Tuesday 18th June 2019

No (ONE) Word Of The Year For Me. 6/2019.

No (ONE) Word Of The Year For Me. 6/2019.

Dear Readers,

In my earlier post here, I gave a rundown on my success/lack thereof with recent “words of the year”. I said I would be back with what I have in 2019.

Here I am.

I have no (ONE) word of the year at all. I have many and I need to share the story more.

Thank you,

Denyse.

If you have ever wondered why it is hard to come to a decision about something? I have been like this with the notion of a word/intention for 2019.

I have asked myself MANY times why and the response is usually because I want to cover all I need for me in 2019.

This is impractical so I will share the range of words here in this post.

Last year as I went through two surgeries for re-construction and re-modelling inside my mouth after my oral cancer diagnosis in May 2017. In doing that I had a significant need to remember to be B.O.L.D. that is: Be Brave Optimistic Loving & Learning Determined Denyse. It was (and still is engraved on a small bracelet chain I wear day and night. I could ‘touch it’ or read it to remind me of how I wanted to be even in the hardest of situations. Some of these included being told a 4th surgery was necessary and would be a much longer time for me to wear a stent inside my mouth to allow the space to stay open.

I kept my practice going of wearing an outfit, having a photo taken, going out for a coffee and sharing what I got up on Instagram and the on-line support was a boost I always appreciated.

Of course, I did not only rely on the bracelet and already had so much knowledge and experience from the even more emotionally hard days well before my cancer diagnosis. Even though I did not seem to be able to live as I would have liked then I was sowing the seeds within. Many of these titles were listened to in the car and in my then art room as I made patterns and mandalas (another coping mechanism for my anxiety pre-cancer) and meditate along with some of these mindfulness teachers.

I believed I was going well in many aspects as I could face the hard things which I wrote about here and here. I also had greater understanding of what it is to be human! We are not alone at all. My meditation practices helped. Not always. But anything which slowed down my critical voice and over-active mind was a good thing!

In August 2018 the event I had waited over 14 months for occurred. I had the new upper prosthesis of teeth screwed into my new jaw and gums. At last, I could eat more again! So exciting. It was (and still is) and work-in-progress as the mouth I use to eat is so very different to one that has natural teeth attached to a natural jaw.

3 months difference! I like to recognise special days

But I loved trying new foods. Until in the last few months my weight changed. Up. I am continually torn between eating for fun/enjoyment and for nourishment. Sigh. So, not being disrespectful to my professional team at all, I need to take personal responsibility for my eating. I am not 100% confident with that yet (again!) as I have had issues with being very overweight (related to using food for needs other than hunger) and I confessed all that here.

I value honesty and truth-telling and I know some people who read here tell me that they think I am being brave. Well, that maybe the case but I cannot hide. I tried that a long time ago and it does not work. So I must accept my truth is that I am vulnerable and sometimes look to food to be a salve for what I cannot fix. I actually do not want to be like this anymore. I am needing to find the words to help me through and they seem to be based in:

  • self-care
  • self-kindness
  • self-compassion

But even before I can do this well, I have to accept what my ageing body is doing (70 this year) and normalising that is hard! I thought managing cancer was all I had to do. Nope.

  • I have to manage my IBS symptoms when and if they appear,
  • I need to be aware of my regular skin checks, eye sight (I had a wee scare late December which turned out to be floaters),
  • my feet cannot embrace many shoes so I need to care for them better
  • manage my weight. Oh I was so hoping I would not HAVE to go there
  • acknowledge that some foods add weight & were what I used to calm me then I need(ed) to be able to embrace those emotions that are stress/anxiety/worry based …
  • and, in owning up to them, let them arrive, and let them go of their own accord.

This is what I have also learned in my mindfulness, meditation, podcasts and more.

So many wonderful people speaking on these CDs and each has helped (and continue to help) me.

Calm is my latest and the each 10 minutes has something of value to me to shift my attitude and be more at one with myself.

A word popped into my head two weeks back as I considered this topic (where were we….ah, Word or Intention!) and INTEGRATE stayed. I now have this word on a second bracelet and it may look a teensy bit over-done but as a visual and sensory reminder, with the tiny heart bracelet in between I reckon they will help me return to calm(er) waters.

The bracelets don’t stay like this of course but each faces me so I can see them and remember!

What now?

I continue to face what I need to do to live honestly and to embrace the emotions I dislike.

  • To this end, and because I had been learning lots about self-compassion, I have just started on the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kirstin Neff PhD & Christopher Germer PhD. I shall share progress on this in future blog posts.
  • I remain committed to something creative each day and am exploring different ways of using my small and medium art journal and finding that excellent. I am returning to mandala making. I have, to a greater extent, ruled out Tarot cards. I just am not in a headspace for that right now.
  • I think too, that I have been pretty distracted since Tuesday 8 January 2019 where I had an unexpected mouth check as more skin was growing and it came as a shock that it was done in case it was cancer. THAT in itself is another post. I had pushed cancer to the back and I was jolted back to reality when my surgeon said “I’m a cancer doctor”. Oh.
  • He also mentioned the possibility of further and extensive in-mouth surgery if the lip continues to have reduced room between it and the teeth and when he outlined what they might involve, I was pretty shocked. HOWEVER, nothing is decided yet but it’s there, hovering.

Every 7th week now on my Monday link-up the optional prompt will be Self-Care and I have added this for me and for anyone else who wants to share their self-care. 

I have written a lot and still there is no conclusive one word or an intention  but this is how it is for me in January 2019.

Thanks for reading!

I hope it’s been of interest to you.

It has helped to write it out.

Denyse.

Linking up with Sue here and Leanne on Wednesdays for Midlife Share The Love link up.

On Thursdays I link with Leanne and the crew at Lovin’ Life here.

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Taking Stock 4. #LifeThisWeek. 36/52. 2018.87.

Taking Stock 4. #LifeThisWeek.36/52.  2018.87.

When each 9th week comes around I sit for a bit before completing Taking Stock. I like to do the prompts all at once.

This snapshot was completed on Friday 31 August 2018.

I never look at previous ones before completing the current one as I do not want to be reminded.

Here are some of the most recent: July 2018, April 2018, February 2018,

I will do that perhaps after this is published as I do like to see my changes and also what stays the same.

Thanks again to Pip for her prompts. She blogs here.

Making: a lot of bookmarks to send to Lisa at The Big Hug Box for inclusion in her special gifts to cancer patients.

Cooking: a combo of a biscuit recipe: a packet mix with salted caramel added to a mix of my own with choc chips: voila: choc chip salted caramel cookies to eat…and to give as gifts to people next week.

Drinking: a selection of hot drinks that come in sachets: hot chocolate, cappucino, mint chocolate, caramel latte & butterscotch.

Reading: The Sydney Morning Herald every.single.day….and Rick Morton’s One Hundred Years of Dirt. I love Rick and his writing and met him in 2011 at the first Aussie Bloggers conference and he interviewd me some years later for an article in the Australian about grandparenting.

Wanting: to learn more about hand lettering

Looking: at other people’s hand lettering on-line and it is so good…but also need to remember, “am left-handed” so check those people out via Instagram

Playing: lots of old Show Tunes: from Mary Poppins to My Fair Lady to The Producers to High Society and I SING along.

Wasting: little these days, unless it is food that spoils because I have not been successful in eating it but it is happening less

Sewing: I wonder why I do not just leave this one out…really, I need to!

Wishing: that as we age, and next year is the big 7 0 for us, that our health remains reasonable. Big wish I think!

Enjoying: each other’s company more and more. T’is lovely after 47 plus years!

Waiting: for Monday (this will be posted by then) because I am seeing a very caring and lovely friend, and going to Hornsby to do so!

Liking: that I am finally oh so very confident to drive to Sydney most weeks to do what has to be done and succeed

Wondering: why people who drive FAST on the M1 (not me!) where the speed restrictions are in force never seem to get caught.

Loving: slow and cool winter into spring evenings and nights to snuggle in bed. 

Hoping: that it rains where it is needed. Every bloody where, thank you!

Marvelling: that I can write something here today that others will read next week maybe on their computer or phone or tablet.

Needing: to remember that even if I “can” eat much more, I still want to wear my lovely summer clothes again!

Smelling: small diffusers I have around the house and they are not overpowering just pleasant.

Wearing: right now: long casual pants and a long sleeve top – cool weather!

Following: the “who will be our Prime Minister” this time next week memes

Noticing: that I can grow carnations! Win!

Knowing: I do the best I can to look after my mouth health because my prosthodontist tells me I am.

Thinking: how did I manage to deal with so much change as I got cancer and went through so many surgeries and on-going treatments?

Feeling: proud of myself for doing as well as I could and do still.

Bookmarking: episodes of Anh Do’s Art on iView

Opening: the door each morning and hoping the newspaper will have been delivered after a very inconsistent delivery pattern when we first moved here.

Giggling: at four of our wonderful grandchildren when they sent a short video to us recently. Miss them a LOT.

Feeling: loved and cared for by my husband

Have you taken stock recently?

Denyse.

P.S. Did you see the news here? #LifeThisWeek continues into 2019 and the rest of the optional prompts are posted!

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 37/52. Travel Tips. 10/9/18.


FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest