Tuesday 26th October 2021

I Want This. 44/52. #LifeThisWeek 2018.111.

I Want This. 44/52. #LifeThisWeek 2018.111.

This post’s title has been rattling around my head with some interesting, surprising and somewhat easy answers.

One: I want an Apple Watch. Series 4.

  • it is new
  • I am an early adopter
  • I will get fitter using it

Response: I do not really NEED an Apple Watch. I have looked at them, tried one on and thought “that much for this?”. I also look at my fitbit which is doing the job. I am making efforts to walk more steps with that. So, I will stick with that.

Two: I want my cancer to NEVER re-occur.

  • to be certain of this would ease some fears
  • to know I have had it and won’t face what I have been through again

Response: I am sorry. That is not going to be a sure thing. In fact I know intellectually it can return because, as I was told at my last cancer check, “the risk of return is because you have already been diagnosed with cancer”. OK. I will join all of my fellow cancer friends and just live with that knowledge. Not over-think it, just live with it.

Three: I want my weight to stabilise now thank you…or even drop a couple of kilograms.

  • this would mean like dieting again (eek)
  • this might even mean disordered eating and secret eating happening (no!)

Response: I see I am looking at the scale to determine my worth again. Uh uh. This will not end well. How can I be doing that when I have overcome so much to get well. I need to remember my husband’s recent response (exasperated I think) when he said “I do not see fat, I see a healthy woman.”

Four: I want to be satisfied with our life as it is now.

  • I am doing my best to live in the present
  • I am grateful for much in my life including family, friends and connections on line
  • I no longer see having our own home as a pre-requisite to a satisfied life

Response: I have it already. It is worth thinking it through and coming up with the answer.

I have what I want. It is here. I am glad.

What about you?

What do you want?



Today I link with Alicia here: for Open Slather and Kel here for Mummy Mondays. Do visit them too and link up!

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Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 45/52. Share Your Snaps 9. 5/11/18.



  1. What a lovely comment from your husband – he sees a healthy woman. Health is to be cherished after what we have been through. X

    • From one woman who is cherishing her health today more and moving on…to another who has had more than her fair share of NOT healthy times of late, I send you my love and best wishes. Denyse x

  2. Love how you responded to each of your wants. Exactly how the mind works when processing and working through. Great stuff.

    • Thanks so much Leanne. After meeting Sanch yesterday the wanting of an Apple watch rose up again (she showed me hers!) …but…I will be OK!!

      Denyse x

  3. Love this post Denyse and despite the trials and material things you would like, isn’t it wonderful that you really have all you want at this moment. You are the third person to recommend Leigh Sales’ book so I will need to read it I think. Have a great week! x

    • Thank you Sue. Leigh’s book will be somewhat confronting but it is also so so powerful about what we humans not only go through but overcome with and because ofd them. I see it being the ‘book of the year’ to make sense of why things happen (there is no answer!). I am bold enough to suggest it maybe something that will assist not only you but your husband with PTSD. I could only listen in bite sized chunks initially but then I was fine. Take your time with it and it is, as is said, inspiring. Denyse x

  4. I’d like an Apple Watch too Denyse but I don’t need one. I think you look great at the weight you’re at now! I hope with every bit of me that cancer never reoccurs for you. I think your attitude to try and not overthink it and learn to live with it is a good and healthy one. I think we all need to learn to be satisfied with life as it is now. We never know how much more of life we will have and we shouldn’t be wishing it away. Thanks for hosting again this week and have a wonderful week! xo

    • I even went and looked again at the watches today but I cannot justify the cost. Sigh. I have learned (and continue to do so) more about being grateful for what is. Thank you for your kind words about my appearance. I think I need to “believe what others tell me” more than my old view.

      Denyse x

  5. It’s wonderful that you have what you want at this moment, Denyse. Enjoy!

  6. It’s a good thing when what you want in life is “extra” rather than essential. Even your cancer is less of a concern at the moment than it was. Maybe this is a time of life where you can sit back a little and just enjoy the ride – you’ve earnt it!

    • Of course you are right. I am still seeking that elusive balance between doing and being. However I am MUCH better than I was and even more cognisant of what I can no longer control. That’s a win, right!

      Denyse x

  7. I like the way you have challenged your thinking. Writing it down is even more useful. I love new electronic gadgets too but some of them are not worth the expense. For walking I find the pedometer on my phone very useful. I gets steps, kilometers, elevation, pace. And it’s automatic. I don’t have to do anything but have my phone in my belt pack or back pack.
    Weight is a vexed issue. One “benefit” of being sick is the effortless weight loss and we want that to be maintained after we recover. Weight gain is a sign that the body is working well again but how to keep it in check? I was thinking of making an effort to eat mindfully so I enjoy my given portion more and don’t crave seconds.

    • You are so right but I find I still like some of the newst stuff. Yet I am doing well with what I have. I am so visual I am attracted by the colours I reckon. I already wear a fit bit and it is telling me enough about my steps. I am increasing them and getting to a better level each day but trying oh so hard not to be competitive.

      The weight thing. I have been denied so much for so long, I still find I am eating for the variety and the pleasure of the senses. I am, to my surprise, better at understanding my motive to eat than I ever was pre-cancer. So, if I do not use the words “I deserve this or I so need this to feel better” and I AM, then I am being more mindful. I do need to eat more regularly as ‘old me’ thought eat less for as long as I can then I can eat more later, nope it does not work.

      Thanks for popping in to read and comment and I hope the body is recovering well from your marvellous walk yesterday.

      Denyse x

  8. Mike bought the new Apple watch because it was time for him to get a new phone. It’s good for him because it’s got a special kind of heart rate monitor. He loves it so far, but it confuses the hell out of me 🙂
    I do like your last paragraph, about wanting to be satisfied with life as it is now. It can be difficult at times, and maybe it’s because I’m at such a stage of transition in my own life, but I do feel that way about my life for the most part, which is a nice realisation.

    • I still had a look at one today at the shops and yet there is no real need! Glad Mike has one and it does seem to have a lot going for it.

      What a lovely realisation you are having about your life. So good to know.

      Sending love,

      Denyse x

  9. Loved this post Denyse. What do I want? Will need to give that some thought as I’m really not sure. That was a beautiful comment by your husband

  10. I want for some challenge of the positive kind.

  11. I really enjoyed reading your post Denyse. It was honest and shows that sometimes our wants are not really needed or actually possible. I am still thinking of my response.

    • I understand that too. I spent a while having it go around and around before writing. It is, as I am sure you know, sometimes when we write that the answers appear.

      Denyse x

  12. I just shared a post on Facebook, about in order to be happy we need to enjoy the life we have instead of what we think we need. It’s a good lesson….not always easy, but true!
    My husbands always laugh when I say I want everyone to get along. Because we know that’s not going to happen….there are always going to be unhappy and mean people out there.

  13. I like how you’ve countered your wants with logical responses, Denyse! I think I need to do the same with my own overflowing list!

    The response reaction to wants works for me because it helps me figure out why I really want ‘things’. Often it’s because I have some kind of emotional or physical need instead.

    SSG xxx

    • Yes I needed to write it for it to come together. It was “in the writing act” that it happened.

      Still grappling a little with my now-appearance as I do not want to ‘get any bigger’ yet I have missed eating so much. Sigh, I need to be kind but I also need to be wise and both have not quite gelled to help me eating-wise.

      Denyse x

  14. I love the honesty and acceptance in this post. I think you have a really healthy approach. I especially love your husband’s response to your weight concerns – he’s definitely a keeper!

    • Thank you. Sigh, yes I am honest and today, to be ‘honest’ has been a bit tough. My husband’s words are of great comfort and support but any ‘anniversary’ which is one year today since I began my daily photos has been a bit confronting.

      I am certain you understand what I mean.

      Denyse x