Saturday 21st May 2022

Gratitude for Women & Girls In My Life: IWD 2022. 15/2022.

Gratitude for Women & Girls In My Life: IWD 2022. 15/2022.

In past years I have made social media posts for IWD….International Women’s Day.

Today: Tuesday 8 March 2022 I want to go further:

My late Mother.

I did a recent tribute post to her here. We are together in 2003 where she & Dad had their favourite Winter stays 1990s to 2000s : Burleigh Heads.

 

 

My late Grandmothers and my Aunt.

Mum is in this collage too. This is from the tribute to them, from me, as Women of Courage. To be found here.

 

Women Who Helped Me Through Head and Neck Cancer:

from diagnosis, surgeries and into recovery.

Not every woman is here.

There are the ones who asked after me on social media, and are part of head and neck cancer groups.

There are my blogging friends…so many, and they are also here on the women of courage page.

I remain incredibly grateful for their:

Love

Compassion

Concern

Healing Wishes

So, with gratitude I honour my recovery with this collage:

From top left:

  • Every week, from 2017 I had coffee at Randa’s in Wyong. She cared for and about me on some very tough days. I remain in touch regularly.
  • Meeting Lisa via her establishment of the Big Hug Box: we shared a passion for giving back and for our cancer care at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse. Lisa’s story is here.
  • My Friend and Fellow Teacher…and HNC rare oral cancer friend. Tara. Smiles all round when we met. Her story is here.
  • A friend from social media is Dr Katie Nash, a Paediatrician who now lives on Central Coast, and very grateful for her time to chat and have coffee
  • Nadia Rosin: CEO of Head and Neck Cancer Australia. Friend and wonderful advisor to me as an Ambassador. This photo from day we met in October 2018 at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse.
  • Cate Froggatt. My goodness we sure have connected…hugs, words on line, and in person and as the surgical assistant to my professor, Cate has seen more of the inside of my mouth than me. A great friend…on the phone via reassurance too. Her story is here.
  • Julie: the nurse at the Oral Surgeon’s at Ourimbah who KNEW where to refer me for diagnosis and treatment after Stef, the oral surgeon told me I had cancer in my gums. So grateful over and over for her knowledge!
  • Two in one gratitude photo here: with A/Prof Puma Sundaresan who is the chair of Head and Neck Cancer Australia, and Dr Caity Frede, whose initiative to fund raise for HANCA was on behalf of her dad, who had succumbed to Head and Neck Cancer. I was honoured to be asked to speak at the charity fundraising event.
  • My local Federal MP Emma McBride. Emma has been especially interested in sharing more about head and neck cancer after she came to our place for morning tea in July 2018 prior to World Head and Neck Cancer Day.

Then I show my gratitude to these people.

The women and the girls I am related to by blood…as they say.

My daughter: (middle left & right)  an amazing person in many ways, who is far to self-effacing but her Mum can say that. She has raised her family singly but with some support and has been, at the same time, a person who also gives back, as a volunteer at Sydney Jewish Museum, and in past times at her schools, on local sports’ committees. Back to Uni and continuing to teach part time, and raise her kids through very challenging times, she became a teacher librarian at a local school but now, by invitation as stepped up to be an Assistant Principal. Her oldest three are all over 21 but her youngest child is still in primary school…so she is a busy woman. However, she is a caring one who keeps a lookout for her fellow staff members and in this time of covid and teaching from home has been an exemplary leader.

My eldest granddaughter and second granddaughter: (top left & bottom middle) Now adults I can’t say too much of course, but they are finding their feet in life, and staying connected to family. Both of these women were in our care quite a bit as kids, and we share some great memories now. They were also the duo who managed our pre-50th Wedding Anniversary photo shoot.

Our daughter’s youngest. (middle right) This one is somewhat shy but also loves to share her stories and life with us via media. We attended her 9th Birthday last year and she was one happy girl connecting with family and friends.

Our son’s three daughters. One is almost a teen and we are in bottom left and in top middle. Miss R was cared for by us from 5 months to over 5 years a few day a week and we so value her love and presence in our lives. Miss E, dark hair ( middle top, and bottom right) is a character who we cared for from around 5 months till 18 months. When we left Sydney we did not get the same chances to be carers for Miss M, blondie in top left, middle top, and bottom right, but we love her courage, and her determination. She shares my Mum’s name as her second name.

 

Thank you all. Your lives and your stories lift me up. To those not mentioned, you too are valued by me for your presence, love and friendship.

Every day…but especially on International Women’s Day.

Denyse.

This from my son today on social media. I am very touched and grateful.

 

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Reflections On Mother’s Day 2021. 56.1/2021.

Reflections On Mother’s Day 2021. 56.1/2021.

 

Content Warning: Should any post about Mother’s Day be a concern for you, please don’t read…I am sorry for your situation whatever it is.

 

After a long period of reflection (years) I chose to write about Mother’s Day to be published on Mother’s Day, 2021.

My mother told me Mother’s Day flowers were chrysanthemums and were always white. She recalls her mother being given a white flower at church on Mother’s Day. I remember these things. But cannot find any pics of chrysanthemums.

Here it IS Mother’s Day 2021.

I cannot help but do a trip down memory lane to try to understand my mother and my mothering…OK. Not all of it, because much cannot be put into words.

Reflections.

  • I grew up in a 1950s-60s  household where Mother’s Day was remembered….by my father whose domineering and controlling manner meant I have had his words about this occasion rattling around my head since I could remember. Maybe 6 till my recent old(er) age.
  • It was a day where of course we gave Mum a card, probably some flowers and may be a gift. But I never thought of the occasion without ‘obligation’. This is who I am. Long memory.
  • Mum was a kind, sharing and shy woman whose care of her husband and us two kids was exemplary. She loved that she could care for us that way. In fact, it carried on to the ways in which our kids and my brother’s would remember “Noreen” for, and her three great-grandchildren who knew her before her death in 2007.
  • Dad….where will I start? Here at the point of the conversation I had with him only 3 weeks ago when I spoke of the courage his mother had coming to Australia to marry her fiance. His comments? “She was alway cranky and complaining and wanted to know, when we arrived to visit, when we were returning” OK. I understand but as I said, Gran having been widowed with 4 kids probably had a lot of grief.
  • So why did I begin to resent the forced nature of Mother’s Day? Probably for that reason. It did not come from my heart and then, as I had kids (strange but true) I believe I began to feel the old family history repeating itself.
  • Sigh.
  • I became entangled in the “event” that should be happening as I am a mother. Oh how embarrassed I am now about that. I did not demand anything (not my Dad) but I felt sad and disappointed if I was forgotten on Mother’s Day.
  • Cringe.

What Has Changed?

  • My mature thinking, a big dose of cancer and an obligation-free mindset
  • I honour MY adult kids as they make me so proud to be their Mum.
  • I actually asked my kids, a few years back,  to allow for my imperfections (there are many) as their Mum as I was, at the time, doing the best I knew.
  • I expect nothing back. At long last. Not anything. Thanks Dad…by the way, I have told him this but his memory is…dim.
  • I know that I am loved but I do not need to see evidence or whatever based on the ‘have to’ mindset we see far too often.

Two Posts: 1971 and 1979.

These two posts are about my mothering years, in particular giving birth to our daughter, and then after a long gap where we thought that we could not have any more children, we had our son.

My Mother’s Day 2021.

  • It’s a Sunday.
  • We will be cleaning the house on our fortnightly roster.
  • I will go out for my Sunday coffee.
  • I will reflect on my gratitude for a change of mind and heart and send my love to our kids and their kids…and Dad.
  • Forgiveness is powerful as is My Loving Kindness practice.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Denyse.

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