Sunday 24th February 2019

Telling My Story. Chapter Six. Becoming Mum. 1971. 2018.100.

Telling My Story. Chapter Six. Becoming Mum. 1971. 2018.100

Since May 2017 I started telling my story. There have been major gaps of time in between the introduction and Chapter One when a little thing called head and neck cancer took up my time and attention. I am celebrating yet again…with a new smile…

New photo to celebrate my new ‘teeth’ and smile!

However, I would like to pay tribute to my first photo for this series…and the second one too. It’s been quite a time!

Taken on my 67th Birthday – late 2016. Cancer unknown but it was ‘there’

One year post major cancer surgeries.

Chapter Five. Becoming a Mother. 

We were young at 22 (my husband) and me 21 but we knew we loved each other unconditionally and we were going to become parents within the first 8 months of our marriage and that we were already teachers working hard in country N.S.W.

By the time we got to the July appointments with the local G.P. in the town closest to where we lived, things seemed to be going well. I had stopped teaching (and was already bored), but I had a nursery to organise (aka a spare room) and my husband was building our first child a cradle. Mum ensured we had some items like clothing and manchester in the previous school holidays when we visited my parents in Sydney. I think once she was over ‘the shock’ of me being a pregnant bride, she relished her grandmother-to-be role.

A Pregnancy Gets Complicated. 

The next visit I had to my G.P. raised alarm for him when my previous weight had ballooned by around 6 kg in a short time and it was all-fluid. He needed to send me on…to a specialist Obstetrician Gynaecologist in the city that served our north-west region. Yes, now it was serious. And yes, I was more than a bit scared.

Where we lived, in this little cottage on a farming property, access to our place was via a dirt track, which led to the road which was one not bitumened. When it rained, and we got warning, my husband would drive the car to the road and we would walk through the mud and wet to the car. That is what we had to do on the morning of the scary-t0-me visit to the OB/Gyn at T. A trip that would be punctuated by slippery sliding of the car (but my husband knew what he was doing) and me being quite frankly terrified.

Even moreso when we got to the office in T, and with kindness but showing concerned care, Dr G decided I had what was called ‘toxaemia’ then and I needed bedrest, diuretics and that was to be in a hospital. A hospital! Where I would know no-one and it was confronting. I had a stay in a shared ward with other mothers-to-be at risk for a week. It remains as a memory of a pretty worrying time (and I was not a fan of hospitals). Not seeing my husband nor anyone I knew was very isolating. My parents were 6 hours away by car.

Playing the Waiting Game At Home.

However, I was released when Dr G said things had settled and he sent me home with instructions to rest and eat plenty of lollies (I never knew why, but happy to comply) and to return on a specific evening around what was my due date and the process of induction would commence.

Another weird thing (in today’s terms) I had to have was an X-ray of my pelvis to see if the baby was lying properly. The X-ray showed there was a slight placenta previa. When we saw the Dr he did not think it would preclude natural labour.

I was better prepared for my next stay in the large regional hospital…even though it was going to make me a mother! We drove to T after my husband had finished teaching and that early evening on a Wednesday entered the maternity award and he reluctantly said good bye. In a pre-labour ward (4 beds) I was given ‘something in the form of a gel’  to start labour. Umm. Nope, it did nothing. More. Still nothing. All day the next day, niggly pains but nothing of significance. By the time Dr G visited on the Thursday evening he took me to a labour room, accompanied by a nurse and he ‘broke my waters’ finding some blood. He was not perturbed as he thought it was connected with the marginal placenta previa.

Would I Ever Give Birth?

I felt that way on the Friday. I had no real idea of what labour would feel like other than it would be painful. I was in the hands of the experts…and those who were trained in the safe delivery of babies. On the Friday morning I was taken to a more scary room! I say that because it had a bed (for me) and many instruments and hospital things I had no idea about. I had a nurse with me on and off but generally I was alone. My husband was teaching (of course) but at lunchtime, he rang the labour ward to ask if things had started. He was told “no” and was instructed to stay home instead of leaving at 3 p.m. to drive the 2 hours to T. Outside even though I could not see it, I could hear it was very windy and raining. It was early August and the late afternoon turned into early evening with me  saying ” I am going to be sick”. I wasn’t but I had decided I was ‘over it’ and using the only pain relief – a gas mask – along with clutching my lovely midwife’s hand I really had NO IDEA I was near giving birth. This was, as I know now, transition.

Things sure changed from around 5 p.m. and by 6 p.m. in raced Dr G in whites…squash gear. He’d got the phone call that I was labouring (no-one told me LOL) and presented himself quick smart. With a quick application of gloves, and a gown, I pushed our daughter into his hands with no pain relief…although I think I may have bruised the lovely midwife’s hand.

10/10.

At 6.35 pm this child was pronounced 10/10. I had no idea it was an apgar score and teacher-me thought it was about my effort!!

I “think” our girl was placed in a crib – there was no bonding much then nor anything like putting baby to the breast. I delivered the placenta – and was shown where the ‘breaking of the waters’ had cut into it. Interesting!

But the best part, evenso, was hearing Dr G speak to my husband who was so far away to congratulate him on becoming a father. I did not get to speak to him but was assured that he was on his way to see us.

I had given birth and was a MUM!

In the way of those times in the early 1970s, our child was placed in a crib in a nursery with all the other babies, and I was in a shared ward. She would be brought to me for feeding and nothing else and then returned. Her Dad got to meet her behind a glass window around 9 p.m. that night, and then when greeting me, said in that romantic way: “She’s got my long fingers and your fat cheeks.”  It did not matter! I was over-the-moon in what I now know is a wonderful post-partum feeling of endorphins. Reluctantly my husband left to return home in the raging weather but with his mate (my principal-boss) who had driven on a really horrible night.

And then it began. 

Breastfeeding was what I wanted to do and tried. Oh yes I did. With nipple shields but also with ignorance too. There was some help given but not much. My parents, my grandfather and aunt surprised me (us) with a visit on the weekend. I admit I was not gracious. I couldn’t believe they had come and uttered “what are you doing here??” Unbeknowns to me (and my husband) it was my father’s decision to have my relatives catch a train to Sydney, then he met them and they drove, in rotten winter weather for 6 hours to see us. Fortunately my ill-mannered reaction was ignored and they all saw her (via the window) and stayed overnight before the long drive back home.

Almost a week later we were discharged. Mum flew up to accompany us home ( I am guessing we needed help but do not remember if we asked for it) and in the meantime, bought a stroller/pram and other goodies for her first grandchild and granddaughter. Miss almost 1 week was brought out to the car by a nurse and placed in my arms and then I gave her to her Dad. He had not yet held her. It was not done then. I can tell you I do believe bonding is vital and she did not get much in her early days because of hospital rules.

We drove home, a long night ahead, and I held her in my arms. Yes there were seatbelts but no baby restraints, just put them in a basket on the back seat. Mum sat there and we kept our daughter in the front.

I would like to tell you all went well. In many ways it did. She was/is a much loved child. Her maternal grandparents were overly attentive but meant well. Her paternal grandparents visited us in the next school holidays with some of her uncles and aunts and she was welcomed into the family. There was not a lot I enjoyed about being a mother to a newborn. Feeding was a challenge and at a 6 week check up at the clinic, I was strongly urged to forget feeding her myself and start her on a bottle.

Early Months of Motherhood.

We lived in an isolated area and we had one car. Each Wednesday my husband would drive us to his school and then  I would take over and drive to the small town near us. This involved some small socialisation – visits to the clinic and to various shops. Home again. I know I looked for distraction from the tedium of those early months. She was a good baby once her colic settled and loved trying custard and foods like that. I was bored and needed more. So I cooked. I also ate what I cooked and I believe that IS where a lot of my eating to mask feelings commenced.

Denyse.

P.S. I wrote this after Chapter 4 as I wanted to keep identifiers from the story. Please tell me if you think it detracts from what I am writing. Thank you.

In keeping with non-identification and privacy matters within our family and relating to our places of living and working, the next chapters will not disclose them directly. I did give a lot of thought to whether I would continue once the family grew and hope this will work out. If it does not, then I will dis-continue writing it on the blog. Fingers crossed!

 

 

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What Are You Doing This Week? 2017.124.

What Are You Doing This Week? 2017.124.

Let me know in the comments what you are doing this week!!

It’s mid-November 2017 and for us we do not need to Christmas shop any more because the families are wide-spread and we give our 8 grandkids some cash to spend in the after-Christmas sales, or to save…or in some cases, to pay their parents back!!

I am noticing that the Jacarandas are starting to turn green and there is not as much of the ‘purple carpet’ around the place.

The garden, for me, is always a great guide to the calendar. Well, most of the time. We all know how excessive dry patches (we had them) and over average rainfall (last year) can affect growth and blooming times. The frangipani in the back garden appears to be right on time.

I took these photos over the weekend and hope by the end of the week the tree will be awash with pretty pink blooms. They are also white on this tree so I suspect the previous owners who planted the tree may have added another.

In my working life I would be writing end of year school reports, then as a Deputy Principal and Principal be organising the classes for next year and hosting Kindergarten Orientation. I would also, as a Principal, be supervising, commenting and signing all of the students’ reports before they went home.

When I was teaching at Uni and studying myself via distance education this was always a hectic time. Submitting my assignments as a student back in the 1990s then as a Uni Tutor in 2000s, marking others’ assignments.

So, this week for me holds one event with significance and that is I am having day surgery at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse as the first of two stages to help my mouth be ready to receive implants and for my inside lip to get some more skin. I did write last week about my visit to the Oral Reconstructive dentist on Monday and I got the phone call from the Professor’s office that my surgery is on!

It’s Wednesday 15 November, and all going well with my recovery I will come home that day. We will have a very long day, to Sydney in the a.m. and home in the p.m. I will be lucky I guess to have a sleep in the middle. My husband says he is right for things to do, so I am leaving him to it.

Next week, as long as I am up to it after 2 hours of anaesthetic, I will let you know how things went. I am fine with some memory issues but that is expected. I will blog next Tuesday for sure as my IBOT contribution.

So, my week is somewhat daunting but I am remaining confident it will go well and if the travel bothers me, I have my drugs and headphones for the phone!

UPDATE on Thursday morning: the trip down was the longest in time for us thanks to 2 M1 breakdowns but we still made to the hospital before the 9.00 admission by leaving here at 6.00 am! So much traffic even at 7.00 in Sydney you have to wonder how people do this every.single.day. My recovery went very well and I was able to leave the hospital only 2 hours after going to recovery. I am a good ‘recoverer’ – it could be a made-up word, I am seeking my personal wordsmith’s advice on this. Emily Hawker! And I was up at 7.00 am responding to people’s comments here!

Something else I mentioned is I am doing a personal style challenge and a guest post has winged its way to one of my blogging friends. In the meantime here are two three (not a memory issue, added a 3rd  pic but did not change the text!) photos from recent days. I am liking the self-motivation this is bringing to me.

I hope your week ahead is a good one!

Denyse.

Linking with Kylie for I Blog On Tuesdays and with Leanne for Lovin’ Life Linky on Thursdays.

 

 

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I Am Grateful Today. Cancer Surgery#1 Part One. 2017.91.

I Am Grateful Today. Cancer Surgery#1. Part One. 2017.91.

Hello again!
Today I am listing many reasons I am grateful and am delighted to be back blogging and linking up with dear friends here with Leanne for Lovin’ Life Linky!

Day Before Surgery

Oh, and in case you did not know… I have returned home after my major cancer surgery which removed the inside top of my mouth, gums and teeth (ha! there were only 3 left…and bummer…no tooth fairy coin left either!). When I was in hospital I had PLENTY of thinking and reflecting time so a post about gratitude seems to fit my return to Lovin’ Life today!

This post is live two weeks after my 11 hour surgery on Thursday 6 July. The selected  photos and words are just a part of my grateful list.

I am doing my best to have them sequentially …enjoy!

Wednesday 5 July. Pre-Admission Day.

It was a well-planned departure (I am so that anyway) but I did have a tiny sense of ‘what if I don’t come back’ and sensibly did quite the paperwork tidy-up, prepared official documents so husband and daughter knew where they were, and left my bedroom and art room clean and tidy. The trip to Sydney (by now I had done 3 since diagnosis) so I am grateful that I built up my confidence through challenging my beliefs based on fear of driving on the M1 and ‘getting caught short’.

We arrived in plenty of time at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse (pictured)  for a myriad of health checks (all fine and dandy!) at pre-admission and handed over my life in forms…about 10 pages. There was no money to pay as our Teachers Health covered every.single.item*. Always very grateful we were both in it as young teachers then continued as a family always with top cover. The amount paid by them was in excess of  $21K.*not all doctors’ fees but that is ok.

We had booked overnight accommodation (cheap and cheerful as recommended by the hospital) as it was within 10 mins walking distance of Lifehouse. We were not impressed by the spartan set up however kindly the people were who supplied the accommodation so after our LAST night together for a while, B decided to bunk in with the grandkids and our daughter who live an hour away from Lifehouse. In retrospect I was incredibly grateful he did because as he said ‘it was great to see loving family faces!’.

Thursday 6 July. Day of Surgery.

I have no pictures! Fancy that! But I was grateful for a laugh when I got my phone back from B the next day and there was over 3 hours video of the inside of the phone cover which must have started when I handed it to him in Surgical area at 6.30 a.m.

Friday 7 July – Sunday 9 July. Intensive Care Unit.

After 11 hours of surgery I remember one fact about waking in what possibly was recovery but might have been ICU and it was nighttime. I asked ‘no tracheostomy?’ Of course, my brain tells me now I would not have been able to ask the question if I had, but I was intensely grateful that my surgery did not require this as I had been told it was possible.

In intensive care I was grateful each room was private and I could shut out sounds and light as I mostly needed to rest my eyes, not sleep. I liked that I could talk (a bit) to whoever came to check my obs. Loads of obs checks, especially my ‘mouth flap’. This was checked via a doppler ( a mini ultra-sound scanner) and each time I heard the reassuring beats I did thumbs up as I was incredibly grateful it was alive in me. The catheter came out on the second day and it was good to go to the loo (with help of course, as my leg was in a back slab). I am grateful I stopped caring about modesty. Let’s just get better is my motto!

By Sunday I was stir-crazy and when I heard they were waiting for a room to be ready on the ward I sure was pleased. It took a bit of time to do the transfer but I was grateful to say ‘bye bye’ and ‘thank you’ to ICU.

The Rest of My Stay Until Discharge on Saturday 15 July.

To be continued next Tuesday week where I will link up on I Blog on Tuesdays and the next Thursday when I will link up here again too.

I decided to do it this way as I am tiring and I have a lot to say! Who knew? Ok. I did.

Denyse.

Next Monday I re-start my #lifethisweek Link Up: Here are the prompts: They are also on the Home Page.

Mon 24 July: 28/52. Can’t Live Without.

Mon 31 July: 29/52. Winter.

Mon 7 Aug: 30/52. Birth Order.

Mon 14 Aug: 31/52. Ideal Meal.

Mon 21 Aug: 32/52. Selfie Time.

Mon 28 Aug 33/52. Mindfulness.

Mon 4 Sept 34/52. First Car/Bike.

Mon 11 Sept 35/52. Beach or Bush.

Mon 18 Sept 36/52. Taking Stock.

 

 

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