Monday 23rd September 2019

What Is Love? 37/51 #LifeThisWeek. 95/2019.

What Is Love? 37/51 #LifeThisWeek. 95/2019.

This is about love.

Not all lovey-dovey love.

But love when it matters, how it lasts and the constant re-calibrating a long, long relationship thanks to:

L O V E

Whilst I grew up in a family which went to church on occasion, and I heard this verse a few times at weddings, I am quoting it today from the bible as I have always felt an affinity to these words:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)

Here’s what love is and looks like, in more recent times in our life together. 49 years in October since we met. Been together ever since!

Keeping our love for each other bright…is quite the journey.

Fortunately we enjoy very similar senses of humour, a love of kids, teaching and a zest for learning more. Always learning.

Whilst my husband endured more than anyone’s fair share of illness and medical conditions which saw him having to medically retire young, he got on with life. Changing his work, over time, to be a kitchen and cabinet maker as well as an educational tutor. In his latter years he too studied at tertiary level and used his qualifications to counsel others. Always a fantastic support to me during my career, his wisdom helped me through some challenging years.

We have parented two children: a girl and a boy. We are so blessed (yes we are) to have eight loving grandchildren, 6 girls and 2 boys. But more than anything…we have each other.

We are loving this post working, post child-rearing, post grandchild-caring life of ours very much. It will be more enhance with a house of our own again one day but for now, we love each other’ company but also do quite a bit separately based on our interests.

Here’s to love…and what it’s been more recently: Recently is from my cancer diagnosis in May 2017 (see here for first time readers)  until now. The amount of time he has given to take me to appointments in Sydney (I now do them alone and have since April 2018) and elsewhere, to ‘find’ a chocolate paddlepop if he could when I was first home from hospital, to be as patient as he could with ‘this patient’ and then to let me know (if I hadn’t already) it was time to get outside, go out and stop whingeing…. I do/did. Mostly. But he also understands I need to get the words out.

And here’s what some recent examples of love look like for us.

And I may not have photos for these but lastly:

  • He surprised me with my new apple watch to ‘celebrate’ two years since cancer
  • He got a new banjo. Just because. Not really, he loves playing his piano and guitars and regretted selling his old banjo, so now he has one!
  • He likes Bunnings. I don’t but I understand shopping!
  • I like arts and crafts. I kind of know how to spend a little less…even though he is very understanding
  • We have date morning tea once a week
  • We watch a session of recorded tv (The Block for now) each afternoon together. We have very different tastes in viewing. He is a Netflix fan, and a sports fan but I tend to just use social media.
  • We disagree. A lot. But we accept, generally, our differences.
  • We annoy each other. A bit. But we move on.
  • We are good for each other. I reckon ‘opposites’ attract. He is tall, I am not. He is ‘big picture’ I am ‘details’. He is…a bloke. I am not.

AND… one thing we always say we remember …even at our worst…is seeing each other for the first time on 17 October 1970, sitting at the opposite ends of a table, and we

S M I L E D…and that dear readers, was that!

I am grateful to have a long-lasting loving relationship.

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s optional prompt is: 38/51 Your Go-To Easy Meal. 23/9/19

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Gratitude. 31/51. #LifeThisWeek. 83/2019.

Gratitude. 31/51. #LifeThisWeek. 83/2019.

If you’ve read here for a while, then you will know I have posted about gratitude a few times, there are two here and here.

I truly have to remember gratitude more…especially at times which begin to ensnare themselves into my default negative. So, without further ado is more….

in photos and some words about:

 

G R A T I T U D E. 

  1. spaces in nature to go for contemplation
  2. family: our daughter  & her 3 adult kids
  3. us with our daughter (HB to her for tomorrow)
  4. my health professionals keeping me well after head and neck cancer
  5. double shot latte, small: daily treat (and need!)
  6. wed since Jan 1971. love is all we need.
  7. mandalas & my creative arts
  8. family: our son’s 4 kids.
  9. the ocean. always.

 

More about gratitude:

Family. Nothing better. Daughter’s youngest in this one!

 

Two years of amazing, though challenging, recovery from head and neck cancer.

 

 

I know when I need to go here more…and that starts this week!

 

 

Recently I found this small book at Big W and it has bite-sized very useful sections to read and consider. This from ‘gratitude’

I’ve suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. Mark Twain.

The mind is like a torch, shining on either the sorrows or the joys, the problems or solutions in our life. Fortunately we hold the  torch and get to choose where to shine it. Gratitude is not just a state of being. It’s a habit. And like any habit, it requires training. When we train our mind to dwell in gratitude regularly we will also dwell in peace.

 

I do need to express gratitude more regularly but this was a start last week.

 

 

This is my home screen locked. I may not remember to write 3 things I am grateful for but it is a reminder to be grateful.

 

 

Message on the sand from me to me and others who pass by.

 

 

28 women have shared or are yet to share their stories! How grateful I am for them. Thank you all.

 

Many of us who are bloggers and on social media are always up for a catch-up in real life when possible and on the weekend I was delighted to do this for the third time with the amazing and friendly Sanch who blogs here. Thank you for a great morning!

 

Do you practise gratitude?

How do you do this?

Share in comments if you are up for it!

Denyse.

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next week’s link up: 32/51 What Makes You Laugh? 12/8/19

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Self-Care: Share Your Story#3. 21/51#LifeThisWeek 58/2019.

Self-Care: Share Your Story #3 21/51 #LifeThisWeek 58/2019.

You know I thought I had self-care pretty well sorted. Turns out that is not always the case.

Back story:

I talk about and write about self-care but….when it comes to me, there are times I neglect to take into account some of my life circumstances and events where I may need to UP the self-care.

Does this make sense?

I found, to my detriment, that the need for self-care is especially high when I have:

  • had a time of remembering cancer’s decision to lodge in with me 2 years ago which I wrote about for several weeks before the 2 year anniversary
  • more emotions tucked under my more confident exterior than I realise
  • been to a cancer-centred place and
  • had a cancer check at said place

That was my Tuesday 21 May 2019.

How did I come to this conclusion?

From a 9 a.m. departure from home, to a 4 p.m. arrival , I realised, even though I love driving& returning to Sydney, that it had been a BIG day:

  • finding a park somewhere near any hospital is a pain but I did, it was quite a hike away & the carpark was not made for SUVs (mine is not huge!)
  • being on time for my catch up is important to me as was getting a double shot latte (and lemon delicious tart) into me before the meeting
  • having a good talk with N from Beyond Five and seeing my head and neck nurse too
  • leaving some art materials with the art program head at Lifehouse and being asked to come back to speak to other cancer patients about my positive take on life after a cancer diagnosis and how art helps me
  • being surrounded by the legacy of Professor Chris O’Brien in this amazing place, Lifehouse, named after him
  • viewing his memorabilia marking 10 years since his passing, even though I did not get to meet him, I have met his wife
  • attending my 3 monthly check marking 2 years since cancer diagnosis
  • getting good news (I guess) that there is no cancer present but I will need a CT scan next week….and be back for a check up in 4 months
  • having a wonderful chat and laughs with both my surgeon and nurse
  • them showing appreciation of my role as an Ambassador and getting some photos taken

and that without having cancer, I would not have been there nor had these experiences.

So: I HAVE had cancer and it’s always present (in mind if not body: cross fingers) and when that sank in, and I was tired & teary the next day…with some evidence of my old faithful emotional measure, IBS…

I KNEW what to do NEXT time.

For optimal self care I need to  allow the day after a big one like this to be a transition and be gentle to myself. In words and actions. Some art, some time outside in nature and something nice to eat with my coffee and to manage some more mindful and compassionate times telling myself how that’s been a tough time, but how I am caring for myself better now.

Oh. The new Apple Watch is helping me too. Stopping to breathe mindfully  or one minute every hour and counting my activity as it is good for me to be active – within the limits of my current physical health.

That’s what I have been up to.

 

Do you find you need a ‘day of rest or better care’ after a big event of any kind?

Denyse.

Kell also has a Monday linkup here. Join in!

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Weeks’ Optional Prompt: 22/51 First Job. 3/6/19

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Women Of Courage Series. Introduction. 49/2019.

Women of Courage Series. Introduction. 49/2019.

Denyse Whelan Blogs.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

 

           

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

http://denysewhelan.com.au

I am  introducing the series with  examples from (my!) life. That post will go live on Wednesday 15 May 2019.

After that, at certain intervals,  other “women of courage”, will be having their stories shared via a post here.

It is a goal of mine as a blogger to connect us all and to share our stories.

Thank you for your interest as a reader and commenter here.

I look forward to this series as the year proceeds and we all get to read about some different and wonderful:

                                 Women of Courage

 The words of Brene Brown helped inspire me in recent years.

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognise the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.” 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” 

“The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” 

About Brene Brown PhD, LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston, US, and has spent the past 16 years studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She’s the author of a number of books (and I have them on CD as well) including “Rising Strong” and “Daring Greatly”. Her acclaimed TEC talk on vulnerability is one of the five most watched, with over 30 million views.

 

Her program, on courage, is on Netflix here:

https://www.netflix.com/au/title/81010166

Looking forward to the next weeks and months as this blog hosts:

Women of Courage. 

This is what I wrote to each woman who agreed to be part of this series. Interestingly I had only “one” knock back. I am so proud of the women who are sharing their stories in the weeks and months to come.

 

Thank you for agreeing to share your story for my Women of Courage series of posts which will be published from mid May 2019 onwards.

I got this idea from attending the Newcastle Writers Festival and hearing the wonderful Jane Caro speak about her book Accidental Feminists. IF you ever get a chance to listen to or read Jane’s works they are very good.

What I considered after that day and in the days to come is how we women have a tendency to underplay our achievements and whatever else we are doing in our lives. I know this is changing.

Many of you know I have had the experience of a cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery and I am aware I had to garner a lot of courage to come through much of what has happened. However, when my own courage post is live, you will read something different where I believe I was courageous.

I am excited, interested and curious about these stories from real life…and women of courage!

I hope you are too.

If you would like to share your story of being a woman of courage* please let me know in the comments and I will email you. That would be great!

*there are no men included as I  think we women do not talk or not write about our stories enough which is why I have called the series: Women of Courage.

Denyse.

Joining with Sue and Leanne here for Wednesday’s Midlife Share The Love linky,

With Leanne on Thursday for Lovin Life link up here AND with Alicia on Fridays for Open Slather here.

Thank you all for your link ups.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My Bookmarks & The Big Hug Box. 2018.121.

My Bookmarks & The Big Hug Box. 2018.121.

Regular readers would know I have a ‘thing’ for creating with paint, markers, crayons and pencils. In fact, this creative side of mine has bloomed in the past few years. I made a pact this year to create daily and I did until about a month ago. Here’s the post about my creations which focussed mostly about mandalas. I will come to the bookmarks soon!

I am someone who has learned to enjoy the process of creating as well as the product. Many of my mandalas have been given away or made into coasters and placemats after laminating.

Before mandalas became a thing for me, I created patterns in grids, patterns in free form and more. I just get/got a lot of relaxation and meditative experiences through taking my time, letting my mind flow and enjoying the sensations of adding colour to blank pages.

Then: I still am a product-person too! I began to make bookmarks using strips of the patterns for friends and family. I laminated them and it was pleasing to see them being used and appreciated by others.

But: I ran out of people to give them to…

Until: I heard of the Big Hug Box. Lisa Greissl, a cancer patient herself 3 years ago, wanted to help ‘give back’ and to raise funds for cancer research. I followed Lisa via the Big Hug Box and could see how special her “boxes of hugs via gifts and more” were. I wanted to help by contributing and asked Lisa would my bookmarks work in her gift boxes.

Her response was as joyful and positive as she is. YES. Emphatically YES. A bright, hand-made bookmark would be a great addition.

I loved my skills being helpful to others with cancer. In fact, I was stoked to see an Instagram photo from a friend I met via blogging…who sadly has cancer…but had a Big Hug Box given to her and one of MY bookmarks was in there. I felt like I had contributed to her HUG.

Above is a selection of my most recent delivery to Lisa: 200 bookmarks. I have probably donated well over 100 before this!  I admit I now streamline my making.

  • Firstly, the art is cut into suitable size,
  • I have sheets of coloured card which I cut to match The Big Hug Box’s dimensions. I need, in future, to make slightly smaller ones for the Random Hugs of Kindness Boxes.
  • I paste my patterned paper on one side of the card
  • On the other side I add a now-signature Owl stamp at the top of the bookmark and a little quote that is on the bottom
  • Somewhere along this side of the bookmark I write an individual “My Bookmark”, later I embellish that side with some dots of paint.
  • On the front, where the pattern is, I often add a star, or heart symbol sticker and then as Lisa suggested, a little message from me on a sticker: Hand Made For You By Denyse Whelan Who Blogs Here: denysewhelan.com.au
  • Then I place 4 or 5 into an A4 laminate sheet and start the slow but careful job of feeding them in.
  • Lastly, over time again, I trim each card and the group becomes  individual bookmarks.

I do take a few days to a week to make a group of bookmarks. I recently made 60 on top of these at the request of the Central Coast Cancer Centre Head & Neck/Lung Nurse who is part of the group I meet with once a month. She will be adding them to new patient packs.

One reason I continue to make these is that I can share my love and care for another person affected by cancer as I was. I do make a definite and  conscious decision as I create each one to send loving kindness.

Update!

A little while back, Lisa, who lives only 5o minutes away was planning a “packing of Big Hug Boxes and Random Acts of Kindness Boxes” morning at her place and I accepted her invitation to attend. There were a few of us connected to Lisa via friendship and/or cancer. I even got to meet the creator of Colour Me Well who asked me to supply some of my mandalas for cards she was selling to patients.

It was a heart-warming morning, and at the completion, we had some photos taken. Lisa then went to Chris O’Brien Lifehouse on Monday 12 November to deliver 40 boxes, ready for gifting to cancer patients, and donated by various groups and individuals. I was thrilled to play a small role.

There is much to be said from helping our fellow humans and connecting and for those of us with cancer even moreso. Do check out Lisa’s wonderful work on The Big Hug box and she is now partnered by Cancer Aid app (another start-up from Chris O’Brien Lifehouse). Do share the information about the Big Hug Box widely…it helps all of us.

Lisa’s story on Channel Tenhttps://tendaily.com.au/news/good-news/a180530vxb/cancer-survivor-gives-back-with-the-big-hug-box-20180530

Thank you Lisa for your initiative and hard work. I know it’s for the love of it too but with a young family and working, it is a lot that you do for many!

Denyse.

Joining Kylie for I Blog On Tuesdays here and Sue & Leanne here for Midlife Share The Love linky on Wednesdays.

 

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Best Cake I Have Eaten. 47/52. #LifeThisWeek. 2018.120.

Best Cake I Have Eaten. 47/52. #LifeThisWeek. 2018.120.

There is no best cake I have eaten.

This is because there are M A N Y best cakes I have eaten.

Probably none more delicious than this one I ate with a teaspoon as one of my first post-surgery snacks in July 2017. I remember saying to the dietitian “I will be able to eat cake” and she confirmed that, adding that if I put custard and icecream with it would help it go down AND add nourishment.

Lemon cake with icecream & custard

Now I shall list those great cake eating experiences according to occasion and memories!

My mum made the best cakes. They were always ‘from scratch’ as they say and Mum, not a cake or sweet lover herself was always happy to oblige.

This would have been the first cake I ate. My 1st birthday cake from almost 68 years ago.

My First Birthday. 30 Nov.

Mum would make ‘little cakes’ as she called them. She made them in gem irons. Solid metal trays where cake mix was added and then as it cooked, it became a sphere. Mum would ice these too. The most delicious ones were when she made them into lamingtons with mock cream in the centre. Oh how I loved getting these as a treat to take home when I was a young married mum.

When it came to birthdays Mum made our kids cakes from the Australian Women’s Weekly Kids Birthday Cookbook – I particularly recall the ’10’ cake for our daughter made as a tennis racquet. She made a race track one for our son’s 6th birthday cake.

And even into her ageing years Mum would rustle up a Rainbow Cake for Dad. A layer cake: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry with cream in between the layers. My request was for her Orange cake with orange icing and orange zest on top. Yummmmo.

Of course there are no photos of these cakes because..there was nothing like the photo-taking these days.

The most treasured ingredient in all of these cakes was LOVE. Mum loved to do this for us and we loved her for it!

But wait there is more!

I prefer to make cupcakes these days as they are portion-controlled and I do make some for my husband which get frozen and he brings one out a day. I make mine (and those I gift to others) with icing because “yum” and it helps get the cake down.

Before I went to hospital last July I made a batch of lemon syrup cake and these went down very well warmed through as well as with additions as above. I made cakes for my granddaughter’s 21st and what joy that was for me. Her mum (who takes after my mum in her cake cooking prowess) made the main birthday cake. I have also had delicious cakes made for me by my daughter and they include orange cakes and the famous lemon walnut cake (was a recipe of Mum’s originally) that Sammie has here on her blog.

I found that lovely Kyla at Cakes by Kyla made superb cupcakes which I could freeze and eke out for eating. Then I had a WIN. $250 worth of cupcakes and over the last 6 months these have been purchased, frozen and also given away. Yummo.

So, about my best cake eaten…well, I guess if I had the chance, it would be one (or more!) of Mum’s little lamingtons with mock cream inside.

How about you?

What is the best cake you have eaten?

Tell me more in the comments.

Denyse.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Joining Alicia here for Open Slather and Kell here for Mummy Mondays.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 48/52. Summer Means This. 26/11/18.

 


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Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.115.

Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.105.

Look Good Feel Better workshops are open to anyone undergoing treatment for any sort of cancer.

https://lgfb.org.au/workshop/

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a Look Good Feel Better Workshop in my local area.

It was held in a private room within a community church. It is free and available, on application, to any person with cancer. It started at 10 and ran till 12.30. There was no break nor any refreshments other than water.

There were three women from “Look Good Feel Better” waiting for me and the other people who arrived. Each of us chatted briefly and then we sat around a well-organised table with individual places, products, a bag and mirror. There was help from the ladies as we were given tips on how to make up our faces and things were done in a clean and hygenic manner.

The co-ordinator, Cindy, pictured here with me, ran the event aided by a volunteer and her volunteer co-ordinator Kate.

Cindy, the Co-ordinator with Me…after-shot!

Interested in Being a Volunteer? 

The Look Good Feel Better program relies heavily on our team of 1,300 dedicated and passionate individuals who volunteer their time, knowledge and expertise to help deliver our workshops across Australia.

We ask that our volunteers are over 18 years of age and can commit to a minimum of FOUR workshops per calendar year (where available in your region) to ensure we have sufficient volunteer support for our workshops to run.

The first section (around an hour) was very helpful and I did pick up some tips for my poor ravaged skin on this face that has undergone four surgeries! We learned about the sun protection levels and the fact that those undergoing treatments may be even more damaged by the sun so to take good care. We found out about facial tricks – to hide or minimize ‘flaws’ and I learned more about using the concealing ‘green’ stick on red places.

I seemed to be the only one there who was not affected by hair loss or potential hair loss but not everyone shared what their cancer was so I am surmising.

The second section was not relevant to me and I did think about leaving before it started but to support the lady next to me, I stayed. This section was about losing hair, head coverings, tricks and tips and wigs. I am glad I was there for this lady and I do hope now she has started her chemo she is a little more prepared.

 

Look Good Feel Better is a national free, non-medical, brand-neutral program dedicated to helping you face your cancer with confidence. 

While most changes in your appearance are temporary, we believe that taking control of your appearance is one of the simplest and most effective ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence while going through treatment.

Can’t get to a workshop?

Home-delivered Confidence-Kits are a supplementary service developed to assist cancer patients who are unable to attend a Look Good Feel Better workshop for health, travel or personal reasons.

I came away feeling a bit flat which may have been because “my cancer” is not well-known. The second session in particular geared to those, who through cancer treatments have had hair loss  including eye lashes and eyebrows. I fully understand that more women need this kind of help and support through treatment as do others who have chemo.

There was little to no interest in knowing more or even hearing about my head and neck cancer, but those of us head and neck patients find this is a general response. Now you know why I try to educate and help others as I was ignorant too about head and neck cancers till my diagnosis!!

I would however like to thank those who shared their morning with me, particularly the fellow cancer patients. Some were incredibly kind and generous with their tips to others, like the lady next to me who was scared pre-chemo, and one lady had us all ‘fooled’ when her beautiful head of hair proved to be a wig.

Thanks to those who volunteer with the organisation, Look Good Feel Better, and those who work hard to see it happens. From the time I got my initial email, to the time of attendance the communication was excellent. In fact, I was able to change the day of mine to “when I would have my teeth” and they were happy to do that.

We all got the new products that were on our placemat at our table and each is now in my bathroom and I am using the eye brown pencil, the blusher, the big brush, the mineral foundation and the tinted moisturiser.

Have you attended a workshop?

Do you know someone who might benefit?

Put them in touch via the website and they will be looked after.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie for I Blog On Tuesdays here and with Sue & Leanne here for Midlife Share The Love on Wednesdays.

 

 

 

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