About Mother’s Day. 30/2022.
I am writing about Mother’s Day. If you believe you might be triggered by the content please proceed carefully. This is just one woman’s story. Mine.
Today as I write, tomorrow, Sunday 8 May 2022, will be Mother’s Day here in Australia and other countries which celebrate this in May too.
It’s a day that can be fraught with sadness, dosed with some anger and maybe even some fear, and using the words from those who sell flowers, chocolates and cards, perhaps some manufactured affection.
And for some it can be full of love, appreciation and gratitude to show the mother in your life something of the way you feel about her.
In my case, Mum died over 15 years ago, and it has taken me around the past two years or so to really understand and appreciate the love and care she had for me ….because I was far too busy being concerned about external pressures (Hello Dad) to make Mother’s Day what I was told from a very early age what it was about. And I miss being able to share my thoughts with her now as a result. Tell people what you want to share before they die!
We Didn’t Know This Would Be Mum’s Last Mother’s Day…..2006.
Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves can be not only damaging but untrue. I know!
In my now much, ahem, wiser years, I wanted to write about what has changed for me.
My Mother.
She lived a very challenging life as a young woman in a two generation household with her own Mum caring for her three as well as her brother’s two after their Mum died. Mum married Dad in 1946 and faced many difficult times but conquered a lot. She always was a mother who was present and after school it was great to come home to a home cooked afternoon tea. I wrote about Mum (Noreen) and her mother (Vera), and my Aunty (Poppy) as well as my Dad’s Mum (Etta) here as part of Women of Courage.
Since chatting to Dad (who has an amazing memory) in the past year or so, I learned a lot about Mum’s courage. She was also deaf for most of her adult life. She used to be the most caring grandmother and enjoyed seeing 3 of her great grandchildren arrive. Mum was impeccable in her dress and her ability to make people feel at ease when entertaining. This from an anxious woman was remarkable. I am learning, and have already, to soften any negativity about Mum and my memories as I realise she was expressing some fears and concerns she had for me, from a position of LOVE.
About Me Being a Mother.
Truly, I won’t make this long. I have written about it here: Telling My Story about our daughter’s arrival in our lives, and then here, in Telling My Story about our son and his longed for arrival. I admit it was hard becoming a mother so quickly in my first year of marriage and I was not built to stay at home. Fortunately I could always secure great child care for both the kids. To have our son was a battle for fertility which was won.
Our daughter on my shoulders…
Our son’s early days.
How I View Myself as a Mother.
I am a hard judge brought up by one. Dad. So, I do give myself somewhat of a hard time about some aspects of my relationship with our children growing up. And once they were grown and had left home. I admit I was, by dint of personality and my life, someone who tried to help far too much when not asked and in fact, could be bossy and I know, NOW, how that was for my kids and for that I am sorry. They already know this. I do know that I love them and want the best for them.
We live away from them and their families and see them infrequently but they are always in my thoughts and I wish them well, every single day as they make their lives work for them and their children…
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- Mother’s Day 2020 with our daughter
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- Our Son Visits In Aug 2020
Becoming a Grandmother.
Over 25 years ago, this event changed my life and the way I love another human who is related to me forever. I was so fortunate to have days and nights helping care for almost all of our now eight grandchildren and this is memorable.
I remember meeting each on on the days/nights of their births. Such a joy and privilege to be “Grandma”.
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- Our daughter’s 4: in birth order: J.
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- S.
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- B.
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- E.
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- Our son’s 4 in birth order: H,
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- R.
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- E.
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- M.
So, why write this today?
To ease the burden I have held for far too long of expectations around “Mother’s Day”…
it can be such a great and casual time or it can be a mishmash of other emotions. Right now, before I press publish, I am hoping to have a phone call or face time with each of our kids on Mother’s Day but if it doesn’t happen it’s OK too. Their lives are FULL of responsibilities. They know I love them and I know they love me.
My tribute to Mum, and Being a Mum and Grandma is this collage:
Middle shot is Mum, holding my hand in around 1952, with her Mum (Nanny to me) admonishing someone in the background.
Left collage is of our son, right collage our daughter, and bottom is the wonderful family photo I got for my 70th Birthday.
Bottom left, is Mum holding our son in 1979 and Bottom right is Mum with our daughter’s first child.
Happy Mother’s Day to Me….and all the Mums I know who wish to celebrate and commemorate being a Mother.
On Monday my post is about a Mother’s Day in 2017 where I was one very worried woman.
Take care,
Denyse.
Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.
Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.
This is the last taking stock in 2021 and may not be another when in 2022.
So, as this could be the “last one” I am going to share here about my life as it is on the eve of my 72nd birthday.
And as Pema Chodron says here…..
I am grateful for all who have made a difference in my life. Not all people are represented here because I may not have had an image. So, here goes, using images to ‘match’ a word. And using my alphabetical list.
Admiring: those people who are the trained professionals in all allied health, surgery and more, and have cared for my health.
Becoming: a part of a family, grateful for the love, care and kindness of parents and grandparents since 1949!
Curious: about life and learning….always!
Delighted: to meet up with on-line friends when I can.
Excited: that we will get to celebrate my birthday…..out for morning tea! It suits us both to do this…here’s a memory from 2018. If the rain stays away we will be going here again: a local nursery.
Feeling: that time is moving way too fast….that seems to happen after 70!
Going: to my Dad’s sometime in December to share some meals and treats. He’s certainly been the constant in my life…known me for more than 72 years!! This from my 71st birthday when I am not sure who was helping who stay on their feet.
Helping: Head and Neck Cancer Australia as an Ambassador. I have held this volunteer role for 3 years and as I said to the CEO recently, “you got me for life“.
Imploring: people to keep an eye on anything (related to Head and Neck cancer* symptoms) that might be not healing or increasing in pain. size and so on…and ensuring if a GP or dentist, doesn’t take it seriously, to seek out another option. *all cancers of course, but these ones have no diagnostic tools.
Joking: No idea what was funny at Oxley lookout last year but this bloke is quite the joker….and this wife, is not always ready for his sense of humour!
Keeping: this blog going into its 12th year is testament to my commitment but to the engagement of this blogging community even more!
Loving: the freedom of days’ activities choice when retired. Sure, there is a routine of sorts, and yes, we get up by a certain time (not tellin’) …but no bosses!
Making: memories for me and others! By cards, photos and little albums. I love doing it too.
Next: I am too easily wanting to plan what is next yet, at the same time trying to stay in the present. The one thing for me is knowing where we will be living next year, and so far, the owners have agreed to us staying on. HOWEVER, the way real estate prices have risen here, houses in our street up by $200-300K in less than 4 years, we suspect we will get a rent rise. Sigh.
Observing: the places where I lived as a teen and older and having a deep appreciation for that time.
Pleasing: to notice that I can continue to change some health habits slightly to be more health-aware in my ageing years.
Reading: the many and varied posts that YOU, my blogging friends, share here for Life This Week. We are, today, at #268 of the link up. And how I met some of my blogging friends two years ago.
Staying: on track with meditation. It will be 2 years without missing a session by end of 2021. I now do Daily Calm in the morning and another track in the evening. It still counts as one day!
Trying: to remember all I am grateful for more than ever…not everyone gets the chance to continue living as I have post-cancer.
Understanding: that life is not static. Der. But sometimes when I don’t want things to change, I then remember that they change anyway so grasping to keep things are they are is not on. I have learned much about this thanks to meditation, and listening to a range of CDs from teachers of Buddhism and more. Very wise people..and we are all human.
Viewing: old photos for this post and feeling the warmth of nostalgia but also heeding the point above!
Welcoming: changes to Covid restrictions here in N.S.W. soon, with reduction of places where you need to sign in with QR code, and having the choice to wear a mask. We think, for now, we will continue to mask up if in a crowded shop or doctors’ surgery. Definitely needed recently at a Big Hug Box packing day. NB: hope with new strain variant, we will remain vigilent.
X- “X-tra grateful” to all of the women who shared their stories of courage. In the 3 years, more than 72 women shared their stories. Wow. I have included images of all who continue to blog and link up here fairly regularly. I “hope” I have you all in this group. Let me know, if I have missed you.
Yes: to more plans to do ‘less’….and that sounds like a contradiction. In the meantime, here I am over decades of my life ‘doing’ what I most enjoy: connecting with those I care for and who love me. Perhaps a bit of a stretch re Former PM Julia Gillard, but she did thank me for my education roles.
Z – Is there anyone else I need to show my gratitude and admiration for their part of my life? Yes, it’s an old image but the LOVE from this Papa to his only grandchildren cannot be surpassed. And the love we had for him is exemplified in my brother now being Papa to his 2 grandkids and that B became Papa when his eldest granddaughter couldn’t get her mouth around Grandpa, and out came “Pa-Pa” and it sure stuck.
Thank you all for reading, commenting and sharing your blog post today.
Take care,
Denyse.
Started Life This Week Link Up. Sept 2016.
Life This Week. #268
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