Wednesday 23rd August 2017

Uncertainty Updated. 2017.57.

Uncertainty Updated. 2017.57.

This post was updated on Sat 10 June 2017.

Did this headline make you a bit wary?

I do not like uncertainty.

However, I am learning that there is no such thing as certainty. Except for death. Apparently!

It makes me nervous and curious and I know how I must remember  that somehow I need to accept uncertainty.

Why?

I would have to say because I have grown very weary of trying to control what I cannot control…but thought I was! Is that familiar?

My journey (yep, I like the word and it stays!) has taken me on a number of learning paths as I seek help to understand life as I don’t know it!

One such person is Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, and her many books and teachings are in my library now.

I have this book beside my bed and read one chapter a night. Most nights anyway!

This excerpt is from chapter 14.

According to the Buddha, the lives of all beings are marked by three characteristics: impermanence, egolessness, and suffering or dissatisfaction. Recognising these qualities to be real and true in our own experience helps us to relax with things as they are.

The first mark is impermanence. That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and changing, is the first mark of existence. We don’t have to be mystics or physicists to know this. Yet at the level of personal experience, we resist this basic fact.

It means life isn’t always going to go our way. It means there’s loss as well as gain. And we don’t like that.

We know that all is impermanent; we know that everything wears out. Although we can buy this truth intellectually, emotionally we have a deep-rooted aversion to it.

We want permanence; we expect permanence. Our natural tendency is to seek security; we believe we can find it. We experience impermanence at the everyday level as frustration. We use our daily activity as a shield against the fundamental ambiguity of our situation. expending tremendous energy trying to ward off impermance and death.

We don’t like it that we age. We are afraid of wrinkles and sagging skin. We use health products as if we actually believe our skin, our hair, our eyes and teeth, might somehow miraculously escape the truth of impermance.

The Buddhist teachings aspire to set us free from this limited way of relating to impermanence. They encourage us to relax gradually and wholeheartedly into the ordinary and obvious truth of change.

Acknowledging this truth doesnt mean we are looking on the dark side. What is means is that begin to  understand that we’re not the only one who can’t keep it all together.

We no longer believed that there are people who have managed to avoid uncertainty.

Comfortable with Uncertainty. Pema Chodron. 2003. Shambhala Publications.

I am a life-long learner and I have been learning more lessons about life and me in the past few years than I ever felt possible. I have great respect for the words of Brene Brown and have signed up for this combo of courses on-line called Daring Greatly and Rising Strong. If you are interested in knowing more, here is the link.

Have you given much thought to what it is to be uncertain?

Do you struggle with the notion that we are not really in charge of many aspects of our lives as we might prefer to be?

I’d love to hear your comments.

Next week I am finally owning up to the vulnerability of telling my story. It won’t be confined to one post!

Denyse.

Less than one month after writing this post, I was diagnosed with cancer. More about that here. and here 

If ever there is/was a reason to feel even more uncertainty then this is now. I am doing my utmost to stay present and appreciate now but for someone like me, who thinks ahead, plans what she can and wants to know what’s coming, cancer has been sent to test me on many levels. This weekend, I know that within one month from now, my surgery will have happened. But it’s yet to come. I am grateful for support and care from many of course, but in the end there is one person who must do this and that is me.

Sharing especially today with Sammie who has been the most kind and understanding person as she has faced her cancer and dealt with it all incredibly well. I thank her for her presence in my life. Joining here for the Ultimate Rabbit Hole.

Oh and by the way, I am still reading the above book and am about to commence the second part of the course: Rising Strong.

Joining with Leanne and friends  here who are part of the inclusive and lovely link up Lovin’ Life.

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Week 12 Intention. Practise Self-Compassion. 2017.44.

Week 12 Intention. Practise Self-Compassion. 2017.44.

After living a life with many distractions, busy-ness to the max and more, I have found the quiet times in retirement are quite a challenge. Why? Because there are more stretches of time and space in which to think.

For me, it’s interesting to notice how I continue to strive and how I continue to want others to see me doing well in my quest for greater equanimity in my life overall and better management of my IBS.

Who is out of this real or imagined group who support me? Often it’s me.

I remain steadfast in my older, learned early, self-critical views and I am S L O W L Y learning to remember my self-compassion when I am not doing so well. It is not every day because I am making progress!

I am pleased to note, that when I started a Self-Compassion Course on-line with Kristen Neff and Brene Brown my overall score was: 1.93 and when I completed the course it was: 3.11

“Average overall self-compassion scores tend to be around 3.0 on the 1-5 scale, so you can interpret your overall score accordingly. As a rough guide, a score of 1-2.5 for your overall self-compassion score indicates you are low in self-compassion, 2.5-3.5 indicates you are moderate, and 3.5-5.0 means you are high.”

So, what I take from that ‘score’ is I am improving in my self-compassion and I am remembering to speak more kindly to myself in difficult circumstances.

My Week 12 Intention.

This week I am going to practise self-compassion more. In fact, I will even make it something I do throughout the day in the smallest way. It might be a ‘go me’ under my breath or a literal ‘pat of kindness’ on my arm when I need soothing.

If you want to take the self-compassion Test, it is here: It is free and I find the work of Kristen Neff and fellow researchers fascinating. Self-esteem it is not!

I wish you well if you decide to take the test. It is very insightful.

Denyse.

UPDATE: I have chosen to reduce my blogging output as of this week so as to be more mindful of my self-care and self-kindness. I am not making any further intentions at this point. My life has been on a learning curve as part of ageing and transition to living with both a chronic condition (IBS and its accompanying limitations)  and the stress which is part of my inner being. I am wanting to feel less inward pressure on myself and needing to care for myself more. Blogging has been a part of my life for more than 6 years and will continue to be but I am blogging now for when and if I choose to. I know that regular  readers will completely understand my new(er) direction as of today! Thank you!

A reminder is in this image: 

 

Joining with Leanne and her lovely team for the  Lovin Linky on Thursdays here.

 

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Creative Learning. 2017.42.

Creative Learning. 2017.42.

My Tuesday posts have been about Education and Schooling since I started the new look blog in January 2015.

I am branching out today to write about what I have learned about being creative. I am educating myself!

In the past I might have given myself a go at some art or some kind of scrapbooking or even some making craft.

I did classes and I liked some of what I learned.

But I learned something about myself. It was that I don’t actually enjoy a formal lesson because as soon as I had them I found my creativity drying up. No-one actually criticised me I guess except myself. I did not measure up to what I thought a product should look like.

Until 2013.

I was enjoying playing with art and craft (an old Infants teacher never forgets doing that with little kids!) with my grandchildren but I felt I needed more. Then I was introduced to a website here and fun challenge called Index Card a Day.

 

Fast forward to 2016 and I discovered another love. Making mandalas. It was a match made in creative heaven. I had bare minimum of a lesson via a book, and got some materials and then I let my creative self take charge.

This is why I now love my creative learning. It is self-paced. I am not afraid of sharing because I already like the process and the product is secondary.

Taking the pressure off has made the world of difference! I can see that this is something that may affect others who are creative in terms of art, music, drama, writing and photography.

Has something like this occurred for you or someone you know?

Denyse.

Joining Kylie Purtell and bloggers here who blog on Tuesdays.

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My Week 8 Intention. Perspective. 2017.28.

My Week 8 Intention. Perspective. 2017.28.

I’ve mostly been a details person..small picture…even though I can imagine a big picture I need to know details and more.

Now, as I have found in life, THIS is not always possible.

Who knew?

Ok, we all know but sometimes it is hard to let go of welded on beliefs of shoulds and musts.

Here’s where perspective will be more to the front than behind as I work (and play) with my intention for this week.

I want to continue to work with details because I find that comforting and helpful but I also want to keep in mind the bigger picture too.

From this:

 

To this:

My Week 8  intention is to broaden my view, keep matters in perspective and look at the whole picture wherever possible.

Update: last week’s intention of taking a break worked for me in some respects although learner-me who wants to ‘get better’ from her IBS and anxiety continues to seek new information and practise meditation and more. It was good to give myself permission to ‘take a break’ and the supportive comments from many helped!

What’s your intention this week?

Are you a big picture or details person?

Denyse.

Linking here with Sue from Sizzling at 60.

On Thursdays I link here with Leanne for Lovin Life.

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My Week 3 Intention. Compassion. 2017.8.

Week 3 Intention. Compassion. 2017.8.

I am continuing my inward journey this week of intention by learning more about compassion. I have much to learn and firstly about myself. I guess I am tough on myself as many of us are. In fact, both my GP and Psychologist have told me that very thing. I am hearing the words of a very wise man, my husband who says “I expect too much of myself”. What I am doing…and learning…is ‘how to be more compassionate to myself’ as I begin the slow journey of being slightly more confident about how to accept Irritable Bowel Syndrome as it is now because the anxiety it brings can overwhelm me.

Here are some excerpts from an article I read yesterday. The link to the full article is at the end of this.

Compassion is the feeling that naturally arises when you learn of the suffering of another, and that motivates you to want to do something to help. Far from being just a social nicety, compassion has a great evolutionary purpose: Human offspring are the most dependent and vulnerable of any species, and need the most care from others to survive. This total dependence is why Charles Darwin said that sympathy is humanity’s strongest instinct. Simply put: Without compassion we wouldn’t survive.

If you find yourself feeling less moved than you’d like—or maybe your empathy muscle has grown a bit weak from lack of use—here are some ways to strengthen it. You, and every other living creature, will benefit from the results.

Be Kind to Yourself

Sometimes it’s easier to feel compassionate for another than for yourself. But true compassion doesn’t discriminate. The next time you’re having a difficult moment, see if you can offer yourself some kindness. You might be surprised at how much it helps—and helps you to feel kinder toward others.

Turn Values Into Verbs

When asked what they value most in the world, people will often say things like “peace,” “compassion,” or “connection.” But in order to make this real we have to turn these values into verbs, making them more specific and practical. If you value compassion, what does that look like daily? Take out a piece of paper, write “Compassion” at the top and create a list of actions, small to big, that you can start doing immediately.

This is how we live Gandhi’s words: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

This is the source of the full article by Elisha Goldstein.

My intention for Week 3 of 2017.

“dipping my toes” in the water – making small changes!

Each time I take the smallest steps in gaining some greater confidence about living with IBS I will give myself words of support and ensure I write down how it went for me as my psychologist and I planned.

Are you compassionate towards yourself?

Tell me more!

Denyse.

 

Joining Leanne’s linky called Lovin’ Life here this Thursday!

 

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Fear Is Part of Life. 366/241.

Fear Is Part of Life. 366/241.

To know we are not alone in feeling fear is helpful.

To know that fear is part of life is to be embraced.

When fear arises, be kind and compassionate to yourself.

I make the effort to do this.

It is hard sometimes, but it helps.

For When Fear Is Strong

This is the suffering of fear
Fear is part of being alive
Other people experience this too…
I am not alone.
May I be kind to myself…
May I give myself the compassion I need

Tara Brach in True Refuge
Based on work by Kristin Neff

 

I hope you are being kind to yourself today and always.

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For more information about Tara Brach go here and for more about Kristin Neff, here is her website.

Denyse.

more 150

Joining Leanne for her linky on Sunday over here.

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Quotes I Like. 366/139.

Quotes I Like. 366/139.

Lately I have read that quotes for the sake of quotes are often meaningless unless we can align our belief systems and values to them.

This made perfect sense to me as I continue to learn more about ‘being me’.

A values-centred life is one which helps us align our life and goals as one.

As I have said before, I continue to be a WIP – work-in- progress!

I’m studying a number of approaches to mindful living, and acceptance commitment therapy combined with the books by Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, Anne Lamott, Elisha Goldstein, Russ Harris, Eckhardt Tolle and Tara Brach.

The quotes below have meaning for me.

What about you?

Denyse.

Here is the  source:

health

Joining Raychael and blogging friends over here at Agent Mystery Case on Wednesdays.

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My Dream Travel Destination. 366/123.

My Dream Travel Destination. 366/123.

This is not what some people might think.

I do not want luxury nor a destination that is by the beach.

I do want to travel in comfort!

So, I am leaning towards Business or First Class if I need to continue the ‘dream’ but if reality makes this happen more likely would be Premier Economy. I would be travelling solo too. I prefer that! I’ve been to the US mainland and Hawaii (yes, I know part of US) and did that 16 days solo as well.

Where am I wanting to go?

I want to go to where my forebears came from…the ones on Dad’s side that is.

It’s to the United Kingdom to visit England and more than anywhere else, Scotland.

 

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My British Isles heritage means a great deal to me. In fact I have just signed up for a paid (shock at the cost) account for 12 months on Ancestry.com so I can look up the various members of Dad’s family line and learn more.

I travel to learn. I like to find out facts and more wherever I go. This travel destination would have it that is for sure.

However, I have left one place from the list and it remains an important one. I would like to visit the battlefields of France where so many people lost their lives in World War One.

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My paternal grandfather was an ambulance driver and medic who was injured a few times after exposure to mustard gas. When he was repatriated to recover after treatment it was to a hospital near Warminster close to where my paternal grandmother lived. They met there and she came to Australia on a War Bride ship after their engagement in 1920 to live in Wollongong. When my grandfather was de-mobbed back in Australia they married. His heritage is Scottish as he was born in Scotland, at Cowdenbeath, but his family moved to Australia for a better life and work options. My grandmother’s widowed mother and her brother also emigrated to Australia once their daughter/sister lived here. I grew up hearing stories of both parts of the UK and I want to see those places. My dad has visited them, along with mum, in their travels in the 1970s and 80s.

Now it’s time for me…if I ever get to do this. I “may” have left it a bit late but I can still ‘dream!’

Do you have a dream travel destination or more?

Denyse.

life 150

Thanks for this prompt Kirsty. Here’s the place with the link up called I Must Confess.

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