Tuesday 23rd July 2019

Confidence is. 19/51.#LifeThisWeek. 50/2019.

Confidence is. 19/51.#LifeThisWeek. 50/2019.

I have TOO many “C” words on my mind. I have: cancer, confidence, contentment, courage….and YES, I write a post based on confidence rather than contentment…so, given it’s optional prompts here, I shall leave as is! Who gets her own prompt incorrect? Me! More on my mind that I thought. 

There is a part of me that is ‘fake it till you make it’ in terms of my outgoingness (is that word?) because I seem to be able to join in or initiate conversations with people I do not know or those I am getting to know.

Yet, behind this, can be a very self-critical voice telling me all kinds of nonsense and back in February 2019 I wrote here about the Big C(onfidence) and Me.

By the time I finished that post, I came up with this. I have re-written it here, with comments/photos, to indicate I now think I know for me, what:

Confidence IS.

From February 2019:

I know that putting these words here has helped me see that it’s my faulty thinking that has been affecting my self-confidence.

OK! How to change that?

  • Already I have in some ways as I now recognise this inner critic voice and her role.

 

  • My actions, my words and my inner life help me remember MUCH more about the confidence I like to have and know I can bring more to the fore.

Having fun smiling at my husband after his daily photo-taking of me for social media

  • Each time I dress and go out for coffee, I am embedding self-confidence.

 

  • My daily journal keeping can continue to be a ‘write it all down’ place and then review for evidence of this confidence tracking upwards not the downwards the inner critic can believe.

Out for a coffee, reviewing my new Ambassador role and journalling….

 

  • My on-line interactions with people from my various communities in education, blogging and head and neck cancer are ways in which I grow my self-confidence and also give back to others where I can and it is asked for.

Stopping to take Autumn tree photos and including me now!

  • Seeing myself as others do and may. It helps to believe that I am both good and doing good. This is something I have struggled with all of my life and want it to change. I can do this. I will remind myself more.

 

  • Maintaining practices of:

 

  • being in nature,
  • time-outs with my art journal,
  • chats with my husband, meditation each night,
  • helping my physical body to relax,
  • exercising within my limitations,
  • planning to eat well and doing the same without any deprivation,
  • cancer checks and better understanding of the fact that cancer actually never leaves but might take a back seat in my life,
  • taking time to make contact with family and friends,
  • exploring the local area’s beauty,
  • browsing at the shops,
  • reading,
  • keeping to a timetable of sorts each day for balance in my life.

Already I feel better!

Now “that” for me is Confidence!

I have days when I am ‘not as confident as I like’ but they are far fewer now.

Something to note for this week and next: as you read this on Monday morning 13 May I will be sitting in the prosthodontist’s chair  at Westmead after a few months without seeing him and H O P I N G all will be well inside my mouth. Then on Friday 17 May I will remember it was 2 years ago I heard from the oral surgeon that cancer was found in my gums…onto Tuesday 21 May and I am attending a meeting at Beyond Five as part of my new Ambassador role and then, drum roll…..seeing my head and neck surgeon for my 3 month (2 years done!) cancer check. Whilst I look forward to all of these events I do not know the outcomes so a little bit of unease can form yet I am confident in myself to deal with whatever comes up and to know I am in the best care possible. 

What about you?

Denyse.

Linking here on Mondays with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 20/51.  Share Your Snaps.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

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Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

In the past seven weeks what has been my self care routine?

Pretty much the same each week.

I know though that I need to remember self care before I notice I NEED to do something.

It can be so easy to forget what helps me remain as well as I can emotionally because I can get caught up with achievements, busy-ness and striving.

  • Striving.
  • Achievements
  • Being Busy.

These are words I am deleting as part of my past vocabulary.

I have been a striver, an achiever and a busy person since… 1970!

Just noticing the difference in me has been interesting to say the least!

Here’s what I notice:

  • I am walking more slowly
  • I am noticing more around me
  • I am prepared to actually sit and just enjoy being relaxed
  • I give myself permission to go on social media for a while but to be careful to notice when social media changes me emotionally…then I get off
  • I can actually waste time. Some would be horrified at this but I now know I can!
  • I like to read books and articles I enjoy and sometimes learn more but I can also just ‘chill’ like this
  • I can go outside and notice what is happening in the garden

I am still enjoying my dress with purpose and having a photo taken.

I love going out for a solo coffee still

I do like catching up with people this way too.

 

What does your self care look like these days?

Are there changes you are making?

Tell us more!

Denyse.

Linking here on Mondays with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 15/51 Share Your Snaps. 15/4/19

 

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Just For July #2. 2018.60.

Just For July #2. 2018.60.

Thank you so much for the generous response to my new post series for July. I hope to continue these into the remainder of the year…when I come up some names for the series! Denyse x

Noticing.

Do you do a lot of noticing? I am a visual person first and foremost and whilst I do not notice “some things” I notice more than some. Here’s what I noticed recently.

Pansies: Can there be a more beautiful dainty flower than this? Such colour, lines and textures. Growing in a pot on our back deck. Giving me a smile each day, could there be a more beautiful dainty flower than this? Such colour, lines and textures.

Generosity: My lips have been so dry since last year’s surgery. I have at least 8 creams, ointments etc and none have been as good as the large tube here. Lanolips saw a plea from me and sent me these to try. I use this one overnight and my lips are better in the morning.

Really? OK, this is in the toilets of the public hospital where I see my prosthodontist and it seems necessary I admit, the loos there do need a firm flush! The hospital is 40+ years old.

Black: What colour density and texture does this crow have! I am awe of its beauty.

STOP: I stop every time I ascend or descend steps or walkways to the beach. I just have to watch and try to take in the beauty and symmetry.

Texture: I see the bases of the decorative palms at the local super centre and have to capture their ruggedness.

Ever-changing: The waves, the patterns on the water, the colours of the ocean are never the same. I am fascinated by this and reflect on it as a metaphor for my life.

Humour: My sense of humour is one I share with my husband but this might have gone too far. MY new ‘teeth’ from the lolly bag. Girl has to dream!!

Teaching: Angela nailed this. She gets it. So do the teachers. Parents we think do too but there is a minority who take entitlement too far. Oh, and if the administration of teachers and education could reduce,  then kids will have the best opportunities. Record-keeping is taking over.

Surprise: I do always notice mandalas in nature but this one, a tree stump at my rest stop on my way home from Westmead was photographed and shared with a mandala friend. She screen shot it and sent it to me saying “do you see the face?” I do now. Do you? It is weirdly creepy.

Teamwork: My prosthodontist is adjusting my stent with a fine scalpel to reduce its bulk for comfort in my mouth and his nurse is holding the ‘sucker’ to take away the debris. These two, who I see as my friends now, have been working together for 13 years and it shows.

Look: I fail to notice time moving on, at times, when I am into social media, but I decided to go outside recently close to sunset and captured this over the neighbours’ houses.

Do you notice the world around you?

What is your dominant sense?

Denyse.

Thanks for having this Thursday linky, Leanne. Join in here everyone.

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Six Month Check-Up…With Myself! 2018.56.

Six Month Check-Up…With Myself! 2018.56.

What is this six month check-up about?

It is about my assessment of my physical and emotional health for the first 6 months of 2018.

Subjective? Yes.

Tougher on myself than most? I hope not. But I can be more self-critical than I probably need to be! I suspect we are all like that.

It’s no secret that when you have a cancer diagnosis that check-ups are both regular and scary. Regular ones are like this protocol for my head and neck cancer:

for the first 2 years: every 3 months. I have completed one year and really only had ONE formal check up because…I have been for surgery with my Professor 3 times post initial big surgery.

for the next 3 years: every six months. This assumes no symptoms in between checks. My cancer was a very slow growing one which was contained in one area. All fingers crossed that stays like that.

Let’s get started:

January  –  June 2018.

My Contribution to Our “2 Person Retired” Household.

  • cooking my meals which can be eaten with little chewing and are nurtitious and tasty
  • cooking and freezing meals that are adapted for me and suit my husband as well e.g. spag bol
  • cooking some add-ons for my husband’s meals e.g. my fried rice
  • making cakes. Lots of little cakes. Since discovering I “can” eat cake – with a teaspoon – this household always has freezer space for “little cakes”. I like ones with lots of icing – helps get the cake down, my husband likes no icing
  • cleaning the floors that require vacuuming each fortnight
  • cleaning my en-suite bathroom and all surfaces of shelves, sets of drawers etc in the house
  • ensuring the plants outside are watered and cared for – watering, moving them around as need be and pruning
  • grocery shopping that is specifically for me and some catch-up items as my husband does the main & bigger shop

My Self-Care Routine.

  • I would like to think I have this down pat. I do not. I sometimes do too much and wonder why I am tired or tetchy.
  • Balance of some kind is ideal. I am still learning and I can imagine many of us are too in our retirement years.
  • As someone who loved her busy-ness in work and then when caring for our grandkids and part-time teaching…but also had it affect her emotionally I KNOW this is something I need to do better.
  • What is self-care anyway….for me it is this: enough to ‘do’ each day for nothing to feel stressful and enough to ‘be’ each day to feel calm and in control of my emotions
  • I could improve my ‘going to sleep’ times and am already listening to some ‘sleep stories’ via my Calm meditation app which is helping somewhat
  • I need to remember I am not in a race for self-care or self-improvement
  • I am aware I need to think ‘marathon’ rather than ‘sprint.’

My Care For Others.

  • I am getting better at this one!
  • When I was recovering from cancer surgery in those months from July to November 2017 my physical restrictions and mental tiredness meant I could not do much at all
  • However, I now know the value of caring for and about others (without trying to be the FIXER or the PEOPLE PLEASER) and this, my readers, is a BIG step for me
  • I continue to learn about this – am I doing or saying this to ‘fix’ this person or something that can be fixed or am I doing this to show my love and support for the person as he or she fixes things themselves. A BIG one for sure.
  • And in saying that, I know my people pleasing has taken a back seat…even in the ‘boot’ of ‘my car’ as I continue to know the value of pleasing myself (not indulgently) by setting BOUNDARIES.
  • Who knew? Boundaries for me and noticing that may be my interactions with others are not exactly as I might have anticipated because of THEIR boundaries! Great learning this one!

My Physical Appearance Each Day.

  • If you have followed by blog since late last year and into 2018 you will know that, over time my physical appearance has taken on a new dimension
  • Before late October 2017 I was in survival mode as well as under life stressors including IBS and anxiety and a cancer diagnosis. This meant I cared less for my outward appearance as I was concentrating on trying to figure out how to help myself inwardly.
  • This, as it turned out, was not helpful.
  • Instead, I took a challenge to dress well each day quite seriously. It was a self-created challenge. I am not going to stop it as I know it helps me each day.

Summary.

  • I am happy with many aspects of my ‘progress’ as I know I feel better emotionally and physically.
  • I also know there are more challenges to me on the horizon but I have learned that I can and do meet challenges much better than I did.
  • All in all, I am going well.

I believe I have allowed myself, even writing this, to be vulnerable. I know I take more brave steps these days than ever before.  And yes, I have read and listened to all of Brene Brown’s work. She tells it as it is. Bravely. Words matching actions.

Have you ever considered a ‘check-up’ of this nature?

I thought it was a good way for me to review how things are really instead of giving myself a hard time about not making progress because that is clearly a bit of a fib.

I will be interested in your comments! Not about me, per se, but about the notion of a self-check.

Denyse.

On Tuesday this posts links with Kylie here

On Wednesday this post links with Sue and Leanne here

 

 

 

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