Sunday 22nd September 2019

Self-Care: Share Your Story #5. 34/51 #LifeThisWeek. 89/2019.

Self-Care: Share Your Story #5. 34/51 #LifeThisWeek. 89/2019.

The past few weeks have been less about self-care and more about caring what others think and say.

I “know” that is not the ideal way to live my life going forward but in some ways I think it’s connected with a major life-experience which was about to occur at this time of year in 2002. I wrote about it here. I get to this time of year and ask myself ‘what’s wrong?’ when I have nothing much happening to make me feel a little less confident and emotional. Then I look at the date. So, knowing this helps and it reminds me to accept that I still have sad feelings about how I had to walk away from my principal’s role but that I also got on with my life as best as I could once the first 12 months of being treated for the effects had helped.

I have written about this in a series of posts last September if you would like to read them.

September Stories 1. September Stories 2. September Stories 3. September Stories 4.

I also used my story for my Women of Courage post, here.

Self-Care and What It Looks Like Now For Me.

Appreciation For The Support & Love. Moving On.

 

Doing this more. Getting Outside.

 

If I do not care for my mouth and prosthesis properly then I am not self-caring for my physical health. My daily routine.

 

This was something different. Very small pizza, takeaway. Two meals! Worth it? Not really but I gave it go.

 

Using some of my me-time for creating and liking the results.

 

My daily coffee, treat and using my mini art journal. Getting out every.single.day. whether I feel like it or not IS the best self-care I have.

 

Letting others know of my appreciation for them. Self-care is shared.

 

This was important to me from a self-care and love viewpoint. Top images this year, bottom ones a year ago. I was so pleased, despite some weight gain (with teeth!) I could still wear the clothes.

So I found some examples in the end. Thank goodness. I haven’t really lost the ability to self-care, it’s just a blip in the progress I am making and I am honest enough to share the reasons as I see why.

How is your self-care going?

What’s your best tip for when you are least feeling like being self-caring?

Denyse.

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

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Taking Stock #3. 27/51. Life This Week. 75/2019.

Taking Stock #3. 27/51. Life This Week. 75/2019.

My Soup for the Soul

For the last two years I have been recovering from cancer. Specifically a rare cancer in my upper gums and under the top lip. Oral cancer is part of the Head and Neck cancer group. It’s not well-known and this is WHY I have continued to spread the awareness news…and WHY I add the link to the fundraiser I have on-line to help the organisation Beyond Five where I am an Ambassador. To date, I now have wonderful donations bringing my current total to almost $300. Thank you. This the link to where you, should you choose, may donate.

Of interest to me is the Taking Stock I did just before my big cancer surgery in July 2017. Here it is...with many caring comments from friends I know here.

Taking Stock #3 : 2 years on! 2019.

Making: decisions about how much time I spend sharing my art time with and for others….and coming up with the response I need to do more that is just for me now.

Cooking: little cupcakes. I think I write this a lot. Cupcakes get me through tough days and having fewer teeth. The current group are tiny ones and being made for the Soup for The Soul event coming up at Central Coast Head and Neck Cancer Support group’s fundraiser.

Drinking: after water, double shot small lattes. Every day.

Reading: two items: The Sydney Morning Herald which we now have to go and buy as home delivery is becoming extinct here. The late Chris O’Brien’s memoir. He was a superb head and neck surgeon whose skills and vision saw people like my head and neck surgeon trained under him and my head and neck nurse practitioner. His idea too, after seeing comprehensive cancer centres in the US, was Australia needed these….

Wanting: to keep sharing the stories of Chris O’Brien Lifehouse because if not for Chris and his vision, I would not have had such a friendly, comprehensive cancer hospital for my surgeries and check ups and where I feel very welcomed.

Looking: at my Apple Watch. To see how my steps, standing and getting exercise circles (rings) join up.

Playing: for the third time, Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton via Audible, in my car.

Wasting: too much time on thoughts that do not need chasing nor imagining into more/worse.

Wishing: I could achieve (gain?) contentment on a more regular basis instead of striving as much as my personality seems to dictate.

Enjoying: being back to ‘listening’ to books over and over. See above for Boy Swallows Universe.

Waiting: for some appointments where there is a bit of apprehension..one is with a new psychologist as I need to share how the grief of cancer along with ageing is confronting, and visit #38 or #39 with my prosthodontist to see ‘how my upper prosthesis’ is going.

Liking: just being ‘the two of us’. For all those years of a  household caring for kids, working long hours in busy and responsible jobs, caring for grandkids part-time….and part-time work…it’s just US being retired, yes some ageing is part of this, but it’s just us. Married for 48 years.

Wondering: how Dad’s health will continue to be so good for so long. He is 95.5 years!! Still very independent.

Loving: having time as best as I can make it work for me.

Hoping: that friends & family who need to find work/stay in work roles they enjoy can stay employed at the level they choose.

Marvelling: at people who understand anything ‘science- related.’

Needing: to ensure I do not obsess about how many steps I take…which are actually in competition with me…

Smelling: the sea when I get out of the car at The Entrance and always being taken back to January school holidays in the 1990s when we took family vacations there.

Wearing: clothes that I enjoy wearing and that I am much more (literally & figuratively) comfortable in – after some small “panics” about weight gain…which turned out for be good for my health. Who knew?

Following: people on twitter who make me think and also are prepared to have a decent and non-abusive conversation: I follow #education and #headandneckcancer mostly and make a contribution.

Noticing: there is a lot to be more grateful for which makes me actually notice more!

Knowing: I will forget some of my newer behavioural strategies to manage my reactions to potential stress…and give myself a break when I do.

Thinking: that I could do with less thinking…the one I am getting better at ‘over thinking’.

Feeling: Love – for and of others.

Bookmarking: every single page it seems where I save something on facebook. Best I review that.

Opening: my emails and seeing donations to the above cause. Thank you!

Smiling: every.single.day. because I MISSED my big smile for 14 months!

Do you ‘take stock’ regularly? Thanks Pip Lincoln for her original taking stock here.

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

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Next week’s optional prompt: 28/51 Self-Care: Share Your Story #4 15/7/19

 

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Share Your Snaps #5. #LTW25/51. My Head & Neck Cancer Photos 2017-2019. 71/2019.

Share Your Snaps #5. #LTW25/51. My Head & Neck Cancer Photos 2017-2019. 71/2019.

I am choosing to celebrate my two years + since head and neck cancer diagnosis in images that mean much to me as a patient who is using this medium to show:

Surgeries,

Healing,

Gratitude,

Waiting, 

Becoming Well.

Some images may be confronting to you. The nature of having a head and neck cancer is that it is brutal in its ways of eradicating it. Be it surgery (my sole treatments), radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of all. Please consider using my experience to get your mouth checked and to follow up any pain, lumps & bumps in the head, neck, under ear areas….And please think about a donation to my Virtual Fundraiser for BeyondFive where I am a volunteer Ambassador. Link at the end. Thank you. 

 

1. Where recovery began. Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in July 2017 and realities of being home and what my body was doing to heal.

2. My ‘mouth’ reconstructed…and lots of waiting for more surgeries and needing to adapt to changes in my mouth. Surgery in Feb 2018 too.

3. And a 4th surgery…gets me closer to upper teeth but such a long wait with a stent attached inside. Getting my #HNC awareness happening & supporting the first Soup for the Soul event telling my local MP about it.

 

4. Many trips to Westmead as my mouth needed measurements, cleaning of abutments area and so on. I had 2 more surgeries to make my mouth ‘teeth ready.’ My first meeting with Central Coast HNC patients. I had not met another HNC patient till almost a year after my first surgery. And....S M I L E.

 

5. So many reasons to smile, show appreciation & help support the works of HNC groups, meet with Beyond Five, smile at my surgeon and see the realities of inside my mouth, with my prosthodontist telling me all about how this is screwed into the cheekbone and more. Yikes. No wonder it hurts at times.

6. With my recovery continuing my confidence improved.It was great to have some special occasions including a belated retirement medal presentation, meet-ups in December & Christmas at our place & to celebrate my 69th birthday at the the end of November.

7. In early Jan 2019 a quick trip to COBLH to see my surgeon where he confirmed ‘extra skin’ was just that, not cancer…and that threw me for a bit (cancer as a possibility). It was good to think about it and consider gratitude and we celebrated an 18th Bday & our Feb meeting of CC HNC support group had a special guest.

 

8. And the memories of the 2 years before were strong but I gave myself credit for getting through tough times then and now. Meeting up with friends AND authors who are friends was fab! My mouth reality is here too. Bit graphic: Before Cancer diagnosed.

 

9. Celebrated my 2 years since diagnosis with my husband on 17 May and he said ” time for the Apple Watch you’ve wanted”. Recently I’ve helped share another HNC patient’s story for Beyond Five, met my daughter for Mother’s Day, had another CC HNC group meeting at the Cancer Council, saw my prosthodontist, my dentist too…and at the special celebration of Chris O’Brien’s legacy for Head and Neck cancer in early June at COBLH loved seeing my surgeon, Prof Jonathan Clark (who became AM from Queen’s Bday honours the next weekend!) and my HNC Nurse Practitioner Justine. I am so fortunate!!

 

10. My friend updated my image for the blog after it had been showing my way before cancer image for 4 years. Now, that feels more like me!

 

Denyse Whelan Head and Neck Cancer Patient now Ambassador.

Consider a donation of $5 or more to my Virtual Event

For Head and Neck cancer patients, family and friends. This is a website and offers lots to help. It continues to grow and change but with no government funding, some donations by companies in related fields and one part-time business manager, a fund-raiser was initiated in 2018 called Soup for the Soul. Soup is often a food that patients with head and neck cancer can manage and it is comforting.

Soup for the Soul is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here.  World Head and Neck Cancer Day is on 27 July.

Have you shared your snaps today?

Denyse.

Kell also has a Monday linkup here. Join in!

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

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Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

Self Care. Share Your Story.#2.14/51. #LifeThisWeek. 36/2019.

In the past seven weeks what has been my self care routine?

Pretty much the same each week.

I know though that I need to remember self care before I notice I NEED to do something.

It can be so easy to forget what helps me remain as well as I can emotionally because I can get caught up with achievements, busy-ness and striving.

  • Striving.
  • Achievements
  • Being Busy.

These are words I am deleting as part of my past vocabulary.

I have been a striver, an achiever and a busy person since… 1970!

Just noticing the difference in me has been interesting to say the least!

Here’s what I notice:

  • I am walking more slowly
  • I am noticing more around me
  • I am prepared to actually sit and just enjoy being relaxed
  • I give myself permission to go on social media for a while but to be careful to notice when social media changes me emotionally…then I get off
  • I can actually waste time. Some would be horrified at this but I now know I can!
  • I like to read books and articles I enjoy and sometimes learn more but I can also just ‘chill’ like this
  • I can go outside and notice what is happening in the garden

I am still enjoying my dress with purpose and having a photo taken.

I love going out for a solo coffee still

I do like catching up with people this way too.

 

What does your self care look like these days?

Are there changes you are making?

Tell us more!

Denyse.

Linking here on Mondays with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 15/51 Share Your Snaps. 15/4/19

 

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Calm and Balm For My Soul. 27/2019.

Calm and Balm For My Soul. 27/2019.

A gentle post of photos and how I help myself achieve more peace and calm in moments that are not always wonderful.

Some of those moments for me are pre-surgeries, recovering from surgeries at home, distracting myself from being hungry when eating was hard, calming my mind during a procedure or treatment by listening to music or an audio book, reducing my anxious mind’s whirling whilst being driven by my husband….not about him, about me, and not being in control!

I know many people have tried some if not all of these, but here’s my offering!

Getting Outside. Even Into the Backyard!

Making Something Creative.

Having These On Hand & On the iPhone Playlist.

These are some of the major ways in which I help myself achieve a greater level of calm. It is not easy. I am learning all the time. I also use the Calm app program each night. I highly recommend trying Calm and then signing up. I got a lifetime offer last year which has paid for itself over and over. Not only is there meditation but there are master classes in many fields such as cravings. There are adult ‘sleep stories’ which are a delight to listen to and hopefully nod off under the covers. I recommend these but no-one pays me to do so.

This link takes you to Calm and there is a sign-up for free sessions. See how you like it!

There is no sponsorship on my blog. I only want to share what I find works for me. Then if I tell you about it, and you like it too, that is a win!

What are your ideas for calm and balm for your soul?

Denyse.

Joining here with Min and friends for Zen Tips Tuesday. Thanks for the link up!

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It’s My Favourite. 11/51. #LifeThisWeek. 26/2019.

It’s My Favourite. 11/51. #LifeThisWeek. 26/2019.

Why I wrote “it’s MY favourite” as an optional prompt is a mystery. You see, I am the worst at selecting favourites.

I like and love a LOT…so how can I proceed?

By words and in pictures of course.

That IS MY FavouriteBLOG POST!

 

Routine

Getting out of the house every day, dressing with purpose IS my favourite routine along with the refreshing and reviving double shot, small latte somewhere before midday! One coffee a day.

Walk

I like walking more these days and try to get around 6,000 steps a day in. Some walks are slower than others. And that too is a good thing. A favourite walk on Manly Beach 11 years ago is here introducing my grandson to the sand and the water. Even further back in memory, is the 3 generations of us who “walked” as part of Bridge Climb well over 16 years ago.

Patterns.

I cannot go past nature for favourite patterns. These are but a few. Yes, they are close-ups and are part of the wonder that IS nature: colours and shapes we can barely replicate.

Celebration

I have been the one to make memories via celebrations, little photo books, parties, gatherings and more in our family. As we live away from the city this is much harder and the family is getting older and bigger. However, using the word celebration I believe I have found MANY favourites indeed!

 

Experience.

To have my ‘upper prosthesis’ added to my gums following cancer and then to smile (and eat again) was a BIG favourite. I also loved being part of this book “Women Kind” and in 2006 had the experience of a solo trip to the US where it was a favourite to visit Alcatraz.

Colour

Yes it’s the hue of blue. But I do love other colours too. However, it IS to blue I return to over and over.

Memory

I have been blessed as they say with a good memory and I did have many images to choose from for my favourites. Even these are but a few favourites!

 

Creation

I think the more my brain is not thinking work (job)  anymore it is allowing me to create. I love the ways in which I can be inspired but my favourites are almost always based on shapes – triangles being wonderful to design with and mandalas. In 2016 when I discovered how to design and colour mandalas my creative life was enriched.

So, do you find it hard to select favourites too?

Tell me more in the comments.

Denyse.

On Mondays I link here with Kell for Mummy Mondays.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt: 12/51 Memories I’d Like To Re-Capture 25/3/19

 

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Self-Care: Share Your Story #1. 7/51 #LifeThisWeek. 16/2019.

Self-Care: Share Your Story #1. 7/51  #LifeThisWeek. 16/2019.

It is my plan this year to be accountable to my personal growth via this blog each 7th week.

I will post what I have done for self-care and what I may not have done for self-care and the why and how of this:

Self-Care.

I admit I have been somewhat confused about this as I tread my path through life, so I went to this source and liked the definitions.

What is self-care?
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others.

What isn’t self-care?
Knowing what self-care is not might be even more important. It is not something that we force ourselves to do, or something we don’t enjoy doing. As Agnes Wainman explained, self-care is “something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”

Self-care isn’t a selfish act either. It is not only about considering our needs; it is rather about knowing what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves, being subsequently, able to take care of others as well. That is, if I don’t take enough care of myself, I won’t be in the place to give to my loved ones either.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

Before I Really Understood Self-Care.

Way before I was diagnosed with head and neck cancer, I had quite a few years of being anxious and it was attributed to my (then) life transitions from active grandmother caring for grandkids, part-time teaching and tutoring roles, preparing the family home for sale, and then moving away from all “I knew” with my husband to begin our life in retirement.

This transition was so rough on my physical and emotional health that I lost quite a bit of weight (needed to anyway), had irritable bowel issues multiply and I developed a fear of travelling and more. This kind of thing meant intervention (I wanted it too) by my caring GP and eventually a great psychologist. She was relentless in her way of making me see what I was capable of doing and I admit it was hard at times, but she also gave homework which I (teacher-me) was diligent to do. One such exercise back in 2016 was to make a list of what I did for self-care.

It is an old-ish list but much of it pertains to me still even through the “life lesson of cancer”. I stopped needing the help from this psychologist about 6 months post my first cancer surgery and I only ever saw her infrequently then. Her work sending me ‘my work to complete’ paid off! I carried this with me and had it at the old house in my art room It was a good reminder.

Self-Care Post-Cancer Diagnosis.

In late 2017 after my first big cancer surgery I needed a LOT of time to recover physically and emotionally. Art continued to be helpful. So did keeping in touch with people via social media. I did, after 8 weeks, know I needed more. I missed seeing the ocean and the various spots of nature I love so my husband and I would take a drive to the beach on occasion. I also knew, by the end of October, I needed to ‘do something that was personal’ for self-care and that was when my #dresswithpurpose began as did my outing for a coffee.

At the beginning of 2018 I decided on 3 elements to my self-care every day.

  1. Dress With Purpose and Go Out For a Coffee.
  2. Notice Nature Deliberately Wherever I am.
  3. Make Something via Art or Create Daily.

And now, in 2019, Self-Care.

  • I am continuing to dress with purpose, have a photo  taken and go somewhere for a coffee. Sometimes it is to meet up with a friend.
  • I love my art and mandala making and the mandalas in particular have made a come-back as I knew I needed to get my mind into one place again aka mindful so this is very self-caring
  • I notice my body signals better when I am moving from self-care to self- indulgence. This is mostly related to eating. It has been a joy and a challenge to eat within reasonable limits and not keep on eating. I am s  l  o  w  l  y learning that self-care requires me to be self-aware.
  • The Mindful Eating book and CD and the Mindless Eating book and audio version are teaching me more about MY previous ways of eating than I ever knew. That I am doing this for me is very self-caring. The first post I wrote about this is here.
  • Being able to tell how I am slipping down the self-unkindness slope is even better. That critic that lives inside me has been outing herself a little too much of late, so when I realised, I thought about it and came up with this…..
  • We are all works-in-progress of course. I love that I am learning something new every day even about myself. I have found ‘old voices and messages’ come through when I am more stressed or tired.
  • To help my self-care stay on track I have added reminders in my phone in blocks of time about eating meals, getting off social media, taking time outside, reading and even switching off for the night. It is working well. Mostly. Social media…mmmm time stealer and confidence can wane if I spend too much time there.

Jade Harriman’s tweet caught my eye, and with her permission, I am linking back to her blog post about Self-Care. Jade has 4 pages of ideas around self-care. Do check them out! Here are six.

  • Taking some spending money and going second-hand shop just for fun
  • Buying a bunch of fresh flowers for a friend, neighbour or colleague
  • Going for a run outside
  • Spending time with an animal
  • Washing your hair with something that smells nice and drying it with care
  • Writing a card of appreciation or care for someone in your life

Thank You Jade

And in noting gratitude, I read this and it has resonated as the person “who was/still can be fear-driven’ …see what you think. I believe that when we notice and connect with what we are grateful for and about, then other matters fade into the background.

“Gratitude isn’t about ignoring everything that could be improved; it’s about shining a light on what’s already working, which creates positive feelings about now while enabling positive plans for later. In a very real way, gratitude is the antidote to fear.

Fear views events as insufficient, obstructive and unfair; gratitude sees circumstances as useful, empowering and ultimately positive.

Fear Implies there’s something to hide and run from; gratitude suggests there’s something to embrace.

You can only experience positive emotions and results if you are willing to be responsible for creating them – that means tapping into the part of you that recognises the good both in what is and in what can be”

Lori Deschene:  Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom For Life’s Hard Questions.

P 252.  2018 (republish) Rockwell Publishing.

That is it for now. Self-care is on-going.

What are you doing to self-care?

Denyse.

 

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s optional prompt is: 8/51. My Favourite Decade. 25/2/19.

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