Sunday 26th June 2022

Remembering & Moving On With Gratitude. 23/2022.

Remembering & Moving On With Gratitude. 23/2022.

It’s April 2022 and I am remembering, with some vivid emotions, how I was feeling in April 2017.

Back then, I had just had my upper bridge and teeth removed….and although neither my dentist nor I admitted it out loud, we both suspected I had cancer. Yes, this was found.

Image from late March 2017 into April:

However, to get to April 2017 I had been through a LOT of emotional stressors….

and pain.

For a feeling person like me, I am prone to re-living emotions that are negative. Sigh. Humans are like this.

And because a CANCER was growing in my mouth, and I had been through ENORMOUS life transitions it was:

S T R E S S F U L.

Yet, despite that I know I tried my best to continue my daily life, managed via a background internal noise…you have cancer, I.B.S. is awful, my family is away from us and I miss them, my husband is busy learning and helping others….and I am WORRIED.

Why Write This Post?

I had some stressors re-emerge this week.

Health related ones. By the way, I am OK….but still hard going for more tests/biopsies, follow ups….

I asked myself “what is going on?”  and then I realised:

A LOT has happened to me in the past 5 years…and it kind felt like a burned out system I was operating.

I asked myself a few questions, as I am always looking for a solution and here’s what I found:

  • Yes, on top of Cancer in 2017 and 4 surgeries…
  • Two major abdominal surgeries in 2020
  • Cataract surgeries too
  • Oh, and a colonoscopy and endoscopy (both OK)
  • and a MILLION (ok about 45) drives back and forth to Westmead for checks of my upper prosthesis
  • I am tired…and yet more health suff comes up, and I get weary and wary until….
  • I remember GRATITUDE & I:

OFFER myself kindness and self-compassion

ALLOW a few tears to fall

CHAT with my dear husband

CONTINUE my daily & nightly meditation practices

ENJOY a coffee & treat by myself

FIND some ART to do

ENJOY nature each time I can

AND allow time to pass.

Nature reminds us of this EVERY day & night

And I said this to myself:

“I am no longer 5 years ago Denyse. I have made so much progress in my emotional strength building and resilience from 2017, and even though I have small concerns and worries, I CAN manage these by acknowledging them…and using some of my skills from the “Denyse Emotional Health  Toolkit” *

Re-reading a post from Telling My Story, I found this. Always good to have a reminder.

This List Was Something I Kept for Me in 2016.

Here are 20 things you can control:

1. Talking to yourself positively

2. The way you talk to those around you

3. The amount of physical exercise you give your body

4. The food you nourish your body with

5. Your level of honesty

6. Whether you are a listener or a talker

7. How often you smile every day

8. The time you spend worrying about irrelevant things

9. The amount of love you give your children

10. Whether you see the glass half empty or half full

11. How mindful you want to be

12. How you make other people feel about themselves

13. Having a generous heart

14. Allowing yourself to ask for help

15. Offering help in return

16. Whether you judge people or accept people

17. Having an open heart to receive true love

18. Whether you believe in yourself

19. Your words

20. Your thoughts

 

And in the months ahead I am seeing my psychologist again for a chat about this and how, even though we think we are getting through a major life event, it is still, in its way unique to us: a trauma.

  • No such toolkit exists in reality but it sure helps me to know and recall the skills I have within my experience. 

I use an image to remind me of the confidence I have and can find when I may forget! This image is from last week’s visit to Newcastle.

Just after this post was published a favourite doctor and author of mine Dr Kathryn Mannix, (link to her facebook page is here  )wrote a post and it resonated with this that I have been outlining so much I commented.

Oh Kathryn…how do you “know” that this is exactly what I needed to read today. It’s occurred to me that having successfully come through from a nasty rare oral cancer dx in 2017 I have been, in many ways, traumatised by it, and that unless I “own” up to the feelings that were/are scary and continue to post “just the smiles” and good news, I am doing myself a disservice by not acknowledging its impact. I wrote a post on my blog just tonight about it. Your words, as always, resonate! Thank you.

Denyse that must have been such a tough ordeal, and a life- changing experience. It has shown you how fragile we are, yet it’s also shown you how resilient you are. Life afterwards is different: that ‘both-and’ thing of having been afraid, distressed and uncomfortable shows us so much about ourselves, both fragile and strong, both afraid and committed to persevering, both relieved and anxious about the future when treatment is over. Let’s be our whole selves. Because we’re pretty amazing, troubles and all!

Kathryn’s two books. I also listen to her books via Audible:

 

How is your resilience and courage?

Do you too practise gratitude regularly?

Denyse.

Joining in with Natalie for Weekend Coffee Share today

Thank you Natalie.

https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

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2 Years Of Change & Uncertainty In Covid 19 Times. Pt. 2/2. March 2021-2022. 18/2022.

2 Years Of Change & Uncertainty In Covid 19 Times. Pt. 2/2. March 2021-2022. 18/2022.

Recently we clicked over to the third year of having Covid 19 affect so much of our lives as we knew them…from any days, months and years before.

It was a gradual process in some ways and I wrote about some of it here.

Messy writing…from calendars: 2020. 2021 & 2022

However as time went on, and into 2021 we here, in our part of Australia, New South Wales, we lulled into a type of life that resembled one we remembered well.

March to June 2021.

I drove to Newcastle for the first “in-person” event in Covid safe conditions for the Newcastle Writers’ Festival and heard Julia Gillard interviewed by Rosemarie Milsom, who is one of the women of courage, here.

We had high hopes that the 2021 Festival would happen. Sadly, it did not but was an on-line one. All fingers crossed for 2022 as I already have my tickets to see and hear Jane Caro AM,a woman of courage who started my series, here,  Trent Dalton and Kate McClymont.

In our case we did this:

  • I visited my father in Sydney and left him set with more meals and treats.
  • We had school holiday visits (April 2021) from our son and his family.
  • School had been going pretty normally for many and there was a good atmosphere seeing children back at school.
  • Parents often chose to work from home and that did help when there may have been some reported cases of Covid in schools and in workplaces.
  • We had the daily updates from NSW Health and the Premier.
  • Many people did find these stressful. I learned to check the summary rather than watch.
  • We wore masks, we were careful about where we went, but we generally felt safe.

Our granddaughter celebrated her 9th Birthday in April 2021 with a family and friends picnic in a large regional park and it was clear how everyone relished being out again, and meeting with others as well as enjoying the outdoors.

A.N.Z.A.C. Day came, on a Sunday, and there were small and large ceremonies in N.S.W. I chose to go to Norah Head and watch the sun rise on this very big day.

I went to see my father again, and he was staying well. Life seemed good.

I had already returned to meetings of the head and neck cancer group on the Central Coast, and after the May meeting took the chance to walk around the Boardwalk at Terrigal.

 

 

Mid May 2021 I celebrated four years since my head and neck cancer diagnosis with a trip to Sydney to see Hamilton on a Sunday afternoon. I had not been back to the harbour area for some time and I enjoyed a joy-filled walk around Pyrmont before the 1 pm. show. The Lyric Theatre was well-organised for social distancing, we had to wear masks and obey the Covid Safety instructions.

I met up with friends when we could, as social distancing was fine in the shopping centres. It felt so good to do that again.

I also go to Sydney’s Westmead to have mouth check by my prosthodontist in May. So glad I could.

As part of my role as an Ambassador for Head and Neck Cancer Australia, I met with N.S.W. Senator, Deborah O’Neill in her Central Coast office and when we parted said we would see each other at the Parliamentary Breakfast, being hosted by Sen O’Neill and Dr Katie Allen, in Canberra in June 2021.

I made plans excitedly to meet up with blogging friends when I was to come to Canberra, and booked accommodation.

Sadly, over three separate periods, until the end of 2021, the Head and Neck Cancer Awareness Parliamentary Breakfast was postponed….and there is no plan for a 2022 one..because….well, there is likely to be an election soon….

I needed to continue some kind of regular daily routine and the blog helped greatly here.

I also decided to invite more women to share their Stories of Courage on the blog. I had a few women who kept promising me their stories, but the weight of covid restrictions on them in the latter part of the year saw them drop out. They were under a great deal of stress…just managing living alone and working too.

In this household we got excited in June.

We got our second Astra Zeneca vaccinations.

The latter part meant our second youngest granddaughter was turning 8 and we had fun ideas celebrating here with her dad and siblings and were ready. Until.

This.

Lockdown.

It was announced on the last weekend of June.

June – October 2021.

The Premier called on us all to manage with the strictest of conditions to date. It was OK for us, as we were already used to being at home as retirees.

It was not good for:

  • travelling
  • visiting
  • going to another person’s house
  • working other than at home, or in a health facility or a school/childcare where kids of essential workers could attend with minimal staff, and careful supervision.
  • having surgeries that were non-urgent
  • visiting ANYONE in a care or hospital-like place as well as hospitals
  • connecting
  • giving birth with a partner
  • getting married
  • having a funeral

so much just had to

S

T

O

P

and it felt the right thing to do at the time.

But it crippled so much business, and affected people’s health.

I can only write about our N.S.W. and Central Coast experience. 

Other places were either not affected (other than no-one could come and go) or had already been in lockdown before.

I found myself at a bit of a loose end on that first day. A Sunday. I went for a drive into Wyong, and walked about a bit taking some photos. I would not be back for months.

How We Managed This Lockdown.

  • Once my husband and I knew what we could and couldn’t do, we set ourselves up as only going out once a day in the car (and that was legal, once a day) and for essentials.
  • He could go to Bunnings but rarely did.
  •  He visited the chemist and did a weekly grocery shop at one Woolies only.
  • I went out once on a day he had not been anywhere and usually to a stand alone Coles, using the QR codes, wearing a mask and getting in and out fast.
  • I made a daily photo record. It helped give me something to do.
  • Blogging still happened but I needed more focus to get me out of boredom.
  • I could still visit some areas of nature within a certain boundary of home.
  • Later, I realised I could have gone further but I waited till September/October.

I was able to see my dentist, but not my prosthodontist at Westmead because they were deployed for other health services. My dentist did a great favour for me and my progress by taking photos inside my mouth and they were used by my head and neck cancer surgical team to determine how I was going via a telehealth call in September. We had in-person visits to GP and telehealth with some other doctors.

Honestly sometimes it is better not to know how long something will go for….

 

School kids did not see each other, except via zoom.

Families were separated for a long time.

Teachers and schools had to continue remote learning systems and programs for a VERY long time

Mental health professionals were concerned for many people in different settings and professions. Telehealth services for psychologists expanded.

No travel between state or territories unless for approved reasons. Many were not approved.

Very few could travel overseas, even for urgent and humanitarian reasons.

Our daughter turned 50 and she had a lockdown zoom birthday. She was given some special gifts including a cameo to her from Trent Dalton.

The lockdown went for 106 days.

In that time my hair grew more than I had ever known since I was about 20 years younger and I hated it…so occasionally B would cut some off. I returned the favour.

The Premier of N.S.W. resigned…and yeah, OK, we all said. Next?

Seriously, we (us) were over it and longed for more guidance and commonsense.

I’d like to say that happened but it didn’t.

We got our haircuts eventually. B before me as my hairdressers had to wait till the staff were fully vaccinated.

Our daughter and her youngest drove up to see us. Happy times! No photos. I look shocking…lol.

I got back to see Dad. He found it so lonely but remained well and was double vaxxed. Took him usual food packages. At least I could still cook and I did.

I was saddened to know a friend of mine died from an awful cancer. I attended his funeral via a link.

We got down to see our son and his crew and that was special too.

Mid- October – December 2021.

I also found that I was determined to get out and about once I could and that proved to be not as good for my emotional health as I may have thought.

We did do our morning tea thing on my 72nd Birthday and that was fun. Heard from our family and made feel very special on social media too.

THIS matters the most: Love.

It was in the period late November 2021 to February 2022 that I became aware of doing too much. And with Covid around, there was/is all the more to be concerned…is it Covid??

I had a virus of sorts..not covid and my health affected my confidence and my ability to meet others or travel to Sydney because I felt drained. I had covid tests. All OK. But in having to have covid tests (P.C.R. ones) and await results this took FAR too long for return of results. That is why we missed Christmas Day with all our family in Sydney….and then, as I felt worse again in January, my father’s turning 98. I did eventually get to see him. Our family all came here in January but Covid sure does make planning challenging impossible.

One friend, and her husband and kids drove to  Canberra from Sydney to see their family but on their way, got a covid positive notification and boom holiday cancelled, presents left with family, and a turn around back to Sydney. In the end, only that ONE family member got Covid.

New Year’s Day I drove to West Gosford – about 45 minutes from our place – to pick up a click and collect parcel and then to Coles to get bananas and see if the rarity (then) of RATs tests were on sale. They were. I grabbed a pack of 5 for $50. Used two of them on me during January and still had one PCR rest as well. Negative.

There are stories like my friend’s  in our family too. Some get Covid, others not. No rhyme nor reason. RAT is negative, PCR confirms, then later its positive.

January into February and March 2022. 

We had almost all of the family here late January for lunch and the most important getting our daughter’s and son’s signatures on our updated legal papers.

and 6 of the 8 grandkids came too…what fun!

By February 2022 the Australian Government and State Governments were able to get in sufficient Rapid Antigen Tests for pharmacists to stock them and eventually for those like us, on a pension, to receive them for free. There are far fewer line ups for PCR testing at local clinics but they are still operating at time of writing. We celebrated B’s birthday with morning tea out…and no photo but a week later, his older brother visited and that was very special. I made this collage…B is from a very large family, and these two are less than 2 years apart.

At present, we are still choosing to mask up at the shops and inside shopping centres. The doctors’ rooms insist on it. The QR checkins have gone. There is travel between states and territories and overseas too…not as much as before, but it is growing.

Then at the end of February into March 2022, the eastern states of Australia fell victim to an enormous rain event, leaving people homeless, and with no work prospects. Australia’s response to this “never before event” was not great. And those of us watching on felt helpless. We were not directly affected. However, it was unprecedented and many places had waters come in where they never had before. Once it was safe, I did venture locally.

Lakes Beach erosion

Wyong River at Milk Factory.

Keeping as healthy as I can.

I have already mentioned I was not 100% well for a few months and so did the right thing, for me, and have cut down rather than cut out what is important to me: connecting with others. The blog has been quite a lifeline to others, along with social media connections. I never felt too lonely when I could ‘chat’ or ‘comment’ to friends on-line. I have taken stock of my health, and still mid some check ups but going more slowly to help me first.

I admit that Covid 19 took its toll emotionally with its uncertainty, and constant change.

Along with the second year being so much more political it made me decide that arguing back on social media was hurting me, not anyone else.

What now?

I have no idea. Most of our family who are in daily contact with the wider world are fully vaccinated but have also had covid. Go figure.

I am doing my best to live as peaceful a life as I can, with my greatest responsibility to keeping well, mentally and physically.

My day consists of great interactions with my husband, a visit to a local area and/or shops. I start with meditation and gratitude practice and finish the day similarly. I am actually reading a book of fiction right now…The Mother by Jane Caro. It’s a thriller of sorts. I am making my way slowly through Brene Brown’s Atlas, and listening to a variety of books on audible, the one I am finding the most fascinating is The Body Keeps The Score.

Take care, friends and readers.

I hope this missive has not been too onerous to plough through.

I blog to connect…and also to keep the stories alive!

Thank you all,

Denyse

Joining in with Natalie for Weekend Coffee Share today

Thank you Natalie.

https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

 

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2 Years Of Change & Uncertainty In Covid 19 Times. Pt. 1/2. March 2020-2021.16/2022.

2 Years Of Change & Uncertainty In  Covid 19 Times. Pt. 1/2. March 2020-2021.16/2022.

I’m composing this post getting close to the 16 March 2022 which marks the 2nd anniversary of “covid bringing change to the way we would be living our lives”…as announced by the Prime Minister of Australia.

There was already much happening in the media as we watched what was happening in other countries….and from where it all seemed to start in Wuhan, China in the latter days of 2019.

My post is about how it affected me, and our family and in some indirect ways, many of those who read here too because of the state-based restrictions and federally based ones.

Dear readers, we are a complicated country for rules and governance and it all goes back to 1901 when we became a Federation of States & Territories: Australia.

The short story is money comes from the Federal or Commonwealth governments (Australia) and is filtered to the States via government of the day policy AND State decisions are made for Health and Education.

Look, sorry, it’s hard to get a handle on this at times….I know. I lived with it as a school principal. Nevertheless, here’s my post, mostly with photos, marking the two years of:

CHANGE

and

UNCERTAINTY

2020- continuing into its third year…2022.

March 2020 onwards….

I was so fortunate to have had both my eyes surgically operated on for cataracts in the week before EVERYTHING changed. Phew. I was also able to get to have an in-person head and neck cancer surveillance check, attend a head & neck cancer  charity ball as the speaker, and to be WELL!

 

And then, over time, we knew we had to stay at home as much as we could. Necessary outings were to:

  • the supermarket
  • the pharmacy
  • the doctors

I could no longer follow this: going out each day to have a coffee and browse at the shops. 

On occasion, when safe, we used “click and collect” for stores such as Big W, Target and Bunnings. We did not do click and collect groceries as it became unreliable, and expensive. I was prepared to take the risks. I shopped quickly, with plastic gloves on, and a mask. However, many food and other items became rare or not found.

Yes, there was such a thing as a toilet paper blitz (I confess, we got in plenty) and not many choices, if any, in fresh meat etc.

So much changed because of panic buying, employment changing as people got covid and…the whole supply chain was affected: truck drivers, distributors too. Anything that might come by plane was not easy to come by because flights changed significantly, and ships were also not allowed to dock if anyone on board had covid.

We all watched the updates on T.V. with the N.S.W. Premier, the N.S.W. Minister for Health, and the Chief Health Officer….for a while, then in our case, we stopped.

It was far too worry-inducing.

It was, for some people, a compulsion to watch and then tweet about it but in my case, I decided better to stay away from those kinds of updates.

Of course we did as requested, and at the doctors’ we had to comply with questionnaires about symptoms (still do) before being seen OR as they preferred then, via telehealth.

April into May 2020.

We were surrounded by neighbours not normally seen as everyone worked from home, and schooling was remote learning.

Every day we saw many people strolling around the neighbourhood. Gyms were shut.

We got through a very quiet Easter.

And as one way to remember “A.N.Z.A.C.” Day 2020, people around Australia held their own driveway Dawn Ceremonies.

Our granddaughter turned 21 early May and there was still travel restrictions from where we lived to Sydney and vice versa…but by Mother’s Day 2020 we got to see family.

We did a socially distanced photo!

Close for this one: Mother’s Day 2020

June, July and August 2020.

I needed surgery (and had probably put it off for too long) so that consumed the next months for me. Even though I had had 4 surgeries for head and neck cancer, this particular surgery: repair rectal prolapse was not a great prospect. I know, however, it WAS a great one to have but I was a scared woman before it, and not because of covid. I admit though that with doctors and hospitals I did it mostly alone because of Covid. My husband was allowed to visit me in July but not for the wound debridement in August.

Covid Meant Rules Changed A LOT.

September to December 2020.

It was not like the world we knew before Covid.

Doctors and other health professionals took a lot of care to see that no-one with any cough/temperature etc came to their rooms.

I still got my September 2020 Cancer Check at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse…lots of safety measures and most of the place were the public would normally be present were closed. Patients with cancer have low immunity and that was the reason such strict measures were in place.

There was talk of vaccines being developed.

Economically, we were OK. We are retirees, and receive a part pension. Many others I know had to ask for supplemented income and in the first year of Covid, it was pretty stable, getting people paid, able to stay at home to work. Remote schooling continued on and off. It was very hard socially on many.

Kids really missed their friends. As did most people who enjoyed socialising. Some though, I know, loved being at home working and would like that to continue! We managed our trip back to Tamworth in October 2020 and that was a special one.

Sadly, we did not get to have Christmas as planned with our daughter and her family as Covid ramped up just before Christmas, on Sydney’s northern beaches. Although she does not live there, I had seen Dad who lives at Dee Why AND visited Manly, so I had to have a test, which proved negative and I had to come to Sydney for a mouth check so rather than both of us risk a Christmas Day travelling…I dropped off the goodies and gifts on my way.

Little did we know that the NEXT year’s Christmas would also be affected. Sigh. Next post!

January 2021 – March 2021.

I like to plan and have good things come together well.

So, I did get to see my father for his 97th Birthday. I did not get to see some family for their birthdays just because nothing was planned and we would see them soon.  The restrictions into January were very tough on visitors to the home.

We could only have 5 and that meant our PLANNED Golden Wedding Anniversary on 23 January 2021 for 13 had to change. We held a lunch for our son and his 4 on one day and then on the actual day, for our daughter and her family. It was a lovely time….and I have written more here.

By February things were less restricted and we were able to have ALL the family together for a morning tea celebrating my husband’s birthday.

And then school was back…I think…in a very restricted way over time. Our youngest granddaughter started school and then, later in the year, was part of remote learning for what seemed forever…more next post.

That was the twelve months…March to March …about Covid in particular.

 

I dealt with the uncertainty by keeping as many of my daily routines as I could.

  • I always got dressed each day before having breakfast.
  • I made sure my exposure to social media was less over time as I knew it affected me.
  • I gave myself little inner talks most days about what I COULD control and what I could not…I admit, I do this most of the time.
  • I also had faith in how the country was being cared for at this most unusual and uncertain time.
  • This slowly changed, but not in the first year.
  • I learned that I can get over things I have planned that cannot work out.
  • I also knew that gratitude found on the hardest of days was a help.
  • I know getting somewhere most days into nature was important and we have such a range of places here….and I know I needed to record photos and videos to share.

And the BEST part: March 2021, we received our first Covid Vaccinations: Astra Zeneca. 17 March 2021, the day booked once they opened.

I also wrote posts here here and here for 2020, as part of Telling My Story:

Telling My Story. Image #8.

How was March 2020 to March 2021 for you, Covid wise?

Take care,

Denyse.

Joining in with Natalie for Weekend Coffee Share today

Thank you Natalie.

https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

 

 

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Being Me: February 2022 Review. #WOTYLinkParty. 11/2022.

Being Me: February 2022 Review. #WOTYLinkParty. 11/2022.

Last month I wrote here and joined in this new linky party.

Back again to this new linky hosted by friends Deb, Sue,  Donna and  Jo too.

 

I am glad to have the chance to write about my Word of The Year progress

….even though mine are two…and despite being little actually are BIG in terms of making changes.

For me, it’s often easier to link my progress and review with photos as they have the memories of the time embedded. It helps me anyway!

Being Me: Health-wise.

  • I admit I held quite a bit of stress and anxiety relating to not being well from late November onwards.
  • I know that ‘it’s me’ and how I am and can BE yet I would like to manage this with greater ease.

THIS got me through really tough times….and now, I have to soften…and go slower…

  • I went to my general practitioners’ rooms a couple of times because I still was not well and wanted reassurance more than anything.
  • That wasn’t quite forthcoming until I got the results of the tests I’d had. One related to ‘my bowels’ and whilst I knew it was most likely I.B.S. it was necessary for a pathology confirmation.
  • That turned out fine.

In fact my main G.P. when I finally saw him after his 3 weeks on holiday was pleased to hear of my better healthy days. Yet still.

I did need to ‘fess up about I.B.S. and my constancy of worry about it after its long absence.

And I surprised myself (and him) when I said

“I think I am going to see any I.B.S. as a barometer of my health. In fact, I now know, that last year, after the virus, I probably continued to try to do too much (again) and back it came”.

I might get some help but in the end I am the one who does what I can…to BE ME

So, from this conversation and into reality I now:

accept

this

as

part

of

me

and

offer

myself

compassion

now

not blame.

 

But, I hear you and me say…”that is HARD and now you are not being hard on yourself but self-compassionate, HOW is it working for you”?

In January 2022 I signed up for a very helpful and much needed program right for me, now, called Self-Compassion App. I found it initially via the App store (iphone) and then when they offered a 20% off subscription after the 3 free days, I took that up.

 

The Self-Compassion App: app icon

The Self-Compassion App

 

I have written about it here but the various reflections, learnings and actions have all contributed to me being:

  • Kind(er) in my self-talk
  • Encouraging when I may be feeling a little anxious
  • Able to see these things (feelings, thoughts) do eventually pass

A human BEING with all the frailties and qualities that make me the ME I am more comfy with these days.

How I Help Myself.

The first time I realised I could choose to do less to be more I couldn’t quite believe it.

As a life-time doing person, helping person, sharing and teaching person, I was not sure that I could until I realised this:

I

Had

Little

Choice

Now

because I was/am keen not to fall back into the behaviours of ‘older’ me but not yet quite as wise me!

After making adjustments for myself and then in discussion with Head and Neck Cancer Australia CEO, I know I can continue my role into my 4th year but in a less active one and with fewer needs to drive and attend meetings. This graphic is from my twitter header.

February is FREE for Me to Plan…or Not! 

So, this is/was new. Very new.

I can plan my own February…..

It took me a bit to give myself permission to enjoy a morning tea out with me. Half the muffin came home for B. I really loved being back ‘people watching’ too.

Change Takes Time:

I have always I guess since I was a kid, been ready to throw myself into whatever the first term of school, whether as student or teacher brought.

In retirement back in Sydney, it often meant, back to grandchild care some days a week, and perhaps school pick ups.

In volunteer land (we have both inhabited that for many years) it meant the gearing up of activities to plan, places to be and work of some kind to do, for others.

Meetings. Face to face or via zoom and writing and helping others.

It often meant, since 2017 appointments for my head and neck cancer checks, surgeries, treatments with the prosthodontist and more.

I gave myself permission to STOP.

I am learning so much about myself from freeing myself too.

I am learning that I am a valuable person to myself and my husband and family.

I am learning that I do not need to DO as much now, to continue my life moving forward and that the last almost 5 years have taken a toll of sorts.

I was always ready to go, to drive, to put up with a lot of time waiting, to recover, to do without eating for ages, to not plan too far ahead, and to keep trusting that my head and neck cancer professional team knew exactly what they were doing…but

I felt a great deal of emotional stress and some physical stress over those years.

I now realise I am was can feel emotionally worn out….but definitely NOT out!

So now I self- nurture.

And I wrote about the unexpected but actual GRIEF that overtook me recently here.

 

And so far, I am loving that I am giving back to me to be me…..Sunday solo excursions listening to an audible book or some fave music. I love these times

And I continue to be grateful and remembering how to BE ME in a different time in my life. I may be ageing (aren’t we all) and into my early 70s but I am also learning to BE which is a challenge I am prepared to take!

Thanks for your interest in my post for Word of The Year.

I look forward to catching up with yours and others soon too.

Denyse.

P.S. For regular readers and those who link up with me on Mondays, come on over this coming Monday, 28th February to catch up on some N E W S.

 

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