Monday 2nd August 2021

Women of Courage Third Series Is Here in 2021. 59/2021.

Women of Courage Third Series is Here in 2021. 59/2021.

Two years ago….around this time of year, I tentatively courageously launched Women of Courage series on my blog and here was what I said then:

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival in April 2019 and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

Many of you know I have had the experience of a cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery and I am aware I had to garner a lot of courage to come through much of what has happened. However in my  courage post  you will read something different where I believe I was courageous.

For those like me, who are interested in attending the Newcastle Writers Festival in 2021, here is the link to the website. I was fortunate to attend the first LIVE event earlier this year when Festival Director (and Woman of Courage #49 found here) Rosemarie interviewed former PM Julia Gillard.

 

All the women’s stories from Series One (2019) and Series Two (2020) are here. 

In the 2019 group, there were 24 women who used their names and one who was published anonymously at her request.

In the 2020 group, there were 25 women who went public with their stories and four who chose anonymity.

Total: 56 women’s stories shared! Jane’s and mine did not carry a number.

First post in 2021 will be Woman of Courage #54.

I am excited, interested and curious about these stories from real life…and  now so grateful to be sharing women in a third series.

I hope you are too. I have asked over 20 women to date  who said yes, and have five responses so far which go live each Thursday after today….

There is always room for more, so if you would like to share, email me! denyse@ozemail.com.au or tell me in the comments.

 

I asked the first Woman of Courage, Sam if she wished to share any updates for her first post, found here,

And she replied “happy to leave it as is”….but “I have a new photo” and this, dear readers, is Teddy Roosevelt, who is already a STAR on Sam’s Blog found here. Thank you both!

 

And again from my first post…these words from Brene Brown.

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognise the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.” 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” 

“The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” 

Last year I began listening to Brene Brown here on her podcasts. She has two. I have checked out both from time to time, learning more and being inspired by other women of courage and some of  her guests are also from all genders and walks of life.

Next Thursday, 20th May, I welcome Woman of Courage #54 to this blog community for her to share her story.

See you all then too, I hope.

Denyse.

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

 

Copyright © 2021 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Why “Women of Courage” As A Series? 59/2020.

Why “Women of Courage” As A Series? 59/2020.

As of today, 50 women have shared their stories. 

I did not assign a #number to my post or Jane Caro’s. 

Women of Courage.

This is what I wrote to each woman who agreed to be part of this series. Interestingly I had only “one” knock back initially. I am so proud of the women who are sharing their stories in the weeks and months to come. Over time as I continued to invite women  to consider adding their stories, I did get more ‘no thank you’ responses but obviously a lot more “yes, I will” ones as the series had spanned over one year.

“Thank you for agreeing to share your story for my Women of Courage series of posts which will be published from mid May 2019 onwards.”

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

Jane’s Women of Courage story is here.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

Many of you know I have had the experience of a cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery and I am aware I had to garner a lot of courage to come through much of what has happened. This is  my own courage post, you will read something different where I believe I was courageous.

I am excited, interested and curious about these stories from real life…and women of courage!

I hope you are too.

Extract from my post introducing the series here in May 2019.

 

And I added this…which I am repeating here. 

If you would like to share your story of being a woman of courage* please let me know in the comments and I will email you. That would be great!

*there are no men included as I  think we women do not talk or not write about our stories enough which is why I have called the series: Women of Courage.

  1. What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

 

  1. How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

 

  1. Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

 

  1. Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

 

  1. Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Send me an email: denyse@ozemail.com.au to become part of the series. You will be glad to join in. I have been told quite a few times now how therapeutic and helpful it was to write.

Won’t you consider this please?

Next week, the series continues.

I am recovering in hospital today, after some pretty serious surgery. Not related to my head and neck cancer, not cancer in any form. But, major in its own way. I think, over time, I might blog about it but not yet. If I take a while to respond to comments, this will be why. Rest assured, once I am home, I will want to be back on the computer and blogging!

I may not be responding to comments today…but I will!
For this reason, I will see how I go for linking up as I usually do.

Sure hope my hospital has good wi-fi.

Cheers,
Denyse.

Two weeks prior to the surgery, I took myself to the beach to try to gain better perspective for me…and I found it as well as support from many, for which I am very grateful. These stairs are a reminder that my recovery will be step-by-step and a challenge but not one I cannot complete.

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women Of Courage Series. #44. Anonymous. 49/2020.

Women Of Courage Series. #44. Anonymous. 49/2020.

Trigger warning: twin pregnancy, death of one child in utero, miscarriage.

 

 

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

The person who has chosen anonymity is well-known to me and I respect her choice to do so. She has shared her story with me some time ago. The kind of story that no-one wants to be theirs. But, it is and was for Anonymous and her family. She, as in her style, tells her story in her way. I respect her very much for her courage, her sharing and the way in which she has chosen to do so. Thank you Anonymous.

 

Sharing Our Stories of Courage.

 

I strongly believe that women don’t seek (or receive) enough credit for the many wonderful and courageous things they do, often on a daily basis. So when my friend Denyse asked me to join other women in telling a story where I showed courage, I agreed to share my story.

In doing so, I hope that one or two women are encouraged to talk about their experiences with miscarriage and loss.

It was January 1996 when we discovered we were pregnant with our third child.

Although unplanned we were not particular upset with the news-we already had two beautiful daughters, my husband had recently commenced a new job where he was very happy and for the first time we had the littlest bit of money in the bank.

Unlike my previous pregnancies I felt sick all day this time around.

We were most surprised at an early ultrasound when they mentioned that they could see two heartbeats and ‘twins’ were confirmed at a 12-week ultrasound.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a trouble free pregnancy as I was diagnosed with diabetes, my liver and kidney started showing signs of distress and I was sick most days.

I was visiting three different specialists each week and was hospitalised a few times due to the complications.

Despite this I had always wanted a big family so was thrilled to have two babies joining our little family and our daughters were beside themselves with excitement.

We had decided to find out the genders at the 18-week ultrasound and excitedly walked into the room telling this to the technician.

 

 

As soon as she placed the wand on my stomach I knew that something was wrong.

She quickly exited the room and returned with another obviously more senior person in tow.

After scanning me for a few minutes he asked me to sit up.

He then told us that there was our bigger twin had recently passed away.

We were taken into another room.

In shock we were quickly and unemotionally told that I had no choice but to carry both babies as the life of the other baby depended on me successfully carrying it to term.

We were then sent on our way.

At no stage was I offered any sort of support or counselling or anytime in the months or even years afterwards.

 

 

The next few months were fairly hellish medically and emotionally as I carried two babies-one alive and one not.

I had to show courage during this time as I spent more time in hospital than out and as I readjusted my dream of twins.

Eventually our beautiful son was born in the September and we celebrated his arrival with much joy and a lot of relief that he had finally arrived.

Two years later we found out that he had some received some damage to his brain at the 18-week utero mark; right around the time when his twin died.

That however is another story for another day.

Not for a single second do I regret what I had to go through to bring our son safely into this world, just as I don’t regret carrying his three siblings.

I hope things have changed over the last few decades, especially in the telling of bad news as the impact miscarriage has on a women becomes more acknowledged and recognised.

 

What courage it is to share a story of love and heartbreak from one woman. As I hope to offer support to others or at least offer places to help any person with issues which may arise from the loss of a child in utero or at birth, the following sites have been included below.

Thank you Anonymous. I know you will be in the thoughts and minds of the blog’s readers and commenters and whilst you will not be responding, know that we are ‘with you’.

Denyse.

 

https://www.panda.org.au/

https://www.sands.org.au/stillbirth-and-newborn-death

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 – Crisis Support and Suicide …

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women Of Courage Series. #40 Anonymous. 41/2020.

Women of Courage Series.

How did it start? Read here!

Who was the first Woman of Courage to share her story? It was Sam.

Thank you all…today might be an anonymous post, as have several others been, to protect the identities of those whose stories form part of the post.

ONE YEAR ON…here we are…..in May 2020 with the fortieth person to share her story.

2020 Image For the Series.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

Trigger warning: Family Breakdown, Grief, Terminal Illness.

 

Women Of Courage Series. #40 Anonymous. 41/2020.

“THEY SAY WE WALKED AWAY”

When Denyse asked me to join this incredible group of women in her Women of Courage series I wondered where to focus.

How do I do my spot on your screen justice?

How should I make this worth your while?

 

Today I am going to hold my husband’s hand and tell you about the day we had to find more courage than we ever thought we’d have to find in our lifetime.

Today I’m going to talk about the day we chose to walk away.

 

The Back Story

Once upon a time two people met and fell in love. They got married with his young daughter standing beside them.

His daughter was ingrained in their marriage and became the much-loved big sister to the children born from their union.

Fast forward to when his daughter got married, fell pregnant and moved interstate.

The daughter and her husband needed financial assistance to buy a home which the two people offered as guarantors.

Then the daughter got cancer.

Her husband walked out of the family home leaving her, their child, the cancer and the debt.

The two people don’t know why he did this.

They never asked.

Instead, the two people and the extended village supported the daughter as best they could and fell deeply in love with their grandchild.

Over the next five years the daughter cried often. As she fought the cancer she was also fighting for custody of her child.

She gratefully won the second battle.  She could not beat the first.

 

The cancer was aggressive.  The husband returned.

All money, court cases and his hurtful emails were forgotten as a united front was created for peace in her final year.

The daughter passed away surrounded by love.

 

The two people reached out to the husband offering meals, cleaning, baby sitting and support for the mini-me born from their daughter’s womb.

Then one day the husband declared the two people were no longer grandparent worthy.

Despite their best efforts in trying to understand his aggression, access to their daughter’s mini-me was taken from them via a text message.

Just like her mamma who’d passed away 6 months prior, they would not see their grandchild again.

 

The Pursuit For Peace

The above story is a very quick and overly simplified look at the twenty-five years I personally had the pleasure of being a stepmother and the 6 years I got to be a step-grandmother.

Of course, we didn’t just walk away then and there.

We chose to seek peace.

This was a very weird turn of events given the unity and open-door policy we’d extended.

We waited.

 

Then we gently texted, called and visited the house of the husband awaiting the day it would be business as usual.

We assumed he was going through a phase that required distance and fewer interactions in his life.

Alas, he ignored all contact and rejected all visits.

As a peace-loving family, we’ve never been involved in this sort of animosity.

My husband and I have backgrounds which are in synch.

We don’t do drama.

Our families don’t do war.

As an extended bunch, we choose to accept people for who they are and focus on strengths.

We choose peace and we choose happiness.

We don’t know why he rejected us so firmly and completely.

The people around us suggest it was his own guilt driving the decisions rather than anything we had personally done.

Counsellors advised likewise.

 

My husband – father and maternal grandfather – he knew.

He knew the day his daughter passed away it was only a matter of time he’d lose his granddaughter.

He knew the husband well enough to predict the future. He was just waiting for whatever excuse the husband would use to “justify” it.

 

When it became clear the husband was serious about taking our grandchild away, we sought the advice of lawyers and organized mediation.

 

We sat and listened to all the things he hated about us.  I personally spent the entire session in tears. I so badly wanted to explode. I so badly wanted to speak my truth.  I so badly just wanted to remind him of his cowardly departure from our daughter five years prior. His cowardly departure from her cancer and the $500,000 mortgage he left us with in a town where industry has disappeared, and houses have halved in value.

 

Do you know how hard it was to welcome someone into our home after wiping away our daughter’s chemo tainted tears caused by her husband’s emails, texts and profanities from the other end of a phone? Words I can’t utter because they are too disgusting to repeat.

 

Do you know how hard it was to watch him spend his newly found wealth gained from her death?

But my husband and I didn’t shout.  We didn’t say the things we wanted to say.  Why? Because we choose peace.

That afternoon the husband told us if ever our granddaughter asked to see us, he would consider it.

Then he said, “but quite frankly, she’s never mentioned your names”.

Then he walked out the door.

 

When you love someone, truly love someone, all you want for them is peace.

So, for the sake of our daughter’s memory and the sake of our granddaughter, we made the ultimate decision when he left that mediation session.

As I pressed my face into my husband’s tear soaked suit, we both agreed to walk away in the belief that when she’s old enough and no longer under the influence of her father, our granddaughter will come looking for her Mamma’s other family.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend helping others who need courage?

In all honesty, I would never wish this heartbreak on anyone.

The feeling is so overwhelming it’s unfathomable.

Since that day in the mediator’s office we’ve had to dig deep just to go about our daily activities.

But there is always a lesson worth sharing:

 

  1. When you love something, set it free: The greatest courage comes from being selfless. To continue fighting may have put our granddaughter under stress.  While our hearts will be broken forever, her heart will mend.
  2. Nobody can take away our true selves, unless we let them: I am still a stepmother. I am still a grandmother.  I can’t see either of our girls anymore, but they are still in my heart, in my head and in my soul.  They remain ingrained in who I am as a person, who we are as a couple and who we are as a family.  I continue to talk to our daughter every day, and I write letters to our granddaughter which I keep in a box for the day she comes back to us.  Plus, I have her mother’s voice recordings to give her when she’s of age and a book her mamma half wrote for her in her final days.  I will finish that book and put it in her box of “we love you”.  Nobody can take away the person I became when I married into that father/daughter dynamic.
  3. Behind every challenge is an opportunity: Walking away that day with our hearts heavy and our souls severely damaged, gave us the opportunity to reinvent ourselves and try new things. I had given myself to be available as a caregiver for several years.  I was offered long-term contracts but never took them so I could be available for our daughter and then our granddaughter.  Finding myself in a new career has been an amazing up-side. And yes, there is an upside. Nothing will replace what we had, but without it we can still thrive.  Lie in a heap in a corner or get up and bloody well get on with life.  That’s the decision we must make in these situations.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Absolutely. In this uncertain world filled with bushfires, hailstorms, floods and pandemics, my resilience is high.

My courage is at an all time high.

We have gone through stuff and experienced such loss and not only survived it but walked away from it hand in hand.

The most courageous thing we ever had to do was turn and walk away.  Everything else is a piece of cake to be honest.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Believe.

  • Believe in your ability to get through the challenges
  • Believe that while ever you are being the best version of yourself, your courage will far outshine the rubbish that surrounds you.
  • Believe in the fact this too shall pass.
  • Believe that with each new situation you are faced you will come out wiser, stronger, braver and more resilient.
  • Believe in who you are and the value you add to this world.

 

Was it hard to tell this story?

Yes, it’s hard.  It’s hard because by putting it out there I am opening the wounds.  I am also potentially opening a door for more explosive behaviour from the husband and his extended village.  But you know what? This series is about courage.  For years I tip toed around being the diplomatic corps for the sake of my stepdaughter.  Always the insurer of peace in the blended family dynamic.  My post today … these words you are reading … are coming from a place of courage.

 

Any final words?

If anybody reads my story and feels lost in a similar situation, please do reach out to Denyse.  I am a strong believer that the power within us, extends beyond us.  I am lucky that I have a hand to hold.  Not everybody has that.  I can be that hand for you if you need it.

A powerful story and one of which some has been shared with me personally. I thank this person for her literal courage to share.

While the author of this post would like to reveal herself, for the sake of her daughter’s memory and her grandchild’s privacy she has chosen to remain anonymous. 

There will be no replies from this poster.

She will, however, be reading and I will be responding to readers’ comments.

Thank you for your understanding.

Denyse.

 

The following information may be helpful to you or another. These are Australian-based.

  • Your Family G.P. can be a helpful person to listen and make referrals.
  • Lifeline on 13 11 14
  • Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
  • Phone 13 HEALTH (13 43 25 84) for 24 hour assessment, referral, advice, and hospital and community health centre contact details
  • Qualified Psychologists can be found by visiting https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/
  • Australian Counselling Association is on 1300 784 333 to find a counsellor

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women of Courage Series. #36. Anonymous. 33/2020.

Women of Courage Series. #36. Anonymous. 33/2020.

Trigger warning: Marital Breakdown, Psychological Harm, Mental Illness.

Woman of Courage #36  has chosen to be anonymous.

There will be no replies from this poster.

She will, however, be reading and I will be responding as I always do to readers’ comments.

Thank you for your understanding.

 

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I do know the person who has chosen to be anonymous. She is in her early 40s.

I am in awe of her courage and was honoured when she decided to share this in this on-line space. Thank you. 

 

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Late one night, when I was lying in bed beside my husband, I asked him if everything was okay.

He’d been acting strangely for a couple of days and I was becoming worried about him.

He sat up in bed and told me that no, everything was not okay.

He told me he didn’t love me and that he was having an affair.

Within 15 minutes of blindsiding me with this news, he left and never came back.

I spent the rest of that night vomiting and shaking from shock.

My parents were overseas and I didn’t want to wake my siblings.

I honestly did not know how I was going to make it through the night, act normal for the kids in the morning and drop them to school.

There had been no, I repeat, no indication that my husband was unhappy in our marriage.

All aspects of our marriage were normal.

We rarely fought.

I loved him with every inch of my being and from the words he’d told me and the cards he’d written me (even up to three months prior) made me believe he felt the same way.

We’d been together almost 20 years and I had thought we were the best of mates.

In those early days, I wouldn’t say I was courageous at all.

When I wasn’t catatonic, I was in survival mode.

I was simply going through the motions with the kids and trying to make sense of why and how my life was suddenly tipped upside down.

I leaned on my family and friends.

I sought professional help, got a lawyer and prepared to fight against someone, I realised that I didn’t even know.

Even though my husband was the one who had the affair and didn’t want to work on repairing our marriage, I was made out to be the ‘bad guy’.

It became clear that I was dealing with a narcissist and I was continually getting mentally beaten down.

My self-esteem was non-existent and I was torn apart, and still am, seeing my kids suffering.

In those moments when you feel like you just can’t go on anymore, you need to find courage.

You need to dig deep, otherwise hurt and pain and suffering will swallow you whole.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

The breakdown of my marriage crushed me. I very nearly lost myself, but I have been clawing my way back.

I have become stronger than I ever thought possible – mentally and physically.

Sadly, I know my ‘fight’ is not yet over and my ex and I will have ongoing issues.

I am stronger than I was at the start though and can now stand up for myself and do what it takes to support my children.

I am more relaxed now with the kids.

As a (virtually) full-time single mother with a full-time job, I need to be kind to myself.

Who cares if they skip a shower or we have Uber Eats more than we probably should?

I’m doing what I can to get by.

I’m finding real moments of happiness again now and know that there’s more to life than my ex-husband.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Sometimes you need to find courage from others.

Find your support network and lean on them.

Let them carry you for a little while until you are strong enough.

I also found journaling incredibly helpful and I sought professional help from a psychologist.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Yes, I do feel that I’m able to be more courageous now.

I’m determined to live my life to the full and ensure my kids grow up in a happy and stable home.

I’ll be damned if I let anything get in the way of that.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Again, lean on those around you. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Let people in and let them help you.

 

 

I so appreciate the thought and decision that went into this post from Anonymous.

Thank you for sharing this.

Denyse.

 

The following information may be helpful to you or another. These are Australian-based.

  • Your Family G.P. can be a helpful person to listen and make referrals.
  • Lifeline on 13 11 14
  • Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
  • Phone 13 HEALTH (13 43 25 84) for 24 hour assessment, referral, advice, and hospital and community health centre contact details
  • Qualified Psychologists can be found by visiting https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/
  • Australian Counselling Association is on 1300 784 333 to find a counsellor

 

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Will You Share Your Woman of Courage Story? 29/2020.

Will You Share Your Woman of Courage Story? 29/2020.

 

 

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: most weeks.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

The ‘why’ behind my decision to begin inviting women to share their stories of courage.

In April 2019 I attended Newcastle Writers’ Festival and got to hear, amongst others, Author and Public Education Advocate, Jane Caro speak. Jane’s been known to me for a long time via social media, her other books and her involvement in promoting public education. She spoke at length of the roles we women have played and often at great loss or expense to our health, welfare and future financial security in her book Accidental Feminists.

Her written and spoken words really made me think.

Women do so much unsung, not necessarily because of not wanting people to know, but because we “just do get on.” I know that my life has taken some not great twists and turns and I realised I drew on resources of courage to do so.

This led me to finding out more about courage from others.

I did get some instant responses after my initial invitations went out to women I knew personally or on-line:

  • Almost everyone said, “Thank you for asking, yes I will share.” “Not everyone” did return the responses because “life” it gets in the way and of course I get that.
  • Some surprised me with a flat “no, I am not a woman of courage” and yes, even though I may have seen something of courage in them, no remained as was that person’s wish.
  • Some took a middle road. Maybe…can I get back to you? Sure I would say. I admit, I never wanted anyone to miss out if they wanted to share but sometimes it took a few more communications from me to get the definitive Yes or No…or another date to be determined.

The first person asked was the lovely Sam, The Annoyed Thyroid , her post can be found here. I admit I wrote one about an instance of courage of mine as well but Sam was #1 in the series.

I also know that perhaps my dates of publication did not work well for those who had shared their stories. This meant the interactivity I may have envisioned by comments to readers did not occur. But, as always, I understood the why. Life. Again.

Not everyone shared their name and that was for a reason. I also understand though, from comments returned to me privately, that those people found the writing of the story helpful AND the comments and support from readers gave them quite a life.

Thank you all for sharing!

Now, who is up for sharing their story now? Many who read and link up already have but there are plenty I see who may like to contribute but have been a bit shy. Here are the questions that I ask….there are 5.

Questions from Denyse:

  • What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?
  • How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.
  • Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?
  • Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?
  • Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I also ask, if you wish to share, for any social media you would like to promote that is a link to you and a photo if you are prepared to share one.

That is it. I have received short and to the point responses, some which are prose set by the person not actually answering the questions directly and others are long. And for a good reason.

Please consider sending me an email here: denyse@ozemail.com.au and tell me you would like to share your story. Thank you in advance!

And, to the over 45 women who have shared already: not all are live till later in the next few months..I am very thankful for you too. Just some of the women here who have shared their stories. Catch up here for more.

In this awful period around the world as COVID19 pandemic continues, I send you all my healing thoughts and that you all stay well and connected on-line while we are all self-isolating.

Easter will be different of course. However, it is still happening. May yours be peaceful and may the Easter bunny find you.

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women of Courage Series. #31. Cathy. 21/2020.

Women of Courage Series. #31. Cathy. 21/2020.

 

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

Like other women who chose to take part in this series after I sent through a request, Cathy is someone I know “virtually”. She’s been a blogger, on social media and a writer. We have one common bond too. I was born in the city where she now lives. Cathy, I thank you for deciding to be able to share your story here and honour the way in which you drew on courage to do so. Here is Cathy, aged 48, answering the now familiar questions as part of the response to being a Woman of Courage.

 

image by: https://www.instagram.com/jam.on.your.collar.photography/

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

When my grandparents died. It was a sudden and traumatic time in everyone’s lives. We got that phone call at about 1am to tell my mum that her parents had died in a tragic car accident. I was 18. My parents at the time were running their own business and at 1am in the morning in the early 90s there were no mobile phones and no way of contacting anyone else to run the shop. They had a newsagency and at the time there was a legal requirement that every day that a newspaper was printed the newsagency had to be open. So this meant that I along with my brother had to stay at home and run the shop until we could locate someone to do it for us. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is put my parents in a car and say goodbye to them knowing my grand parents had died in a car accident. At the time we didn’t know when we would see mum & dad again. We joined them on the Saturday.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

This forever changed me. I found a strength that I didn’t know I had. I knew that if I could do that I could face anything in the future and that as it turns out was a courage I would need time and again throughout the next few years and beyond.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Ask for help. Put your hand up and tell people what you are going through and that you need your friends. Anyone can face anything if you have people you love alongside you. It is part of the human condition to want to be there for others but as is the nature of our lives today we are both more connected (through the socials) yet more disconnected than ever before. So people will stand back and wait to be asked when I believe a generation ago they would have just arrived on the doorstep.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Absolutely. I have had to more times than I would like since then be courageous and each time it gets a little bit easier. I know that I survived the last time so I know I can get through this next time. I have learned to be much better at asking for help too. Asking is not a sign of weakness it is a recognition that with others around you it is easier to get through.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

That you absolutely do not have to do it along. You will be surprised at how much love and support you have around you. We all think we are Robinson Crusoe and doing it alone but we simply don’t have to be. People want to be there for you but as is part of life today they will stand back and wait until you ask or invite them in. Don’t leave it so long that it is awkward or has become too hard to ask.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I live by sharing my story because I have learnt that the more we share the less alone we feel. So share your story. As I say “don’t be afraid of your story, it will inspire others.”

 

Thank you. What great words to end this story…I too agree with Cathy about sharing our stories.

Denyse

 

 

Social Media:

Blog/Website: lifethroughthehaze.com

Twitter: @lifehazey

Facebook Page : facebook.com/lifethroughthehaze

Instagram: instagram.com/lifethroughthehaze

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Women of Courage Series. #30. Jayde.19/2020.

Women of Courage Series. #30. Jayde. 19/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

Jayde, now 40 (she will probably hate me for that as she was 39 when she completed her information) is The Jayde Universe from Little Paper Lane I love that we have met in real life….how much fun is it catching up with someone you know on-line. However, we did not really connect even on-line until 2018 when Jayde too had done what we did in 2015, move from Sydney to the Central Coast. I knew of Little Paper Lane shop at Mona Vale and visited once from memory. Sadly, Jayde had to leave the shop and does what she can selling on-line AND amusing (or is it educating?) many of her Instagram followers. Jayde’s social media info is below. Here is more from her. Pink-haired, kindness personified and all round awesome human: Jayde.

 

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Actually now I am presented with this question it’s quite a fair bit. As of recent, it’s probably been the closing of my shop and moving up the coast with my 2 kids and animals and going online with the business only. I have separated from my husband and we moved from our home to a completely new area. So it’s only been the last year and it’s fresh and new, but honestly with mental health issues for like 22 years and chronic pain, every day’s a party in my Universe hehe

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I think I have had to learn to be an adult. That sounds funny as a 39  40 year old woman with 2 kids and 7 animals, that I haven’t been an adult my whole adult life, but when you have a partner to help with life, it’s very confronting to have to take it all on alone when you already have a bunch of other issues with your brain and body. I think the support of my family, friends and online community and talking it out always has been the thing that helped. It’s so simple, but I have been saved by the humans in my life. And normally kids would make you more intense with your feelings, but my kids seem to be a safety net for my brain. Even though it’s exhausting doing everything alone because their dad lives quire far from them and he is 100% away the entire winter, I don’t get time off, but my kids don’t make it harder for me. The work around the house is hard, but the kids themselves really help me physically and more importantly mentally without even knowing it. It’s just their happy energy that uplifts me always. For someone with social anxiety it’s super weird that people are the ones that help me so much. Well MY people do.  

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

I think just that you CAN. Even when you feel like its the end of the earth and you are hitting the bottom of the ocean, you can tread water, or you can swim?! It’s heavy in that water, its better to swim and lift yourself up on that boat and if someone has a hand to help you, take it. There is absolutely no shame in being supported. You can help them up on their boats too then you all get to have an awesome boat party together and it’s so much more fun when you are supporting and boat partying with each other. 

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Absolutely. We all have to. If you don’t take leaps sometimes and be brave, you just stay still and never move.  I am right in this low at the minute where my anxiety took over in a gripping way, and the only way to fix it was to fix it. So I chatted to my dr and I changed meds, and then the withdrawal from the first antidepressant was HELL FIRE for my body and mind, and because I have been down the dark deep holes before, I knew that to help myself I had to reach out to the places of light, like my family and online community and friends, and its helping me through in HUGE ways. If I did this alone I would be a mess more than I am. So I make sure I follow my my ‘c’s. Community, chatting, courage, coca-cola and cheese. Always 😉

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Sometimes courage is just breathing through each day. I think everyone mistakes courage for climbing huge mountains. It doesn’t have to be some Everest act.  Sometimes getting out of bed for me is like climbing Everest but I chose to be proud of myself for doing the hard things. They may not seem ‘hard’ to others but thats not what courage means. It’s about you and your own depths of bravery. No matter the level courage it is. Courage is Courage.

 

Thank you lovely Jayde. I know I was a bit cheeky about changing your age, but heck, we November babies can do that, right?

Denyse

 

Blog/Website: www.littlepaperlane.com.au

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LittlePaperLane

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/LittlePaperLane/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thejaydeuniverse/

 

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest