Wednesday 23rd January 2019

No (ONE) Word Of The Year For Me. 6/2019.

No (ONE) Word Of The Year For Me. 6/2019.

Dear Readers,

In my earlier post here, I gave a rundown on my success/lack thereof with recent “words of the year”. I said I would be back with what I have in 2019.

Here I am.

I have no (ONE) word of the year at all. I have many and I need to share the story more.

Thank you,

Denyse.

If you have ever wondered why it is hard to come to a decision about something? I have been like this with the notion of a word/intention for 2019.

I have asked myself MANY times why and the response is usually because I want to cover all I need for me in 2019.

This is impractical so I will share the range of words here in this post.

Last year as I went through two surgeries for re-construction and re-modelling inside my mouth after my oral cancer diagnosis in May 2017. In doing that I had a significant need to remember to be B.O.L.D. that is: Be Brave Optimistic Loving & Learning Determined Denyse. It was (and still is engraved on a small bracelet chain I wear day and night. I could ‘touch it’ or read it to remind me of how I wanted to be even in the hardest of situations. Some of these included being told a 4th surgery was necessary and would be a much longer time for me to wear a stent inside my mouth to allow the space to stay open.

I kept my practice going of wearing an outfit, having a photo taken, going out for a coffee and sharing what I got up on Instagram and the on-line support was a boost I always appreciated.

Of course, I did not only rely on the bracelet and already had so much knowledge and experience from the even more emotionally hard days well before my cancer diagnosis. Even though I did not seem to be able to live as I would have liked then I was sowing the seeds within. Many of these titles were listened to in the car and in my then art room as I made patterns and mandalas (another coping mechanism for my anxiety pre-cancer) and meditate along with some of these mindfulness teachers.

I believed I was going well in many aspects as I could face the hard things which I wrote about here and here. I also had greater understanding of what it is to be human! We are not alone at all. My meditation practices helped. Not always. But anything which slowed down my critical voice and over-active mind was a good thing!

In August 2018 the event I had waited over 14 months for occurred. I had the new upper prosthesis of teeth screwed into my new jaw and gums. At last, I could eat more again! So exciting. It was (and still is) and work-in-progress as the mouth I use to eat is so very different to one that has natural teeth attached to a natural jaw.

3 months difference! I like to recognise special days

But I loved trying new foods. Until in the last few months my weight changed. Up. I am continually torn between eating for fun/enjoyment and for nourishment. Sigh. So, not being disrespectful to my professional team at all, I need to take personal responsibility for my eating. I am not 100% confident with that yet (again!) as I have had issues with being very overweight (related to using food for needs other than hunger) and I confessed all that here.

I value honesty and truth-telling and I know some people who read here tell me that they think I am being brave. Well, that maybe the case but I cannot hide. I tried that a long time ago and it does not work. So I must accept my truth is that I am vulnerable and sometimes look to food to be a salve for what I cannot fix. I actually do not want to be like this anymore. I am needing to find the words to help me through and they seem to be based in:

  • self-care
  • self-kindness
  • self-compassion

But even before I can do this well, I have to accept what my ageing body is doing (70 this year) and normalising that is hard! I thought managing cancer was all I had to do. Nope.

  • I have to manage my IBS symptoms when and if they appear,
  • I need to be aware of my regular skin checks, eye sight (I had a wee scare late December which turned out to be floaters),
  • my feet cannot embrace many shoes so I need to care for them better
  • manage my weight. Oh I was so hoping I would not HAVE to go there
  • acknowledge that some foods add weight & were what I used to calm me then I need(ed) to be able to embrace those emotions that are stress/anxiety/worry based …
  • and, in owning up to them, let them arrive, and let them go of their own accord.

This is what I have also learned in my mindfulness, meditation, podcasts and more.

So many wonderful people speaking on these CDs and each has helped (and continue to help) me.

Calm is my latest and the each 10 minutes has something of value to me to shift my attitude and be more at one with myself.

A word popped into my head two weeks back as I considered this topic (where were we….ah, Word or Intention!) and INTEGRATE stayed. I now have this word on a second bracelet and it may look a teensy bit over-done but as a visual and sensory reminder, with the tiny heart bracelet in between I reckon they will help me return to calm(er) waters.

The bracelets don’t stay like this of course but each faces me so I can see them and remember!

What now?

I continue to face what I need to do to live honestly and to embrace the emotions I dislike.

  • To this end, and because I had been learning lots about self-compassion, I have just started on the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kirstin Neff PhD & Christopher Germer PhD. I shall share progress on this in future blog posts.
  • I remain committed to something creative each day and am exploring different ways of using my small and medium art journal and finding that excellent. I am returning to mandala making. I have, to a greater extent, ruled out Tarot cards. I just am not in a headspace for that right now.
  • I think too, that I have been pretty distracted since Tuesday 8 January 2019 where I had an unexpected mouth check as more skin was growing and it came as a shock that it was done in case it was cancer. THAT in itself is another post. I had pushed cancer to the back and I was jolted back to reality when my surgeon said “I’m a cancer doctor”. Oh.
  • He also mentioned the possibility of further and extensive in-mouth surgery if the lip continues to have reduced room between it and the teeth and when he outlined what they might involve, I was pretty shocked. HOWEVER, nothing is decided yet but it’s there, hovering.

Every 7th week now on my Monday link-up the optional prompt will be Self-Care and I have added this for me and for anyone else who wants to share their self-care. 

I have written a lot and still there is no conclusive one word or an intention  but this is how it is for me in January 2019.

Thanks for reading!

I hope it’s been of interest to you.

It has helped to write it out.

Denyse.

Linking up with Sue here and Leanne on Wednesdays for Midlife Share The Love link up.

On Thursdays I link with Leanne and the crew at Lovin’ Life here.

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Word, Intention or Nothing! 2/51.#LifeThisWeek. 4/2019.

Word, Intention or Nothing! 2/51.#LifeThisWeek. 4/2019.

So, it’s now 14 January 2019 and many New Year’s Resolutions have been made, kept and already broken. I actually do not make them. However, since blogging, I have followed a pattern of making a:

word for the calendar year

Here’s what I did in:

2015: Acceptance. I had NO idea that the year would prove to be much more than I could ever ‘accept’ because at the time I was not equipped with how to deal with my many changes.

2016: FEARless. I would have liked to think this clever play on words would help. In some ways they did, but at other times I found I could not quite shape-up. NB: Am can be a very tough self-critic. Trust popped up somewhere along the way and nope it didn’t resonate either.

 

2017: Kindness. This started well and it certainly made me aware of others’ kindness back to me once I was diagnosed with cancer. I have kept the small design I made for this one and it hangs near my desk.

2018: Started as Brave and then went to Braving and some days later B.O.L.D. took centre stage and I mostly lived this one. Here’s the initial post and a subsequent one.

Sign Above Where I Blog.

My “message to me” bracelet.

2019: What IS it?

I don’t really know…yet. But I have already written and thought about it so much privately.

Maybe it’s because I have had cancer (and it can come back) that I have stopped thinking as positively as I did.

I also add in some health issues that come as a matter of age (70 this year!) and stage and wonder IF I can handle them on top of everything else emotionally and physically in my cancer recovery.

So, I have had ideas, and even some words. I also wrote a bit – a lot – in my journals.

I thought about SELF-CARE a great deal and I know that I can neglect this side of my health and welfare when I go down well-trodden, older paths of what it is like to be ME.

I wrote about that only last September here.

For now, though I would rather not go through the process in just one post as it has been and will continue to be a good old “Work-In-Progress”.

I am going to post what my conclusion is in a second post this week which will be, within itself, a better explanation and understanding of my thought processes! That IS expecting a lot, but as many here know, I tend to tell the truth and open up quite a bit about my struggles.

So, thank you for your patience in advance.

I will have it all here for the next blog post.

Meanwhile, have you decided on a word or intention for 2019 or did you decided “nothing” and leave it at that.

Maybe if I break the code this man is writing I will know more!

I am a bit late to the party for this and I know many of you have published what your decisions are for 2019 earlier.

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Joining Alicia here for Open Slather and Kell here for Mummy Mondays.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 3/51. Best Gift Ever. 21/1/19.


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November Notes #4. 2018.122.

November Notes #4. 2018.122.

At the beginning of 2018 I decided to make myself accountable on-line.

To ME!

Accountable by sharing on Instagram and then via Facebook and Twitter three daily posts.

Every.Single.Day.

I did!

Well, I did until the reason stopped having meaning for me.

Routine.

Despite being retired and recovering from what was then “only” two surgeries on January 1, I committed to posting:

  • A Daily Outfit post: #outfitoftheday #dresswithpurpose
  • A Daily Creative post: #creating #process #product
  • A Daily Nature post: #gettingoutside #noticingnature

I remain committed in many areas of my life: career, partnership and more and so this was going to be keeping me:

  • accountable to ME for 3 different reasons
  • every day had 3 opportunities to share on line and enjoy interactions
  • help with a daily structure
  • less likely to sit around doing little
  • to keep my mood steady and somewhat elevated as I had interactions outside the house…and via connections on-line
  • managing my life with cancer by having 3 separate interests and reasons to connect with others
  • finding new people on-line, including groups of people with Head and Neck cancer
  • using my eye for noticing …and my creative brain for making…and helping my recovery by dressing each day for a photo

Here’s how it went, via a few examples from each category, until it stopped…on 30 October 2018.

Why Did I Stop?

I had had enough. Once something serves its purpose it IS time to move on. But there was also another landmark I had passed and I think it also had something to do with the decision.

On 30th October I had posted a “photo of me” every day for the previous 365 days (maybe a couple of exceptions) and I know how much I was both encouraged and buoyed when I first started doing this as I had only had cancer (and just one surgery!) for a few months. It fed my need to be ‘seen’ even with my face and body taking some blows and then recovering after surgeries 2, 3 and 4. BUT, I was knew things had changed for me.

From 31 October, I decided to post ONE instagram/facebook/twitter snap a day based on Daily Gratitude.

I still show me in whatever I wore that day, but on the side of the collage I group 4 similar reasons for gratitude for me.

I am finding this something meaningful as I wind down till the end of the year.

I will still, on occasion, post other pics but no longer via the need to do 3 a day for 365 days!! I cleared out a lot of my Instagram feed too now, keeping mostly the images of me as they help me see my progress.

So, that’s it.

This is the second last November Notes and I have decided not to do a Thursday post in December unless there is a need. I did enjoy the challenges of thinking more for my creative space…

Just for July, Appreciation in August, September Stories, Observations in October & November Notes.

When the reason has changed, change what we do. Do you?

Love to know what you think about habits that keep on going on and maybe they are no longer needed.

Denyse.

Joining the bloggers who link here with Leanne for Lovin Life on Thursdays. (I will still link up a post, even if it is not a newly published one!)

 

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Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.115.

Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.105.

Look Good Feel Better workshops are open to anyone undergoing treatment for any sort of cancer.

https://lgfb.org.au/workshop/

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a Look Good Feel Better Workshop in my local area.

It was held in a private room within a community church. It is free and available, on application, to any person with cancer. It started at 10 and ran till 12.30. There was no break nor any refreshments other than water.

There were three women from “Look Good Feel Better” waiting for me and the other people who arrived. Each of us chatted briefly and then we sat around a well-organised table with individual places, products, a bag and mirror. There was help from the ladies as we were given tips on how to make up our faces and things were done in a clean and hygenic manner.

The co-ordinator, Cindy, pictured here with me, ran the event aided by a volunteer and her volunteer co-ordinator Kate.

Cindy, the Co-ordinator with Me…after-shot!

Interested in Being a Volunteer? 

The Look Good Feel Better program relies heavily on our team of 1,300 dedicated and passionate individuals who volunteer their time, knowledge and expertise to help deliver our workshops across Australia.

We ask that our volunteers are over 18 years of age and can commit to a minimum of FOUR workshops per calendar year (where available in your region) to ensure we have sufficient volunteer support for our workshops to run.

The first section (around an hour) was very helpful and I did pick up some tips for my poor ravaged skin on this face that has undergone four surgeries! We learned about the sun protection levels and the fact that those undergoing treatments may be even more damaged by the sun so to take good care. We found out about facial tricks – to hide or minimize ‘flaws’ and I learned more about using the concealing ‘green’ stick on red places.

I seemed to be the only one there who was not affected by hair loss or potential hair loss but not everyone shared what their cancer was so I am surmising.

The second section was not relevant to me and I did think about leaving before it started but to support the lady next to me, I stayed. This section was about losing hair, head coverings, tricks and tips and wigs. I am glad I was there for this lady and I do hope now she has started her chemo she is a little more prepared.

 

Look Good Feel Better is a national free, non-medical, brand-neutral program dedicated to helping you face your cancer with confidence. 

While most changes in your appearance are temporary, we believe that taking control of your appearance is one of the simplest and most effective ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence while going through treatment.

Can’t get to a workshop?

Home-delivered Confidence-Kits are a supplementary service developed to assist cancer patients who are unable to attend a Look Good Feel Better workshop for health, travel or personal reasons.

I came away feeling a bit flat which may have been because “my cancer” is not well-known. The second session in particular geared to those, who through cancer treatments have had hair loss  including eye lashes and eyebrows. I fully understand that more women need this kind of help and support through treatment as do others who have chemo.

There was little to no interest in knowing more or even hearing about my head and neck cancer, but those of us head and neck patients find this is a general response. Now you know why I try to educate and help others as I was ignorant too about head and neck cancers till my diagnosis!!

I would however like to thank those who shared their morning with me, particularly the fellow cancer patients. Some were incredibly kind and generous with their tips to others, like the lady next to me who was scared pre-chemo, and one lady had us all ‘fooled’ when her beautiful head of hair proved to be a wig.

Thanks to those who volunteer with the organisation, Look Good Feel Better, and those who work hard to see it happens. From the time I got my initial email, to the time of attendance the communication was excellent. In fact, I was able to change the day of mine to “when I would have my teeth” and they were happy to do that.

We all got the new products that were on our placemat at our table and each is now in my bathroom and I am using the eye brown pencil, the blusher, the big brush, the mineral foundation and the tinted moisturiser.

Have you attended a workshop?

Do you know someone who might benefit?

Put them in touch via the website and they will be looked after.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie for I Blog On Tuesdays here and with Sue & Leanne here for Midlife Share The Love on Wednesdays.

 

 

 

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November Notes.#1. 2018.113.

November Notes.#1. 2018.113.

November notes are related to health and mindfulness and in November in Australia we see the jacarandas in bloom. This reminds us of….for some exams are just around the corner, it’s almost the end of the academic year and it’s closer to Christmas than we think.

A year ago, on 30 October to be exact, I began a practice that was going to be for 32 days in length. It was to ‘dare to post’ a photo of myself every day from then until I turned 68 on 30 November 2017.

As regular readers know 2017 brought a significant and blindsiding diagnosis of cancer: head and neck cancer located in my upper gums and under the top lip. If that doesn’t give anyone a shake-up then I don’t know what might.

I have always enjoyed sharing my life via photos on social media, instagram for preference, and as someone who had also, in that ‘life-altering year’, lost even more weight, new clothes and an appreciation of a more physically comfortable body gave me an idea. It was not my original idea as others before me were already snapping themselves with hashtags:

#everydaystyle

#dresswithpurpose

#outfitoftheday

#over60sstyle

and more….and I thought, maybe I could challenge myself to do this. I decided a little matter of not being able to open my mouth to smile would not stop me, so off I went. I wrote about it here in 2017.

Until I was 68. Then it changed. Again. I liked doing this so much I continued. Here are some of the shots back then.

In 2017 I used collages. It was a good chance for me to show the world how my ‘mouth’ was going – post July and then November 2017 ops

 

And, my husband made me smile (most times) for the pics. Finding some backgrounds was interesting.

My ‘telling it as it is” shot. I was in pain in my face from surgery, but we went to the beach to distract me…I also went bare-legged (right leg) to show my surgical scars.

Once I established this great routine, I added another, once I could be sure I could do it. Out for a coffee. Every day.

 

And as the weather warmed, it was clear I needed to shop for new items.

 

Once I was less fatigued, I found shopping for some new clothes (only ever ones on special) was a big distraction from cancer and the surgeries’ effects.

Another significant day: We attended our granddaughter’s 21st in Sydney where I saw family who had not seen me since surgeries and I got another dress for the occasion.

Deciding to go on after my birthday! Christmas Day shot with 3 of our grandkids.

And then into 2018.

 

I like a challenge, so a self-determined one, was that every day the clothes would be different. I kept as accurate a record as I could and it was also, ahem, great getting my shopping gene back. My mum liked to shop for clothes and shoes. As I can not find pretty shoes because of awful feet, I went for the clothes. The ladies in the local Rockmans, Millers and Suzanne Grae got to know me well and bargains were had.

It was a great thing for my mental health as there were days when, like all of us, I just would think, “I cannot be bothered”. They were the days, I recognised were the ones when I need to be bothered the most. So, as someone who keeps to her word, I went on.

I believe that this helped my recovery and in a future post or two in November Notes, I will share more.

  • Do you take part in any daily Instagram challenges?
  • Would you post photos of yourself on social media?
  • If the answer is yes, yay for you! If no, what is stopping you?
  • Can you consider that this is something that may be good for your health too?

Enough from me!

Denyse.

Joining with Leanne here for Lovin Life link up on Thursdays.

 

 

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Observations in October #3. 2018.107.

Observations in October #3. 2018.107.

Regular readers will recall I love mandalas.

I liked making patterns and designs too, but somewhere in mid 2016 mandalas caught my attention, and I was onto them. Firstly I bought a book which helped me design my first few (and I remembered geometry taught in primary school!) and then I took off.

I made a promise to myself to make 100. I exceeded it. Mandalas made by me have gone to others to use as decorations or just to enjoy. I truly love sharing them.

Our dining table, when visitors are here,  is adorned with versions made with laminating tbat have become coasters, table places and mats. My Dad has quite a few in frames at his place.

This week I did something I have been looking forward to for a while. I began teaching a class of adults about the mindfulness of colouring and using mandalas as my examples.

By the time this is posted, it will have happened. I shall report back!

Reporting back! On Tuesday 8 people joined the class and that was awesome. Each told me they came for learning, to have a new thing to do and to chat with others. It went so well they are returning next week!

What I am hoping is that you, my readers, also begin to appreciate and see mandalas where you go.

I noticed these walking down one street in Wyong on Sunday.

Three of my grandchildren were delighted to see that I had left parts of a new mandala for them to colour (using my best markers!) and they did a super job.

From The Mandala Workbook – A Creative Guide for self-exploration, balance & well-being. by Susanne F. Fincher. P1.

What Are Mandalas?

 Mandala is Sanskrit for “magic circle” and in the most basic sense, a mandala is simply a circle. Since ancient times in many cultures the mandala has had a powerful role in depicting, containing and expressing the sacred.

 Mandalas can come in many forms, from stone carvings, to domed cathedrals, ritual dances and calendar cycles.

 No matter their form, mandalas often us a profound way to examine our inner reality, to integrate that understanding with our physical selves and to feel connected to the greater universes. 

 “The circle has been universally accepted as a religious image of perfection, a shape of total symmetry, hermetically closed off from its surroundings. It is the most general shape, possessing the fewest individual features but serving at the same time as the matrix of all possible shapes” Rudolf Arnheim.

 

Mandalas are everywhere and here in each ceiling at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse is one:

I see them in nature. Everywhere I look.

 

Will you look too now?

Denyse.

Joining my friend Leanne and others who link up here for Lovin’ Life each Thursday.

 

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But It IS Still About Cancer. 2018.103.

But It IS Still About Cancer. 2018.103.

Since spending much of last Tuesday, 2nd October, at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse (my cancer hospital) in Sydney, I have been affected by the fact that the reason I am in need of regular visits is because I have cancer. Specifically a Head and Neck cancer that was removed from my maxilla and upper lip named:

“Hybrid squamous cell carcinoma showing features of both verrucous squamous cell carcinoma & conventional squamous cell carcinoma”

On Tuesday I got a copy of the Histopathology report from 6 July 2017 surgery. It was ‘less confronting’ to read from this distance of time but it did have words in it I found hard to read.

With no risks per se, other than age, it seems my cancer took hold. I reckon it was there for many months before it was discovered after having my bridge/teeth removed when the gums were so sore and growing over the teeth (my request to do so in January 2017 was not heeded until April 2017). Diagnosis came in mid May 2017.

Why am I writing this now?

Because after all the surgeries (4 in less than one year), and many, many visits back to Westmead for my prosthodontist to make my mouth ready to accept the upper prosthesis of teeth, I thought I was almost done.

I am not.

Cancer is and will always ‘be there’ and in fact, my Professor and lovely Cate, reminded me “It IS about cancer” and that is why I come back for check ups and need to be vigilant myself about any changes.

My day of catching up, meeting people and doing my trip to Sydney independently was wonderful and I am so grateful that all of these people care about me and helping others with cancer. But it came home, forcefully, and is affecting me today with some sadness;

Cancer is always there. I had let it hide for a while behind everything else I was doing. I appreciate you reading this far! It is important, always, once I have something impact me as this has, that I share.

My husband is a wonderful person I can chat with always and I saw my GP to update him as a de-brief.

But before I go on, I had a TREMENDOUS day on Tuesday, noteworthy too because it was the first time I had driven myself to Chris O’Brien Lifehouse.

Asking Others For Their Thoughts.

I asked around  facebook friends who I know are through the active stage of treatments for their thoughts and some kindly replied with these words.

From S.:

“I’m past the ‘active’ part of my treatment, I’ve had surgery and radiation. Now I take a once a day tablet to prevent recurrence and I got 12 months all clear. But some days I feel just awful with fatigue and other side effects. I spend whole afternoons sleeping on the couch. I don’t feel like myself and it’s really hard when people say ‘oh you must be back to normal now’. I’m not back to normal and I don’t know if I ever will be. The weight of expectation (my own and others) feels so heavy and overwhelming sometimes. Depression, anxiety and feeling down even though you survived cancer feels inevitable and like I am lacking gratitude for my recovery. I’m not, it’s just hard”

From V.:

For me post cancer treatment is a mixed bag. I’m so grateful for my recovery but the fear and uncertainty for the future is still there. It’s a monkey on your back forever and you have to find a way to live with that monkey. The monkey is very loud and cheeky at times. Other times I give my monkey a time out and she sulks in the corner. At my recent follow up appointment I sat in a waiting room full of women ( I had early stage breast cancer).   They all had that haunted ‘how in the hell did I end up here’ look on their face and you just bravely smile at each other without any need for words.

From S.:

It’s my cancerversary on Tuesday so I’ll be blogging about it too! I don’t think the cancer shadow ever goes away but I try not to let the worry of it steal my joy of today.

From M:

 The elation of hearing the words “all clear” faded more quickly than I imagined and in its place was anxiety. Having been so closely under the microscope for so long,  I felt anxious that the cancer might return and it wouldn’t be spotted. Over time, this does ease and I look forward to my six-monthly check ups for continued reassurance that all is ok.

From M in N.Z.:

It’s normal to have a slump in mood after treatment ends. I availed myself of the Cancer Society psychologists who are trained to help us deal with the transition from treatment to the new normal.

I also went to the NSW Cancer Council website and found this article about ‘after the cancer treatment stage’.

Can cancer be a positive experience?

  • Many people find there are positive aspects to having cancer. Some even refer to the disease as a life-changing experience.
  • Cancer may cause you to re-examine your life choices, and may motivate you to travel, take up new activities or make lifestyle changes (e.g. starting exercise or quitting smoking). This shift is often gradual, as even positive change can take getting used to.
  • After treatment, some people want to help improve the cancer experience for others through advocacy or volunteer work.

Read more at https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/15289/b1000/living-well-after-cancer-45/living-well-after-cancer-back-to-normal/#sUFxCMjbDj1ZGQz4.99

New friend to me, and known to many is journalist and M.C.  Julie McCrossin, who is now 5 years down the track from her Head and Neck cancer diagnosis and she sent me here, to her podcasts for the Cancer Council, and this one of fear I listened to again.

Liverpool Hospital Head and Neck Patient Support Group listening to Dr Ben Smith, Ingham Institute on cancer recurrence anxiety. Learn more about managing anxiety. Listen to The Thing About Cancer Managing Fear podcast cancercouncil.com.au/podcasts/episo… @beyondfiveorg @CCNewSouthWales http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:314217701/sounds.rss

Julie said “I find the fear catches me unawares, like on my recent birthday”

Thank you friends for sharing.

So, I am not unique.

Always good to know.

And I can share my worries and fears with others who ‘get it’.

Having cancer never really ends, but I am always grateful for the friendships and new experiences I am having as a result of cancer.

Thank you one and all.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie for I Blog on Tuesdays here and with Sue and Leanne here on Wednesdays.

 

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Mindfulness, Mandalas & Self-Care!* 2018.97.

Mindfulness,Mandalas & Self-Care!* 2018.97.

This post will eventually make sense…please read on. If you too value self-care.

Things have been pretty serious around this blog lately so with yesterday’s light-hearted post about my last purchase. See what I did and why here, if you want a bit of a laugh at me and my laminator woes.

And as if to give me a reason to relax more was necessary I had a somewhat disconcerting couple of days where my gut rumbled and I refused to listen (as I can do) until, some IBS** (also written about a lot here and here) decided to remind me about:

*WHY I NEED TO PRACTISE BETTER SELF-CARE.

From way back I have been an achiever.

I like to do and see the reward in the finished product or event or whatever it is.

I like to plan and see things through to their end.

In other words, I DO (not the marriage one) almost all of the time and until something stops me** I keep on keeping on.

Self-care of and for me is MY responsibility and coming out of a major life event as having cancer you’d think I would have it sorted. Things like this would be taken into consideration:

  • physical ability to carry out what I am choosing to do
  • physical ability and stamina to keep going with such activities
  • knowing when to take a rest and stop for a while
  • understanding that my ageing body is not quite at all like it used to be as it has also fought cancer
  • remembering that I “am retired” and much of my day is for me to choose how to spend it

And generally I do, until I don’t and that is what happened last week**…

Yes, I am getting to the mandalas & mindfulness soon!

It was not much at first, but for a day or two, I could feel my breathing being more about “sighing” as in things were an effort. I also found myself jumping from one self-determined task to another with a view to getting them done.

 No-one else had set me any tasks but me. At times, I am loving the busy-ness and the physicality of getting out and about, making the bookmarks for The Big Hug Box, getting the shopping done, making some meals for us both and blogging responsibilities along with deciding to learn how to do hand-lettering via a couple of on-line courses.

I loved driving an hour to catch up with a friend for morning tea on Tuesday and driving to the beach on Monday to walk down many steps to the rock platform. I was BUSY. I genuinely loved doing it too.

And by Friday my gut grumbled and sent me to the loo more and more until Saturday morning when it said “ENOUGH” and let me know it with some IBS.

OH. I know why, I silently said and did not get angry but instead I got grateful. For my body’s reminder when my mind would not listen.

I stopped. I calmed me with better breathing techniques. I sat with NO iphone near me and read two papers. I rested. I coloured a magical and big mandala and then I knew what to do …MUCH more mindfully engage with what I love.

One of these is making mandalas and the other is remembering to be mindful more.

I was brought into the present moment (the only one we experience!) and sat and contemplated this design started a week or so ago and how I would colour it. I spent some magical moments here doing so and then selecting the colours to do so.

My breathing returned to normal pace, my gut is quiet, my husband is pleased I have done this of my own volition, and I am chastened by it and know that yes, I can be the saboteur of my own self-care. I sat outside admiring the pansies and was uplifted by their beauty in my mindful state.

What about you?

What do you get as a sign you need to stop and do/be differently?

Since Saturday I have a social media & iphone free hour from 12.30 to 1.30. It’s going well.

Tell me more in the comments.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie here for I Blog On Tuesdays and with Sue and Leanne for Midlife Share The Love Link here on Wednesdays.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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