Saturday 17th November 2018

Who’s a Worrier? #LifeThisWeek 7/52. 2018.14.

Who’s a Worrier? #LifeThisWeek 7/52. 2018.14.

I will put my hand up first!

I also will have a smile as I realised a couple of times I read this headline as: Who’s a WArrior? That then made me think a bit more. Maybe, to admit to being a worrier I need to be a warrier and get over some of the worries! If there is one thing I have learned about myself in the past few years it’s this:

I am stronger than I think I am

I am braver than I remember

I have more courage in me than I think

I know that what I THINK is not always true. In fact, from research I have heard we tell ourselves LIES most of the day. And we WORRY?

In the photos above my worry-levels were almost nil. Naturally there is apprehension before surgery but I also knew I was in the best place with the best people.

What is the point?

I found this quote summed up ‘worrying’ well for me:

Do you find yourself worrying about things? Do the same concerns seem to go round and round in your head? Would you like to find some peace and respite from all this mental ‘noise’?

If so, you are very far from alone. Clients often come to therapists wanting to talk about their worries and anxieties. Often their goal is more to be free of worrying, than to sort out whatever it might be they are worrying about. This makes sense when worry has become a habit. One client told me recently, “when I sort out one worry, it’s as if my mind goes looking for the next one, it just seems to need something to stress about.” 

Worry is usually about something we fear might happen in the future, or something that happened in the past that we fear the consequences of. It distracts us from whatever we are doing right now, taking our focus to something else, sometime else, some-place else. So what can be done?

A simple but powerful antidote to worry is to open our awareness of what is happening right here, right now. Looking around and becoming aware of what you can see, hear, smell, feel and even taste, grounds you in the moment you are in. Gently bringing your focus to your physical experience, noticing what you sense in your body right now can interrupt the flow of worries and anxieties.

Don’t get me wrong, while this may sound simple, it is not always easy. Most often we need to bring ourselves back to the here and now again and again and again. As we do, the mind becomes more accustomed to focusing on this here and now and less inclined to add worries to the spontaneous thoughts that serve to distract us.

This mindful practice of being where you are with all of your attention is a good way to address anxiety.  Why not give it a try? 

A counsellor can help you start addressing your habitual worrying and find peace of mind.

Fe Robinson UKCP, MBACP source:http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/an-antidote-for-worrying-this-here-now

Then I saw this Ted Talk…and listened and learned more about becoming emotionally agile. This means less listening to the voice in the head (the worrier inside) and being the warrior who does not need to believe or act upon said thoughts. (my words!). I have also downloaded Susan David’s book on audible and it is making a lot of sense to me…the learner!

As I write this I am in recovery mode from the surgery last Wednesday and in some pain and discomfort from time to time. However, as this is surgery #3 I have had, I feel far less #worried than I may have. I am also continuing listening to Susan David’s book and finding it very helpful.

Taking care of my thoughts…

How about you?
Are you a worrier?
How do you manage your emotions?

Denyse.

Joining with Alicia here for Open Slather.

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Next Week is the optional prompt’: 8/52.  “February is..” 19/2/18.


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Comments

  1. Will listen to the ted talk in the car. Curious to hear what she says. I think we seem to worry endlessly about stuff but when the big stuff hits, we just get on with it, because we have no other choice. The worry monster really needs to be tamed, as it wastes so much energy!

    • So so true. I have ‘wasted’ a lot of life, time and energy on worry about stuff I could do nothing about..except I guess ‘stop worrying’. Yes, my attitude to getting well with the surgeries was based on ‘these people know what they are doing’. Thanks Lydia! Denyse x

  2. Wishing you a speedy recovery, Denyse. You’re so organized with this link up right after your surgery. I’m not a worrier in general. I wrote about 12 simple ways that I use to bust my worry. Thank you for hosting the link up.

    • Ah Natalie, part of the reason my recovery goes well is investing my time here connecting with others! Blogging and in general social media has helped my recovery x 10. Thank you I am going very well after the last surgery. Denyse x

  3. I am definitely a worrier, but trying to be more like my husband who can choose not to worry somehow! He goes by the philosophy there’s no point worrying,so he just won’t do it. If only if were that easy lol!

    Di from Max The Unicorn

    • I am married to one of those wise men too. Just as well!! Mind you there are times when some worries are justified. Not many. Thanks Di! Denyse x

  4. I hope you are recovering well Denyse!
    I really enjoyed the read about worry. I have become a bit of an expert at mastering this now too. There’s just little point. I have surgery at the end of the month and to be honest, I had all but forgotten about it! X

    • Oh Jody you humble me with your attitude so I learn lots from you! Thank you for sharing. I am going very well and hopefully will have stitches out on Wednesday but if not I can deal with it too.
      I am thinking of you often and love the way in which you accept what IS not what you’d rather it to be.
      Sending love and care to you. Denyse x

  5. Oh I do worry too much, especially when things are getting on top of me. I am however getting better at rationalising my head and bringing me back to the present moment. I realise that worry is only a small part of my life, there is so much more to experience and live. So it’s better to just get on with it, learn to live with it, what will be will be 🙂
    You really are an inspiration Denyse. You might be a worrier, but out of that comes the warrior. You are proving that everyday xx

    • Oh thank YOU dear Alicia. I think when ‘worry’ seems to overwhelm us it IS time to wonder why and then upon examination things can be let slide because in the way of most things we cannot do anything about them. I kind of wish my late Mum had been this insightful as I know she spent a LOT of time being worried. Sigh.
      You are most kind and I hope the early weeks back in routine are going well.
      Love, Denyse x

  6. Denyse,
    Thank you for that quote about worry and how people seek help not so much to solve the current cause of their worry but to worry less in general.
    I am a worrier but haven’t previously thought too hard about its negative aspects.
    On another note, hope you continue to have a solid recovery!

    SSG xxx

    • Given the profession you are in I imagine it would be hard at times not to ‘have some worries’ but when it’s within your capacity to change something then that is good. It is the endless list of worries that we have no control over that make us messy humans with far too much anxiety for no reason as I learned last year!

      Coming down to St Geo Private on Wed to see the Prof and hopefully stitches will be out, then I await the trips and planning for Westmead for the 2 months or so of getting the teeth thing happening.

      I spoke to the practice nurse today who was very interested in how I was dealing with it all and I told her I had a blog (she did not know) and that there were posts there. She will be getting in touch with the BeyondFive organisation and see if they want to use some of what I have experienced and learned to help others. This would make me very pleased to be able to do so.

      Denyse x

  7. Worrying leads to nothing, all we have is right now. And it’s so true that our thoughts lie to us. We have the choice to believe what we want to. My favourite quote right now: we are what we think about and tell ourselves!

    Also watched that Ted Talk for the first time only a few days ago and found it amazing.

    Xxx

  8. It probably comes as no surprise to you to learn I’m a worrier too. I’ve had to learn to be more rational and in the moment, to overcome the more paralysing ones. But I suspect it’s etched in my nature now so I’m learning to live with it. I hope your recovery continues to go well Denyse!

    • Thanks Kirsty for your honesty and I am glad you can dismiss those paralysing worries. They truly are just hangers on with no point. I also can imagine it is hard for you to be dealing with the many convos from the 2 older kids. I hope things are going as well as they can on the home front…Mum too.

      Thinking of you. My recovery is going very well. I am very fortunate.

      Denyse x

  9. I hope you are pain free soon Denyse. I am a big worrier, I worry about my girls and how they are going at school, if they are making friends or being bullied, I worry when someone I know doesn’t talk to me and wonder if I said something to annoy them, I worry about my Mum and family, I worry about whether I am doing the right thing starting up my own business….too much worrying drives me slightly crazy 😉 I need to get into some sort of meditation, and let go of the stuff that I can’t control. The book you are reading sounds good too. Take care, xx

    • Oh Julie. That is some list. I hope, over time, you can let some of them go to the background. I guess like me you might have to actually do some learning about why it sticks with you. Meditation will teach you that you do not have to engage or hang on to the thoughts but it is a discipline for sure.

      Second guessing yourself is probably the hardest. I am going really well. The Ted Talk might be just the thing to give yourself something to consider.

      Thinking of you and wishing you well.

      Denyse x

  10. Thanks for the TED talk Denyse I will listen to that later today. I’m a worrier always have been but perhaps when we really need to be strong we can find the courage as you did. Have a great week and so pleased the third surgery has gone well.

    • I do think things that are unimportant even if they have dominated do slip away when the big stuff happens. I know that this time last year I had no idea I had cancer but I was the worst in terms of anxiety and fear – based on stuff my mind would not let go. So, taking the chance to do something about it (in April) was my game changer.

      Wishing you well too.

      Denyse x

  11. Frustration is the emotion/feeling I find hardest to manage. I assume it’s a loss of power/control thing.

  12. At first my immediate response was that I wasn’t a worrier but then on further reflection I do worry. A lot of my worries are over my kids and things out of my control. I really need to relax about certain things a bit more!

    Ingrid
    http://www.fabulousandfunlife.blogspot.com.aj

    • Well then I guess I can say I am pleased it helped you reflect. I also think that the BUSY lives we lead give us an element of having life under control but it is an illusion because if one thing changes then it will lead to other ones changing and then the balance of our lives changes. Again.. Interesting isn’t it?

      Denyse x

  13. I’ve been a worrier all my life Denyse, but my mother’s mantra is “worry if it happens” and that makes a lot of sense to me. It’s such a waste of time and emotional energy to worse case scenario everything – so now I stop myself when I’m doing it and give it to God and get on with what’s happening in the here and now. Mind you if I had your health scare I’d probably have reverted to my worrying persona!

    • That was really interesting to read your perspective, thank you Leanne!
      When I was diagnosed with cancer of course I ‘worried’ about what the implications were and what might be ahead but I was fortunate in being able to email the Associate Professor every question I had post-diagnosis and his answers along with my greater knowledge of my particular cancer took a lot of my worries away.

      Of course I was somewhat fearful and apprehensive as the first surgery date loomed but that is normal human behaviour.

      You almost might surprise yourself with reactions to events you think might make you worry but when they come along (not wishing you ill of course!) it is interesting AND everyone is different.

      Denyse x

  14. I am to a point a worrier. I worry about my kids, I worry about being the best provider I can be, I worry about paying the bills! Sometimes it can be overwhelming for me but I know I have the support of my family who often snap me out of my worrying and help me get back on track. Thanks for recommending the ted talk I’m going to give it a listen!

    • I hope you find it a good one Kerrie, it sounds like your worries are pretty darned normal! And it is good when others see us worrying and get us back to the present moment. Denyse x

  15. As long as it’s outside of my control I’ll worry about it. Those things I can do something about? Yeah, I can sleep like a baby through them, but everything else will keep me awake…but only if it’s beyond my control.