Tuesday 14th July 2020

Archives for April 2020

Self-Care Stories #2 14/51 #LifeThisWeek. 28/2020.

Self-Care Stories #2 14/51 #LifeThisWeek. 28/2020.

What a time! It’s been not “that long” since the first post of Self-Care stories yet, the world as we (I) knew it has changed irrevocably. Thanks to a C-word that can be said and written about but I prefer to leave that to the media. Corona virus. COVID-19.

Self-Care Stories #2 is likely to be the first of more in #covid time and I know for me, whilst it bring changes to what I thought was helpful in my self-care emotionally and physically I have to counter that with:

  • am I able to do this now i.e. go out for a stroll at the shops….NO
  • can I go out where I please…NO
  • can I see my family and friends in person….NO
  • do I need to change how I think about what I need to do with my self-care…YES
  •  is this becoming easier over time…YES(ish)

In words and pictures here’s how I am self-caring…in the way I know how. This suits me. It may not for you. I know I am feeling better for a plan.

My plan, so far,

  • is experiencing slower days
  • not ‘having’ to be anywhere
  • taking the chance to explore some art/craft I haven’t for a while
  • actually reading a magazine- I have bought the Women’s Weekly twice!
  • limiting news items on social media to reputable sources
  • contributing to some groups I belong to on Facebook but not staying on “scrolling and scrolling”
  • making sure I have my instagram feed ready as it is from the Ipad now
  • having not only enough food in the house  but more so we can eat from a variety of sources
  • taking time outside, even if it is the backyard, and looking up, and down
  • limiting car trips to every second day and minimising these just to local supermarket
  • ensuring that I do get some steps up each day but no longer being self-critical if I don’t. In fact, I adjusted the goal to allow for it.
  • installing Netflix and Stan on my bedroom TV and actually watching an episode of something from the past. Currently Pride and Prejudice
  • swapping my daily coffee from a shop to one at home, and even having a cup of tea these days as well
  • taking a drive, while it is still OK, to a local beach or waterway and walking beside the water
  • recognising when my fear becomes heightened. It has and I know what it means and can deal with it better these days
  • adding a Daily Calm to my meditation practice before I get out of bed, and finishing my day with another practice session from Calm.

Now, this is just what I, as a retiree, who has recovered well from cancer can do and be…and I am fully aware there is a whole lot of deprivation and job losses, threatened security of home and more, along with worries and fears if you and/or loved ones work in essential services and maybe you are unwell or you cannot be the carer you might want to be….so I say…

I hope, that with support of words here, those from friends and family you may find some peace right now. Yes, it is a very strange place we are all finding ourselves. Author and all-round good egg, Pip Lincolne for example is one. She has  released her new book “When Life Is Not Peachy” ..see the photo above, and just into the excitement of this, she (and her family) all lost their jobs. Gob-smacked, like so many. Queueing on-line or in real life at Centrelink. Not fun. But, as she has reached out to others to help, she has been supported too. That is the best part.

Help others if  you can..but put on your own lifejacket first!

I am listening to a brand-new podcast from Brene Brown: and here is the info. The fact we are all, world-wide, “in this together” seems to help me.

Three learnings that have been life-shifting for me:

1. Anxiety is one of the most contagious emotions – that’s why it always takes down groups of people, not just individuals.

2. Calm is also contagious, but it’s a daily intention and practice.

3. We all have patterned ways of dealing with anxiety that are often set up in our first families. Understanding how and why can set us free.

Listen to the entire episode on Unlocking Us at https://bit.ly/3aBJrDH

And if you miss contact with friends and family and can get into face time and zoom (and all the others) do so. We have had chats with our daughter and grandkids this way and I had my first zoom with 2 friendly and lovely bloggers. Yay for technology for friendships..not just for work

Share o self-care tip that works best for you right now in the comments.
Take care everyone.

Denyse.

Link Up #183.

Life This Week. Link Up #183.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week! NOT a link-up series of posts, thank you.

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to: Leave a comment on a few posts, because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar or let others know somewhere you are linking up to this blog’s Life This Week.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog & the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. These may include promotions, advertorials and any that are overly religious or political or in any way offensive  in nature.

* THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 15/51 Share Your Snaps #3 13.4.2020

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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Women Of Courage Series. #34. Rebecca Bowyer. 27/2020.

Women of Courage Series. #34. Rebecca Bowyer. 27/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week until the series concludes in 2020.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

 

Rebecca Bowyer and I have never met ‘in real life’ but we have connected via our blogs way back as part of “I Blog on Tuesdays” a regular link up for a very long time that many Australian bloggers would remember with affection. Rebecca who is 39, offered me some advice way back in 2016 when I first had the idea it was time to document my life story. Initially feeling daunted by the notion of writing a whole book (with me at the centre of it) Rebecca offered me this piece of wisdom. “Write a chapter at a time as if it is a blog post”. She mentioned our friend Mrs Woog did that for her book “Primary School Confidential” and then it all seems do-able. So, I am always grateful for this advice….and to know this woman, a determined and published author! Congratulations on your book.

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I published my first novel, Maternal Instinct, in 2019. The lead up to this single event comprised dozens of smaller moments of courage. If my courage had failed at any of these moments, I would not be a published author now.

First, I had to give myself permission to be creative. Finding the sustained creativity required to write an 80,000-word novel meant stepping aside from family responsibilities for periods of time over the course of more than a year. It meant taking a chance on a project that might amount to absolutely nothing but hours of ‘wasted time’ if it didn’t find a publisher.

Next, I had to find the courage to send my completed manuscript out into the world. I was very fortunate to find a literary agent all the way across the world in New York. I then held my breath and kept going through more than a year of rejections and a couple of almost-acceptances from publishers.

By early 2019 I wanted to sweep the whole thing under the floor and forget I’d ever tried to be an author. My agent was still positive about finding a publishing home for the manuscript, but I’d decided to draw a line under this chapter of my life. First, however, I decided to publish the novel myself. I couldn’t stand the thought of all those ‘wasted hours’ if I just let it go.

So, I took another deep breath – more courage required!

You need capital to publish a book. I had none, so I raised the funds via a Kickstarter campaign. Most start-ups have investors, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier to go out, cap in hand, and ask people to believe in my project enough to back it financially.

After the funds were raised, the book was professionally edited, designed and printed, and I sent it to reviewers. This was the point at which I nearly fainted dead away from fright. But a book needs reviews and recommendations to succeed, so out it went.

I was relieved and very excited when comments came back such as “Amazing debut” (Emily-Jane Clark, best-selling author of Sleep Is For The Weak) and “Fans of The Handmaid’s Tale will be instantly hooked” (Virginia Franken, author of Life After Coffee).

On 7 October 2019 Maternal Instinct was published in Australia, the U.K., U.S.A. and Canada. For a natural introvert like me, book promotion is a rather horrifying prospect. I spoke at the book launch, did podcast and written interviews, spoke on three panels at Conflux 15 in Canberra and did book signings at festivals such as Bendi-Con and Mornington Peninsula & Frankston Writers & Book Festival.

Before every single event I had to make a deliberate decision to either show up or hide under my desk. I’m pleased to say that I managed to show up, though I was exhausted by the end of it all.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I feel much more confident about carving out time for creativity, without feeling the need to justify it by making money or becoming the next Margaret Atwood. The best thing about writing and publishing a book is the community of writers and readers. It’s such an incredible exchange of creativity, ideas and stories and I’m so thrilled to be a part of it.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

The most important thing I learned about courage is that it’s not a finite resource. A series of small courageous acts can give you the confidence to try for bigger courageous acts.

The second thing is learned was to focus on the positives but also embrace the negatives enough that I can sit comfortably with them.

My successes and my failures have taught me so much. Over the past few years I’ve felt like a failure because my book didn’t find a traditional publisher; because I didn’t sell a million copies; because it’s not available in bricks and mortar bookshops. All of those things still sting a little, but I’m comfortable with owning them now.

I’m comfortable because I’m learning not to focus on the failures, even though it goes against all of those niggling anti-courage voices in my head. (“Don’t be so arrogant, why should you publish a book? See? You sold less than a million copies. You failed. I told you so. You should have just stayed home and folded washing.”). The main thing is that I wrote and published a novel. That’s huge! That’s a very brave thing to do. (Take that anti-courage voices.)

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Writing and publishing my first novel has given me the confidence to write and publish more stories. In 2020 I’ve got a short story, ‘Practice Child’, coming out in Deadset Press’s Stories of Hope anthology to raise money for bushfire charities. I’m also putting the finishing touches on my second novel and am itching to start writing my third.

I’ve faced all my fears about putting my creative writing out there – rejection, ridicule, failure – and I’ve lived to tell the tale.

Publishing a novel has helped me understand why I want to keep writing. It’s got nothing to do with ‘success’ or ‘achievement’, or even fame or fortune.

I love to write, and there are readers out there who love to read what I write. All the bits in between – finding an agent, finding a publisher (or publishing it myself) and book promotion – are simply the journey I have to go on to get the story from my head to readers’ heads.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Finding courage can be hard. Something which helped me was careful planning and risk assessment. I wanted to make sure that, if I failed, my failure wouldn’t cause the rest of my life to implode. I didn’t quit my day job and I didn’t go into massive debt.

In the end, what I was really risking was my creative self-esteem and hundreds of hours of my time.

If you’re still finding it hard to press the ‘Go’ button, even after you’ve put in the hard work and planning, try channelling Drew Barrymore and her glorious silver wings from Ever After: “Just breathe.”

Heartiest of congratulations to you. Check out Rebecca’s social media links too.

Thank you for sharing.

Denyse.

 

 

Social Media: 

Blog/Website: www.storyaddict.com.au

Twitter: @RebeccaBowyerAu

Facebook Page : www.facebook.com/rebeccabowyerwriter

Instagram: @RebeccaBowyerWriter

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

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