Tuesday 22nd May 2018

Week 12 Intention. Practise Self-Compassion. 2017.44.

Week 12 Intention. Practise Self-Compassion. 2017.44.

After living a life with many distractions, busy-ness to the max and more, I have found the quiet times in retirement are quite a challenge. Why? Because there are more stretches of time and space in which to think.

For me, it’s interesting to notice how I continue to strive and how I continue to want others to see me doing well in my quest for greater equanimity in my life overall and better management of my IBS.

Who is out of this real or imagined group who support me? Often it’s me.

I remain steadfast in my older, learned early, self-critical views and I am S L O W L Y learning to remember my self-compassion when I am not doing so well. It is not every day because I am making progress!

I am pleased to note, that when I started a Self-Compassion Course on-line with Kristen Neff and Brene Brown my overall score was: 1.93 and when I completed the course it was: 3.11

“Average overall self-compassion scores tend to be around 3.0 on the 1-5 scale, so you can interpret your overall score accordingly. As a rough guide, a score of 1-2.5 for your overall self-compassion score indicates you are low in self-compassion, 2.5-3.5 indicates you are moderate, and 3.5-5.0 means you are high.”

So, what I take from that ‘score’ is I am improving in my self-compassion and I am remembering to speak more kindly to myself in difficult circumstances.

My Week 12 Intention.

This week I am going to practise self-compassion more. In fact, I will even make it something I do throughout the day in the smallest way. It might be a ‘go me’ under my breath or a literal ‘pat of kindness’ on my arm when I need soothing.

If you want to take the self-compassion Test, it is here: It is free and I find the work of Kristen Neff and fellow researchers fascinating. Self-esteem it is not!

I wish you well if you decide to take the test. It is very insightful.


UPDATE: I have chosen to reduce my blogging output as of this week so as to be more mindful of my self-care and self-kindness. I am not making any further intentions at this point. My life has been on a learning curve as part of ageing and transition to living with both a chronic condition (IBS and its accompanying limitations)  and the stress which is part of my inner being. I am wanting to feel less inward pressure on myself and needing to care for myself more. Blogging has been a part of my life for more than 6 years and will continue to be but I am blogging now for when and if I choose to. I know that regular  readers will completely understand my new(er) direction as of today! Thank you!

A reminder is in this image: 


Joining with Leanne and her lovely team for the  Lovin Linky on Thursdays here.




  1. Good for you Denyse! I’ve been thinking along the same lines and still feel the pressure to write for my readers. I’m so pleased that you are focusing on self-compassion and looking after yourself. I’ll eagerly await future posts whenever you write. Have a beautiful day and look after yourself.

    • Thank you Sue. When I was blogging about education and schooling for both teachers and families I found I was doing it for the readers. I wanted to share my knowledge and help people. My blog (then) did not get anything like the readers I thought I wanted/needed. I dropped that blogging in 2013/14, and then re-thought my strategy.
      My blog is to connect. I blog for me but to also connect with others. I did blog daily for 365 days in 2015, and stopped short of 366 days in 2016 when it began to feel less like fun and more like ‘have to’. This year it seems a similar pattern is emerging.
      Funnily enough for the teacher I have been, I actually ‘ran out of words’ for my Tuesday posts …which was every week from early January 2015 until this coming week…well over 100.
      I shall see how I feel after a while and the rest from the pressure (mine!) will do me good. Cheers, Denyse

  2. This is an interesting concept because we spend so much time and energy showing compassion to others, particularly family but not to ourselves. We just have to soldier on most of the time. I’m going to do that test and see how I score. 🙂 #TeamLovinLife

    • Oh yes it is true for each of us unless we actually do something deliberate about it. I have read, that we are meant to be more compassionate towards others…from long ago in the cave men days..so we dont get killed. So much of our brain responses are still there. We can’t help with some of them and others we can try to take the chance to consider. Interesting stuff!

  3. I think that reducing the pressure on yourself to blog daily is a wonderful act of self compassion Denyse. It’s one I had to do for myself also as the pressure to blog regularly reduced my enjoyment of it and caused me stress. I blog at least once per week now, and only sometimes twice. You’re doing a fabulous job at looking after yourself. Good for you! xo #TeamLovinLife

    • Thanks Min. I knew you would share my views too. I had actually cut back from 7 to 4 but with writing new content 4 times a week, I realised my inner resources were getting low. The new post each Tuesday about education I found hard(er) because I had almost exhausted my repertoire after over 100 posts. I will do blog posts when I want to now. Monday is a given!! Still enjoying my linky!

  4. I’m off to do the test Denyse – I know I can be my own worst critic most of the time. I’ve learned a lot from Brene Brown – especially in regard to not valuing perfectionism anymore. Good on you for making the call about how often to blog. I’m actually doubling my posts over April for the AtoZ challenge – not sure why I’m doing it to myself, but it will be nice to ease off again over May.

    • Yes, Brene is good but I found it really insightful to watch how ‘unfriendly’ she was to herself when Kristen Neff worked with her in this on-line course I did. Very powerful learning. If you are interested, it’s on Berne’s Courageworks page. Challenges have their place and I have done quite a few IG ones. Blogging ones, no. I have to pass on that one. Good luck to you.

  5. That’s so interesting!
    I did the test myself. I scored well above the average so I guess I’m doing OK? I wonder what a high score really says about me.
    I look forward to seeing you on the blogosphere if/when you’re feeling like it.

    • It is. I found it good to know I could improve. I am definitely hard on myself. I have never thought of myself as a perfectionist but I admit I like things to be ‘right’ and ‘finished’. It is one of the reasons I am not going to well in some aspect of how I deal with IBS as it is not going away anytime soon it seems.
      Thank you for your kind words. I am sure I will be there, of course, but in my own way. I may decide to link up some of my less-loved posts from last year on Thursdays. Good luck with the book launch!

  6. Good on you Denyse! I really should look into this soon as I’m very self-critical. Will go take the test now.

    • It is really helpful. Do you know her work at all? She is a researcher extraordinaire and her fellow writer/researcher in the field is Christopher Germer. We (my hub is a counsellor) have books by them both.