Sunday 29th May 2022

Being Me & The Month That Was April 2022. #WOTY. 28/2022.

Being Me & The Month That Was April 2022. #WOTY. 28/2022.

Word Of the Year Link Up Party.

Joining in with these kind bloggers:

hosted by friends Deb, Sue,  Donna and  Jo too.

You too can join in, clicking on one the above links:

Look for this image, and add your post.

 

April 2022: Being Me & The Month That Was. 

April started for ‘being me’  with less self confidence and some inner conflict.

I have been at odds with my perceived appearance (once a woman with overeating and overweight issues) that I could not shake. I needed evidence. Fortunately for me, and my current images, I now know my mind has been telling me stories. Who knew*? *sarcastic font.

And that was one of the reasons, lack of some self confidence,  I chose to make myself (and anyone who wanted to join in) a 30 Day Challenge via social media. Instagram specifically.

Being Self-Compassionate!

Dear Readers, I stopped the challenge at Day 20. I was getting little to no  engagement via my daily posts. And whilst I was wanting some likes and perhaps a comment, nothing happened. I like to engage with those who comment. So, I was a bit sorry that it did not happen. I was also taking part in a daily challenge from Fat Mum Slim about food, and using it to share knowledge and experiences from my head and neck cancer. And I stopped it at Day 20 as well.

 

Lesson learned: Perhaps I post too much and perhaps with an expectation of interest in what I post. But I can see, that having a private account, along with content that my on-line followers have seen enough of since 2017.

I am unlinking instagram from the blog as it truly was a nuisance with its updates. I am now just posting on Instagram when I have something I want to share. I have also unlinked Instagram from the Denyse Whelan Blogs facebook page. AND, in case you are not aware, I have deleted as many photos as I wanted to because Meta (owner of both FB and IG) own the images until you delete them. It takes a while to do it. But I didn’t want as much on line.

On Changing & Ageing…Being Me.

It’s all very well for people to say, “oh age is just an attitude”…and yes to an extent that is true but to deny the fact that we humans age in many ways (all different for each of us) but towards the common denominator called death, is for me and my husband, a non-realistic way to LIVE in the NOW, but keeping an EYE on our future.

What We Both Love About This Time Of Our Lives Is:

  • being together for parts of the day, week and so on
  • having some separate and private times
  • pursuing our differing interests and hobbies
  • coming together a few times each day, and at 9 p.m. to chat, laugh and listen
  • no one to answer to any more…no bosses!
  • lack of direct  responsibility for any other humans…those dear kids are in their 40s & 50s with our fast growing up grandkids as their responsibility
  • where we live now
  • having a limited but sufficient income with which to live our now modest lives

We went to Norah Head Lighthouse on Good Friday.

What We Accept Is Coming…one day…who knows when?

Our different and chronic health issues may impede some of our planning.

Already we have accepted that for two different reasons, both physical changes within us, we cannot travel or have a night staying anywhere. We both have eating and digestive issues that are managed with ease at home, and whilst we can venture to a cafe for morning tea or visit our family for a meal, that is it now.

My husband has a severely comprised spine – surgeries have helped him stay upright – and pain is with him 24/7 so he is most comfortable at home with all the needs met here. And of course, my reconstructed mouth means eating away from home is in fact, too hard!

I tend to want to know, research and read…(and listen if it’s via Audible) and “he” has learned so much in his University Counselling Degree and working as a Counsellor that he listens to me and nods ….because, dear Reader, is he WISE!

Mind you, we both do still learn from each other and he is understanding of my need to know and with my father’s age at 98 I have seen so much about ageing as it happens to him..I want to understand more about what it not only IS but what I can accept…so, learning for life me, learns! Here’s a few ways:

And this is truly BEing ME!

BEing Me.

Has changed considerably this year.

For the better.

I have, finally, taken stock of what was causing me some anxiety and worry and stopped being an always happy to say YES person.

I now have worked out whose health matters most, mental and physical and that is mine.

I know not everyone can see why I might now have changed but I have had to change.

I was being stressed over small matters that grew into big ones and they were, generally about people-pleasing.

It’s something I am more aware of now and seek to take a pause before I respond to something that perhaps I may have said yes to in the past.

On some occasions I wear my family circles but every day I wear this, a small heart within a heart to remind me of inner and self love.

Now, back to April: The Month That Was.

And some more:

I have visited Dad more often as the weather has brightened and he is needing company. I also bring little treats and food.

He no longer wants me to take photos of him but when he went to my brother’s for Easter, this image was taken and I love it….will be taking a copy “blown up” so he can see it next week. This is his youngest great grandchild and there is 97 years and 4 months difference in their age!

And that, my friends is April…..Word of the Year progress noted….and on Sunday it is May!

May, for many, can bring memories of Mother’s Days…and mothering, and grand mothering too if you get to do that.

It’s the month in which my oral cancer was diagnosed and my life changed from that time onwards.

Yes, there will be a post (or two) in May about it….

Take care,

Denyse.

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April Brings Autumn Memories. #Life’sStories. #LinkUp. 27/2022.

Welcome to Life’s Stories. I hope you enjoy my story and link up yours too for me and others to enjoy.

April Brings Autumn Memories. #Life’sStories. #LinkUp. 27/2022.

Some months and seasons make great memories.

Photos and stories shared.

This post looks quite a way back to the years 2012 to 2016.

And then to 2017. A very worrying time for me, personally. Cancer would be diagnosed in mid May 2017.

2018: that meant head and neck cancer recovery and moving to a new place.

Onto 2019, 2020 2021 for more stories…..

And finally, this Autumnal April 2022. 

April and Autumn.

Autumn is usually very pleasant and cool in the evenings with lovely days. This has NOT been the case always…as you will see. In April 2015, we were inundated by an ‘east coast low” weather pattern that left this:

and us with no electricity or phone (mobile could be used at times) for almost 5 days!

 

It has often been time for the Royal Easter Show in Sydney. A big tradition in my life, and I made it one for our children and grandchildren over the years. Once the venue moved to Homebush after the Sydney Olympics in 2000 it became a pleasure to visit because I could park the car close to a bus stop and we would travel directly to the Show on an all inclusive ticket. These images are from April 2014, the last time I went to the Show.

 

2012-2014 we were living in our family home in Sydney’s north west and caring for grandkids. Autumn leaf play in 2012 with 2 dear grandkids…

2015-2016 we had moved to the Central Coast of N.S.W. and some of the grandkids visited.

And on 25 April it is A.N.Z.A.C. Day. Remembering the sacrifice of men & women from Australia and New Zealand who helped keep us safe.

2015. Centenary of Australia & New Zealand at Gallipoli.

But I am never sick of searching for Autumn trees, leaves and even having a go at painting them!

April 2017.

The garden where we were living then had great Autumnal displays & I even painted the pansies:

 

And I loved getting this image from the local bridge area:

 

I had a very sore mouth as I had already been through the removal of the upper bridge and teeth and yet…nothing was better. In fact it was worse but…I smiled (uneasily) on….

April 2018. Moving House.

We were grateful to find a new, and more modern house where we still live. Moving still sucks…and with me in treatment for more processes of my mouth reconstruction it was a particularly stressful time for me. Highlights here were family birthdays and school holiday visits from grandchildren with their parents.

April 2019.

I went to Newcastle Writers Festival and was well into adjusting to my upper prosthesis. I continued to enjoy art. And we had some pretty flowers growing outside.

April 2020. Covid Is Here.

My first Covid test, we got our flu vaccinations. We had no idea of what was to come in terms of lockdowns and travel restrictions but we stayed put. One granddaughter visited briefly on her way to stay with other grandparents for some time.

April 2021.

Yes we had a reprieve of sorts from lockdowns and covid restrictions. This meant visits to us and we went to a special birthday picnic.

I also rose very early on A.N.Z.A.C. Day 2021 to see the sun rise on 25 April. I spent time reflecting on those brave souls who came onto the beach at Turkey to be…mostly killed. Vale those men.

April 2022.

This is the learning to live with Covid part of life now, and we had 4th vaccinations last week and will have flu vaccinations at the end of this week.

A different usual Easter for us. No family visiting and we stayed home. Whilst we miss seeing the grandkids and parents, life has moved on in many ways and the oldest 3 are adults with their own lives, and the younger 5 grandkids are with other parents or away on hols. We went for a drive and walk at Norah Head Lighthouse on Good Friday. After a lot of rain in past weeks, it was so good outside.

I also drove to Dee Why to see my Dad before Easter. He no longer wants his photo taken. We had a good chat and afterwards I re-visited some places from my life living near Manly.

I had this reflection after my time spent walking around…and I am honouring it with this image: I feel like I am HOME here.

 

And I couldn’t let Easter approach without sharing some goodies of appreciation with our local family G.P. clinic. We are so grateful for their care.

And sadly, we heard that a NZ friend who had a serious head and neck cancer had died. I visited my favourite place of contemplation to honour him.

A.N.Z.A.C. Day 2022.

Today, 25.4.2022,  is this special day of commemoration and paying tribute to those who died for us to live this life now.

It is the day the post goes live, so I thought it appropriate to end this post…..here.

 

And this poem, a moving one for me and many. I am reminded always of where my late paternal grandfather helped the wounded in France. Only to return to Australia and in 1935 to succumb to early death after a workplace injury. I wrote the poem out for Dad on this painting of mine and he still has it on display.

I know some of my readers are into Spring right now as we are getting more deeply into Autumn….

What particular memories do you have for the month of April?

Denyse.

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Self Compassion: My Healthy Life Challenge: April 2022. 19/2022.

We Missed Mondays…..

I had some nostalgia last Monday, wondering “what do I do on Monday mornings now?”

I thought I was caring for my health by stopping the weekly link up at 280 for Life This Week, and that stands….

But for me, and it seems a few/most of my blogging friends, the ‘once a month’ thing wasn’t feeling all that friendly. So, as I said, we I can change my mind…and with that…Mondays, every 2nd week, will be blog link up time again. A slight name change so it’s a bit different. Life’s Stories and the link up will be open this Monday at 5.00 a.m AEDST. Denyse.

 

Self Compassion: My Healthy Life Challenge: April 2022. 19/2022.

In my post for Word of The Year March 2022 I will be writing more about how hard it has been in some ways to:

BE   ME

This got me looking back to my Self Compassion course done via an app in January 2022 (see this post for more) and continuing my progress to become more self compassionate.

I have had some emotional and mental turmoil take over parts of my being and I need(ed) to challenge and ask what was going on.

More about that in the post that is coming.

For now, and into the 30 days of April, I offer to others a  Healthy Life Challenge about being:

Self Compassionate.

An example from recent weeks and my self compassion (inner talk, self kindness, care, criticism and so on):

Left: been to skin doctor & had biopsies taken. I felt somewhat sorry for myself…..and took myself out for a coffee and consider how that had unnerved me a bit.

Right: an ordinary every day selfie. Pointing to where the skin was biopsied. What IS it about me and selfies, my husband recently asked…I said

“I have never felt confident at all about my appearance, especially my face, until post-head and neck cancer surgeries, and I like to get reminders, in the selfies that my outside is looking good, even if, at times, my inside tells me different stories”

Having completed the January 2022 course, I was pleased with my growth in self compassion, but it takes so much reminding and practice to learn!

Link to course is here.

Some words from within the course.

“our human compassion binds us to one another – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future” Nelson Madala.

What IS Compassion?

  1. We have a brain and body that has been built FOR is, not by us – our brain and body evolved with emotions (such as fear and anger) and behaviours (such as fighting, avoiding and running away) to help us survice. But these can cause us a lot of pain.
  2. We grow older and eventually our lives come to an end – not writing this to make us sad, just that this is a reality of life. But for many of us, knowing this will happen can cause a lot of distress.
  3. We’re shaped by life experiences, which are not always in our control – those experienced shape the minds we have, and the people we become. For example, if you were raised by your next door neighbours rather than your family, it’s likely you’d be quite a different person, with different interests, lifestyle and even political and religious beliefs.

 

 

Over the years, via this link to Kristen Neff’s Self Compassion quiz, I KNOW I am doing well.

Yet, because of the habits of life till recent times, I have forgotten or remembered too late about

Self Compassion

So, as I make big shifts in my life, changing from doing (less)  me to being  (more) me

I made a challenge:

(and I always seem to like one of those!)

Changing from less doing to more being.

  • 30 Days
  • Instagram (@denyse.whelan -ask for follow)
  • Facebook (@denysewhelanblogs)
  • and Twitter (@denysewhelan1)
  • What does my self compassion look like, feel like today
  • Share with an image or representation of self compassion done your way
  • Share a quote or image that sums up how you are helping yourself be more self compassionate

Do you know that we are far more likely to be self compassionate to friends and family than to ourselves?

I would highly recommend some books that you can read, borrow or listen to, that have helped me in many ways:

I’ll use these hashtags

#selfcompassion

#selfcare

#timeforme

#takingcare

#healthinageing

#lifetransitions

The RULES….for this challenge…there are no rules.….

other than to learn to be more self compassionate, and to forgive yourself on each occasion you forget.

and, 30 days is arbitrary.

Posting is as well.

Make this something that works for you, with self compassion at its core.

I will be continuing to review my days via the app, using gratitude as the base and to write to help me heal and grow. All within the app, and private for me. It’s a discipline to remember as I have another diary app but I am enjoying the value of both, along with the writing reflections I do after each Calm meditation.

How about it?

Are you thinking you could be helping yourself with some self compassion?

Let me know your thoughts,

with love, AND compassion,

Denyse.

Joining in with Natalie for Weekend Coffee Share today

Thank you Natalie.

https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

 

 

 

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