Sunday 26th January 2020

Birth Stories. #1. An Occasional Series. 6/2020.

Birth Stories. #1. An Occasional Series. 6/2020.

Who doesn’t enjoy a birth story?

Oh, maybe that should read…would you enjoy reading some birth stories?

If YES… read on.

If NO…Thank you for reading so far. I will catch you back here soon I hope!!

Images of the most of the babies are photos from their first day/night of life. I have a framed photo collage of each of the 2 groups of 4 grandchildren. Very special memories.

The ‘last’ grandchild’s BIRTHday.

This (bad) photo taken at sunrise was when I drove to Sydney – around 90 minutes from our new place of residence on the Central Coast. I had been on “Grandma-standby” for a few days but with the birth now not expected till the following week, I got quite a shock/surprise to get the news that our son and his wife were on their way to the hospital and a neighbour was in the house while the siblings slept. That dear ‘breech’ baby wanted out of there and she was delivered naturally and both mother and baby were well. I waited at our son’s house with his sister (who had also been called to relieve the neighbour) till he arrived home with the news for us all…and with great relief, we left the family and went for a much-needed breakfast.

Here she is: 

Our daughter’s arrival. LONG time ago. 

So, this young, married, and pregnant teacher (me!) soon learned the hard way about being pregnant. I was going well. We lived outside a country town in north west N.S.W. in 1971. I saw the local G.P. for my check-ups and then… BOOM! “No, you won’t be having your baby here as you need specialist attention and that is urgent.”

Yikes. Way to scare a mother-to-be and the father too… yet he is not really scared of anything. So, chastened, worried (because I had gained a LOT of weight in a short space of time) we arrived at Tamworth, two hours from home,  to meet the Ob/Gyn. His examination ended up with me getting a diagnosis of then toxaemia, (pre-eclampsia) and taken straight to the hospital for bed rest and diuretics and keeping me and baby well. It was a LONG week I was there, confined and scared…because I knew nothing really. The treatment worked and my now Doctor let me home with the promise of returning in 2 weeks for induction AND (I never understood this, but obeyed) eat lots of lollies.

Dutifully, we returned one Wednesday evening and after admission, some induction strategies began. Pills and pessaries I think. Husband went home (2 hours away) as he had to teach at his one teacher school. No progress towards labour that night. All day Thursday still nothing much. Was transferred to labour ward that night and the Ob/Gyn visited and broke my waters. He was surprised to see some blood and explained it was likely to be a placenta previa partly covering the cervix that had been noted in a pelvic Xray (yes, of my baby and me)  but he showed no real concern. In this time nothing happened. Boring. Waiting. Boring but wait. It was Friday. Off to delivery suite. No idea why. BUT I did have some pains like periods. Nothing much given for pain other than some gas (mask). My husband called around 1 p.m. to be told “no she is not in labour don’t come down in this awful weather.”

Meanwhile, this pain which grew was in the back and more. A wonderful midwife was so kind. But still….I had no idea UNTIL around 4-4.30 I wanted to be sick (not like me ever) and I wanted to leave. Those who have given birth will know this is called transition. I did not but the pain escalated, as did my tightening of the poor midwife’s hand…and around 5-5.30 they called in the Ob/Gyn…he arrived in his whites. His squash gear! And by 6.35 p.m. I had delivered our little ray of sunshine. There were no pain meds. I was on a high. He even managed to stitch me and tell me 9/10. I thought it was my performance …later I found it was the baby’s APGAR.

The lovely Ob/Gyn then left the room but I could hear him on the phone “Mr Whelan you have a beautiful daughter”……and with that, my husband and his mate (my principal) got in the car and began the drive in the rotten winter night to meet his daughter.

But he could only see her through the glass. She was held to the glass for him to ‘meet’. Then he came to see me. “She has your fat cheeks and a dimple and my long fingers”. True. Back in those days no-one got to hold the baby except for the mother and nurses and it was not until we were discharged 6 days later that he got to hold his daughter and meet her properly.

Here she is in 1972 with “our bags” ready for me to go to school and her to daycare with my boss’ wife in the residence next door to school. So grateful for this!

Our first grandson’s arrival.

If you remember hot and stormy weather (oh yes, we have quite a bit of that lately!) then I can vouch for it early in the 2000s too. One very hot (up to 40s) Monday in mid January, our daughter was admitted to hospital for an induction for the birth of her 3rd child. She and her then husband were all for me being around  (this is the last Mum, so it’s fine if you want to be there). Once we knew that she was in her delivery suite, and the 2 siblings (then 4 and almost 2) were OK with my husband, Papa, I set off with camera(s) and ready to be there. But….I can now tell you truthfully, it was not the space for me.

Back then, despite thinking I could do this, my anxiety was quite high – because I was certainly not able to help in any way and it became confronting to be in the room where I was no help – my words. So, as my daughter laboured….and continued to resist epidural notion, I needed to be elsewhere…so went out for a walk around the wards. I passed an anaesthetist moving fast towards my daughter’s room as I had heard “get me the epidural” words….but alas, not to be. I then heard what was for me “loud noises” and tried to compose myself as I re-entered the room….and it turned out, that it was my grandson’s birth that had been the source of the sounds and there he was!!

He was so attentive I will never forget his engagement with me. The eyes! There was a bit of a kerfuffle I will call it though when her Ob/Gyn arrived, as the midwife had safely delivered B. He was asking why she hadn’t called him earlier. I remember her trying and it being constantly engaged. He was about 15 minutes drive from the hospital and it was school holidays. Before our grandson arrived and I heard the midwife trying to make these calls, we concluded it was probably not going through as back then only one phone line did the internet too. We reckoned it was his daughters!

Nevertheless the issue  settled.

But the weather did not that night. Around the time of B’s birth one of those raging southerlies arrived and with a hospital on top of a rise in Sydney’s north shore, we could feel its impact. When I left to drive home, around 8 p.m. everything outside the San at Wahroonga was dark. I wended my way through a tree-branch strewn carpark and drove slowly home via blacked out traffic lights and rain. We had tried calling my husband with the news but did not then know the phones were out too. My excited arrival home, in the dark, was chastened by “shush, I just got the girls to sleep, it’s been very scary”….and “oh” from me…then I told him of the news. I am afraid his tiredness meant a less enthusiastic response but the next day, we loaded up the brand new sisters and went to meet Mr Now Firelite DJ when he was one day old.

Here he is.

 

There are more stories to tell.

Like it says, this will be an occasional series.

I have deliberately kept all details as private as I can for those here.

Do you like to share stories like these?

I hope so but I do know that they do not appeal to all.

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #25. Anonymous. 112/2019.

Women of Courage Series. #25. Anonymous. 112/2019.

Trigger warning: Domestic Violence, Family Violence, Mental Illness.

 

 

Woman of Courage #25  has chosen to be anonymous.

There will be no replies from this poster.

She will, however, be reading and I will be responding as I always do to readers’ comments.

Thank you for your understanding.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I do know the person who has chosen to be anonymous.

I am in awe of her courage and was honoured when she decided to share this in this on-line space.

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

In the recent past, I was a victim of family violence. (Not of the intimate partner variety, but of the extended family variety – I’ve learnt a lot since it happened, and one of the things that I’ve learnt is that if you’re related in any way, it’s still classified as family violence.)

It was a single terrifying incident, although with the benefit of hindsight I can see the years of conditioning and gaslighting that preceded it. There were two perpetrators, and my children and I were the targets. I had to be courageous in the moment, even as my mind refused to believe what was happening. And I have had to be courageous since, making decisions to protect us and taking actions that I knew might lose us other family members and friends who refused to hear about what happened.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

In the moment, I learnt that the fight, flight or freeze response isn’t an either/or scenario. My initial response was to freeze. My mind could not accept what my eyes, ears and skin were telling me. A scream from my children flicked the switch to fight (though not of a physical variety – I instead said what I thought the perpetrators wanted to hear) until I could create a path to my children and then onwards with them to flight.

In terms of diagnoses, this incident changed me by bringing the terms anxiety, adjustment disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) into my life. It also brought imposter syndrome back into my life. In the past, it had usually been related to career success; this time, it was feeling that my one little incident wasn’t ‘worthy’ of PTSD. How dare I compare myself and my itty-bitty incident to a returned soldier’s experiences of combat?

In terms of practicalities, well… I’m still working through it all. I went through the stages of grief, which is to be expected. But I spent so long in denial that I did not accept the truth and depth of the incident and its effect on me for months. It took me a long time to accept my experience as traumatic. It took me longer still to recognise and accept that there was no shame in the experience, and no shame in the label of traumatic.

The incident broke my trust. With the perpetrators, of course, but also with others. With everyone, at first. I’d been conditioned to doubt myself around the perpetrators, and that continued. My brain constantly told me everyone was on their side, everyone thought I was overreacting, everyone was going to set up another ambush, everyone was against me, and wasn’t that fair enough? Wasn’t I overreacting? Did I really remember everything correctly? I had to rebuild my trust in people who had never done anything to deserve losing it in the first place.

Other changes? Fundamental beliefs and truths I held – such as my belief in the inherent goodness in all people – were shattered. (I’m working toward believing it again one day. I’m just not there yet.) Meanwhile, my belief that everyone has a right to freedom and safety has been strengthened. It might be truer to say it was created: I had simply taken it for granted previously.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

The things I’ve learnt are not fun, so I apologise to anyone not ready to hear these things. But here are the main things I’ve learnt (or things I knew that are now cemented):

  • ‘Family’ is not an excuse for violent behaviour. (In fact, it should be a promise for good.)
  • You don’t owe violent people anything. Your time, your regrets, mediation, compromise, placation, forgiveness. Anything.
  • There is no such thing as neutrality in violence. If someone says they want to remain neutral, or don’t want to get involved or pick sides, it’s too late. Whether consciously or not, they’ve already picked a side. And it’s not the victim’s.
  • You can’t control what people think about you. If people want to believe the worst of you without even speaking to you, based on nothing more than the lies of the perpetrators, that’s on them, not you. It still hurts, but you’re better off without such people in your life.
  • Anyone who expects you to compromise your safety for them isn’t worth it.
  • There is no excuse for violence.

These don’t sound like tips for courage, but knowing these things – not just logically knowing these things, but truly believing these things deep in my bones – are what eventually gave me the courage to take legal action.

One other thing I’ve learnt: lean on your support network. (You might have to wait until you’ve relearnt to trust your support network.) Many see the development of courage as a solo endeavour, but in my case it was a team sport. With my wonderful husband as captain and coach.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I don’t think it’s a case of being more courageous. It’s a case of knowing what otherwise dormant courage I already have, knowing what I will and won’t stand for, and recognising it sooner. Violence toward or in front of me and my children grants you an instant dismissal from our lives, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. And when I say violence, I now mean violence in all of its forms, including manipulative, controlling and coercive behaviour.

I do think I’d have the courage to take legal action sooner if something like this happened again. Courage borne from knowing that seeing the perpetrators in court a few times is preferable to not knowing if they’ll pop up anytime, anywhere and constantly living with the fear of that happening.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Courage isn’t a steely resolve. Courage isn’t determination or steadfastness. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I felt the fear. I felt the anxiety, the panic attacks, the self-doubt. And, eventually, with great support and understanding from the people I love and had relearnt to trust, I did it anyway.

And if I ever have to, I’ll do it again.

 

 

I so appreciate the thought and decision that went into this post from Anonymous.

Thank you for sharing this.

Please note: these numbers:

https://www.respect.gov.au/services/ Emergency: 000 or 1800 RESPECT

Lifeline: 13 11 14.

 

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #24. Grace Titioka.110/2019.

Women Of Courage Series. #24. Grace Titioka. 110/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I am so pleased to introduce Grace Titioka who is 47. We first met in 2011 as members of the early Australian blogging community and hit it off. Grace also helped me through some blog changes and social media when I was first starting to ‘get myself’ more media and on-line ready. Grace and I may not see each other as much now I have moved from Sydney but we connect on-line. Grace has a pretty powerful life story and she touches on aspects of it here. Here’s to G from D. With Love and Gratitude. 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I don’t think there’s been one particular life event where I was consciously being courageous.

People have said that setting up a life in Japan completely on my own for almost a decade was a brave act. Others tell me that having a high risk twin pregnancy would’ve surely seen me at my most courageous.

But to be honest, I don’t think there’s been one particular life event where I was consciously being courageous. In fact, lately I’ve discovered that it’s our vulnerabilities and the ability to openly express them- as raw and real as possible, no matter how uncomfortable or undignified it makes us feel, that’s where courage truly shines.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Maybe growing up as a migrant child, there was always a shield, protecting myself and my family from racism and being treated unfairly by Australian society. This led to anger and frustration, even causing me to leave Australia but it never truly resolved my issues. Only allowed me to run away from them.

Over time, especially since being married to a patient, caring husband,  I’ve learned that a tough exterior can only hurt the ones who love you unconditionally and truly help you.

He always says, he’d rather see me at my most vulnerable instead of just being grumpy and silent.

And when we’ve had a disagreement, there’s always two words he’s more than happy to hear from the stubborn me: “I’m sorry”

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

To have courage is to believe in yourself and surrounding yourself with those you can trust implicitly.  We all have very different sides to our complex characters – some traits we’re proud of, others not so much. But if we work to claiming all these components and seeing them for what they with a non-judgmental, gentle approach, we can find comfort, contentment and our own version of courage.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I like to think so but we never know what curve ball life throws at us. I just know now that I will allow myself to feel all those raw feelings, observe them but not let them define me. A situation is only as bad as how we react to it.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Be gentle with yourself. Being courageous doesn’t mean you have to deal with life with heavy force and resistance. More often than not, courage is the exact opposite.

 

I like the way you did explore some of the aspects of your life where you have been and continue to be courageous. Thank you for sharing and for being a caring friend, especially through my early days as a cancer patient. Always nice to know who is there for me.
Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

 

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Women Of Courage Series. #23. Lisa Greissl. 108/2019.

Women Of Courage Series. #23. Lisa Greissl. 108/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

Lisa Greissl, aged 35, and I met first on-line thanks to having our cancer treatments at the same place: Chris O’Brien Lifehouse and later when I became a ‘maker of bookmarks’ which I supplied over quite a few months in 2018 to be added to The Big Hug Boxes and Random Hug of Kindness Boxes. This woman has energy in her life propelled by her desire for spreading kindness and appreciation as well as the ‘joy of living’ post-cancer. Lisa’s story tells it better. However, I wanted to add, she is the most beautiful person inside and out, having met her family I can attest to much of the ‘why’ she needed to continue her life so fully post-cancer! Thanks Lisa. I do value your work and our friendship.

 

 

 

 What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

There have been many occasions requiring me to be courageous, but the most significant was just after the birth of my second daughter where I was sent by a midwife completing her home visit to myself and bub to get a scan.

Only 5 days after bub was born I was back in hospital after a blood clot was found in my main iliac vein and further investigations were to commence. Little did we know soon we would be calling on courage to get through the next year.

My family, friends and I were all left completely shocked as I was diagnosed surrounded by a group of around 10 specialists crammed into a little room saying that I had a rare form of cancer, a Teratoma on my spine.

We had no choice but to put on our courage cape and face this battle with everything we had. Even though I was the one facing the challenge I honestly believe during this time my family and friends had to be more courageous as they watched their loved one struggle through treatment and recovery whilst ensuring all the day to day tasks were taken care of. My husband in particular, had a two year old and a newborn to take care of whilst I was receiving treatment in Sydney.

 

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

In this circumstance, being courageous was not an option. I chose to embed a positive mindset and a promise to never give up. As I was to find out as treatment progressed, It also put into perspective on what nothing to lose really meant.

This has changed me in approaching new challenges where I have chosen to embrace requiring courage in a positive way of achieving my dreams which has seen me achieve things that I never thought possible.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Courage is not a switch on and switch off emotion. It is something embedded in all of us ready to be used when necessary, do not fear for the unknown but give yourself some peace in that when you need courage, you can and you will be able to use it.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I now utilise courage often to believe in myself and what I can achieve.

Your mindset is a powerful tool to accomplish the what seems impossible and I continue to embed a mindset of “I can, I will”  which as mentioned I know is in within myself ready to be used in which I have surprised myself in what I can achieve. As a result of sharing stories and my mindset, I was able to create and become the Founder of the charity The Big Hug Box in 2018. Helping cancer patients find their courage through a giftbox filled with comforting and empowering products for patients facing cancer.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

I would be lying if there were not times where I questioned if I really had the courage to attempt to achieve my big goals but from my previous experiences, I now understand that courage multiplies courage.

I also understand the impact of the saying that “Hope is stronger than fear” and mindset is everything to assist in enduring the toughest of challenges, when we are at the most challenging point.

But also to add to this, courage is not just required in tough and difficult times, courage can be used when you have a goal and to add to the saying above that hope is greater than fear is that on the other side of hope is the uncapped magnitude to achieve your dreams, and that this is in the ability of everyone.

 

 

Lisa story is amazing and we have met. I offered to make bookmarks to be included in the Big Hug Boxes in 2018 and then as Lisa’s ideas spread to Random Hugs of Kindness Boxes I was part of a ‘packing team’ at her house further up the coast from mine. I met her family and friends, and one very special friend Tracy who was the first Ambassador for The Big Hug Box. Tragically Tracy’s cancer could not be tamed and she died after a life lived fully earlier this year. Lisa teaches me that resilience is important and to adjust your life to make the most of it. As a runner with a now-damaged leg from her surgery, Lisa turned to a new fitness activity and that is rowing. Her zest for life is infectious. Recently I sent a Big Hug Box to Tracey whose story was published recently. If you would like to share kindness with someone you know who has cancer, please click on the links and find out how.

Packing Random Hugs of Kindness Boxes. 2018.

Thank you for sharing, Denyse.

Social Media:

Blog/Website: www.thebighugbox.com

Facebook Page: The Big Hug Box

Instagram: @thebighugbox

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #22. Joanne. 106/2019.

Women Of Courage Series. #22. Joanne. 106/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

If Joanne, aged 52, and I had met in real life some years ago we would have been neighbours (almost). However, we have ‘met’ virtually now and that is awesome. Since we made a move to another part of Australia as did Joanne we have found some experiences in common. This woman goes on with her life with such energy and interest in all things ‘foodie’ and visual – her morning beach photos are magic and story-telling…so without further ado, here’s hers on the blog today. Thank you Jo for being part of the series.

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I have written and deleted a few answers to this question. I don’t think that I’m particularly courageous, in fact compared to others I really feel as though my life has been a fortunate one thus far – and I’m touching a lot of wood as I say that.

My mantra is “seriously, how hard can it be?” and I have, over the years, found out to my cost that some things can be very tough indeed. The truth is, if I think too hard about most things I’ll talk myself out of it every time.

I remember a time that some girls at the new school I’d gone to in country NSW told me to meet them in the oval after school because they wanted to bash me up. Their words, not mine. Not only was I the new girl but I was also smart-ish. Apparently, both of those things together were unforgiveable. Anyways, I turned up and they didn’t. I did ask them the next day why they didn’t show. I must have been 9 or 10 I suppose. Courage or stupidity? Either way they didn’t bother me again.

Then at 18 I decided that not only did I want to get a rugby league referees ticket, but I wanted to actually use it. I was the first woman to do so and North Sydney Referees had the courage to allow me to run lines and officiate at games. It didn’t occur to me at the time that I was being courageous, more that I had a point that needed to be made.

There were other points that have needed to be made at various times during my career and I wasn’t afraid to make them – even though on occasion it put my job at risk.

More recently we made the difficult decision to sell up in Sydney and move away from family and friends to start over again on the Sunshine Coast. While difficult to do, it was a decision made from a point of preservation, not courage. At the time everything we’d built up and worked for was at risk – as was our relationship and our mental and physical health. Yes, it took courage to trust in ourselves and walk away from our support networks but when all factors were taken into consideration it wasn’t a difficult decision to make at all. While we miss family and friends we otherwise haven’t looked back.

By far, though, publishing my first novel took more courage than all of that. I’m well aware of how trite that sounds, but it really felt as though I was exposing a part of myself and deliberately making myself vulnerable – and vulnerability absolutely terrifies me.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

To be honest I don’t think it’s changed me at all. I’m still the girl who would sit in front of that panel of senior referees and stare them down and answer their questions until they gave me a ticket.

I’ll still stand up for what I believe in and I’m still ridiculously scared every time I publish a new novel – and I have four out in the wild now. I suspect that the day I no longer care will be the day I should give it up.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Be true to yourself. Sometimes the only thing you can control is whether you act with integrity – in accordance with your own moral code or ethical standards, whatever they happen to be. That takes real courage.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

In many ways I think I’m less courageous than I used to be – less prepared to risk or expose myself. Goodness knows, I can’t be behind the wheel on the Bruce Highway without feeling panic. Having said that, I think I’ve developed a sort of resilience over the years that I didn’t have when I was younger and I’m definitely more aware of the consequences of my actions – although that awareness is always enough to stop me when I’m on a particular path.

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Sometimes it’s best not to think about it, but just to jump in. As a politician who I quite admire but won’t name here once said – “down the slope with one ski and no poles…” or something like that. After all, how hard can it be?

 

 

How interesting to learn more about you from this post. Love the surprises I have found in reading your story, especially about  becoming a rugby league umpire. As to the politician’s quote. How interesting! As for resilience I too know the more I seem to do that I may fear the better I become at it. However, it is not to say it’s any easier!

Thank you so much for sharing here and I look forward to seeing the comments after your post.

Denyse

Social Media:

Blog/Website: http://andanyways.com

Twitter: jotracey_

Facebook Page  https://www.facebook.com/joannetraceywriter/

Instagram: jotracey

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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What Is This Series Women Of Courage About? 104/2019.

What Is This Series Women Of Courage About? 104/2019.

In April 2019 I attended Newcastle Writers’ Festival and got to hear, amongst others, Author and Public Education Advocate, Jane Caro speak. Jane’s been known to me for a long time via social media, her other books and her involvement in promoting public education. She spoke at length of the roles we women have played and often at great loss or expense to our health, welfare and future financial security in her book Accidental Feminists.

 

Her written and spoken words really made me think.

Women do so much unsung, not necessarily because of not wanting people to know, but because we “just do get on.” I know that my life has taken some not great twists and turns and I realised I drew on resources of courage to do so.

This led me to finding out more about courage from others.

 

The words of Brene Brown helped inspire me in recent years.

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognise the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.” 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” 

“The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” 

Her program, on courage, is on Netflix here:

https://www.netflix.com/au/title/81010166

 

My germ of an idea grew and initially I wrote to a few on-line and ‘in real life’ friends (although those of us on the interwebs count many as one and the same) and asked, after in introduction to the ‘why’ of the series, if they would become involved with a contribution.

My great joy was the response. Not everyone said yes, but many more said it and sent me back their responses. That was back in May when I started here with my post then one from Sam.

Not every person is a blogger, for instance here is Tracey’s story recently as was Margaret’s here.

Honestly, each and every post makes me think about courage. Every day courage. The kind that you don’t even react to, but do it anyway. Then there is the slow build up to courage, which takes us along to change.

Here on this page: Women of Courage are the twenty one (21!) women who have already shared. Do check them out if you haven’t. I am so grateful for their courage and responses.

Next week and until mid November there will be five more stories shared.

After that Women of Courage series is having a break for the lead up to Christmas and into January as I need to do some posts relating to Telling My Story (homework!) and more.

From February 2020 I have eight more women’s stories ready to go.

Wow.

Here are the women who have shared their  stories to date! 

If you would like to share your story as a Woman of Courage, please let me know in the comments and I will email you the five questions!

Very much appreciate the stories I have been entrusted with for the blog series. Thank you all.

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Women Of Courage Series. #21. Deb Morton.102/2019.

Women Of Courage Series. #21. Deb Morton.102/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

I got to know Deb Morton via her son Rick’s social media. Rick Morton (see a post here) and I first chatted back in 2011 at the first ever Aussie Bloggers Conference. I knew he was someone who not only would go far but he also had a big story to tell. He has done that in his book (see below). However, that’s how I learned about the pivotal and most important person in his young life. His Mum. Deb. After seeing Rick at the same writer’s festival where I got the idea for these posts, I asked Deb to be my facebook friend too and we chatted from then on. I was chuffed when she agree to respond to “what is courage” and here is her story…in her words. Thanks so much Deb (and Rick for the friendship which saw me get to know your Mum).

 

Courage: The ability to meet difficulties and danger firmly or without fear.

Source: unknown – supplied by Deb.

 

Well I did have fear on September Fathers Day 1994, the date I will never forget! My 9 year old son had a serious farm accident, the Flying Doctors were called and airlifted my son, myself and my 3 week old baby girl to the Burns Unit at Royal Brisbane. As a mother I was distraught that I could not take the 7 year old son with me as well, he stayed behind to what ended up being a major catastrophe in our lives!

Our stay in the Burns Unit had many sleepless nights, skin grafts, infections and being away from home for just over 6 weeks. I knew before I arrived home all was not well on the home front, call it your gut instincts, trust them!

My marriage , my home  and lifestyle had dissolved in one full swoop.

During this time I had to find somewhere to live, still take the son to his appointments at the Burns Unit and find a school for the boys , as they were previously educated on Distance Education. I had anger, fear , loneliness and trying to pay bills as well. Make sure you have a network of support people in your life, luckily for me my Mum, sister , brothers were there for me.

A few years later I was to lose Mum and my sister within a year of each other.

I am a better person for what I have gone through , I am so lucky that my little daughter saved me , the fact that she needed me , helped, I thank God every day she came into my life and I know that I have passed on to her the ability to deal with whatever life throws at her, she is a hardworking and capable person that I can be proud of!

I think of the simple things in life, sitting in my garden, watching birds, enjoying the flowers blossoming . Always be grateful for what you have , there is always someone worse off than you and we do live in the best country!

Thank you Deb. When I read about this in Rick’s book that was hard enough to take in. You lived it, as did the children. Reminding us of gratitude and looking around us for the good makes me understand that we humans can go through more than we ever imagine.

Denyse.

My catch up with Rick Morton. A little plug for him is he is now senior reported for The Saturday Paper. In other news, he and his sister have given their Mum Deb a brand new bathroom. Amazing gift! Just what she needed…and asked for! His twitter handle is @squigglyrick and his work for social justice needs to be followed.

Recently Rick and his sister  Lauryn appeared on SBS Insight program: Estrangement in Families. A powerful show and equally powerful responses from two of Deb’ s children. Here is the link.

Next week a Women of Courage story will not appear. I will be sharing stories about Women of Courage. The next one to be published will be on Wednesday 23 October. Thank you all for your interest and comments. Denyse.

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

 

 

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Share Your Snaps.#8. 40/51.#LifeThisWeek.101/2019.

Share Your Snaps.#8. 40/51.#LifeThisWeek.101/2019.

 

Today’s post is dedicated to a good friend “I never met IRL”. Pam was a friend first from the art community on-line about 5 years ago, particularly the one called Daisy Yellow Art. I soon found over the past few years that Pam and I connected over quite a bit of shared history. She was an Aussie, living in the N.S.W. Central West. But she grew up near where I went to Teacher’s College in Balmain in the late 1960s. Pam was just a few years older than me but succumbed last week to a combination of serious conditions. She always cared for me and my health during cancer and I was able to share some of my art with her when she became more unwell. Her daughter shared the recent, sad news in a very small facebook group formed to support Pam through what was to be her last illness. I have her permission to share Pam’s image. Her funeral will be held later this week, and too far for me to attend, I will spend sometime by the water we both loved, reflecting on gratitude and friendship. Sending my love to her family and friends.

 

 

Mandalas for Pam.

 

 

The rest of the past month or so has been recorded on a few occasions.

 

North Kellyville P.S. Foundation Year Book Week. Proud Mum post.

 

When I need a time-out and want to feel closer to nature, it’s here I go.

 

 

The message for us all, is to live today as best we can. I know that Pam would want that for us all too.
Sending all my love to her family right now. These are very tough times.

Love is all we need. Take care, everyone.

Remembering Pam. Tiger Mother.

 

 

Have you shared your snaps this week?

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s optional prompt is: 41/51 “Your Choice of Prompt” 14/10/19

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