Wednesday 22nd May 2019

Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

In the past seven weeks what has been my self care routine?

Pretty much the same each week.

I know though that I need to remember self care before I notice I NEED to do something.

It can be so easy to forget what helps me remain as well as I can emotionally because I can get caught up with achievements, busy-ness and striving.

  • Striving.
  • Achievements
  • Being Busy.

These are words I am deleting as part of my past vocabulary.

I have been a striver, an achiever and a busy person since… 1970!

Just noticing the difference in me has been interesting to say the least!

Here’s what I notice:

  • I am walking more slowly
  • I am noticing more around me
  • I am prepared to actually sit and just enjoy being relaxed
  • I give myself permission to go on social media for a while but to be careful to notice when social media changes me emotionally…then I get off
  • I can actually waste time. Some would be horrified at this but I now know I can!
  • I like to read books and articles I enjoy and sometimes learn more but I can also just ‘chill’ like this
  • I can go outside and notice what is happening in the garden

I am still enjoying my dress with purpose and having a photo taken.

I love going out for a solo coffee still

I do like catching up with people this way too.

 

What does your self care look like these days?

Are there changes you are making?

Tell us more!

Denyse.

Linking here on Mondays with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 15/51 Share Your Snaps. 15/4/19

 

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Calm and Balm For My Soul. 27/2019.

Calm and Balm For My Soul. 27/2019.

A gentle post of photos and how I help myself achieve more peace and calm in moments that are not always wonderful.

Some of those moments for me are pre-surgeries, recovering from surgeries at home, distracting myself from being hungry when eating was hard, calming my mind during a procedure or treatment by listening to music or an audio book, reducing my anxious mind’s whirling whilst being driven by my husband….not about him, about me, and not being in control!

I know many people have tried some if not all of these, but here’s my offering!

Getting Outside. Even Into the Backyard!

Making Something Creative.

Having These On Hand & On the iPhone Playlist.

These are some of the major ways in which I help myself achieve a greater level of calm. It is not easy. I am learning all the time. I also use the Calm app program each night. I highly recommend trying Calm and then signing up. I got a lifetime offer last year which has paid for itself over and over. Not only is there meditation but there are master classes in many fields such as cravings. There are adult ‘sleep stories’ which are a delight to listen to and hopefully nod off under the covers. I recommend these but no-one pays me to do so.

This link takes you to Calm and there is a sign-up for free sessions. See how you like it!

There is no sponsorship on my blog. I only want to share what I find works for me. Then if I tell you about it, and you like it too, that is a win!

What are your ideas for calm and balm for your soul?

Denyse.

Joining here with Min and friends for Zen Tips Tuesday. Thanks for the link up!

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It’s My Favourite. 11/51. #LifeThisWeek. 26/2019.

It’s My Favourite. 11/51. #LifeThisWeek. 26/2019.

Why I wrote “it’s MY favourite” as an optional prompt is a mystery. You see, I am the worst at selecting favourites.

I like and love a LOT…so how can I proceed?

By words and in pictures of course.

That IS MY FavouriteBLOG POST!

 

Routine

Getting out of the house every day, dressing with purpose IS my favourite routine along with the refreshing and reviving double shot, small latte somewhere before midday! One coffee a day.

Walk

I like walking more these days and try to get around 6,000 steps a day in. Some walks are slower than others. And that too is a good thing. A favourite walk on Manly Beach 11 years ago is here introducing my grandson to the sand and the water. Even further back in memory, is the 3 generations of us who “walked” as part of Bridge Climb well over 16 years ago.

Patterns.

I cannot go past nature for favourite patterns. These are but a few. Yes, they are close-ups and are part of the wonder that IS nature: colours and shapes we can barely replicate.

Celebration

I have been the one to make memories via celebrations, little photo books, parties, gatherings and more in our family. As we live away from the city this is much harder and the family is getting older and bigger. However, using the word celebration I believe I have found MANY favourites indeed!

 

Experience.

To have my ‘upper prosthesis’ added to my gums following cancer and then to smile (and eat again) was a BIG favourite. I also loved being part of this book “Women Kind” and in 2006 had the experience of a solo trip to the US where it was a favourite to visit Alcatraz.

Colour

Yes it’s the hue of blue. But I do love other colours too. However, it IS to blue I return to over and over.

Memory

I have been blessed as they say with a good memory and I did have many images to choose from for my favourites. Even these are but a few favourites!

 

Creation

I think the more my brain is not thinking work (job)  anymore it is allowing me to create. I love the ways in which I can be inspired but my favourites are almost always based on shapes – triangles being wonderful to design with and mandalas. In 2016 when I discovered how to design and colour mandalas my creative life was enriched.

So, do you find it hard to select favourites too?

Tell me more in the comments.

Denyse.

On Mondays I link here with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 12/51 Memories I’d Like To Re-Capture 25/3/19

 

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Self-Care: Share Your Story #1. 7/51 #LifeThisWeek. 16/2019.

Self-Care: Share Your Story #1. 7/51  #LifeThisWeek. 16/2019.

It is my plan this year to be accountable to my personal growth via this blog each 7th week.

I will post what I have done for self-care and what I may not have done for self-care and the why and how of this:

Self-Care.

I admit I have been somewhat confused about this as I tread my path through life, so I went to this source and liked the definitions.

What is self-care?
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others.

What isn’t self-care?
Knowing what self-care is not might be even more important. It is not something that we force ourselves to do, or something we don’t enjoy doing. As Agnes Wainman explained, self-care is “something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”

Self-care isn’t a selfish act either. It is not only about considering our needs; it is rather about knowing what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves, being subsequently, able to take care of others as well. That is, if I don’t take enough care of myself, I won’t be in the place to give to my loved ones either.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

Before I Really Understood Self-Care.

Way before I was diagnosed with head and neck cancer, I had quite a few years of being anxious and it was attributed to my (then) life transitions from active grandmother caring for grandkids, part-time teaching and tutoring roles, preparing the family home for sale, and then moving away from all “I knew” with my husband to begin our life in retirement.

This transition was so rough on my physical and emotional health that I lost quite a bit of weight (needed to anyway), had irritable bowel issues multiply and I developed a fear of travelling and more. This kind of thing meant intervention (I wanted it too) by my caring GP and eventually a great psychologist. She was relentless in her way of making me see what I was capable of doing and I admit it was hard at times, but she also gave homework which I (teacher-me) was diligent to do. One such exercise back in 2016 was to make a list of what I did for self-care.

It is an old-ish list but much of it pertains to me still even through the “life lesson of cancer”. I stopped needing the help from this psychologist about 6 months post my first cancer surgery and I only ever saw her infrequently then. Her work sending me ‘my work to complete’ paid off! I carried this with me and had it at the old house in my art room It was a good reminder.

Self-Care Post-Cancer Diagnosis.

In late 2017 after my first big cancer surgery I needed a LOT of time to recover physically and emotionally. Art continued to be helpful. So did keeping in touch with people via social media. I did, after 8 weeks, know I needed more. I missed seeing the ocean and the various spots of nature I love so my husband and I would take a drive to the beach on occasion. I also knew, by the end of October, I needed to ‘do something that was personal’ for self-care and that was when my #dresswithpurpose began as did my outing for a coffee.

At the beginning of 2018 I decided on 3 elements to my self-care every day.

  1. Dress With Purpose and Go Out For a Coffee.
  2. Notice Nature Deliberately Wherever I am.
  3. Make Something via Art or Create Daily.

And now, in 2019, Self-Care.

  • I am continuing to dress with purpose, have a photo  taken and go somewhere for a coffee. Sometimes it is to meet up with a friend.
  • I love my art and mandala making and the mandalas in particular have made a come-back as I knew I needed to get my mind into one place again aka mindful so this is very self-caring
  • I notice my body signals better when I am moving from self-care to self- indulgence. This is mostly related to eating. It has been a joy and a challenge to eat within reasonable limits and not keep on eating. I am s  l  o  w  l  y learning that self-care requires me to be self-aware.
  • The Mindful Eating book and CD and the Mindless Eating book and audio version are teaching me more about MY previous ways of eating than I ever knew. That I am doing this for me is very self-caring. The first post I wrote about this is here.
  • Being able to tell how I am slipping down the self-unkindness slope is even better. That critic that lives inside me has been outing herself a little too much of late, so when I realised, I thought about it and came up with this…..
  • We are all works-in-progress of course. I love that I am learning something new every day even about myself. I have found ‘old voices and messages’ come through when I am more stressed or tired.
  • To help my self-care stay on track I have added reminders in my phone in blocks of time about eating meals, getting off social media, taking time outside, reading and even switching off for the night. It is working well. Mostly. Social media…mmmm time stealer and confidence can wane if I spend too much time there.

Jade Harriman’s tweet caught my eye, and with her permission, I am linking back to her blog post about Self-Care. Jade has 4 pages of ideas around self-care. Do check them out! Here are six.

  • Taking some spending money and going second-hand shop just for fun
  • Buying a bunch of fresh flowers for a friend, neighbour or colleague
  • Going for a run outside
  • Spending time with an animal
  • Washing your hair with something that smells nice and drying it with care
  • Writing a card of appreciation or care for someone in your life

Thank You Jade

And in noting gratitude, I read this and it has resonated as the person “who was/still can be fear-driven’ …see what you think. I believe that when we notice and connect with what we are grateful for and about, then other matters fade into the background.

“Gratitude isn’t about ignoring everything that could be improved; it’s about shining a light on what’s already working, which creates positive feelings about now while enabling positive plans for later. In a very real way, gratitude is the antidote to fear.

Fear views events as insufficient, obstructive and unfair; gratitude sees circumstances as useful, empowering and ultimately positive.

Fear Implies there’s something to hide and run from; gratitude suggests there’s something to embrace.

You can only experience positive emotions and results if you are willing to be responsible for creating them – that means tapping into the part of you that recognises the good both in what is and in what can be”

Lori Deschene:  Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom For Life’s Hard Questions.

P 252.  2018 (republish) Rockwell Publishing.

That is it for now. Self-care is on-going.

What are you doing to self-care?

Denyse.

 

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt is: 8/51. My Favourite Decade. 25/2/19.

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My Worst Purchase. 6/51. #LifeThisWeek. 14/2019.

My Worst Purchase. 6/51. #LifeThisWeek. 14/2019.

Like most humans who buy anything, there are regrets post-purchase. Sometimes the regrets can be turned into a good choice with the options of re-selling, returning it, gifting, or learning to LIKE it.

In this case of my worst purchase it was something that I could DO something about but it was to come at a BIG cost.

The back story.

After long and faithful service to me and my family – grandkids especially – over 7 years it was time to sell my much loved Blue Avensis (7 seats were awesome with grandkids) and upgrade to a new car.

There is more.

We had finally sold our house by early 2015 and once the mortgage was paid out, we both needed new and reliable vehicles for our next stage of life: retirement and around 2 hours drive from Sydney. We could pay cash for the new cars.

My husband’s choice turned out to be just about spot-on – a Nissan Pathfinder – although he now says he wishes he had not chosen to white one. His car for driving always needs to be big – he is tall- but comfortable enough for his many weary bones and more. It also can serve as a tradie’s vehicle for when he is doing some work at others’ houses.

The middle part of the story.

When we were selecting his car, I too had my attention drawn to a car I loved the look of and the options it had. It was a red Nissan X-Trail. But then, adding the costs together “I” decided that amount of money on 2 vehicles would detract from the savings goal toward a new house one day.

I then went on to the familiar Toyota dealer who had sold me my 3 previous cars, and asked for a trade-in on my Avensis on a Toyota Corolla. Red. Of course. But also much less changeover cost too. I arranged to pick it up at the end of January when I was back in Sydney for an appointment.

The new car.

I did the changeover on the Friday afternoon, went to pick my new glasses up and began the drive back up the M1 after battling Sydney’s traffic. I love(d) my former Corollas. They were ideal for my city-driving days. But after having a vehicle with a higher position for driving and great all-round vision like the Avensis, my decision was one I was already regretting.

The real test came for me on the M1. I drive safely but well and am not a fear-filled driver in these conditions at all but this new car of mine was slow to take up the hills, and had nothing like what I knew I needed for my regular driving on the M1.

Regret – big time.

It is an awful feeling to know you have made a mistake and even more when you know that it has cost a lot of money. Yet, over that weekend, my husband who is both caring and generous, decided that it was not “on” to keep this car if it was not going to work for me. I was grateful of course but also aware of how much this might cost us. And it did.

Trade-Ins and Devaluations.

The saying that once you drive the car out of the showroom is loses so many thousands of dollars is true.

We knew it would be a cost to us for the trade-in of a NEW since three days previous car to one I really wanted and would love driving.

So, we spent a morning with the local dealer on the Central Coast and eventually an agreement was made.

They took my red Corolla and swapped it for a red Nissan X-trail at no cost  for a difference that still makes my eyes water and heart sink…well not as much as it did. But still it was in the 10s of thousands. Yikes.

Regret becomes delight.

My new car was changed to my next new car and I have not stopped smiling nor talking or writing about how much this car of mine means to me. This car is often my only companion on my many trips to Sydney and I love all part of her performance.

Then I hurt my red car!

It made me sad recently when I had a ‘run-in’ with those yellow bollards at Westmead after ignoring the warning beeps. I was distracted after a long and stressful time with the prosthodontist and just wanted to get home . It was me at the end of a very long process of three months WAITING for my mouth to be teeth ready. I look at this photo and know how I was feeling. Bad about the car but oh so over it about the mouth reconstruction!

Anyway, we finally had her repaired last week and my 5 days in a rental white SUV  made me even more grateful when I got back into her on Friday and drove home.

Worst Purchase and Its Lesson.

I have learned that I cannot make a decision like a car (or a house in the future)  based only on common-sense and finance as there has to also be something of my heart and emotions for it to be fully something I can embrace.

What is your worst purchase?

Denyse.

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Joining Alicia here for Open Slather and Kell here for Mummy Mondays.

Inlinkz Link Party

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 7/51. Self-Care: Share Your Story. #1. 18/2/19.

 

 

 

 

 

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My Mindfulness Practices’ Update. 13/2019.

My Mindfulness Practices’ Update. 13/2019.

I have written about the value of mindfulness and meditation several times here and here since 2015 and I have decided to update my readers and in doing so, join in with Min of who is launching her ZenTipsTuesday link up today!

Join the #ZTT train by linking up your post about any kind of lifestyle choice, activity, or holiday that helped bring you a feeling of ZEN – peace, or enhanced feeling of balance (mind, body and spirit).

Congratulations to Min. I hope this Tuesday link-up is a great one.

In the past year, these are some of what I practise to achieve mindfulness:

mindfulness: rather than me explain it: this one page article has three ways in which to describe mindfulness and I suggest a read because…it is ‘not all about being in this moment’. Nor is it all about meditation and clearing out your mind. That as I know is impossible and no meditation teacher ever expects that to occur.

 

When I notice my body (and soul I suppose!) not being as in sync as I now know they can be, I try to find s part of nature that soothes me and helps me add the world around me to filling me up again.

A place called Porters Creek – part of Wyong River – is a favourite place to walk alongside and stop and take in what surrounds me.

 

Of course, I have written before about Mindfulness and Mandalas and that is here. However after quite a gap between making mandalas due to busy-ness of making bookmarks from my art, I felt called back to this most mindful of art I do. I love the creative process and then carefully deciding after the pattern has been completed, just how I will colour it.

 

An A3 size mandala created by me and eventually coloured with some of these fabulous markers which has a brush end and a pointed end.

 

Recently I could not settle myself. That happens at times when there is more on my mind than I may admit to: possibly related to cancer recovery. So on this occasion again I took myself out in the car and found a place at Tacoma beside the Wyong River and sat. And looked and noticed: what I held in my hand. Check out the tiny mandala shape in nature!

Sometimes it is the change of view that helps and I get out of my house. This find told me that if I look carefully I will find something of interest. I did.

 

I have learned the lesson over and over again that there is no one right time. Take a risk, give something a go and be kind to yourself as you do so. That is living in the now!

 

Calm is my preferred meditation app now and I have life membership – it was surprisingly cheap and there are many options on the app that it is for me better than my previous Headspace app.

 

If my mind is whirling and worrying sometimes a more complex but different kind of drawing challenge helps me focus on “just one thing”. This is an example of a previously “too hard” mandala in its final stages of drawing.

Taking my time, reading the instructions (!) and doing this was such a good thing for me at the time.

 

I have been learning about Self-Compassion for over 3 years now but am always learning something new about it and myself. I am far less likely to speak to myself harshly these days and I remember to practise self-compassion when I do not have a great day. Completing the Mindful Self Compassion Workbook by Dr Kirstin Neff and Dr Chris Germer is helping cement my practices.

Do you practise self-care? In 2019 each 7th week, for LifeThisWeek I am asking bloggers to share their self-care and self-kindness stories.

 

A favourite way of re-connecting with myself in a pleasant environment is this place. I found it before I knew I had cancer in 2017 and visited it once I found out. I like to walk here and take time to gather my thoughts and at the same time immerse myself in the bigger world beyond my mind!

The walking bridge at Budgie is a favourite.

 

It is no secret to those who follow me on Instagram that the beach is a winner hands-down for me as a mood-buster and a ‘time to give thanks’ spot.

I knew last week this is where I HAD to come at 6 p.m. and it cheered me no end. Especially dipping in the water and facing the challenge of crashing waves!

 

And so, that IS my mindful practices’ update. I hope you are finding this thing we are in called LIFE going well for you. If you are not so, and that happens, maybe some of mine could be ones to help you too.

Denyse.

Joining in with Min from Write of the Middle for Zen Tips Tuesday for the first link up!

On Wednesdays I link here for Midlife Share the Love. Thank you Sue and Leanne.

This Thursday I link up here as part of Lovin’ Life linky  with Leanne and friends.

 

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Word, Intention or Nothing! 2/51.#LifeThisWeek. 4/2019.

Word, Intention or Nothing! 2/51.#LifeThisWeek. 4/2019.

So, it’s now 14 January 2019 and many New Year’s Resolutions have been made, kept and already broken. I actually do not make them. However, since blogging, I have followed a pattern of making a:

word for the calendar year

Here’s what I did in:

2015: Acceptance. I had NO idea that the year would prove to be much more than I could ever ‘accept’ because at the time I was not equipped with how to deal with my many changes.

2016: FEARless. I would have liked to think this clever play on words would help. In some ways they did, but at other times I found I could not quite shape-up. NB: Am can be a very tough self-critic. Trust popped up somewhere along the way and nope it didn’t resonate either.

 

2017: Kindness. This started well and it certainly made me aware of others’ kindness back to me once I was diagnosed with cancer. I have kept the small design I made for this one and it hangs near my desk.

2018: Started as Brave and then went to Braving and some days later B.O.L.D. took centre stage and I mostly lived this one. Here’s the initial post and a subsequent one.

Sign Above Where I Blog.

My “message to me” bracelet.

2019: What IS it?

I don’t really know…yet. But I have already written and thought about it so much privately.

Maybe it’s because I have had cancer (and it can come back) that I have stopped thinking as positively as I did.

I also add in some health issues that come as a matter of age (70 this year!) and stage and wonder IF I can handle them on top of everything else emotionally and physically in my cancer recovery.

So, I have had ideas, and even some words. I also wrote a bit – a lot – in my journals.

I thought about SELF-CARE a great deal and I know that I can neglect this side of my health and welfare when I go down well-trodden, older paths of what it is like to be ME.

I wrote about that only last September here.

For now, though I would rather not go through the process in just one post as it has been and will continue to be a good old “Work-In-Progress”.

I am going to post what my conclusion is in a second post this week which will be, within itself, a better explanation and understanding of my thought processes! That IS expecting a lot, but as many here know, I tend to tell the truth and open up quite a bit about my struggles.

So, thank you for your patience in advance.

I will have it all here for the next blog post.

Meanwhile, have you decided on a word or intention for 2019 or did you decided “nothing” and leave it at that.

Maybe if I break the code this man is writing I will know more!

I am a bit late to the party for this and I know many of you have published what your decisions are for 2019 earlier.

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Joining Alicia here for Open Slather and Kell here for Mummy Mondays.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 3/51. Best Gift Ever. 21/1/19.


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