Thursday 2nd December 2021

Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.

Taking Stock.#5. 48/51. #LifeThisWeek. 128/2021.

This is the last taking stock  in 2021 and may not be another when in 2022.

So, as this could be the “last one” I am going to share here about my life as it is on the eve of my 72nd birthday.

And as Pema Chodron says here…..

I am grateful for all who have made a difference in my life. Not all people are represented here because I may not have had an image. So, here goes, using images to ‘match’ a word. And using my alphabetical list.

 

Admiring: those people who are the trained professionals in all allied health, surgery and more, and have cared for my health.

Becoming: a part of a family, grateful for the love, care and kindness of parents and grandparents since 1949!

Curious: about life and learning….always! 

Delighted: to meet up with on-line friends when I can.

Excited: that we will get to celebrate my birthday…..out for morning tea! It suits us both to do this…here’s a memory from 2018. If the rain stays away we will be going here again: a local nursery.

 

Feeling: that time is moving way too fast….that seems to happen after 70!

Goingto my Dad’s sometime in December to share some meals and treats. He’s certainly been the constant in my life…known me for more than 72 years!! This from my 71st birthday when I am not sure who was helping who stay on their feet. 

Helping: Head and Neck Cancer Australia as an Ambassador. I have held this volunteer role for 3 years and as I said to the CEO recently, “you got me for life“.

Imploring: people to keep an eye on anything (related to Head and Neck cancer* symptoms)  that might be not healing or increasing in pain. size and so on…and ensuring if a GP or dentist, doesn’t take it seriously, to seek out another option. *all cancers of course,  but these ones have no diagnostic tools.

Joking: No idea what was funny at Oxley lookout last year but this bloke is quite the joker….and this wife, is not always ready for his sense of humour! 

Keeping: this blog going into its 12th year is testament to my commitment but to the engagement of this blogging community even more! 

Loving: the freedom of days’ activities choice when retired. Sure, there is a routine of sorts, and yes, we get up by a certain time (not tellin’) …but no bosses!

Making: memories for me and others! By cards, photos and little albums. I love doing it too.

Next: I am too easily wanting to plan what is next yet, at the same time trying to stay in the present. The one thing for me is knowing where we will be living next year, and so far, the owners have agreed to us staying on. HOWEVER, the way real estate prices have risen here, houses in our street up by $200-300K in less than 4 years, we suspect we will get a rent rise. Sigh.

Observing: the places where I lived as a teen and older and having a deep appreciation for that time. 

 

Pleasing: to notice that I can continue to change some health habits slightly to be more health-aware in my ageing years.

Reading: the many and varied posts that YOU, my blogging friends, share here for Life This Week. We are, today, at #268 of the link up. And how I met some of my blogging friends two years ago.

Staying: on track with meditation. It will be 2 years without missing a session by end of 2021. I now do Daily Calm in the morning and another track in the evening. It still counts as one day! 

Trying: to remember all I am grateful for more than ever…not everyone gets the chance to continue living as I have post-cancer.

 

Understanding: that life is not static. Der. But sometimes when I don’t want things to change, I then remember that they change anyway so grasping to keep things are they are is not on. I have learned much about this thanks to meditation, and listening to a range of CDs from teachers of Buddhism and more. Very wise people..and we are all human. 

Viewing: old photos for this post and feeling the warmth of nostalgia but also heeding the point above! 

Welcoming: changes to Covid restrictions here in N.S.W. soon, with reduction of places where you need to sign in with QR code, and having the choice to wear a mask. We think, for now, we will continue to mask up if in a crowded shop or doctors’ surgery. Definitely needed recently at a Big Hug Box packing day. NB: hope with new strain variant, we will remain vigilent.

X- “X-tra grateful” to all of the women who shared their stories of courage. In the 3 years, more than 72 women shared their stories. Wow. I have included images of all who continue to blog and link up here fairly regularly. I “hope” I have you all in this group. Let me know, if I have missed you. 

Yes: to more plans to do ‘less’….and that sounds like a contradiction. In the meantime, here I am over decades of my life ‘doing’ what I most enjoy: connecting with those I care for and who love me. Perhaps a bit of a stretch re Former PM Julia Gillard, but she did thank me for my education roles. 

Z – Is there anyone else I need to show my gratitude and admiration for their part of my life? Yes, it’s an old image but the LOVE from this Papa to his only grandchildren cannot be surpassed. And the love we had for him is exemplified in my brother now being Papa to his 2 grandkids and that B became Papa when his eldest granddaughter couldn’t get her mouth around Grandpa, and out came “Pa-Pa” and it sure stuck.

Thank you all for reading, commenting and sharing your blog post today.

Take care,

Denyse.

 

Started Life This Week Link Up. Sept 2016.

Life This Week. #268

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a kind thing to do!

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Self Care Stories #7. 47/51 #LifeThisWeek. 127/2021.

Self Care Stories #7. 47/51 #LifeThisWeek. 127/2021.

The Last Of These 2021.

With images and some a lot of words, I will bring you, my readers, up to date with self care!
Here we go.
Mental Health
I got to do this after lockdown ended on 11 October for us here on Central Coast N.S.W….and second day in a row made it even better.
Celebrating wellness, and cafes being open..and sitting to have a coffee (double shot small latte) was a joy.
 
Had my final visit to psychologist too- had 2 in total this time round – as I had already been implementing quite a bit I had learned via my first psychologist (2016-17) and “life” experiences, reading & listening, AND having a trained counsellor husband for some “tips” and listening…
 
My own words as takeaways for me:
 
Allow time to pass. I learned this over & over again between head and neck cancer treatments…
 
Some voices and messages from so-called authority figures in my past told me information that was not helpful and fed the shame I carried about parts of my life….
 
I have the tools I need in my toolbox of strategies
 
My time in Covid was made ‘easier’ because of what I learned as a head and neck cancer patient
 
Allowing myself to feel the feelings…acknowledging them and letting them go is good practice for me
 
My self-awareness and understanding of what can be holding me back is improving as I acknowledge it too
 
That’s about it.
 
Oh and there is no shame in seeking psychological help at any time. I did this via a GP Mental Health Care Plan.
Making slow and minimal changes for me (no-one else!) re weight and activity.
And How Life Went for Us in Photos!
We used to have morning tea dates way back, now, each fortnight, we are trying out mini excursions. The one overlooking M1 is from a back road which wends from Ourimbah through rainforest! This is less than 25 mins from home. We continued to explore last week, driving to Terrigal (about 45 mins from home) to experience the new Boardwalk from the Haven to Terrigal Beach. Lovely! Not crowded as a school/work day and drizzly.

Self care is not selfish. We know that, right?

I would like to admit how much I feel the benefits of cutting back my blogging and my commitment to some of the social media groups and more that I think I felt far too much pressure (me, internal) to continue. As stated in last week’s blog post, I am making changes to 2022 plans for blogging and and thanks to you, the readers and sharers of your blogs, for understanding my ‘why’.

The Ageing Thing. 

It’s true for me, and my husband, that turning 70 and beyond has brought new issues to deal with in terms of physical health.

Ones that need check ups, some that need (different/new) medication and other test and referrals. We have a fantastic GP team where we have been going since April 2017 and in the very unlikely event that we ever had to move, the worst part would be if we could not continue to see this group. Mind you, no plans to move AND hope to continue renting here for as long as the owner allow.

Recently I’ve had an opthalmologist changeover as the person Mr W and I had been seeing since our 40s, finally said “I’m retiring”. Fortunately the practice we go to remains at Morriset, about 30 minutes drive away and they have all our records. I had some reassurance when I thought I was having a sight problem. Dad has macular degeneration so I keep up to date with how my eyes are going. The new Doctor told me there was a little bit of tissue behind the right eye that had its cataract replaced in March 2020 (left eye too) and he lasered it away in the surgery, and whilst I had some reactions with light sensitivity and still some blurring, I know my eyes and sight are in good order.

Annual Bloods and Other Tests. I always wonder how these will be as low iron has been a problem till the iron infusion in February 2021. Results are in: marvellous in all areas of health. I am incredibly grateful for wellness and, even with my cancer, to have good health. My iron, was 11 before infusion in February, rising to 200+ in March 2021, and now at 170 ish.

Feet! The podiatrist sees me every 6 weeks and things are going well with no dramas. I have had to accept the fact that the skeleton and muscles and tendons in my feet are ‘in pretty poor’ shape so shoes/walking wise I must always wear something, even around the house. Barefeet, my previous practice, can over time, and walking on hard floors cause plantar fascitis.

Hair. Well, now that I knew it was back to good health and thick (or so thick!) before I had it cut, I am relieved my hair health is back to good.

Breasts. I had an unexpected mammogram and ultrasound because of some pain but all clear, and strangely enough, pain went too. Now next one is in 2 years.

Any Follow Up For Rectopexi? Nope. Best decision ever to have that long-delayed surgery and to never be worried about bowel incontinence again. IBS has basically disappeared in the nasty diarrhoa form I used to get so very pleased with change in life style this brought.

Ears. I probably have some hearing loss but not needing testing at all…yet.

Heart, kidneys, lungs etc. All good via my GP’s test.

Cancer! Oh that. Mouth goes well. I hope to see my prosthodontist in the new year as he hasn’t seen inside my mouth for 7 months. Pretty sure my care is fine. And, my “last” (sob!) head and neck cancer check will be in September 2022. Why sob? Love my Prof and Nurse. Will Miss Them!!

Teeth. Yes, the remaining 8 on the bottom are going well thanks to me and my dentist up here.

Emotional Health.

My cup is already full of love for and love of our family.

Our daughter, solo mum, relieving Assistant Principal, turned 50 this year and just keeps on going. Very caring person and her three adult children benefit from her love every day. Miss E, aged 9 does too of course..when not asking a million questions!

Our son, solo dad, and psychologist, doing all he can to work on his new business helping Dads, maintaining a terrific physical health program via his local gym, and being the best dad to his four kiddoes aged 14 to 6.

We missed seeing them all, as did all people with loved ones in covid, and so our daughter and her youngest visited the first weekend of freedom, our eldest granddaughter the following weekend, and then we drove to Sydney to see our son and his four at his place.

This is how hearts are filled with joy, wonder and love…..

Minding H & R in 2011

 

Now here they are…R is off to HS in 2022, her brother into Yr 9.

And it was, as always good to see my father even though his sight is not great and he is weary, he can still enjoy a chat (it’s inherited by me) and we enjoyed some reminiscing and some morning tea. Afterwards, I drove to Manly to enjoy the views from the Wharf end. Growing up here was not even seen as anything special back in 1950s and 60s but as time has passed, I know I am grateful to have this as part of my life’s history.

And I will leave, with this… a great horizon shot!

How’s your self care coming along?

Share in the comments.

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Denyse.

Link Up #267.

Life This Week. Link Up #267.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 48/51 Taking Stock #5. 29 Nov. Link Up #268

 

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Zoom. 46/51. #LifeThisWeek. 2022 Plans for My Blog. 126/2021.

Zoom. 46/51. #LifeThisWeek. 2022 Plans for My Blog. 126/2021.

I’m 72 in 2 weeks and one day.

This is my profile for a birthday fundraiser for Head and Neck Cancer Australia. Donate $5 if you wish to help with patient info packs. See my facebook profile. Thank you! Link here to my personal page: set on public. https://www.facebook.com/denysewhelan…p.s.  I am not keen on asking for $ but at times, this is how it is for charities!

How amazing to be well, celebrating life and sharing my thoughts and experiences (along with pics) on ‘this blog’ since I was 60.

A little bit of nostalgia here:

What’s next?

The good thing, for me and I hope for my blogging friends is that Denyse Whelan Blogs continues into 2022 and so does Life This Week!

Yay. However, there are some changes and I will do my best to share the why!

New Avatar: Thank you Tanya.

  • LIFE THIS WEEK link up continues on Mondays, as for now, open at 5.00 a.m Mondays (Australian eastern time) and closing 5.00 p.m. Wednesdays.

 

  • My plans are for ‘no plans, and no prompts’

 

  • But a bank of prompts will be on the home page for anyone needing ideas.

 

  • I want to feel less restricted by weekly topics hence: NONE..’sorry Lydia’.

Why?

  • Initially when I was considering plans for 2022 I came up with a range of groups of prompts and thought that might work.

 

  • However, when I reviewed them I was totally uninspired.

 

  • But at times, some of us might need a prompt and I thought make a ‘list’ and don’t add a particular week for it.

 

And then there is this:

  • My blog post will be on Mondays and there will be a link up.

 

  • I will write or share whatever is on my mind or I want to share

 

  • And because I am slowly coming to realisation the blog and continuing to maintain it may change

 

  • So, I am thinking I will see how I am feeling about continuing the link up by end of March 2022.

 

  • It’s quite possible I will want to continue but I am giving myself a bit more of a break from internal pressure …

 

And of course, THIS:

 

  • I want to continue the blog to share my health updates & to keep the website live for any people with Head and Neck Cancer to find here

 

  • To share some of my stories of life as an older retiree

 

  • To continue to support my friends here on line &  via facebook, twitter and instagram

 

and, I never want to feel this is a chore.

Has this been enough news?

  • I hope that it is received with understanding.

 

  • I gave myself  a few months away from blogging more than once a week and I have to admit, it’s been great for my health in that I am sharing my day with more than ‘being on-line’ and trying to comment and catch up where I have linked up.

 

  • Mind you, I am incredibly grateful for the on-line friendships and those which have made it into real life.

I recognise now, that after 12 years, I can make some better choices for me.

  • So, from the first blogging Monday back, the link up will open on Monday 3 January 2022.

 

  • And of course, you add a post, old or new. But just one!

There will be a range of prompt ideas listed from today towards the bottom of the home page. Use them, don’t use them, mix them up. They might be in list form, but there is no order. This is the January to March group. Should the link up continue (pssst… I suspect it will) then a new group will go up: April-June.

 

Life This Week

2022 by Denyse Whelan

Optional Prompts: Life This Week.

Use them, don’t use them

Take a pick ….Not in any order!

Jan- March

Beginning

Fave Colour

Taking Stock

A Special Memory

Share Your Snaps

Mondays

Hobbies

What I Love To Do

Self Care

My Favourite Food

How I Self Care

Mindfulness

Life Is

What I Dislike

These Days I

 

Well, that is quite enough…and I won’t be back here to read comments today as I am…off to Sydney to see Dad. I have home cooked meals from me to add to his freezer, morning tea on board and of course….the time to chat and share photos from recent time. His sight is significantly impaired (thanks Macular degeneration) at almost 98. I know. What longevity!

See you back here when I return

Thank you all for your on-going interest and support for Life This Week.

Denyse.

Link Up #266.

Life This Week. Link Up #266.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: Self Care Stories.

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Share Your Snaps. #9. 45/51 #LifeThisWeek. 125/2021.

Share Your Snaps. #9. 45/51 #LifeThisWeek. 125/2021.

This is the second-last Sharing of Snaps for 2021 on the blog. I know, how did we get here?

I have amended Optional Prompt 50/51 to this:

50/51 Share Your Snaps #10. End of Year. 13 Dec. Link Up #270

What’s been happening for me over the past little while?

  • I will admit I am enjoying spending less time blogging and being away from the computer more.
  • It’s been good for me and my connections in real life too.

Daily calm and daily reflections continue to help me ponder my life and my days ahead….

That morning’s reflection from Daily Calm….when I decided to:

…and had my first surf at the end of October and was so glad to have done so.

I had not been right under the water in the surf for years, and I was delighted that I did…and could maintain my balance.

JOY and more were emotions I felt….

Lockdown lives and beyond.

Where we live we have been out of lockdown for well over a month.

I admit I didn’t venture out much at all in the first few days and when I did eventually take myself to the local large shopping centre for the first time, I got sick persevered with showing QR codes and showing my vaccination status but it reduced my browsing.

HAIR drove me ‘crazy but Mr W got his done first as I had to wait for my hairdresser’s place to open.

First visit to Sydney to see Dad.

On a wet day and unpleasant driving on M1 it was worth it for the visit as Dad was pleased to see me to chat  and his freezer got stocked up.

 

Loved seeing the memories via the paid app called SlideScan.

Loved being back in time to check out what was what then.

The discovery of this app to help me download slides from my life way back and into our first years as parents.

And I got a greater sense of being the mum to our daughter…and what it was like to become a mum so early in life and our marriage.

 

Opening up for more including going out for a coffee (and sometimes something to eat) and then finding I had not quite got the budget for this happening too often. So it’s more of a treat every week than a habit.

Happy to be able to meet up with friends for coffee!!

Those who want to…and can, let me know in the comments!!

My Fave BluJ’s back open again!

Learning how to make a video of me singing, to be able to share it to a newly created pop up choir from Head and Neck Cancer Australia. Probably cannot share yet until the whole event has more on-line sharing.

The new words for Head and Neck Australia. E for Excellent!

And that’s where I will leave it. I would have liked to shared but I will wait until the choir becomes known via the website at Head and Neck Australia.

And family reunions.

We’ve had our daughter and youngest to lunch, our eldest granddaughter on a solo trip another time for lunch and we visited our son and his active four at their place for morning tea. Happy Smiles On All!

What about your recent snaps? Any to share?

I look forward to seeing them.

Denyse.

Link Up #265.

Life This Week. Link Up #265.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 46/51 Zoom. 15 Nov. Link Up #266. I’m sharing my blogging plans for 2022. 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


 

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Young. 44/51. #LifeThisWeek. Mr W. Happiness Myth. 124/2021.

Young. 44/51. #LifeThisWeek. Mr W. Happiness Myth. 124/2021.

Welcoming back my husband for his final contribution in 2021. And, for your info: there are “only” 7 more weeks of Life This Week in 2021!!

 

Content Warning: Mental Health, Self Harm, Suicide, Addiction. Information at the end of this post.

 

THE HAPPINESS MYTH


I’m always amused by the overwhelming focus our society has on happiness as members scramble like hell to acquire material possessions. How many times has the question, “What do you want in life?” been asked with the response, “Oh, I just want to be happy!”

The entrepreneurs have swooped on this pointless wish and produced enough books and programs on how we can be happy to fill the state library a couple of times and then some.

Do this or do that and you’ll be happy as if ‘happiness’ is a constant state that we all ought to be aspiring to. It’s bunkum! It’s a myth and it can be a dangerous trap!

Life today is more treacherous than it was for our tribal ancestors who were cave dwellers. Their sabre-toothed tiger can be likened to our internet that crawls with users, claws out and ready to pounce on some prey. Life today is painful, often disheartening and seemingly without hope. Bureaus of Statistics universally share some scary statistics in relation to its manifestations.

  • About 264 million of the global population are clinically depressed. Generally, people who are depressed also have an anxiety disorder.
  • 20% of us will go through a period of depression.
  • A quarter of us have, has had or will have an addiction.
  • 3 adults in 10 have a recognised psychological disorder (bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, autism, schizophrenia, etc.).
  • Of all the people you know over half will give thought to suicide. 1 in 10 will attempt to take their own life.

Don’t be alarmed by these statistics.

They simply serve to demonstrate that contemporary living is bloody hard and that those happy spikes have a more random occurrence than the sad troughs. This is not helped by our naturally occurring negative bias evolved to help us survive the hungry rage of that sabre-toothed tiger. Unhappily, it has left contemporary us in that state of alert which, when triggered ignites distorted thinking and has us going down the catastrophic slippery slope of fear and uncertainty.

Hence the need to live in the now!

Happiness is a temporary state of emotion in response to a specific stimulus.

On the lower or negative side of the continuum is sadness, also a temporary feeling but a more prolonged state. Above the centre continuum is happiness, its peaks less prolonged than its counterpart’s. Think about the screen of an oscilloscope as it depicts sound waves.

The peaks represent the happy moments and the troughs the sad. What you may notice is that neither remain around for long. What you may also notice is that, over a period of time, they tend to even themselves out.

That happy spike you felt last Sunday when you and your partner engaged in the most joyful of intimate moments will spike with maximum height and intensity. While you might want the feeling at its peak to go on and on, we would simply be unable to psychosomatically sustain it.

Even continued happiness at a lower level is unsustainable. The greater the ‘up’ feeling the more they offset the down times. The resultant flattening out will, with a number of other effects, leave us in a state of CONTENTMENT!  That’s what we need to aspire to!

Contentment – What’s That?

“Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Contentment is the state of peaceful well-being resulting from taking what life is offering ‘now’ and working with it. It is attending to and respecting the reality of the present in order to live a rich, full and meaningful life. In so doing, those happy moments integrate with the sad times leaving us in a pleasant state of contentment.

So, What Are Its Characteristics?

The person who is truly content will demonstrate the following attributes:

 

  • a kindness and compassion to him/herself and to others;
  • a general satisfaction with life that finds joy in what we have;
  • an understanding that all feelings are temporary;
  • a lack of envy for what others have;
  • a satisfaction with our possessions, status and situation;
  • humility that recognises the temporary nature of life and its material things (sic transit gloriae mundae – Latin for ‘thus passes worldly goods’);
  • doesn’t measure success in terms of material acquisitions;
  • doesn’t try to find fulfilment through the acquisition of more material possessions – how much of anything do we really need;
  • self-discipline in managing one’s life and affairs; and,
  • an abhorrence of greed and the thirst for power recognising the destructive capabilities of both;
  • lives a rich, full and meaningful life.

 

Can You Show Me a Picture?

 Sorry, I can’t show you a picture. But I can do the next best and show you a simplified graphic representation.

The following sine wave provides a general idea of what happens with our emotions during the course of a time interval. The blue line represents our happy and sad moments that peak and trough.

Its frequency is much less even and varied than in the representation. However, it’s a very good illustration of how our emotions jump around randomly in response to thoughts, memories, urges, etc.

The most important line is black centre line. It is our line of contentment. The blue feeds the black so the more positive and rewarding our experiences are, the thicker the line of contentment.

 

How Do I Enrich My Line of Contentment?

 Life for the contemporary citizen is based around ‘doing’. This is not unexpected because the updated brain is always in the ‘doing’ mode ready to solve your next problem for you. The big problem with that is that the brain cannot solve a problem of the heart.

So, when the next feeling dilemma arises, the brain tries to think its way to happiness or instructs you to resist that feeling. Both are not solutions.The first because it’s impossible as the brain seeks only rational solutions and the second because the undesirable feeling will persist and even grow hungrier.

Hence the need to have our minds override the brain and allow us to just BE.

We are, after all, human BEINGS!

In the BEING mode,

  • We allow all feelings, even welcoming the more painful ones. They belong to us and are therefore our responsibility. We name them and neutralise them by recognising their temporary state. They will pass.

 

  • We are being MINDFUL of all that’s going on in the ‘now’ – just ask Leo Tolstoy, he’ll tell you that it’s very important to pay attention to the ‘now’. After all, there’s more than enough going on in the ‘now’ to keep us busy without looking for trouble from the past or future. So, it’s important to be aware, open, attentive and curious in the ‘now’ in order to capture all moments.

 

  • Reflect on your values. They have formed the basis for doing what matters to you. If you’ve hit a roadblock or are in a roundabout with no exit, be willing to change what’s not working for you. Maybe you are basing your behaviour on the expectations of others. Check your own rulebook. Our lives become more content when we operate on our values-driven rules. If something is not working for you, do what does by changing the dynamics of the pesky rule!

 

  • Give yourself a grading on self-compassion. Being kind to, and caring of yourself is as important as being compassionate to others. Think of it as a two-way street.

 

  • When in doubt about how to defuse a critical thought – sing! Here’s a little exercise to try. Think of a thought that’s causing you pain, e.g. “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a loser!” Sing that song to a familiar ditty such as ‘Happy Birthday’ or ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ and observe what happens. You’ll discover that you’re not who you thinks you are.

 

  • Contentment relies on authenticity – being true to who you are. This is defined by your values that also inform what really matters to you. The transgression of your values, by yourself or others, creates pain.

 

  • Contentment loves gratitude. Reflect each day on what you are genuinely grateful for. The question, “what am I grateful for”, triggers a release of chemicals that our body loves and feeds our feelings of inner peace and contentment.

 

  • Both Denyse and I get great joy and feelings of contentment viewing this rose that has been growing in the front garden for years now.

As a final thought I offer you the following based on the AA prayer.

“ Give me the courage to solve those problems that can be solved, the serenity to accept those problems that can’t be solved and,

The wisdom to know the difference.”

“Happiness is self-contentedness.” – Aristotle

Thanks to Bernard for his final post for 2021. We have some great conversations about how I add the posts to the blog. All good!! Photo collage above expresses my gratitude for his love and presence in my life since October 1970. We’ve had our ups, downs and in betweens through a marriage of over 50 years but I know that “I” am feeling more contentment with my life as it is now because of my experiences and some of the teachings Bernard has helped me learn. Denyse. 

For those who may need to reach out to organisations based on this story’s content these are Australian-based sources for help.
Your Family G.P. can be a helpful person to listen and make referrals.

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636

Phone 13 HEALTH (13 43 25 84) for 24 hour assessment, referral, advice, and hospital and community health centre contact details

Qualified Psychologists can be found by visiting https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/

Australian Counselling Association is on 1300 784 333 to find a counsellor

 

Link Up #264.

Life This Week. Link Up #264.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: Share Your Snaps! 

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X Marks The Spot.43/51. #LifeThisWeek #WomenofCourage. 2/2.123/2021.

X Marks The Spot.43/51. #LifeThisWeek. #WomenofCourage. 2/2. 123/2021.

Last week, I wrote here,  about the first half of summing up for Women of Courage.
Now it’s time for the second part.

Before I move on, it’s been an interesting experience to ask people to be willing to share a story of courage.

Some women I approached not knowing them at all, and some said “yes” with no hesitation and yet others, who already have relatively well-known lives via social media and work, said “I am not a woman of courage” and “I have nothing of interest to share.”

Those responses made me sit back and think. Were they ‘threatened’ or ‘fearful’ or were they just not really interested?

If you are someone who wants to hold all the control in your life…well-done if you think you can because it is proven over and over again we cannot.

However, if you are willing to take a risk, and be vulnerable, then you will not only empower yourself but you may even encourage others to do the same. I did exactly that each time I reached out to ask a woman if she would consider this. More about this at the end of this post.

Here’s the second part from 2020 and with the final series in 2021.

Brene Brown has helped me learn to be vulnerable and to learn more about empathy in ourselves and fellow humans. I know many who read here will have seen Brene’s brief video about empathy but I reckon I can get away with sharing it again.

Thank you to the women here who were/are vulnerable. I also want to say, that in life’s many challenges, some who wrote posts have had their personal lives turn inside out/upside down via loss of a partner and health. I acknowledge this today and send my best to you.

The second part of the list of women of courage”
38. Tara Flannery
39. Natalie
40. Anonymous
41. Jo
42. Ann
43. Christina Henry
44. Anonymous
45. Laurie
46. Christie Hawkes
47. J.T.
48. Julie McCrossin AM
49. Rosemarie
50. Anonymous
51. Anna
52. Stella
53. Yvonne McLaren
54. Leanne
55. Tanya Selak
56. Cate Froggatt
57. Marsha Ingrao
58. Tracey-Lee
59. Denyse’s Relatives
60. Tracey Breese
61. P.M.
62. Juliette O’Brien
63. Cosette Calder
64. Anne Howe
65. Denyse Whelan
66. Jacqui
67. Terri Webster Schrandt
68. Gloria Hill
69. Bianca Hewes
70. Anonymous
71. Joanne
72. Alice Leung
73. Gillian Coutts
74. Ness

Do have a read of your post if you shared your story …all of them are found here on this page. Thank you for sharing.

Denyse.

Link Up #263.

Life This Week. Link Up #263.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 44/51 Young. 1 Nov. Link Up #264. Mr W. is back with his final post in 2021 on a different topic.

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Self Care Stories #6. #WomenofCourage 1/2. 42/51 #LifeThisWeek. 122/2021.

Self Care Stories #6. #WomenofCourage 1/2. 42/51 #LifeThisWeek. 122/2021.

In this week’s self care stories the words are not about me.

All the stories from the Women of Courage series are here.

They are about these women noted here and what they shared as Women of Courage back in 2019 for what became known as Series 1.

Further on are some of the women from 2020, which became Series 2.  In the final post where I will wrap the remainder of the women’s stories from 2020 and then those who were part of Series 3 which ended in September 2021.

 

How did Women of Courage start?

I am  introducing the series with  examples from (my!) life. That post will go live on Wednesday 15 May 2019.

After that, at certain intervals,  other “women of courage”, will be having their stories shared via a post here.

It is a goal of mine as a blogger to connect us all and to share our stories.

Thank you for your interest as a reader and commenter here.

I look forward to this series as the year proceeds and we all get to read about some different and wonderful:

                                 Women of Courage

And then what happened?

I am excited, interested and curious about these stories from real life…and women of courage!

I hope you are too.

If you would like to share your story of being a woman of courage* please let me know in the comments and I will email you. That would be great!

*there are no men included as I  think we women do not talk or not write about our stories enough which is why I have called the series: Women of Courage.

This woman here, Jane Caro AM, author, mother, and more, is a friend and I was delighted to hear her speak about the book Accidental Feminists which struck a chord for me, given my age and stage in life. I then put a post out about me, and already asked some people from the world of blogging to share their stories, and away it went.

Thank you to women of courage:

It had its challenges getting answers of Yes/No?Can I Get Back To You?/I Am Not Courageous…but I accepted all whose answers arrived.

Then if there had been an agreement to add their story, I sent off the same five questions to all.

 

Questions from Denyse:

  • What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?
  • How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.
  • Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?
  • Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it?
  • Why is that?Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

And then waited for responses. Some came fast, others came slowly but in the end 74 women shared! Not all used their real names and that of course was fine.

2019: Series One.

2020: Part of Series Two.

 

I pay particular tribute to dear friend and artist, Tracey Fletcher King who recently died.

Tracey had been an amazing and inclusive art teacher and I ‘met’ her virtually when I did classes with her in 2015. I knew then she had cancer but was free of it for some time.

Sadly, then around 2016 into 2017, hers became a nasty one, and she required on-going chemo which came at a price. Her last art exhibition was a monumental occasion and struggle but she achieved her goal to hold it. She supported me from day one of my cancer diagnosis and was a generous friend to me and many.

She was determined she share her story while she could, and because I am highlighting her here, this is the direct link. Vale Tracey. This is classic Tracey art…blue and white, and fruit. From her website.

 

Now on the right hand side of my blog’s home page, here is the roll for Women of Courage 1-37.

    1. 1. Sam Colden
    2. 2. Megan Blandford
    3. 3. Katherine
    4. 4. Debbie Harris
    5. 5. Kirsty Russell
    6. 6. Annette
    7. 7. Dorothy
    8. 8. Leanne
    9. 9. Min
    10. 10. Tegan Churchill
    11. 11. Kirsten
    12. 12. Megan Daley
    13. 13. Alicia
    14. 14. Veronica
    15. 15. Deborah
    16. 16. Sarah
    17. 17. Lydia C. Lee
    18. 18. Margaret Jolly
    19. 19. Jan Wild
    20. 20. Tracey Fletcher King
    21. 21. Deb Morton
    22. 22. Joanne
    23. 23. Lisa Greissl
    24. 24. Grace Titioka
    25. 25. Anonymous
    26. 26. Maureen Jansen
    27. 27. Sandra Kelly
    28. 28. Beth Macdonald
    29. 29. Lorna Gordon
    30. 30. Jayde
    31. 31.Cathy
    32. 32. Sue Loncaric
    33. 33. Sanch
    34. 34. Rebecca Bowyer
    35. 35. Jennifer Jones
    36. 36. Anonymous
    37. 37. Kathy

If your story is here, why not go back to the page here  and have a read to check out what you shared then.

Warm wishes to all,

Denyse.

Link Up #262.

Life This Week. Link Up #262.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: X Marks the Spot. My post will be Part 2/2 of Women of Courage. Recap.

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Water. 41/51 #LifeThisWeek. 121/2021.

Water. 41/51 #LifeThisWeek. 121/2021.

I admit that water is my favourite drink and tends to be from a bottle. It is a small one that I can fit into my bag. I buy these bottles in bulk from the supermarket and then  re-fill for a time. With both of us ageing, and dry mouths from time to time, each of us needs a sip or two when we are out in the car or waiting…at the doctor’s for one. I also have to have water nearby to help any food that may not want to go down with ease. That is the legacy of the reconstruction of my mouth inside

This post however  moves away from the practical and necessary aspects of water to these images;

 

 

Papa aka Bernard caring for the pool water whilst grandkids LOVE the fun. 2014. We had pools in almost all of our backyards and this one was particularly loved by little ones as we had a ‘beach area’ where they could play and feel safe (under an adult’s eye) until ready to strike out into the deeper water.

Love this shot of Miss 4

 

We lived in north-western Sydney and there was a man-made lake nearby – Bella Vista and it was somewhere pleasant to walk around the board walk and look at the ducks – very overfed – and perhaps get a milkshake and donut afterwards. Back in 2014. Miss GD (who photographed our pre- Wedding Anniversary shots) with her lil sis who is now 9.

 

One granddaughter (#7 grandchild, #5 granddaughter) was being born….as this extremely wet day poured water everywhere…I was driving back home and would find out once I was there, she had been born back in 2013.

And some favourites from now and the past….

Then there was this:

A young grandson into the water at the beach. His grandfather was not far away. Soon after we had moved to the coast he had a special stay in January 2015.

Oh….and yesterday was  his 14th Birthday!!

 

Then there is this view…from inside the Sydney Opera House, of Sydney Harbour. A big favourite of mine and many in the water stakes. I was attending TedX 2015.

 

As a family we all enjoy being near or on the water. Not everyone likes the waves and current of the surf (and we oldies would say that now too) but as younger adults both B and I loved to surf. Both of us spent our formative years by the ocean.

 

And then there is this: my favourite place to visit: summer, winter and all the in-between times. The roaring winds, the gentle waves, the sand where I walk…and perhaps the water where I paddle all help to ground me and help me focus on “now”….this image of me, taken in June 2017 just after my cancer diagnosis and before any surgeries. I think I was pretty determined to come here to make more memories and to help me have those to view for what was ahead. It was a good plan.

But then: how wonderful, some 3 years later, to be taking an image of Avoca Beach at sunset before speaking at a head and neck cancer fundraiser ball….

 

I could find more images but suffice to say, I love being by the water. I am also respectful of water where levels may rise quickly in heavy rain. It’s a wonderful resource but being from nature we need to be careful of it too. I would never go into the sea here and it’s easy to see how powerful that surf is and how some rock fishing people can be swept off rocks…

I admit this is a bit of an emotional way to finish. My Dad, is well over 97, and has been in lockdown at Dee Why in his independent retirement unit for as long as we have. Hopefully I will be visiting him as this post goes live or in that week.

Dad (in this image, in blue shirt) walked at Manly, on the beach for years and years before Mum died in 2007 and then probably tended to walk along the paths to and from Fairy Bower. He loves this place.

He grew up in Wollongong near the water so it’s always been special for him. We have talked about where his ashes may go after his death…and this maybe where. Not that he is going anywhere soon.

I am a fan of water that is for sure.

And here is a special short video taken of the water about 20 minutes from home:

How about you?

Denyse.

Link Up #261.

Life This Week. Link Up #261.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, or multiple posts. Thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply. It’s a kind connection I value as a blogger! 

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials, sales and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive in nature.

Next week’s Optional Prompt: 42/51 Self Care Stories #6. 18 Oct. Link Up #262 

I will be doing a Part One of Two Tribute to the Women of Courage series. Part Two will be the following Monday.

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