Sunday 7th March 2021

Self Care Stories #1 7/51. #LifeThisWeek. Ageing. 21/2021.

Self Care Stories #1 7/51. #LifeThisWeek. Ageing. 21/2021.

Every 7th week for #LifeThisWeek optional prompts it’s about Self Care. Time to take a look at care habits, physical, mental and emotional.

And this year as I began to consider my purpose for continuing this blog in a meaningful way as I am changing, I added a category called Stories About Ageing. I introduced my view on ageing and I sought readers’ comments and thoughts. For this week’s post about self care, it made sense to write about what I am noticing about my habits and what I may need to change or update.

Self Care #1. Ageing.

Physical.

What I am noticing about me now. I am, because I can see from the many photos I have that I am looking older.

Yes, I am overweight  somewhat more now than when I was at my then lightest following my first year of head and neck cancer in 2017. However my doctors (and I!) do not want me to change anything.  I am also showing signs on my face with extra sun spot marks and

….for the first time ever, my hair has begun thinning.

When I first remarked on this at a recent hair appointment my lovely hairdresser said she had noticed it before and we worked on a style that will not show it as obviously. I also mentioned it to my G.P. and he said that because I have had a number of anaesthetics in the past 9 months, the effects can do that to hair and growth.

Recent blood tests showed my low iron has continued and in fact is probably the lowest it has been since my head and neck surgery in July 2017. The conservative treatment of iron supplements just don’t work for me as my sensitive IBS gut (potentially) acts up.

To rule out internal bleeding, because I had a colonoscopy back in June 2020 where all was OK cancer-wise, I am having a gastroscopy and an iron infusion. The first will check any potential bleeding sites in the gut, gullet and so on, and the second will, I hope boost my energy because even with the best of intentions, I do find hill walking hard. So I don’t do it! Update: had the gastroscopy and no bleeding areas but will need to increase use of anti-reflux meds and iron infusion went well but making me, ironically, a bit more tired next day!

Mental.

I have been well following my head and neck cancer surgeon’s visit last September when he said “see you in a year!”. At the time, that came as quite a surprise because I thought I would still be having 6 monthly checks.

I did need to take time to process this news.

Coming from my surgeon, who knows head and neck cancer the best (top one who is recognised by his peers as the best) I needed to believe he was right in his judgement.

It is quite a mind shift to make from wondering if any new swelling, pain or slight change might mean cancer is back. And I have had to work on challenging such negative and highly emotive thoughts. They can take me back to feeling fearful as I had for such a long time and I have to trust in the process that I can be well.

I am well!

Then there is this. In July 2020 and then in August 2020 I had some pretty serious abdominal surgeries. One was a rectopexy to repair and make my rectum work as it should, and when the surgeon was inside, he found a hernia, so that meant two lots of incisions. Big upside down T for me…and readers here might recall the wound dehisced. And that meant more surgery. More and much longer recovery and loss of independence, just as I had it back.

How to handle this?

By letting out my frustrations in some tears and telling my husband how I felt.

And making my home space more comfortable so I could recover in comfort. I also needed to allow myself time to grieve for how disappointed I was I needed a second surgery.

Once I had done that, I accepted with gratitude (it truly works!) and allowed the healing from the visiting nurse, my attendance at the G.P.s to go well.

It did. And now, I still cannot believe the freedom I have from having a fully working well ….body. No more worries about prolapse, and so much more embarrassing times I endured for far longer than I needed.

Emotional.

It’s hard to delineate where this fits in between physical and mental but for me it’s about how my mood is and how I can catch myself before go down any rabbit holes of negativity, regret and future concerns.

I remain in the present as much as I can and this for me has been a game-changer!

In fact, I have many more good and great days now than ever.

It has a lot to do with my own growth via reading, learning, seeing a psychologist some years back, a great G.P. who listens (and always tells me how well I am doing to when he first met me in early 2017) and my dear, counsellor-trained husband.

I have been taking an old fashioned anti-depressant since April 2017 which my G.P. originally suggested I take to help calm my insides when IBS was rampant and it would help me sleep. Since then I have, with his support, continued to take it in various doses.

Establishing a daily routine way back in the latter half of 2017 in my early head and neck cancer recoveries is still the basis of my day and it works. I shift times and so on around a bit but the essence of the routine is this which I wrote about here too:

  • Calm Meditation when I wake. Daily Calm. I lie in bed to do this as I am much more comfy.
  • Getting Up times: looser in structure now as we are retired.
  • Having breakfast and getting into my morning: reading the daily newspaper, blog reading and commenting
  • Dress With Purpose and Go Out Of the House. I continue to do this in a modified way with COVID changing my habit of sitting somewhere for a coffee but the delineation in my day makes this something I look forward to every day.
  • Late Lunch and reading
  • Afternoon for Blogging, Some art and NOW some walking outside somewhere. I got slack about this a while back and I am back into it.
  • Dinner Preparation and Eating.
  • News and maybe other viewing for a while with my husband.
  • Later: shower, bed  routine and Netflix or similar in my wind down
  • Calm Meditation of my choice in bed as I ready for sleep

In Summary.

I do all I can to remain in the present.

I remember to go outside if I need a better perspective for a while. I look up, I walk on the grass barefoot and I might drive to the river just to watch and listen.

I spend far less time than I did in comparing myself to others. This used to be a main source of upset for me.

I look at myself with a kinder eye and a warmer heart. Often.

I remind myself I AM 71….

and it is OK not to be as sprightly as those I sometimes see talking about “as we get older” and they are in fact, maybe 45-50. Eye rolling!

That’s me for now.

How are you going in terms of self-care?

Share in the comments for us all to learn.

Denyse.

Link Up #227

 

Life This Week. Link Up #227

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

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Colour Challenge: Rosy Red #SundayStills.#7.20/2021.

Colour Challenge: Rosy Red #SundayStills. #7. 20/2021.

Each week I am writing and posting here  on Thursdays I am now publishing on a Sunday as I have the prompts in advance….so here is my next one…for inclusion in #SundayStills, the photography challenge from this blogger and kind person, Terri from here.

 

Joining in here means I am meeting up with new bloggers and some also come here to comment. It is also made better by the company I keep including Australian-based bloggers too.

 

This girl, around 2 years of age, is my Rosy Red.

Actually her second name is Rose but some members of the family have called her Rosie or Rosy from time to time. First born granddaughter. Such a great experience in my  life, to hold the daughter of my daughter in my arms….2 days before Christmas way back in the latter half of the 1990s!

 

Red for Love.

Red For Courage.

Red For Romance.

Red For Life.

Red is for Caution/Danger.

Red is a favourite of mine. I even have a red car!

Red From Nature. 

Spring Impatiens.

 

Neighbourhood Hibiscus

 

Pansies In a Pot on Our Verandah

 

Spring Bulb After Autumn Planting.

 

Deeper Red Pansy

 

Camellias on the street I drove down. Stopped for the photo.

 

This pink rose can look red! My husband has grown this in our front garden.

Last but oh so not least..is Miss J Rose with her Grandma aka me celebrating our Golden Wedding Anniversary: in GOLD of course!!

What’s your favourite colour ?

Denyse.

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Telling My Story. Chapter Twenty One. Part 2/2. 2015. 19/2021.

Telling My Story. Chapter Twenty One. Part 2/2. 2015. 19/2021.

The backstory first:

Well over a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed.

Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at...Chapter Twenty One.  Part Two 2015. Part One was published here.

So, in keeping with my ethical approach to all things, I am making the chapters about MY recollections to various changes in life for me, and us, and life as we knew it. I hope I can continue sharing the story without any intentionally negative or hurtful references to others who are in my life as friends and family members. All of the stories to date found here.

Well, it seems I survived my first half of 2015 living at the southern end of the Central Coast but wait, there is more, much much more.

Are you ready?

Here we go:

June and July.

Emotions Are Tricky!

We had some reasons for visit Sydney: my gastroenterologist who was happy to see me and with a positive outcome from an MRI done back in May he believed my insides were OK but that I.B.S. was just a part of me that needed my management.

Neither he nor the GP had any reason to be concerned about my weight loss over time which was in fact because : I really couldn’t bring myself to eat much at all as almost always it would result in some kind of stomach reaction.

It was truly horrible for me who WANTED to be social but could not go out for lunch or entertain for a meal. I stuck to coffee and cake – if I could even do that and most people who cared about me understood that.

I on the other hand was very self-critical. And would continue to be for years. Seriously. Yes, I was blaming me for things that were probably needing compassion and kindness but “black and white” thinking Denyse had not quite given up her harsh words.

We had grandkids who we love dearly come and stay for a couple of nights and whilst I love their company I got myself overly worried about things and them and found the stress bothersome. I did not like that either.

Yes I was doing meditation. Every day. I was seeing my G.P. pretty often too. She was running out of ideas for my emotional equilibrium and on one occasion when I was at breaking down crying point, put me onto an anti-depressant. I agreed to it. My husband was sceptical but went along with it. I took it once. I had such a physical reaction to it that I declared “never again”. Suffice to say, after days of diarrhoea my G.P. wholeheartedly agreed.

I blogged. Every day. By this time, I was now joining in link ups and that helped me have some conversations on line.

I joined in a private group where we supported ourselves trying to Flourish. There were some great programs in there and from there I added to my repertoire of mindfulness by doing an on-line MOOC course from a Uni in Melbourne learning about Mindfulness and Stress. Excellent work.

I had already begun my large collection of writers, scholars, and more who I would learn more from and about and this helped me feel less alone.

My post here on Calm Days and Calm Nights has all of the titles I found useful to grow and learn.

My husband was, when he could be, an amazing support. I did however, have very few people to talk to and with and this contributed to more isolation.

Dealing with family news was hard on me. I simply did not have the emotional capacity to support as I might have now because I had no skills, and I was totally trying to deal with myself.

Sigh.

August, September and October.

Dear readers, assume that I continued with my health care and seeking answers.

  • These also included things like going for a drive,
  • watching the waves,
  • walking on the beach and near nature.
  • Whilst I did (do) enjoy going to shopping centres, I am afraid to say I felt lonelier there when I saw people with their grandkids and/or friends and chatting.
  • I wanted that. I also knew, intellectually I had had that and now it was no longer happening. Sigh. Again.

We celebrated our daughter’s birthday at our place.

She took some images of us for a TV program called Compass about married couples. Our shots were part of the promo.

Family time was always welcomed but I had become hypervigilant and that did not help my stress and I.B.S.

I had my last role in education. I was invited to be part of a Teach Meet and it was to be held at my former High School. Last visited by me in 1967! It was a thrill to present there and to get to have a tour of the school to see the many changes. Grateful and proud of doing this one last talk of my career.

We had a short stay in Parramatta while my husband attended a compulsory course for his degree and I was alone for some of that time and did catch up with our family. My level of anxiety staying there and no longer being in our home rose and I would not do that again. I did see one of my granddaughters for a play and we went to tea at our daughter’s house but I was not great. Tried to look it..but…

By this time we were certain we were not staying on…in this overpriced rental nor in the area. It was a strange place. A town like no other. We have lived in country towns but this was not friendly. Sadly. I began the search on-line and then in real time of the northern end of the Central Coast and it seemed like a place and area that would suit us more.

As luck would have it, on a drive past the house we saw on line in October, the owners (former, actually) were around and asked did we want to have a look inside. Oh, yes please. Totally not supposed to do this of course, but we did and knew, if we could, this would be the one. It was to become that indeed! But more to come…

November into December. Big Months but Better Ones! 

The House. We got the new house to rent and it would be…over $150 less than what we were paying and it was a one level ducted air con, 4 bed, 2 bathroom house…very similar to what we had sold. Suddenly things were already looking better. BUT…

As we were breaking the lease of the other place, and they could not find anyone to re-lease it too, we did DOUBLE ups till the end of December. Not great.At all. However, the emotional relief was worth it.

Now instead of being separated from each other at night, as he went upstairs to bed, study and TV and I stayed downstairs, we would both be on the same level.

The move itself was OK. I took the chance to do more culling and all that but we still had a lot. Probably still do.

Nevertheless mid November we were northern end of the Central Coast inhabitants and pleased to be there.

For my 66th Birthday I tried something challenging and whilst I did it I know it was hard for me because of …..you guessed it…I.B.S.

  • I drove to see our family at our son’s place for an afternoon tea catch up and small birthday celebration.
  • I was in heaven to be with all of the family but it was tense.
  • I now know from this many years vantage point, it was not something from anything I had done. Nevertheless I feel things. 
  • I then joined our daughter’s family in a crowded and busy household for Christmas decorating day and dinner.
  • The next day, my actual birthday they all went to work and school and I saw my son’s two little ones and their mum and then drove to my Dad’s for a morning tea with my brother, sister in law and Dad.
  • THAT was a very full on couple of days for me. But, I did it.

 

Coming up to Christmas I was determined to see Dad if I could and drove down with some goodies and we said we would not travel to anyone on Christmas Day. I think that was because I was thinking about me, traffic and….you guessed it I.B.S. Truly that IS how much it affected me.

I stayed with the same doctor I had started seeing when we lived closer, and between us we always hoped things would improve for me. I began seeing a fantastic psychologist who challenged me and my often-critical thoughts and gave me assignments to help me learn by observing. She was keen for me to continue my art which grew hugely by the time we moved to this newer and better house because I had a dedicated area for my creating. That was so good. I also had space for private meditation and listening to some of the many people who helped me, eventually, find my way.

I.B.S. would continue to challenge me. It affected all I did. I could not plan to leave home unless I was pretty sure I would be OK. I had to know of toilet locations. I carried spare clothing and clean up items with me. I hated it but I did that. I did, though, find more to help me via another book and a course. All are too much in detail to outline here but they gave me an understanding that my emotions were in my gut and it was telling me how I was.

In the next couple of chapters, 2016 and 2017 I.B.S. continues to get a lead role…even though I hate admitting that.

And into 2016 here is what I hoped would help me.

And whilst it may not have worked like a charm…this did.

I got right back into blogging getting help from my kind friend Tanya (who still does my images) and with her help and my ideas I began 2016 rocking the blog with categories, and more. I blogged daily until around September 2016. More on that next post.

Phew.

Re-living this was a challenge as I wrote but I also got to congratulate myself for coming through. Little did I know, of course, that much more was in store for 2016. No, the family issues and my health ones did not go away. And then we will come to 2017…and many readers already know about that BUT we can wait, right?

Thanks for your kindness in reading these posts…if indeed you are here, then you must have!

How was 2015 for you?

Denyse.

Joining with Leanne for Lovin’ Life Linky here.

 

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Fallen. #SundayStills.#6.18/2021.

Fallen. #SundayStills. #6. 18/2021.

Each week I am writing and posting here for inclusion in the #SundayStills from this blogger and kind person, Terri from here.

And also this is part of my blog’s category for sharing photographs.

I have now combined the two and made a shared purpose photo for this photographic challenge.

What do you do when you get a prompt for Sunday Stills that is nothing to do with what you can relate to.

You come up with another version for “fallen” as I have now!

Falling! Fallin’ Fallen!

Oh I don’t know, let’s not get too carried away.

Back in 1970 two young teachers met at a Tamworth Teachers Conference. Story about that here. We admit we did “fall for each other pretty darned smartly”.

By the time this only know group of two pictures recorded us, we had FALLEN in love!

 

Now, what about that?

Without this, then these people would not have arrived in the world.

Our two dear children. As kids.

Then as they went on to have their children, our eight grandchildren, then the world would be a quieter and sadder place without them.

 

So, all in all, I think fallin’ for each other back then has paid handsome and invaluable dividends.

We paid out on that dividend with a celebration for our Golden Wedding Anniversary in late January 2021.

What did you think of my ‘take’ on Fallen?

Denyse.

Joining Natalie here for the Weekend Coffee Share.

I add this to my #SundayStills posts because I am not a wordpress blogger but have a self-hosted site. Do catch up with me if you are interested in knowing more and come on over on a Monday to link a post! Details below.

Please follow this blog via Bloglovin  see my home page for link in which to add your email address.

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Each Monday I hosted a link up called Life This Week. There are optional prompts. They can be found on the home page too.

Denyse: An Australian East Coast of New South Wales Blogger: Often found here:

 

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Decision. 6/51. #LifeThisWeek. 17/2021.

Decision. 6/51. #LifeThisWeek. 17/2021.

Decision making is a process of choosing between alternatives. Problem solving and decision making are distinct but related activities. Time pressure and personal emotions can affect the quality of decisionmaking outcomes.

What are the 7 steps of decision making?

Step 1: Identify the decision. You realize that you need to make a decision. …

Step 2: Gather relevant information. …

Step 3: Identify the alternatives. …

Step 4: Weigh the evidence. …

Step 5: Choose among alternatives. …

Step 6: Take action. …

Step 7: Review your decision & its consequences.

Source: various. I have included these only because of the steps.

I had no idea just how much theory there is to decision-making. I have learned something new!

D E C I S I O N S

When I first began mulling through my ideas for this post, I listed some decisions I have made in my life: here are four.

To Become a K-6 Teacher.

 

To say “yes” to my now husband.

 

To apply for a K-6 principal’s role and accept it.

 

To see our Sydney house and move to the Central Coast.

Then as I thought through some of my decision-making processes it became apparent, it is NOT always easy, nor even ‘wrong or right’ in an outcome.

Oh gosh.

What next?

Perhaps for me, it is more about understanding what goes into decision-making.

This helped me see that at times we who procrastinate ( I do at times) can perhaps look more deeply into our why!

Decisions

  1. Address the fear of success. If being constantly late with your obligations causes you to risk losing everything you’ve worked for, consider the possibility that self-handicapping is keeping you from going full tilt to reach your goals. Challenge your beliefs that those who love you don’t want you to succeed because chances are that they will rejoice in your accomplishments.

  2. Build your self-efficacy to self-regulate. Convinced that you can’t handle your responsibilities in a timely manner?  Discouraged about your ability to organize and manage your time? Practise taking on small tasks that you know you can manage, focusing on jobs that are due in the not-too-distant future. Once you see that you can plan successfully, you can extend the range and time frame of your due dates, increasing both your sense of accomplishment and belief in your own abilities.

  3. Find your thrills in ways other than procrastinating. Stop flirting with danger by working too close to deadlines.  Instead of thinking about the times you managed to avoid disaster by coming in with your work at the last minute, focus your attention on the times you actually miscalculated and got into trouble. If you know you’re a hopeless deadline-pusher, though, then force yourself to adopt your own, internally generated deadlines. Eventually, you should be able to stretch those out over the longer term.

  4. Moderate perfectionism with an action orientation. It’s great to want to achieve the best outcome possible, but not if it comes at the price of missing out on an opportunity or seeming to be no more punctual than the careless procrastinator. If you feel that you can’t overcome this tendency on your own, find a work or study partner who is strong on “locomotion” and can help you learn ways to focus on getting the job done well and quickly.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201204/the-paradox-procrastination

Looking more deeply into my decisions from my present view  i.e. at a distance from the decisions made at the time.

To become a teacher

I always enjoyed the company of kids under the age of around 6 and found I could help them learn skills and had fun sharing their lives via stories, activities and more. I like being in charge and I felt an affinity to kids’ education in the age bracket 5-12. I did want a professional job which required training after school and nothing appealed to me even though I gave others some consideration. I thought of being a librarian or a film editor. I did try learning shorthand thinking an admin role might be good. OK, I did it because my father thought it was a good skill to add to my typing. Fortunately, the Teacher’s Scholarship Offer finally arrived and I could resign from my office job post HSC. I loved teaching. Still do. There are parts of it that can be tedious and test my patience but overall a decision that was 100% correct! For me.

Telling My Story Chapter Three has more about this here.

To accept my now-husband’s proposal

I fell in love with this man at first sight. He says the same about me. At around 8.00 p.m. on Saturday 17 October 1970 when we were at opposite ends of the table at an after conference dinner. He asked me to dance. Our longing to be together was strong. He asked me to marry him only a few weeks later and I have never felt so sure about anything. Yes, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes, it’s been full of many great times, sad ones, worrying too but overall, these past 50 years have shown me I made the right decision!

Telling My Story Chapter Four has something about this here.

To choose to apply for principal roles

Oh this one was not a straightfoward decision at all. I had years of experience at relieving principal roles (at two schools) in my 10 years of being a deputy principal. There were instances of parent interviews where I was so verbally threatened I wondered why “anyone” would want the role. There were also some good memories, over time and so, when faced with a difficult choice: stay as a deputy in a school where I had just been relieving principal for 2 terms or seek my own substantive principal role. It became an inner discussion of what would I want to say on my death bed...you know that one about what do you wish you had done that you didn’t. And I realised I did not want to die with regret I had not given it a go. These links below share to stories of how hard it was for me as my health suffered but I remain adamant: I did it and I tried my best…at the time.

Telling My Story Chapter Thirteen is about what happened here.

Telling My Story Chapter Fourteen shares more here.

To sell our house in Sydney to move to the Central Coast

I was unwell. I could no longer find the energy or motivation to work part-time to help keep our mortgage payments going for the Sydney house AND I had, sadly, lost my mojo for caring for our grandchildren. The obvious solution was to sell the house (we had been pondering this for some time AND my husband had been renovating room by room (and outside) for over two years. We would be mortgage free and we could move to rent to a nicer area on the Central Coast and have fewer worries. For me that is. I agreed. We did that. However, it was not a decision without many challenges for me, and even now I feel the insecurity rise from time to time about that choice for me. My husband has never waivered from the choice.

Telling My Story is in two parts (this week for part two on Wednesday) and goes some way to share how it was for me in part one. here. 

How To Make Hard Choices.

This video was eye-opening to me when I first  watched it some time back. The notion of needing to be “right” or “wrong”….or “yes” or “no” is a myth that is dispelled by Philosopher Ruth Chang in her Ted Talk “How To Make Hard Choices”.

Thank you for reading, commenting and linking up this week.

Denyse.

Link Up #226

 

Life This Week. Link Up #226

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive  in nature.

* THANK you for linking up today! Next week: 7/51 Self Care Stories #1. 15 Feb.

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My Favourite Landscape. #SundayStills.#5. 16/2021.

My Favourite Landscape. #SundayStills. #5.  16/2021.

Each week I am writing and posting here for inclusion in the #SundayStills from this blogger and kind person, Terri from here.

This is my fifth post! I think I must be liking the new category for my blogging. Of course it is made better by the company I keep including Australian-based bloggers too.

Asking for my favourite landscape is a lot like asking for a post about my favourite grandchild. They are all favourites in different ways!

So, that’s my basis for this post.

I do like to be out in nature sometime each week even if it IS just for a down time, some taking in of the air and sounds, or maybe some splashing in water.

A landscape for me can be as simple as a view from a window, to a long road ahead and back to the beach for a windswept scene.

Here They Are!

Favourite Landscape: One. The Beaches of The Central Coast, New South Wales.

Norah Head. N.S.W. Looking east.

 

Norah Head Lighthouse. Looking North. Close to sunset.

 

Soldier’s Beach. Stormy weather in winter.

 

Lakes Beach. Post wash up of ALL the pebbles & shells!

 

Favourite Landscape: Two. Rural New South Wales.

Driving past country hills and pasture land of North Western N.S.W.

 

Narrabri: the sign points to the property that was our first home for 1971-72.

 

Horse and cattle studs not far from where we live.

Favourite Landscape: Three. One River. From a Few Places: Wyong, New South Wales.

The Wyong River wends its way to The Entrance and eventually The Ocean.

 

Part of the Wyong River at Porter’s Creek.

 

The lake from Tuggerawong.

 

More delightful reflections at Porter’s Creek.

Favourite Landscape: Four. Bridges and A Jetty from Lakes on the New South Wales Central Coast.

 

The bridge at Budgewoi Creek, is a special place for mindfulness for me.

 

A view from the northern side. Love the reflections. I came here to ponder many things happening in my life and when I was diagnosed with cancer, it was to here I came.

 

No chance of a walk after this flooding rain!

 

Long Jetty is a former jetty on the lake and now ideal for photos!

Favourite Landscape Five. Clouds and Reflections On the Tuggerah Lakes.

The hills, the clouds…and the solo pelican

 

I never tire of taking photos of the lake when it’s so still like this.

And even though I originally had 4 favourites, I added a fifth as I wrote the post!

I hope you enjoy seeing my part of Australia as much as I enjoy finding spots to photograph like these. Oh, and they are all via my Iphone 11 ProMax.

And joining with Natalie for #weekendcoffeeshare here too.

Denyse.

 

Please follow this blog via Bloglovin  see my home page for link in which to add your email address.

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Each Monday I hosted a link up called Life This Week. There are optional prompts. They can be found on the home page too.

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Telling My Story. Chapter Twenty One. Part 1/2. 2015. 15/2021.

Telling My Story. Chapter Twenty One. Part 1/2. 2015. 15/2021.

The backstory first:

Well over a hundred three years ago ….I thought it was time, seeing I had a blog, to start writing my story. It was on advice from a blogging friend, now published author that I did. Then, for a long time I did not. Because cancer was diagnosed.

Nevertheless, I eventually returned to the story and now I am at...Chapter Twenty One. Part One.2015.

So, in keeping with my ethical approach to all things, I am making the chapters about MY recollections to various changes in life for me, and us, and life as we knew it. I hope I can continue sharing the story without any intentionally negative or hurtful references to others who are in my life as friends and family members. All of the stories to date found here.

Telling My Story. Chapter Twenty One. Part One. 2015.

As I have noted in previous chapters, the memories from some years remain strong, and often are sad ones. However, despite this being true for me, I must push on, as they say, and share how life was for me…in 2015. Back then.

Time To Move (on) and More.

As mentioned in Chapter Twenty, we sold our house and were ready (I thought I was anyway, he was!) to make this big move in our lives.

January.

After new year, we continued our packing up AND memory-making. My husband was very keen to leave the house, the gardens, the grounds and the pool in tip top shape for the new owners as settlement loomed for mid-January.

I on the other hand was keen to enjoy what I would not be able to in my future,  and that meant some grandchildren sleepovers and swims and get-togethers. My Dad had his 91st birthday with all of his then family around him at my brother’s house. We made trips to and from the Central Coast house we were about to move into and I guess being THAT busy helped to block the emotional pulls that would eventually wound me.

And we were off…kind of. I went in my car, fully laden to the Central Coast house. My husband stayed back to oversee the removalists. This was not a great day weather-wise and the person we booked the move with was on holiday so he sent another team. Nevertheless most of everything that could be packed up and moved on that day was. The remainder was collected by my husband when he returned on settlement day to be with our agent and the new owners.

A note on the house we rented.

IT WAS UNSUITABLE in so many ways and I will admit this was chosen in haste, and in deference to me, my husband went along with it. Sigh. Everything I thought I needed to be for a change of residence was not to be.

Remember too, I am writing with the benefit of both hindsight and a much clearer state of emotional health.

  • I did not need to be closer to Sydney 
  • I did not take enough time ….knowing there was a rush before Christmas….to consider how this house’s structure would affect us
  • I was in a highly emotional state for the month preceding the move and could not really see any other options (then) than this house.
  • It was over-priced
  • Its two storey nature was awful. A spiral staircase led upstairs
  • The ‘only air-con comfort’ was in one part of the living area downstairs and a part of upstairs
  • We paid more than our budget told us…and literally over-paid till the end of the lease when we had moved out early. Story about that ahead.

And then it happened. Done. Settled. 

Originally we were selling to be debt-free and I was not able to continue working from a health perspective so it was the plan to sell up, pay out the mortgage, use some house sale funds to purchase new cars (both of ours were in a bad way by the end of 2014) and to have some savings behind us to maybe help buy a new house ONE DAY.

That was how it worked out. However it was not without its moments! After settlement we were able to go grocery shopping and yay for me getting a coffee too. However, at the checkout our card was declined. Oops. We had a few dollars on us. So, once home I was able to tell our conveyancers what had happened and because ‘funds are released into accounts over some days’ and we had a weekend without any $$, she arranged a transfer of the original deposit from the new owners. Phew.

Cars. We had already earmarked a car for my husband and it was ready once the funds had reached our account. My choice of a car however, should have been a heart one…but instead I made it a head one…and regretted it as soon as I drove it back up the coast. In a story of generosity and forgiveness…my husband determined that I could have the car I should have bought in the first place, and we traded in a car I had for less than a week. Lost money? Of course but lesson learned. Again.

Love my Nissan XTrail

Some family fun. January and February.

We were keen to live close to the water in this retirement life of ours and had chosen the Central Coast for both its proximity to water – still and ocean – and again, to Sydney for any family needs such as visiting my Dad and any connections with our adult children and their children, our beloved grandchildren.

Because we went back and forth a few times until school was back we entertained two grandchildren  twice and they had been coming to use for care since they were babies so it was great to have those connections still.

What Happened Next?

My husband got back into his studies for a degree in counselling and was doing two subjects on-line. He also offered to help his brother who lived nearby with some landscaping and renovations. He continued to do lifeline crisis support counselling by working shifts in a place on the central coast. He was active, productive and busy.

I was not. Well, in some ways I was but none of what I was doing helped me feel in any way settled into this new life of ours.

  1. I thought I would be driving back and forth to our family to help out, to be there and to catch up. I did for a while. I was happy to be on-call for our son’s family as they were expecting their fourth child in early 2015 and I could come down to help with picking up kids from school etc etc.
  2. I thought I would be continuing my education specialist role with the early childhood centres
  3. I thought I would drive to see my father on a regular basis
  4. I thought having made this move as a choice to change lifestyle, it would be fine.

No it was not for me.

March, April and May.

I was not well in an emotional sense and that affected my physical health. My I.B.S .(irritable bowel syndrome) reared its ugly head over and over. I would not be able to simply get in the car and go anywhere without having to medicate myself (which I HATED doing) or suffer the effects of having diarrhoea on a car journey.

We tried a little get away to Port Macquarie – a place we always loved – but I found the trip stressful due to I.B.S. and like I felt, nothing is the same.

I lost weight. Yay. But not for the reasons it happened. I was unhappy but trying to hide it. I continued to see my Sydney based G.P. who oversaw my handling of my I.B.S. and decided I needed to see a gastroenterologist. But before then we had a new granddaughter arrive.

Emotions were high and a bit low because of my sadness at no longer being around the little people I love so much.

We went back to Sydney to celebrate a granddaughter’s 3rd birthday and I was intensely happy to be with all of our family again, but sad once the inevitable farewells took place.

We literally weathered an awful East Coast low storm situation that had us without electricity for almost 5 days after the birthday party visit. I was very stressed during this but, my husband did what he could to make us a bit more comfortable going out in awful conditions to buy a generator and a portable gas stove. At least we could run our little fridge. All freezer food was ruined. We would go out in the car once the roads cleared to charge our phones. I managed to blog too.

I went to TedX in Sydney and thought that would be enjoyable. Usually enjoy learning. I did on some ways but now Sydney, where it was held was no longer where I lived. I felt that immensely.

I re-commenced my work as an External Observer with then Institute of Teachers doing an observation in a Sydney school. That was to be my last as the system changed.

I went back to my role as an Education Specialist, speaking at a couple of the pre-schools on different evenings and then one day, on my way back to Sydney to do this, I was overcome by the worst bout of I.B.S. diarrhoea ever. No details but suffice to say, I decided then and there, no job and the money along with the drive to and from Sydney at night was worth it and I resigned.

I was never sure where I fitted any more after that.

  • I was no longer the active and on-call Grandma
  • I was no longer employed using my NSW Education role
  • I was no longer working to help families in pre-schools
  • I could see my husband was content in all he was doing but I was not.

It was very confusing but I did my best to act as if it was OK. It was not.

Add to how it is to change where you live is “finding a hairdresser” and that was interesting. I got a few cuts from a person near where we moved but it never seemed right. Finding a dentist proved easier. He was “OK” and whilst I did not know it then, I would be getting insight into my mouth and what may have been causing some white spots on the gums. Mmmm. A story we do know more about but will leave it till 2017. I found a physiotherapist who was good for some back and arm issues I had. And, a podiatrist. He was lovely. Still, it does take some research. In 2016 I will share how I found my best hairdresser!

I was searching for answers to WHY….as I am a ‘help myself’ person and I found something which was a catalyst for change:

A Meditation Centre running a course on Anxiety and Teaching Meditation.

Then What Happened?

Into the next few months I managed a lot of change in and for my life.

It did not always go well.

In fact I face quite a few disappointments, some challenges and some days where I knew I was making progress with my health. Onward…and the months may get a bit mixed up so I will add points rather than months!

I tried a few of the so-called Retirement Activities:

  • An Art Class
  • Making Up a Mindful Colouring Class & hosting it
  • Going to Places for Coffee and Chatting
  • Training for a role as a Volunteer

They did not suit nor last the distance for me.

Meditation. 

The day at the Meditation centre taught me quite a bit and I felt less lonely as someone finding the new life quite tough. I met some people there and mostly the talk was about where do you live, etc etc. One person gave me a card about a great G.P. practice she liked and said that I would find a doctor there she was sure. You see, I was still making my way back to Sydney and it was no longer easy to do so with I.B.S. and generally ill-ease at returning.

I also decided to download a meditation app called Headspace and liked it very much. I am an early adopter too and it had only been on the market for a while.

I made a time for meditation each day, set up a space in my bedroom overlooking the water and waited, over time, for my cure from the ill-ease I felt emotionally. Reader: it never came.

Finding Medical Help Locally.

From the middle of the year this was helpful. I found the personable female G.P. at the recommended clinic. She and I ‘clicked’ and she was 100% understanding how hard it is to move from Sydney to the Central Coast..because she was living that life too but about a year before me.

The rapport and her understanding that my emotions needed time to work themselves out helped me a lot. To have a good listener and one who suggested ideas which might help me. Sadly nothing offered helped my I.B.S. but she was very supportive of me continuing to use immodium (I had been afraid to do so after being told off by my former gastro guy after a pancreatitis attack in 2014) as I needed. She offered the idea of seeing a psychologist. I was not clinically anxious nor depressed but I was finding the reactions and responses from all the changes very challenging.

I saw one. She was incredibly judgemental and I did not return. I then was referred to another one. So much more professional and I can share more of that later. Let me say this, it was from her that I learned this:

feelings take a lot longer to catch up from actions.

Part Two will follow. I have undertaken quite a bit sharing this so far.

2015 was a hugely significant year in my life so this is Part One, essentially till the middle of that year.

I do hope there is something of interest to you readers too.

Have you made big changes in your life and wondered about some of the emotions you have experienced?

Thanks for your interest.

Denyse.

Joining with Leanne for Lovin’ Life Linky here. 

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2021 New Taking Stock Optional Prompts By Denyse Whelan.14/2021.

2021 New Taking Stock Optional Prompts By Denyse Whelan.

LINK UP is in previous post here. Sorry for any confusion this week.

Shaking Up Prompts for Denyse’s Taking Stock in 2021.

Every 9th Week on Mondays.

Lovely blogger, Pip Lincolne, who is kindness personified and a published author a few times over now, was my inspiration for my Taking Stock Prompts from when I began sharing them a few years back. Here is her blog. 

I also made some adjustments over time. Biggest appreciation for Pip when I sought permission to continue to use the term Taking Stock that she had made hers.  She wrote: “Go for your life and do what you like with Taking Stock. I did make up the list and name … but you are welcome to tweak and use it as your own.”

I have two of Pip’s Books.

On this blog, for 2021, I am shaking things up a bit for me.

Maybe you might like to follow. However, feel free to use Taking Stock prompts which work best for you! My amended Taking Stock  list along with Pip’s are at the end of this post.

Every NINE weeks the optional prompt for #LifeThisWeek is Taking Stock.

Here’s Denyse’s  new list for 2021.

Do use it if you like. Just acknowledge it’s from me, as I acknowledge Pip’s!

Here we go:

Admiring:

Becoming:

Curious:

Delighted:

Excited:

Feeling:

Going:

Helping:

Imploring:

Joking:

Keeping:

Loving:

Making:

Next:

Observing:

Pleasing:

Reading:

Staying:

Trying:

Understanding:

Viewing:

Welcoming:

X- You Choose!

Yes:

Z – You Choose!

By the way I LOVE a list and an alphabetical one at that. But you choose what to use or not, or indeed, use these ‘oldies but goodies’ from past years.

Denyse’s Taking Stock Prompts: from the original by Pip Lincolne.

Making:
Cooking:
Drinking:
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Wasting:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving: 
Hoping:

Marvelling:
Needing:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Feeling:
Bookmarking:
Opening:
Smiling:

Original from Pip below:

Making:
Cooking:
Drinking:
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Wasting:
Sewing:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving: 
Hoping:

Marvelling:
Needing:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Feeling:
Bookmarking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:

I hope that you enjoy a regular “taking stock” post as I do. I know some bloggers do theirs on a 3 monthly or even seasonal basis. I know I always like to look back at mine. However, 2021 is about some changes in blogging for me, and this is one.

Enjoy!

Denyse.

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