school principal. Fortunately for me, I was able to choose my work path and we only needed to connect from time to time. I was also getting closer to becoming Grandma to a little one again. Joyous times awaited.

HE is here.

The first son (and child for his parents) arrived…not as his mother had hoped…on a different day to her birthday but, yes, ON her birthday. Ah well, they will never forget each other’s birthdays! This young baby boy was a bit big. OK. A lot big..in the head. We do have big heads in our family. And, whilst his birth was a trauma for him, as he had to be delivered by forceps, his Mum and his Dad – along with their Obstetrician were champions. We got to meet this second grandson for us a little while after his arrival. Because of his rocky entry to the world, he could not be held by anyone other than his Mum (and Dad, I think) whilst in hospital.

My tradition has been to secure some tiny wee cloth/soft toy for the baby and I managed to get him a little bear for inside his hospital bed. His parents had a double bed in the room, and our son stayed too, in between I think Uni and work. I do know that I kept up snack and drinks supplies to the new parents.

And then they came home. I was invited to take photos of their arrival home. Luckily it was school holidays but knowing me, I would have taken the day off.

Firsts.

In 2007 we remembered these firsts:

  • first Mother’s Day without Mum
  • first time I worked in an adult English as a Second Language setting
  • first time I learned our son and his then partner were having a child
  • first time Dad spent Christmas with us, and without Mum
  • first car I owned which would be the one I helped with being a regular carer of  grandchildren because: 7 seater. Lots of room for carseats to fit “all” sizes.
  • first time our family spent time together at my parents’ house but without Mum’s presence
  • first time I held a baby boy who is the son of my son
  • first time I knew that I wanted to have time to teach for only 2-3 days a week…because:
  • in 2008 I would, for the first time, be caring for a young grandson when his Mum went back to work, and Dad too, along with Uni for up to 3 days a week.

That’s a wrap for a big year. So big it was written in two parts.

Thank you for reading…and commenting too.

Denyse.

Linking up here with Leanne and friends on Thursdays.

 

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Telling My Story. Chapter Seventeen. 2007. Part One. 79/2020.

Telling My Story. 2007. Part One. Chapter Seventeen. 79/2020.

2007 was a very full year of significant events which is why I have made it a two-parter! 

So, about a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author (her story is here) that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed. Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at…drum roll… Chapter Seventeen. I know it’s been a while since I last posted. All the posts are here if you would like to check them out.

 

We Did Not Know What 2007 Would Bring.

Of course no-one can predict a year and what it might hold….case in point 2020…but this one sure did challenge me and those I love. Where to start? I guess, of course right at the beginning of 2007. And as I began to write, I realised I would need to make this a Part One and a Part Two year. Next week, I will conclude Telling My Story 2007.

My teaching role: changes. Not happy, but at least I have some paid work.

I am a practical and resourceful person who love(s/d) her teaching role. After gaining my Post-Graduate Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) in 2006 I heard the disappointing  news that I could not stay at the school where I had started (again) in 2004. There was now a permanent person appointed. What to do? I sent emails to a few former principal colleagues  about my availability as an E.S.L. teacher 3 days a week and within a few days, was able to say “YES thank you” to Sue at H.P.S. I would add to the staff she said, not only my E.S.L. expertise but my leadership skills. OK. Flattered of course. I readied to leave the school I loved and my dear husband was my courier of all things teaching to the new school to a very old half a portable building in the back of the school grounds. But wait, there is more before I even start at school.

Mum becomes much more seriously ill. 

At the end of Chapter Sixteen I wrote that Mum and Dad celebrated their 60th (Diamond) Wedding Anniversary with the family and a few friends but Mum’s health had been declining for more than a year. Dad says over 2 years. He of course, noticed far more than we did. Mum made it, with Dad’s help to celebrate Christmas 2006 at my brother’s and we all joined them. That was probably the last time we did have Mum with us all. Early January 2007 after an incident where Mum had a ‘bump’ into a door and hurt her head, Dad was reluctant to let us know as we had taken a few days to have a break on the south coast. His birthday was celebrated very simply with my daughter, some of her kids and my niece, joining my parents for a simple morning tea. The last photo of Mum is at that small event. It would have been important for Mum to have a cake for him. She did not make this cake though as had been her tradition.

We returned from our holiday and I was surprised to be asked to help Dad out, because they lived an hour from us and I wondered why. I guess, he had downplayed Mum’s condition for “protective measures” and also because Mum was exceedingly private about anything medical. Oh, and worrier to the nth degree. I drove to their place, as requested, on a very warm mid -January afternoon to be the chauffeur to take Dad and Mum to a much needed catch up appointment with her specialist Neurologist. Back story: Mum had, for some time, exhibited symptoms which could have been Parkinson-based or maybe not. This man was a kindly person and whilst Mum found it hard to hear (deaf most of her adult life) he tried to ease her anguish. I did not go into this appointment with them but when Mum came out, I assisted her to the ladies and for the first time, saw her need to guided help as she walked. A wake-up call for me.

I drove Mum and Dad home. The specialist was going to organise for Mum to have an MRI (I think) within the next weeks. Time did not allow for that to occur on his watch, as that weekend, Mum became confused somewhat by pain and Dad made the call to take her to the ED at the local hospital. She was seen by a couple of people that Sunday and Dad tried to let them know what the history was, but with a couple of tests and a CT (I think) they said “take her home.”

Dad was appalled but did as they said. The next day, Monday, he was onto the specialist Neurologist immediately who was sorry he had not given Dad his mobile number but said, I will arrange for her to be admitted to the private hospital now. But then, Dad took another call, from the local public hospital. “Oh, could you bring your wife in please, we have seen tumours in her brain”. Umm. No thank you.

Meanwhile, I started a new adult teaching role.

Gosh, way to add complications to my life. However, I needed an income and found work on a day when I was not going to be in a school, at Chatswood helping older people learn English to function. I admit, it did last for only 10 weeks but it was not a role I loved. More later. The one thing that was a bit convenient on one of the days, was that after teaching, I was close to the hospital where Mum was.

Term One. School, Adult Education and a New Vehicle.

Before returning to teaching at the end of January 2007, I sold my sedan and became the proud owner of a Grandma-suitable vehicle called an Avensis. It could seat seven and even though we had only 3 grandchildren then, I felt this vehicle was more appropriate for my travels to school as well as across Sydney. I did not, dear reader, anticipate the number of grandchildren would change. This news…later.

I kind of settled into the new (to me) primary school where I was a part-time E.S.L. teacher for 3 days a week. I found it a hard role in some ways as at my previous school I was able to make it my own but, ever resourceful, I was able to find I could contribute to this school’s teaching and made some kind friends. It was though, at the back of my mind all through February that Mum was seriously ill. Not quite fully cognisant of what would lie ahead, I did make meals for Dad and did what I could on my days off to help. The role at the adult education college was not my ‘cup of tea’ because of the lack of relationship I was able to foster with the ‘students’. They all turned up with electronic dictionaries and really paid no heed to my teaching much at all. I will admit I sighed with relief when I said I was not able to return. Schools (and Uni teaching) were much more my style.

Knowing Mum Was Going To Die Soon.

By late January 2007, the decision NOT to operate on Mum’s secondary brain tumours (primary cancer never determined) was made by Mum. After the diagnostic MRI showed the reasons for her loss of sight and more, it was Mum who said “no more”. Dad asked us kids (my brother and me) and of course we agreed. So did her then team. What next? It was a confusing and not great time for us, mostly Mum.

  • She was allowed home with no support added at this stage, just Dad. My sister-in-law got in touch with some home care people and that was arranged for the next week
  • Mum became almost mute. We will never know how much she understood about her condition. Dad has told me since that “she was just not the woman I knew for the 2 years before this”. Of course, we have talked a lot about this and reckon it was a lot to do with Mum’s reticence along with her distaste of anything to do with hospitals.
  • Dad managed by himself initially and with a couple of aides who came to help Mum shower…and who Mum said ‘I don’t like this’ So that stopped.
  • I recall my s-i-l and I trying to wash Mum’s hair and dry it. Mum was soooo particular about her hair and in the previous months had no salon visits and would not allow her hairdresser to call in to help. We did not do a great job.
  • Mum needed attention through the night and Dad would help her to the toilet etc. This became very hard.
  • Dad had to really consider his own physical health and with some discussion with us (even though his mind was made up) and in consultation with Mum and Dad’s GP, it was time for Mum to go into a local private hospital for so-called palliative care.

It Seemed Very Sudden But It Seemed To Take Forever. 

Mum actually brought up the fact that Dad’s full-time care of her was very hard on him. I like that she was compassionate enough to see that. However, the next stage was very challenging. For them both. Even hearing about how it transpired still makes me both sad and a little mad. Dad too, as I now know.

The Regrets.

  • Dad and Mum’s GP was able to get Mum a bed at the local private hospital. Dad was reassured by that.
  • He sat with Mum on the lounge to explain what was going to happen on that same day. A Friday.
  • I am not sure who else was there. I know I heard about it after it happened.
  • An ambulance arrived for Mum’s transfer and that, my dear readers, was the last time she saw her home of 49 years. 1959-2007.
  • Dad had not realised, of course, that putting Mum in hospital prior to a weekend would mean no particular treatment or care would start till the Monday.
  • Mum was placed in a shared room. Her loss of hearing made that a huge challenge, along with her somewhat confused mind about “where and why”.

The Reality.

  • Dad did need this respite from care 24/7. There was no other option. Having said that, we have talked about it a lot. He would have waited till the Monday in hindsight.
  • We visited Mum around lunchtime Saturday and it was HOT. Her room, with a view of the harbour (at Manly) was nice but it was overpoweringly warm too. We lived an hour away. Dad lived within 15 minutes drive and my brother and family about 20 minutes away.
  • My husband offered to help Mum with the food that had been left for her. As he fed her, she said, heartbreakingly, “If I eat this, I will be allowed to go home.” Neither of us will forget that.
  • Mum who was a very private person found it awful to be sharing a room and I am pretty sure, told anyone in the family who visited.
  • We did try to organise visits to Mum was not burdened by too many even though she communicated very little.

Moved To a Better Room And Palliative Care Finally Happened.

  • Close to 3 weeks after Mum was admitted to this multi-purpose private hospital, Mum died peacefully late on a Monday night just before midnight. Dad was at home, and when he knew, he rang each of his kids.
  • But in the weeks in between Mum struggled. She spoke little. We knew she was in pain but it was unclear what would actually happen to help.
  • We know, some 13 years later, that advanced care plans are enacted and with the right medical people on side, comfort levels can be achieved.
  • It was only with some words from my sister-in-law, to those who were in charge, that she was given the amount of medication which should have happened much earlier. 
  • She was no longer on any kind of hydration nor offered nourishment.
  • However, hindsight is a thing. None of us wanted Mum to suffer needlessly.
  • Dad was with her every single day for part of the day. She was given care. Family visited on a planned basis.
  • I admit it became really, really hard to wait for the inevitable news, and with my husband present we sat beside Mum, talking softly and saying farewells along with handholding, and my husband saying the Lord’s Prayer….this was something my Dad asked him to do.
  • We did not return after that Friday visit.  I was very sad leaving her for the last time.
  • We waited at home and I began the inevitable task (lovingly sought) of writing up some words about her and making an order of service.

Life Goes On. In a Most Interesting and Unexpected Way. 

  • On the weekend before Mum died, our son and his partner told my father they were expecting a child. This was something completely unexpected by them as well as us.
  • We had been told too.
  • My son, particularly close to his grandmother, wanted to share the news with her. His grandfather, my dad, decided that it might be best left to him. Unsure why…but that IS my Dad.
  • Our son and his partner visited Mum too on that last  weekend of her life.
  • On hearing the news, my traditional mother reacted in a sweet and typically conservative way, asking if a wedding would also happen. Made me smile that did, that she could rally in that way!!

Gratitude for My Mum.

Whilst I would admit we were not close, as the years go by and I am ageing, I also find I am more like her than I realise.

Thank you Mum….

Love, Denyse.

 

Part Two: Next Wednesday. 

Joining Leanne and friends here on Thursdays for Lovin’ Life Linky.

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Remembering Sydney 2000. 37/51. #LifeThisWeek. 74/2020.

Remembering Sydney 2000. 37/51. #LifeThisWeek. 74/2020.

  • I admit right up….I was a Sydney Olympics tragic.
  • I was ecstatic when we found out that “Sydernee” was announced as the host city for 2000 Olympics. This was in 1993 as I saw on the weekend news, after hearing of the (then) NSW Premier John Fahey ‘s death.
  • Did we think Sydney could do this?
  • I guess I was part of the group “yes we can”.

The selection of the grounds where the stadia would be built and surrounding ground, waterways, wetlands…of a former brickworks and other industries at Homebush was somewhat controversial. And had plenty of challenges to get completed. But it was and I can say without any qualms I was one very proud supporter! The Olympic torch relay around Australia was amazing. The day it came closer to home for us, I drove to watch it being passed on at Rooty Hill. Quite an emotional time.

At school we were lucky to have a torch bearer visit and “I” got to hold it.

 

By the time 2000 arrived, I had already become a school principal and schools got to get involved in many ways, including attendance at practice events and to have special days of celebrations. Free tickets to practice events meant I went to the gymnastics with my daughter and her eldest. She figures in photos below!

 

The end of term 3 school holidays were extended by a week so all the busses could come to Sydney and help transport people along with added trains and train lines. No private travel to the area was to happen. All tickets sold had a transport payment factored in.

 

I got the badge collection fever early, even linking up for new releases for ages. Over time, the badges were added to a framed memory board. And, I then donated it to a school library. I also had a fantastic framed photo of the Opening Night and donated that to a school down the track too. Many bits and pieces of memorabilia and my writing went into 2 huge scrapbooks…and do i have them now? No, again, donated I think along with above to the school where my daughter was teacher-librarian. I admit, to have these now would have been nice but they were cumbersome and I would hope be of greater value as a historical resource.

Onward:

Memories here: with photos I could actually find!

Dear granddaughter, who came with me to this ‘practice’ of looking at the grounds once they were built and developed and we could drive there. August 2000.

Outside the main stadium. 2000.

Noting the street names after Olympians.

Number Plates: still going strong. For our respective 50th Birthdays in 1999.

I still love these and they were special gifts to us from our family for our 50th birthdays!

And, always a very patriotic Grandma ensuring Miss 4 got the whole Olympic experience! 

Miss J, always happy to share her Grandma’s enthusiasm was delighted to be dressed up. Her younger sister and parents joined us at our place to watch the Opening Ceremony on our TV. What an experience, just from the telly. I will never forget the horses’ entry to the Man from Snowy River theme.

The three mascots are a duck-billed platypus (Syd), a kookaburra (Olly) and an echidna or spiny anteater (Millie). They symbolise the water, air and earth respectively. Their colours correspond to those of the Games emblem, and all three are typical examples of Australian fauna. source: wikipedia

We WENT to the Olympics!

After a lot of discussion and then knowing we had to get in quickly as tickets were balloted we secured ones to a morning of track and field. It was amazing to be up close..even though we had to wear our ponchos for a while. Some events were slowed down because of rain on the track, you can see it here in 2nd shot.

My husband & I went to the Athletics on a wet day. No worries

 

Our seats were amazing. Almost on the track!

 

The wonder of how Sydney was then! Amazing co-operation and fun all round. 

Lots of smiling and chatting people on the busses to and from the Olympics. We parked our car on a field (now covered in buildings) at Bella Vista, just over the road from Glenwood and busses took us straight to the gate.

We got to see international athletes in OUR time zone. However, I do believe some events were staged at particular times to allow for northern hemisphere news.

I got to attend practice events: free. We attended one big day and tickets were reasonable cost and we had to apply by ballot. I also got tickets to the Paralympics and my then son-in-law came with me along with granddaughter as above.

One big standout memory for me, was standing up with my family to sing Advance Australia Fair as an Aussie won her event at the Paralympics.

My mother was a hockey representative in her youth and a very keen follower of most sports. My brother got tickets for him and Mum to see, I think a women’s hockey semi or final. Mum was blown away!

Great signage and organisation. A lot of walking but it was all OK.

So much detail here: blurry. However, some areas like these had TV people telecasting. Solar panels on top of the pylons.

AND, “where were you when Cathy Freeman won gold?”.

I saw the event on a TV at the local doctors’ surgery! I don’t remember why I was there but I do remember the elation and event.

This post goes live AFTER the first airing of this below. However, I will watch on iView and hope you may as well. It’s a special event AND memory of the Sydney Olympics.

https://help.abc.net.au/hc/en-us/articles/360001745615-ABC-is-proud-to-present-the-world-premiere-of-FREEMAN-in-September-Relive-the-magic-of-the-Olympic-Gold-medal-win-that-united-the-nation-

Source: pinterest 66c6cb3bd663ac5e77c9388d0b6b990b.jpg

What memories do you have of the Sydney Olympics?

Did you attend?

How old were you at the time of the Sydney Olympics? I was 50.

If you viewed from another state or country, what are your memories?

Were you part of any of the ceremonies?

Tell us more!

Denyse.

Link Up #206

Life This Week. Link Up #206

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