Tuesday 13th April 2021

Share Your Snaps. 15/51. #LifeThisWeek. Golden Wedding Anniversary. Part 3/3. 45/2021.

Share Your Snaps. 15/51. #LifeThisWeek. Golden Wedding Anniversary. Part 3/3. 45/2021.

And here we are, at the third  of the photo-based sharing for 2021.

I call this optional prompt, Share Your Snaps. Snaps is another word for photos, pics etc.

Every 5th Week on Mondays

 

For this week and the past 2 Share Your Snaps, I  shared the recent Golden Wedding Anniversary memories for us. 50 years married on 23.1.2021.

Part One is here.

Part Two is here.

This is a LOT more wordy than usual for a Share Your Snaps but in keeping with my blog being part of my history it’s worth it for my records.

Where We Live(d): Bella Vista   Glenwood   Empire Bay (Central Coast Sth)  Gorokan (Central Coast Nth)  Hamlyn Terrace (Central Coast Nth) current residence.

Where We Worked:

N.S.W. Department of Education Schools:

Denyse:  Cherrybrook P.S.  Jasper Road P.S.  Seven Hills West P.S.  Walters Road P.S.  Shalvey P.S.  Rooty Hill P.S.  Richmond P.S. As Principal. More here as part of Telling My Story.

Kellyville Ridge P.S.  Hebersham P.S.

Adult Education:

Via in-home English One to One Teaching.  In Small Classes: Macquarie Community College

Own Business:

Denyse Whelan K-6 Education Specialist.  Writer, Presenter, Advisor for Families with Children  Entering School.

University Contracts:Western Sydney.  Masters of Teaching Tutor   K-6 Pre-Service Teachers Experience in Schools.

New South Wales Teachers’ Institute   External Observer

Receiving my Service Medal. NSW Dept of Ed.

Bernard:

N.S.W. Department of Education Schools:

K-6 Teaching

Turramurra P.S. Shalvey P.S.

High School and Special Education Teaching

Parramatta Diocesan Schools: Western Sydney.

Own Business: Cabinet Maker, Kitchen Designs.  Home Tutoring.

Volunteer: Lifeline: Telephone Support and Counsellor

My man…visiting me at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in July 2017.

Vehicles: More!  Toyota Van,  Corolla,  Commodore,  Corolla, Lexcen, Toyota Van,  Commodore Wagon, Holden,  Ford Van,  Falcon,  Magna,  Toyota Paseo,  Territory,  Avensis,  Nissan Pathfinder,  Corolla,  Nissan X Trail

 

Now that is out of the way…our proud legacies in terms of family.

Our children, seen in the last Share Your Snaps, went on to form relationships and in a couple of instances, married their partners, and “we” became the most fortunate of people…in our life anyway…Grandma and Papa.

How did those names get chosen?

My parents for their own reasons chose to have their grandchildren call them bu their first name. Hence, “Andrew and Noreen” to the four grandkids they had between my brother and myself.  B’s parents were Nana and Pop. So, I came up with “Grandma” for me and “Grandpa” for B. This was fine. Until, when Miss J (eldest) started saying his name as “Papa” we LOVED it. And as I had a much loved Papa in my life , it fit. I admit I got “Gummy” for a while, and now the adult grandkids refer to us as G-Ma and Pups.

 

Here they are: in order of arrival as our grandchildren….we are so fortunate! First one arrived late 1996 and the last one early 2015.

A few more memories, specifically from the Golden Wedding Anniversary:

We were very grateful to receive cards and letters of congratulations from various heads of state and government.

These can be organised for many celebratory occasions and the links are here and here if you are interested. I knew what to do because I had used this to get my parents’ Diamond Wedding Anniversary Congratulations Messages. Knowing your local (in our case, N.S.W.) member is also a way to apply along with sending in our case, a copy of our marriage certificate. The one lodged at Births Deaths and Marriages.

The Federal member for us also helped and very kindly sent her personal congratulations in a floral way!

And just a few more memories…it seems ages ago now but life is like that, right?

And that is it. The three posts commemorating our Golden Wedding Anniverary on 23 January 2021.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Denyse.

Link Up #235

Life This Week. Link Up #235

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive  in nature.

* THANK you for linking up today! Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 16/51 Interesting. 19 Apr. My Post will be Telling My Story Chapter 23. Pt1.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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How This Trip To The Dentist Changed Me. 43/2021.

How This Trip To The Dentist Changed Me. 43/2021.

ABOUT Head and Neck Cancer Australia First! 

Before I proceed, I ended up, after a long time. finding out I had cancer in my gums and under one lip. No dentist nor G.P. had even thought of this as being the case. This was not, in many ways, a fault or failing of them and their knowledge and skill set.

I have a “rare of rare” cancer as my Professor told me. I am now an Ambassador for Head and Neck Cancer Australia and continue to share the ways in which this rare cancer can manifest itself. This link, to Head and Neck Cancer Australia, formerly Beyond Five, will take you to the page about diagnosis. This is a highly reputable and facts-based and checked website. Its content undergoes regular and thorough reviews by professionals in the field.

One of whom is Professor Jonathan Clark AM – my head and neck surgeon who is also Chair & Founder of Head and Neck Cancer Australia.

Visual inspection by Jonathan  as Surgical Assistant and HNC Nurse Cate records my visit.

Back to my post.

Going to the dentist had been a regular thing for me from the age of 3.

I am now 71.

Going every 6 months as suggested.

Going in between when issues arising in my mouth needed fixing.

In some of my blog posts about head and neck cancer, I have outlined the role played by my now (and he was then) dentist in the discovery of oral cancer in my gums.

Before My Upper Prosthesis Went In: July 2018. My Dentist and My Dental Nurse.

I also wrote with detail last week for Part 2 of 2 about the time 2016 to 16 May 2017.

Allow me, here though, to outline exactly how that one trip, on 6 April 2017 changed me FOR the BETTER.

When I was learning about how to deal with areas of my life where I felt fearful…travelling and getting to see people were distinctly challenging because my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (I.B.S) was so unpredictable I just stayed anchored to home. Safe. My then Psychologist who knew I really wanted to overcome this suggested I learn about Exposure Therapy and over time, she taught me that it could be done in stages.

Yet: I still couldn’t see HOW I could do the hard things like drive to the dentist, and see other professionals when I needed to…etc.

Until I literally HAD to!

Message to me before my first surgery

Backstory.

Reading through my blog posts, as some of you have, you will note that my anxiety about I.B.S. and being anxious about travel in particular escalated. This was NOT me being the me I knew and wanted to be …..until I had enough.

Enough of trying to find out what the heck was going on in my very sore mouth

Enough of thinking I was the cause of all the issues because that was how sometimes I was made to feel

Enough of waiting for things to get better

ENOUGH….but first, this is what had to happen.

  • A scaffolding of how I might get to the dentist to have the all the teeth that were part of my bridge removed
  • A new G.P. who offered me a drug (endep) to help slow my gut and prevent some I.B.S. issues
  • A determination within me to get this done…

No Matter What! Self-care helped!

 

On Wed 5 April 2017 I was nervous about the upcoming dentist trip I did go out & do things but the “enormity” of what was ahead overwhelmed me

  • I broke down & just couldn’t see how I could deal with it
  • B was good at listening but I knew that despite the dread & worry & fear IF I didn’t go through with it it would be :
  1. Avoiding
  2. Would make it worse
  3. I’d not get my mouth fixed

So I took steps to make sure I got there:

  1. 1/4 Valium in arvo & then at night helped reduce the internal rumblings
  2. I told myself it was a positive to be getting it done as it’s troubled me for so long I couldn’t let it go on & on
  3. I needed to tell myself the outcome & process had to happen. I stopped thinking there was doubt or other I needed to own this
  4. I ate small because I was scared of IBS but that’s not
  5. I knew I could take imodium if there was a reason
  6. I used the hypnosis from audible in a big way
  7. I had B taking me & he agreed to do it anything to make it work

Straight after the removal of the bridge, I had this denture put in. It was a very painful time and over time, did not improve…

 

How Did It All Work Out?

I did it.

Together with my dear husband, and the team above in the first photo.

I recovered slowly as it was quite a shock to my system, physically and emotionally

I learned that my determination was a quality I had and could call on again (again and again as it panned out!)

I knew too, that I OWNED my actions and thoughts and that I could, over time, even with fears and reservations deal with anything else that was to come.

And I have and do.

On 6 April 2021 I posted this…with pride and gratitude for all I could do…and need to do now when faced with challenges. 

Always Grateful For My Courage.

And, some three and a half years later, getting a check up of how my upper prosthesis was going (great) as in covid times I couldn’t see my prosthodontist and my dentist also looks after my 8 actual and remaining teeth with a regular check and clean every six months. And I am no longer scared about going to the dentist and thanks to my rectopexy surgery and meds, I have not had (touch wood) I.B.S. for over 6 months.

 

How do you feel about going to the dentist?

I admit, that before I had the bridge extracted my dentist already know how anxious I was about all that was going on in my mouth and between him and his lovely nurse I was very well cared for. Now, he and I have a lot of laughs more than anything and he is as grateful as I am that my cancer was found and has been treated as well and my care for my upper prosthesis is excellent.

Do go to the dentist…and do tell him/her if you are worried or anxious. It is always better to do rather than avoid.

And please, check the symptom list at the beginning of the story….and come back to it anytime.

Denyse.

Linking up here with Leanne for Lovin Life Linky

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

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About Volunteering. #SundayStills #14. 41/2021.

About Volunteering. #SundayStills #14. 41/2021.

This week’s post is a pretty easy one for me as I only recently wrote about volunteering here. However, I will do my best not to repeat myself and look for some photos to illustrate my #sundaystills.  Terri here is still moving into her new abode and her friend from Always Write  is caring for Sunday Stills again this week.

 

Volunteers, called Surf Lifesavers look after swimmers’ safety for around half of the year here on N.S.W. Central Coast’s Beaches. There are also paid Life Guards on duty seven days a week: These flags represent the safe area in which to enter the surf.

 

Those people who volunteered to go to war are remembered in particular on A.N.Z.A.C. Day in Australia. Here is a place, a statue of remembrance, that is found in most towns, villages and cities in Australia. This one in my local town of Wyong.

 

Related to those who volunteered to go to war, for 1914-1918, a 100 year remembrance of Australia New Zealand Army Corps (known as A.N.Z.A.C. Day) was a field of volunteer made Poppies (the flower of remembrance) which cascaded down a landmark here on the N.S.W. Central Coast, the Skillion at Terrigal.

A local and very important landmark is the Lighthouse at Norah Head. Much of its care is in the hands of volunteers who show visitors around, tend the nearby gardens and report the weather conditions back to the Bureau of Meteorology. This is where our weather forecast comes from: rain, wind speed, temperature and more.

Two grandchildren here a few years back.

 

Schools always need volunteers...and those of us who worked in them know this very well. My old primary school shown here where my Mum was one of the first volunteers to do a Monday Lunch tuckshop for the students back in the early 1960s.

 

Back then, when my brother played cricket as young student, Dad was here, on some Saturdays, being the volunteer team manager. At times, he would encourage 12 year old me to come along and score…..

 

Functions like the recently re-started Newcastle Writers Festival could not take place without volunteers who act as ushers and guides at large functions. I was pleased to attend the first “back after COVID” function where our former Prime Minister, Julia Gillard was interviewed by Rosemarie Milsom from the festival. It was a special occasion as an audience member too.

And of course, I am a volunteer Ambassador for Australia’s only charity to raise awareness of head and neck cancer. I give my time, experience and energy to attending meetings, giving talks, meeting with those who can help more, and by being part of my local head and neck cancer community. If you want to know more, here is the link to Head and Neck Cancer Australia.

Are some of those volunteering activities ones you are familiar with too?

Thanks for reading and viewing…and I hope, commenting!

Denyse.

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Telling My Story.Chapter Twenty Two. 2016-16 May 2017. Part 2/2. 40/2021.

Telling My Story.Chapter Twenty Two. 2016-16 May 2017. Part 2/2. 40/2021.

The backstory first:

Well over a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed.

Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at Chapter Twenty Two. And as with other posts, I am making it Parts 1 & 2. 

So, in keeping with my ethical approach to all things, I am making the chapters about MY recollections to various changes in life for me, and us, and life as we knew it. I hope I can continue sharing the story without any intentionally negative or hurtful references to others who are in my life as friends and family members. All of the stories to date found here.

And with this chapter, another photo…taken this year overlooking the harbour at Dobroyd near where I grew up close to Manly N.S.W.

I had a sore mouth.

It was often sore. I had to find a new dentist and did in early 2016. His initial view was that my upper bridge was causing some irritation and maybe I was drinking things too hot. He gave me some ideas over time which he thought, as he saw me regularly that year, and with issues that arose, offered possible remedies: fungalin, for candida. Guess what it did? Exacerbated gut and made I.B.S. worse.

I cannot stress enough how much “I” thought this was about me, lack of good health, mouth care and more. I felt judged and I hated that I was so often impacted by this awful anxiety and then I.B.S. that I could not plan to go anywhere.

“Looking like I was OK but I was not”. Last photos of me with original bridge at top of my mouth.

Anxiety Ramps Up.

In my journal I see entry after entry of me trying to get to appointments to my various professionals and suddenly that morning with an episode of diarrhoea it was impossible. Lucky for me they were very understanding.

I did not want anyone other than immediate family visiting us as it made me very self-conscious if I had to run to the toilet. I was not eating well. In fact, losing weight had never been easier. But it was not healthy.

I made myself meet up with a friend at a cafe but the preparation I made in advance …was there a toilet there, could I just have a biscuit with my coffee…was as I now see it over the top but I had to have reassurance.

It was the worst ever for me in very early January 2017 when, after seeing M1 awful accidents on the news, I decided I could not dare visit Dad for his birthday in Sydney just in case I had to use a toilet and I was stuck in the car. It was awful. I felt the pull of the ‘have to’ and the push of the ‘can’t’.

It worsened over time to the point I could not even drive out to the M1, which was the road to my dentist down at Ourimbah, without the feeling drowning me. I would need to make a few of those trips as it turned out in March, April and May 2017 and I had to take medication, know where the toilets were and allow time to get there.

Finally, after 4 months, and having had the teeth out (the best exposure therapy ever) I drove myself to Sydney to see Dad.

Doing What I Could To Help Myself.

On the eve of my 67th Birthday, late 2016,  I am feeling both reflective and grateful.

This image, selfie on my 67th Birthday, “trying my best to look OK” was used for my first series of Telling My Story.

Dad told me earlier tonight that my birth time was around 4.15 a.m. and that Mum put off going to the hospital until around 11p.m. Brave woman!

I’ve also made a mandala* which notes each of my decades of life and it’s been confronting and satisfying.

  1. I was so fortunate to be born to my parents who loved each other very much and were delighted to become parents.
  2. I was born into a caring extended family and always, always felt safe, secure and loved.
  3. Whilst Mum had some health issues in my early years with deafness and eye sight, these were rectified and I always knew my mum was there for me as a stay at home parent while Dad worked in his profession as an accountant.
  4. Our home was comfortable and we really wanted for nothing. My brother and I were well-fed, cared for and given many opportunities to be part of sporting and cultural groups as we grew up.
  5. When we left our Wollongong home for new adventures in Sydney at Balgowlah Heights I felt both the excitement and the nervousness but knew it would be good.
  6. It was and we moved to a great place, a new school and a whole new group of friends. Life was good!
  7. I got to play sport, learn to surf and swim, join the Guides, become a voracious reader and loved to talk.
  8. My early interest in helping little kids and enjoying playing with them started my interest in becoming a teacher.
  9. I got to be part of the school leadership team in primary school and loved organising events and social times too.
  10. My years at high school were a great and heady mix of new friendships, socialising with the boys from the local school and church groups, going to the beach and more.

  1. Learning to drive was a huge step in my independence and mum was happy to lend me her car when she could.
  2. I enjoyed great freedom to be out with friends and for them to come to our place and some of those friends parents became friends with mine.
  3. I was so fortunate to grow up as a teenager close to Manly Beach, particularly North Steyne, where I could catch a bus from home and stay on the sand or in the surf all day.
  4. Of course we met up with boys there too. It was all part of the fun in the sun.
  5. I eventually got some part time work when I was in my final school year and it continued into my 2 years at teachers college.
  6. It was good working at the jewellers on the Corso, three shops away from the beach and my employer gave me and my future husband good discounts on my engagement ring and our wedding rings.
  7. Teaching as part of my pracs in Sydney schools was great. I taught at my old primary school (even in the old classroom from Year 5) and also at Mona Vale, Neutral Bay and because I got excellent grades in prac, I went to the North Sydney Dam School too.
  8. My social life was awesome and centred on events from my then boyfriend’s Uni mates so we went to lots of parties, 21sts and Formals as well as Balls.
  9. Graduation as the first cohort to do the Higher School certificate was good too. Guinea Pigs in one way though as I am sure the NSW Dept of ed was winging it for a while there!
  10. Once I was 18 going to have a drink in the city hotels and bars was never a problem, as part of the time I was there anyway because I had to find work after HSC and the ABC was where I scored an office job.

  1. Hoping to get to teachers’s college didn’t happen on the first round, but by the second round I was ‘bye ABC, hello kids in classrooms.’
  2. I must have had the knack of teaching because as a late arrival at teacher’s college with only days before first prac, I did very well. I knew I had it in me!
  3. So pleased to have the training that BalmainTC provided but I knew I didn’t want to stay in Sydney after graduation so applied for the Bush.
  4. I was appointed to Barraba Central and independent life commenced!
  5. Shared a house with other teachers and I had to learn fast about sharing. I had been quite a ‘princess’ till then!
  6. My first class. K/1. A classic country town group but I knew what to do most of the time and loved being part of a large school staff.
  7. What fun we had on weekends and after hours with meeting at the Golf Club and Saturday Night dinners.
  8. My boyfriend from Sydney days broke up with me as he was unwell and I was free but a little sad.
  9. Not for too long though as by the time October that year arrived, I had met the LOVE of my life and fallen head over heels with a young male teacher who was a one teacher school.
  10. Our whirlwind romance was exactly that. In love (and lust) and determined to be wed as soon as we could because we were too far apart physically where we each lived.

  1. Luckily our department bosses looked after me, and after we married, I was transferred to a two teacher school just up the road from my now husband’s,
  2. But I was also pregnant. Yep. from carefree single teacher in a country town, to  married mum to be in a small community within 12 months.
  3. I won’t deny that it was hard being pregnant after some words of judgement and unkindness from my parents before we married but we went ahead with their blessing and some days those words still stung. In fact they did for some decades. Something about shame in that I think and my mum and her upbringing.
  4. Our daughter came into the world and brightened all who loved her very much. I loved little kids but was at quite a loss with a baby and being left along all day on a country property did not go well for me.
  5. I needed to salve my emotions and I began to eat for comfort and I know this has been what I do to numb myself and continues on and off now.
  6. Back to school for me was the better plan particularly when we could leave our lovely girl right next door to where I taught with my boss’ wife! She was also her godmother. Win!
  7. After two years, it was time for my hub to find a new position as a teacher in charge as his school was closing and we were keen to get teacher housing.
  8. Off to the Riverina area we went and found what we loved for the next 3 years. A great house for us, where we added a pool, a teaching position for me in the next big town and child care for our daughter.
  9. Social life was amazing, with new friends from the teaching and farming community and we were part of a drama society and entertained most weekends.
  10. Infertility was ironic after falling pregnant so easily with our daughter and for the time there and our next place, I was sad and resigned to never having another child. So sad.

Our first born with a first born Mum and fifth born Dad.

More of the stories about what happened next are found here: Telling My Story

The decades of the mandala*. I put it on social media once and found that it was far too personal to share because a follower told me how she could expand it to read. Oops. I have it somewhere here at home but it’s very personal. And mandalas helped me through all of the times before (and since) my anxiety and pre-cancer diagnosis days.

My Update: April 2016

  • We chose to move to a cheaper rental place in November last year as one of the factors in the stressors I was feeling was the place we lived in was too expensive, very uncomfortable and the community connection non-existent.
  • Happily for us, we found that the northern end of the Central Coast suits us more and the house (a home now that familiar to us from the sold Sydney house) is great.
  • A significant event occurred around this time too when I decided to end all connections with my education work places, including my consultancy. From a career commenced in 1970 to now this was another reason to grieve.
  • I still ‘struggle’ with aspects of remaining relevant! Who am I if I am not a teacher?
  • Nature continued to beckon in terms of photography, beach walks and I added growing flowers in pots to this mix. Nothing like having ‘something’ to grow.
  • The kitchen at this house is more conducive to cooking and making meals for the freezer and treats has been a good sign I am liking life again!
  • Meditation has been the one consistent event every single day. Yes. 10-15 minutes since end of March!
  • Learning more, much more about what it is to have some anxiety (I have not been diagnosed with anxiety nor depression) and sadness because of the significant effects of Life Transitions for me.
  • Reading more books, still can’t find a fiction one to satisfy, is great as is the range of newspapers I love. It is so good to have time for this!
  • Making sure I am well-nourished. I do find this hard some days as I mostly solo cook and eat because my hub has special food needs. But, looking after me shows I am caring well for me.
  • I’ve been increasing my knowledge of my reasons for anxiety and IBS and using Acceptance Commitment Therapy techniques via a number of sources including my counsellor and various authors who use this for clients.
  • This has meant a shift in my thinking and some movement towards letting my life move forward with whatever issues arise.
  • I remain a ‘wip’ a ‘work-in-progress.

My Update: April 2017.

  • My mouth continues to be bothersome: sore, and gums were beginning to grow over the teeth of the bridge.
  • My dentist tried a few ideas ….that I went along with until NO. Sorry, I need to know what is UNDER this bridge. The only way, as we both knew, was to remove (drill it out) the bridge, and the 5 teeth underneath.
  • He agreed and it meant I had the biggest physical and emotional challenge ahead. I needed all the support of my husband and my G.P. to do so.
  • Oh, and in the meantime, we were getting sick of the traipse back south to a G.P. and found one, our current one, in early April. JUST in time…for much, much more to come.

But first I had some exposure therapy in real life to manage.

This is information, after it came highly recommended by my then psychologist in 2016-17,  about what it was I needed (and still do at times) to follow to get myself to the dentist, have the extractions and recover from them

Exposure therapy is often essential if you are to overcome your anxiety disorder. The cognitive behavioural treatment of  conditions such as: panic with agoraphobia, simple phobias, social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and post traumatic stress usually entails an exposure component.That is, you must subject yourself to the situations you are worried about in order to beat anxiety.

Although this sounds frightening, your therapist will give you the tools to cope with confronting your fears (e.g. rational thinking, slow breathing and isometric relaxation).

The guidelines for exposure therapy are that the sessions must be

  • graded
  • repeated and regular
  • prolonged

Why Getting Those Teeth Removed Was The Best Way To Know What I Could Do. 

  • Early April, I met my new G.P. who not only gave me the flu shot but the advice to help I.B.S. was to take an old fashioned anti-depressant as it slowed the gut down. Four years on, I still take it and whilst it is not perfect, this medication and my changed confidence in how to deal with anxiety about I.B.S. works.
  • I prepared for the long afternoon at the dentist knowing my husband would be in the room, reading a book, and that I could take some valium and immodium to manage myself.
  • I had my iphone with the lovely William McInnes narrating a very familiar tale into my ears, and that was it…
  • I was conscious the whole time and it took quite a bit of novocaine for me to have no pain in the palate area.
  • I was given the chance to have a ‘wee break’ and took it half way.
  • It was over before I realised and the dentist, pretty worn out by it, said he broke a few diamond drill heads.
  • But it was GONE. The bridge, those teeth…..and a temporary denture made the week before, was pushed into my numbed gums.

Whilst I declined the chance to take them home (I was told the Tooth Fairy owed me big time) I took the photo instead.

I DID IT. 

  • Yes it was painful as the anaesthetic wore off, but this anxious me had with all her lessons learned over time, managed what was to be a pivotal time.
  • I’d like to say, that’s that…..but no, it wasn’t.
  • The top of my mouth where the teeth had been continued to be smelly, flappy and  nasty.
  • The dentist seemed to think it was OK and would repair itself.
  • I put up with a very painful and sore top of my mouth for the next 5 weeks because he wanted to see how things went and then he went on vacation.

11 May – 16 May 2017.

  • Last trip back to my old G.P. to say good bye and thank you, and by the way “my gums are very sore”.
  • She raised her hands in horror when I took out the denture.
  • Tests for cancer: a C.T. scan for sinuses and upper mouth. Stat. And as I was seeing the dentist the next day, she knew he would likely order a biopsy.
  • Yes he did. STAT. Oh, this was getting to be familiar.
  • He did raise cancer as an idea but felt unlikely.
  • Off to next door where I booked a biopsy at the Oral Surgeon and she said, I can do that tomorrow, Friday.
  • CT scan and biopsy done on that day.
  • My nerves were….calmed by some valium but my goodness, this was serious stuff.
  • Weekend: waiting but not saying anything to family as it was Mother’s Day on 14 May and we had visitors.
  • Monday: results. CT: all good. Initial biopsy: inconclusive: likely candida. Can probably treat you at the surgery.
  • Tuesday 16th May. Nice day.

And that is where this Chapter ends.

If you have guessed where it’s going, then you are probably right.

I will be taking over my Thursday posts with these now over the next months to enable me to get up to date.

Denyse.

Next Chapter: Twenty Three: 17th May – April 2018.

Linking up here with Leanne for Lovin Life Linky

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

 

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Heroic. 13/51. #LifeThisWeek. 39/2021.

Heroic. 13/51. #LifeThisWeek. 39/2021.

As I am the instigator of these optional prompts you might think ‘ah that makes it easier to write’….well actually it doesn’t at times. This is one such time.

I was telling my husband about it and he said this about me. I wasn’t asking, but he told me he saw me as a hero.

“Displaying great courage under difficult circumstances and I see that in you”

He would say any more…ha! Man of few words and apt to give praise very rarely. However, it was not only related to overcoming cancer, but he didn’t elaborate and I know him well enough to know it’s cool that he sees me that way.

 

Heroic: adjective

having the characteristics of a hero or heroine; admirably brave or determined.”heroic deeds”

(of language or a work of art) grand or grandiose in scale or intention.

“one passes under pyramids and obelisks, all on a heroic scale”

Heroic: noun

behaviour or talk that is bold or dramatic.”the England star is getting special treatment because of his World Cup heroics”

heroic(a.) Synonyms: brave, valiant, courageous, intrepid, bold, daring, gallant, fearless, dauntless, noble, magnanimous. heroic(a.)

 

Some Heroic Actions and Attitudes by People I Know.

  • My late mother. She overcame intense shyness, some anxiety and being deaf in one ear, to eventually make her way into a new group of friends and social circles when Dad’s promotion at work brought us to Sydney leaving behind her family and all she knew. Dad told me recently that she did not want to make that move. I understood that from my own experiences in 2014-2015.

  • My eldest granddaughter. She’s someone who has overcome (and continues to monitor and do well) a serious life-changing auto-immune condition. She had managed it with support from her Mum of course but as anyone with a serious  health condition knows, it is UP to you…always. Onya Miss J.

  • My youngest granddaughter. Turning 6 very soon, her way of arriving in the world set the scene for future heroic and an attitude determination. A breech baby who refused to be turned, so Mum gave birth naturally (under safe conditions) and then when she broke her wrist a year ago, took the hospitalisation, surgery, and recovery in her stride. So cool….about it, I mean!

 

  • My late paternal grandmother. She fell in love, during World War 1, in England, with a Scottish-born soldier from Australia, recovering in a hospital near her home. She left everything and everyone she knew to get on a War Bride ship to sail to Australia. She always hoped to go back home to visit but circumstances of poverty prevented that. Became a mum to 4 by the time she was in her 30s, and it was the Depression. Sadly, her husband died of injuries in a workplace accident. She may never have liked her life after that but she was heroic enough to see it through, dying of old age in 1985.

 

  • My husband. Shhhh. I looked at the list and thought, I have no men on it. He is heroic in so much he does and is to me and our family. Early, medical retirement aged 30 was not how life should have been for him, and his family, but he, over time, made some great opportunities come his way to improve his health, our lives together and more. He is quiet, self-effacing but every day, in often debilitating chronic pain, he makes the most of each waking moment. He makes me laugh every.single.day.

And then, there are the Women of Courage featured here.

Back in 2019 I heard Jane Caro speak at Newcastle Writers Festival about her latest book Accidental Feminists. After that, I realised I knew many, many women would could share their own stories of courage if they were prepared to. More said yes than no. Then over 2019 and into 2020 over 50 posts were published here.

I am selecting a few, where I see heroic actions and attitudes went hand in hand in the courage of those women. I honour each and every woman’s story.

Debbie Harris’  Story.

From her post, back in 2019, here is her story. It tells itself. Her blog is here.

“We all need to be brave in our own way and make the most of what life throws at us.  It’s funny that anyone who gets a bravery award says they didn’t feel brave they just did what they had to do at the time.  Those were my exact words when I was given the award”.

Deb Morton’s Story.

Deb’s second son, is friend and author Rick Morton. His latest book “My Year of Living Vulnerably” is a must-listen/read. His facebook page has more. I am in awe of his words and more. Her story, awful as it is, is here. I so appreciate Deb’s involvement with this.

“I am a better person for what I have gone through , I am so lucky that my little daughter saved me , the fact that she needed me , helped, I thank God every day she came into my life and I know that I have passed on to her the ability to deal with whatever life throws at her, she is a hardworking and capable person that I can be proud of!”

 

Jane Caro’s Story.

In her earlier book, and as part of her story,  Jane wrote of her anguish when her first child (now very well adult teacher & Mum herself) was very sick in the Children’s Hospital in Camperdown and how a doctor’s words, below helped. Follow Jane here.

I asked for help (as going to therapy had taught me to do) and spoke to neo-natologist and grief counsellor Dr Peter Barr. He said these three sentences to me that began to crack the carapace of anxiety I had been living behind. “There’s nothing special about you, there’s nothing special about Polly (my daughter). Terrible things can happen, and they can happen to anyone. Safety is an illusion, danger is reality.”

Catching up with Jane Caro: April 2019.

 

 

By the way, IF you would like to share YOUR story, I would be happy to send you the 5 questions…let me know via an email to

denyse@ozemail.com.au as I see no reason why I cannot have some more Women of Courage posts into 2021.

DELIGHTED to ANNOUNCE: 2021 will have a series of Women of Courage.

After April, there will be more stories to share.

This is what I wrote today to quite a few women who I follow on twitter, many of whom I have known for some years:

Hello

In 2019 and into 2020 I had a series of posts written by women, answering 5 questions from me about being courageous. Given recent events here in Australia, we know women’s voices need to be heard more. I am asking you, would you be interested in taking part in 2021 series.. It can be using your name or anonymously.

Do let me know YES or NO…and if it’s a yes, your best contact email please.

Thank you,

Denyse Whelan

The page here takes you to the 56 stories already shared.

https://www.denysewhelan.com.au/women-of-courage/

 

 

Goodness me, with this post we are 1/4 of the way through 2021.

Make of that what you will!

If you celebrate the coming Easter festival, may it be enjoyable.

I know teachers (parents and kids) in N.S.W. schools are looking forward to end of Term One and some holiday time.

Denyse.

Link Up #233

Life This Week. Link Up #233

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive  in nature.

* THANK you for linking up today! Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 14/51 Self Care Stories #2. 5 Apr.

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CATastrophe: Flooding Rains. #SundayStills. #13. 38/2021.

CATastrophe: Flooding Rains. #SundayStills. #13. 38/2021.

This week’s post is brought to you by a non-cat owner…and I believe they own you from what I know…and I understand that #13 can be unlucky and black cats can bring fortune so perhaps I can be forgiven for taking the  original prompt about respect the cat day from Terri here and her friend from Always Write now caring for Sunday Stills over the next 2 weeks.

News update: whilst the rains have stopped. Sun is back, sadly the devastation remains. Some towns and suburbs on the fringes of N.S.W. capital city, Sydney remain impassible due to high levels of the local rivers and catchment. This is not new but it is never nice to have running muddy water through your house and have it sweep all your belongings away.

These photos from local media:

1.The Hawkesbury: a flood plain before the Blue Mountains start.

2. The Windsor Bridge: recently re-built to be “flood proof”….on the Hawkesbury River. No, it wasn’t.

 

Source: abc.net.au

source: The Hawkesbury Gazette

 

 

Catastrophe is affecting every town, village, city and remote areas on the New South Wales Coastline as I write this post. Unprecedented Autumn rains, combined with already healthy dam levels and water systems made for the awful, sudden and very wet times.

  • Figures for amounts of rain have broken rainfall records held for decades.
  • Watching the nightly news and keeping up with feeds on social media the areas concerned, most familiar to me as a long time resident of this state…having had holidays in some areas, lived in others and taught in schools in many.
  • We are safe, dry and relatively unaffected.
  • We did not venture out of the house because of the damage caused by rain making potholes and familiar roads covered with water.

Signs everywhere.

DO NOT DRIVE THROUGH when road is covered…and of course, there are always those who do, and volunteers are called out to rescue them. Sadly one person in N.S.W. died whilst trying to drive in the dark and did not see the effects of rising waters on the road.

source: The Australian

My photos for Sunday Stills are, where I can, shown with comparison pictures of familiar places.

A day or so before the weather set in…pretty dramatic clouds!

Canton Beach: before the rains

 

During and after the rains when I ventured out.

Lakes Rescue Base. Before the rains. Note the jetty.

 

No jetty to be seen! Taken from road above and road was completely flooded below.

 

Budgewoi: Bridge at Mackenzie Reserve. The grounds here were completely covered during the heavy rains.

My view back to Mackenzie Reserve a few days after the rains.

 

High on the hill at Wyong, looking east to see Racecourse flooded.

 

After almost a week, this happened late in the afternoon…..

I hope that some of the levels of rain affected areas can be appreciated through these.

I also send my best to those who read here and know of people affected by the devastation…living in Australia is a place of droughts and flooding rains alright.

Next week I know the prompt for #sundaystills is volunteer and I have that one sorted!

Denyse.

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Telling My Story.Chapter Twenty Two. 2016-16 May 2017. Part 1/2. 37/2021.

Telling My Story.Chapter Twenty Two. 2016- 16 May 2017. Part 1/2. 37/2021.

The backstory first:

Well over a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed.

Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at Chapter Twenty Two. And as with other posts, I am making it Parts 1 & 2. 

So, in keeping with my ethical approach to all things, I am making the chapters about MY recollections to various changes in life for me, and us, and life as we knew it. I hope I can continue sharing the story without any intentionally negative or hurtful references to others who are in my life as friends and family members. All of the stories to date found here.

And with this chapter, another photo…taken this year overlooking the harbour at Dobroyd near where I grew up.

Beginning 2016.

In my recent two-part Chapter 21 here and here, I outlined the emotional and physical health challenges I faced and was doing my best to both manage and understand.

This, for practical me, was very hard as the emotional roller coaster of my life often exacerbated the Irritable Bowel Syndrome and then that played into my negative thinking about myself …..and so on.

Not easy. For Me.

And of course, for my husband who was studying counselling part-time, working as a volunteer for two charities and doing renovations at his brother’s too. When I look at this, and he and I have chatted about it since, loneliness was sometimes part of the problem for me.

I made a change to this blog, and formalised the categories into one for each day, and launched Denyse Whelan Blogs, thanks to my dear friend Tanya and her patience and creativity along with my tech man, Craig. I was determined that staying connected and accountable every day to SOMETHING outside myself would in fact, help ground me in some ways.

It did.

Look, I am still here! And the categories are not used like this so much now but I liked how I got on with the changes! Back then too, there were around 4 weekly Australian based link ups!

A Few Celebrations And Not So Good Times.

We celebrated our 45 years of marriage with our family. Our adult children and their children. It was the first time we had all come together in around a year. That was very special.

We also heard awful news early in that same year that was both shocking and impactful on our family, particularly for two people we love very much. So much I cannot say and would not.

However, I did take it all pretty badly. That’s me. I feel. I was already rather anxious but this news did not help. I also felt conflict about it and used my time with my GP and psychologist to talk more.

Over time, of course, we continued to share the love and support within the family for those people but it still remained a wedge for a while for me. These years down the track as I write, things are better but will never be perfect. Life, hey.

We cared for grandkids on special overnight and holidays stays and whilst I loved it, my anxiety levels being high, I could not relax enough to enjoy things. The little people I had cared for back in Sydney were growing and changing and trying to keep myself well when they were there was fine but anticipation and afterwards would bring on bouts of nasty diarrhoea (thanks I.B.S.)

Travelling to Sydney for a first birthday was a mental struggle for me but we did it. I actually loved it and having time, again, with our grandchildren was always so special. However, there were undercurrents of things not being too well within the families and we tried to let those worries go. They eventually would be made known but not for some time. I cannot add any more than that. However, as I am writing now, matters are far more settled and at ease with us.

With birthdays and Christmas we tried as we could, to entertain during school holidays or a weekend and it was always good to see everyone, and for me, Grandma, to do her best with cakes and spoiling with gifts.

My Health….still a bother. 

All the time, with me, was a tension and anxiety I felt and knew, and even if I understood it, found it a challenge to live with but here’s what I am like. I do what I can, with what I can.

I read,

I studied,

I learned,

I did courses about I.B.S.,

Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, Art, Mandala-Making

and I got out most days (when I.B.S. was quiet) to take photos, walk on the beach and perhaps interact with people at the shops.

I saw my friendly G.P. regularly who tried, over time, with some different medications to help me but nothing did. She was a great cheerleader though and her encouragement was good.

I even wrote this on a community page: I was searching for people who might get what I was writing about and I did get loving support. However as I know too well, we do end up working things out for ourselves.

Long time commenter & poster but first time ‘admitting my troubles & needing some advice/support’ … thanks in advance for reading!

I’m 67, been retired from work (happily) & life ‘should’ feel better than this. I’ve been a pretty anxious person (worrier etc) all my life & at times Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS – Diarrheoa) has been part of life too.

Over 2 years ago, we sold our house in Sydney, paid out mortgage etc, found a rental house we like on Central Coast & left our much-loved adult families (g’kids too) behind. I also stopped all my work in education after 44 yrs.

Now, I “thought” I had nailed this! Yep. What we wanted to do. Freedom etc. My emotions disagreed & that’s where I have been falling down, picking myself up, x 10000 (it feels like) since Jan 2015.

I’ve got a fantastic listening hub who “gets me”, a great GP who helps me manage symptoms of IBS & a psychologist who is working with me on plans of ‘exposure’ therapy to learn to live with & accept IBS.

I am fortunate not have a diagnosis of either anxiety or depression but when IBS lurks (just about every week if not more frequently) then I get both sad & upset because of it. I take no medication other than imodium if I have to.

I do not know “who I am” any more because of my increasing fear to venture out to socialise, drive any distance on M1 or even have a cuppa somewhere.

Everything I read & understand about both anxiety-related conditions & IBS says I have to “accept” it and get on with life.

Right now, this seems hard.. too hard.. and I’m floundering. I do know I have determination & strength because I’ve rallied myself many times.

Do you know that around 20-25% of the population has IBS & it’s a functional condition & no treatment is available? I’m fortunate it is nothing more serious… I know.

What I wondered tonight, is anyone else out there like me and how can we help each other through some of these tough(er) times?

I am/was always searching for how to make me better to understand myself.

Weight loss: a mixed blessing. I was unwell.

Did What I Could To Help Myself.

I have all the books to prove it. And whilst all courses and speaking to professionals helped, the one thing that eluded me was how to live with irritable bowel syndrome and its unpredictability.

I tried writing.

I made hundreds of journal entries.

I did an on-line course twice to help understand IBS.

I read and completed a book with self-help ideas.

 

This List Was Something I Kept for Me in 2016.

Here are 20 things you can control:

1. Talking to yourself positively

2. The way you talk to those around you

3. The amount of physical exercise you give your body

4. The food you nourish your body with

5. Your level of honesty

6. Whether you are a listener or a talker

7. How often you smile every day

8. The time you spend worrying about irrelevant things

9. The amount of love you give your children

10. Whether you see the glass half empty or half full

11. How mindful you want to be

12. How you make other people feel about themselves

13. Having a generous heart

14. Allowing yourself to ask for help

15. Offering help in return

16. Whether you judge people or accept people

17. Having an open heart to receive true love

18. Whether you believe in yourself

19. Your words

20. Your thoughts

 

Self help, not helpless.

I was unwell yet wanted so much to be well. I was caught between being embarrassed about my anxious gut and self and wanting to get out and enjoy this life I had longed for in retirement.

Some things I tried (and still do!) were these:

Our Family Life At The Time.

As at the beginning of this year, things did not proceed comfortably for the remainder of 2016 and into 2017 due to changes in family dynamics and relationships. Again, I say no more. Other than this: my heart may be broken yet mended over time. This, fortunately, is true and for me…so grateful. But living with it and through it was something I found very disconcerting. We had limited contact with family members and I travelled far less to Sydney because of my health and anxiety about I.B.S.

Nothing “I” could do to change anything was a lesson I learn(ed) over and over again. Having some faith and trust that matters can be resolved and worked out did, over time, prove to be true but it took a serious illness (mine) for that to happen. More in the next part of the story. Mindfulness and the works of Pema Chodron, and Jack Kornfield and My Headspace app all helped. I did a lot of meditation outside and inside.

 

And What About That Sore Mouth?

It did not get better. I did all I was asked by my (new in early 2016) dentist. I was given instructions for better cleaning, managing so called candida, trying ideas for eating/drinking cooler food as mouth was red on the roof (palate). I am a compliant patient. Yet, some of the treatments were making my I.B.S. diarrheoa worse. Sigh. My G.P. did not have any more ideas. However, “I” must have because diary entries as the year went on towards early 2017 included:

  • I wonder if this is cancer
  • Sore mouth – gums and possible filling breaking. Know I will have to see gum specialist.
  • GP says “mouth inflamed but it’s not cancer”
  • Dentist: “In two months since I last saw you I see pus in overgrown gums over the bridge of teeth, so off to see gum specialist”
  • BUT I said, “back in early January 2017 I want to know what is under this bridge so can you take it out?”

His answer, in short, was conservative and no. It would as you will read in Part Two of this Chapter, happen.

Thank you for reading and commenting on these Telling My Story posts. Yes, they can raise some powerful emotions for me but I also am aware of how far I have come in this relatively short period.

Next time with be Part Two.

I will be taking over my Thursday posts with these now over the next months to enable me to get up to date.

Denyse.

Linking up here with Leanne for Lovin Life Linky

Joining with Natalie here for Weekend Coffee Share.

 

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Good. 12/51.#LifeThisWeek. 36/2021.

Good. 12/51.#LifeThisWeek. 36/2021.

A GOOD shot of the STORM at the beach where I went to feel GOOD after a few days of illness.

GOOD.

What comes to mind for you?

It’s a subjective word for me. I have used it that way many a time myself as a teacher, a mother, and a grandmother:

  •  “be a good boy and stand over there while we get the car”…..
  • “come on, who’s being good today? I will be finding people for a special reward”
  • “if everyone is good by the time we get to lunch today, there will be a special time in the afternoon for free play”

You get the picture?

But just in case.

Here’s another form, that was often used on me. I was the “GOOD” girl, in the family. Meaning what? Apparently my father tells me because I slept better than my younger brother.

Then as life went on, as a girl, into teen and becoming a woman, I was told to be good, behave, and given my “eldest child” nature, of course I did.

Sigh.

But is that what good is?

Sometimes it can be far more general, and less likely for me to get heated about the oft used term…to me, to flatter….“you are such a good girl”.

In my head NO I AM not…and anyway, that’s a story for my memoir….oh right, yes, so it seems I have already started. A long time ago.

Back in early 2017 I took the words of this woman, Maya Angelou and found the courage to start my memoir, Telling My Story.

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/maya_angelou_133956

I’m convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they’re stones that don’t matter. As long as you’re breathing, it’s never too late to do some good. Maya Angelou.

 

Quotes on GOOD.

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/william_shakespeare_109527?src=t_good

 

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/marcel_marceau_101346

 

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/anne_frank_109060?src=t_good

 

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/martin_luther_king_jr_390143?src=t_good

Good as a description.

I have always considered it pretty bland. Somewhere between excellent and not.

I admit, I would not have liked it as a comment teachers wrote on reports on their students back in the day…because “what does good mean?”

Mediocre.

Somewhere in the middle.

Is my inner cynic showing?

Do you know how many movies there are with the word “good” in them? I do not have a total because I got bored but for example:

A Few Good Men

And then there are songs:

Good Golly Miss Molly

And TV series:

The Good Place

And shops:

The Good Guys

Is there anything else I might add?

No. Thank you.

That’s GOOD then because I have finished.

Good to go?

Yes.

Press Publish.

Thanks, Denyse, it’s been good working with you.

Ha!

Who thinks up these optional prompts?

Ooops. Sorry, it’s Denyse.

Good Night.

Good Day.

Good Bye!

P.S. Was there any good from this post for you? Anything at all?

Maybe this: My GOOD mantra:

Link Up #232

Life This Week. Link Up #232

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive  in nature.

* THANK you for linking up today! Next Week’s Optional Prompt: Heroic. 13/51 29 March 2021.

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