Monday 19th February 2018

Living B.O.L.D. 2018.16.

Living B.O.L.D. 2018.16.

One year ago this week I was an anxious, hypervigilant and fearful woman because……of nothing other than what went on in my mind.

There  was NO real reason At ALL for this.

However, my mind over-rode the outside messages of safety and security and commonsense and left me:

fearful

worried

catastrophising

and really, really disappointed in myself for being like this.

Does this sound true for anyone else reading?

These sayings are from blog posts in February last year. I knew I needed help and to change my thinking but gosh it proved hard and I really had to move away from ‘positive affirmations’ which are now said not to do us much good at all… and WORK hard at the shift.

I did. I saw my psychologist about the ramping up of my fear to travel on the M1 (read about that here and here for part two) whilst she was kindly she did say I would have to do this work for myself. I baulked at it over and over. Why? It all seemed far too hard and my mind was leading.

But it took THIS!

In April 2017 my  teeth & bridge  needed extracting because they were causing me pain and I was sure something was wrong. Forward to the results of a biopsy of the gums in the front of my mouth in May 2017 where cancer was found. Posts are here about that.

From June 2017 until now I have gently and firmly led myself out of that busy and annoyingly bossy mind to be able to:

  • accept what is happening to me in terms of my health
  • understand that I have the inner capacity to manage my emotions now
  • give back to others who have supported me as I found my strength and confidence again
  • joyously proclaim each day that I am going well (even in some pain or discomfort it is OK)
  • be grateful for the big wake-up call to assist the change
  • MAKE the inner and outer world of me one which I am most happy to inhabit

This has led me to the intention I set earlier this year. I chose B.O.L.D.

Be Brave

Optimistic

Learning & Loving

Determined Denyse

and I had the ‘word’ engraved on a bracelet I wear 24/7 (other than hospital surgeries!) and it really has helped me move my old mindset to the new. This is something that will always be a work-in-progress for me I forgive myself readily for forgetting then congratulate myself for changing my thinking.

My “message to me” bracelet.

Sign Above Where I Blog.

Did you find a word or intention for 2018?

I understand that for some people they mean little and for others they like the process and the product.

Last year’s worked for me more than I realised. Thank you KINDNESS especially when I remembered to be kind to me too!

Today as this post goes live I will be in Sydney having my post-surgical check up from last Wednesday’s mouth reconstruction #3.

I will be glancing at my bracelet a few times I imagine!

Denyse.

UPDATE: I will blog next week about the outcome of Wednesday’s visit to Sydney to see Professor Clark and his wonderful Practice Nurse.

Joining in with Sue here and Leanne here for their link up on Wednesdays.

And because of the Theme for Leanne’s Link called Lovin’ Life I am joining in there too on Thursday.

 

 

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest
FacebooktwitterpinterestFacebooktwitterpinterest

Comments

  1. You have been so brave and an inspiration to us all, Denyse. I love your quotes but I adore the bracelet and such a great reminder for you daily to show how brave you are. Thanks so much for taking the time to link up to #midlifesharethelove before your doctor’s visit. Take care. xx

    • Thank you Sue. It’s taken me till Thursday evening to comment. I felt great after yesterday’s visit to Sydney, but today I am struggling a bit with an area of pain in my mouth. I “may” not get over to your blog to read many posts this week. It’s a great linky so I will see how I am over the weekend. Denyse x

  2. So great that you are wearing your resolve and that you have it before your eyes on the sign when you write. Blessings to you as you persevere in this boldness!

  3. I LOVE your bracelet. What a fantastic idea to remind yourself every day. We really do need to love ourselves and think positively. I am sending good vibes your way for better health to come!

    • Thank you Michele. I do need the visual reminder and it is a good aid. The past few years I think I was more unkind than kind to myself so am definitely changing that now! Denyse x

  4. Great idea to have your bracelet and the sign as your visual reminders, Denyse. Hope your check up went well. Take care!

    • Thank you Natalie. The check-up went well. The professor did not seem too concerned about an area where the inside of my mouth remains inflamed but today it began to hurt more so my lovely GP has prescribed anti-biotics to help. Denyse x

  5. Thanks for letting us into your world Denyse. You’re an inspiration. Bold is such a great word for your year and I love that you’ve had it engraved onto your bracelet. I’m still struggling to come up with my word but working on it.

    • Thank you so much Jennifer. I did a fair bit of thinking towards the end of the year and reflected on how kindness had helped me. As I was writing a blog post about it as a prompt back in early January I thought I had better get one. I hope yours comes to you easily! Denyse x

  6. I love your bracelet and am sending prayers and good thoughts your way Denyse!!

  7. Sending healing thoughts your way. I hope your check up went well. I know you will be BOLD in any case. Love your bracelet!

  8. You have been so brave and BOLD Denyse, and I love that you have a bracelet to continually remind you. What an affirming and positive move. Thinking of you constantly and wishing you all the best with your healing and recovery. I’m going to remind myself of your words … to
    Be Brave
    Optimistic
    Learning & Loving and
    Determined
    when so often, despite all the outward appearances, I may not.

    • Yes Jo, it is an INSIDE job as well as out outside job this self-confidence thing. I can always look/act the part (teacher me I guess) but believing it for myself is what has been the difference in the past months and it really feels good too.
      I appreciate your mention of my words…go for it..if they help, that IS awesome.
      Denyse x

  9. Your story is inspirational Denyse. I wish you well in your recovery and hope all goes well with your results of the checkup. I love your word for the year and it’s very creative. I chose the word Focus for my word this year and so far I’m going OK. Take care! By the way, I found you at Sue and Leanne’s #midlifesharethelove

  10. Denyse you are an inspiration to so many of us and I think BOLD is a perfect word for you. Having it on a bracelet is also an excellent reminder. A couple of years ago I had to focus on not worrying about stuff so much – and not getting bogged down by other people’s issues. I came across the saying “Not my circus, Not my monkey” and bought a bangle with it engraved on it – fun, fashionable, and a great re-inforcement! Thanks for sharing this on #MLSTL – I’ve shared to my SM x

    • Thanks Leanne, we are on similar learning paths in this life thing arent we? Never stop learning! I may not visit many others’ posts as today has left me in a lot of pain even though my check up yesterday went well. This link up you and Sue run is going very well. Thank you. Denyse x

  11. Love, love, love that bracelet. And the fact that your word has double (penta?) meaning. The word Bold itself and then the 4 additional components. What a great word and meaning.

    I also pick a word of the year. Two years ago it was JOY and I bought a coffee cup that had the quote ” Find Joy in Each Day” . To this day, every morning I drink coffee in that cup and think about what I’m going to do that day that will bring me joy. Three years ago, I was cynical, half-glass-empty, see the worse in everything. Now, people who have known me awhile are amazed at my positivity and optimism. It’s still a work in progress, but we can change.

    This year my word is SOAR. And like yours it has deeper meaning: Savoring, Optimism. Activating, and Resilient. 2 things to be and 2 things to do. You can’t soar without activating and that one is the biggie for me this year. Stop waiting to live life. Resilient is to focus on getting through my own cancer challenge. Optimism, obviously to continue the work. And Savor…. don’t rush life, but savor those moments.

    I’m visiting from #MLSTL and am happy I came by!

    • Oh wow Pat. Thank you so much for sharing your story too. I felt the optimism rise from all of your words too. You are meeting challenges for sure. I wish you well as you have your challenges with cancer. It sure is a ‘game changer’. Warm wishes, Denyse x

  12. It’s interesting Denyse as I’ve been feeling really stressed of late and particularly bad on a couple of occasions and I get really angry at myself for getting like that. Like, I should know better by now. And, how dare I let this stuff still get to me when I should have learned from the past?

    But – I think we’re too hard on ourselves in that respect. I finished a meeting yesterday and went home a little early and knew I really really needed to be away from people and to calm down a little.

    Sometimes we have to ride out those feelings even though we know they’ll pass and wish we could shortcut feeling them at all!

    You’re doing so very very well and you’re an inspiration given what you’ve been through. x

    • To be that aware of ourselves and then to punish us for being like that seems counter-productive and yes I get it. I have become FAR less self-critical these past 9 or so months and much more compassionate to myself. Of course I go back to ‘default’ as we all do.

      I think it is terrific that your self-awareness ended up as a means of putting a stop to something where you knew you would be more stressed.

      In theory I think I can do this and that and forget that my body that has been through so much of late may not agree. Lesson learned today big time when I was in more pain that I could handle because after a HUGE day of going to Sydney and back for my check up (B was driving) I decided to have a big drive myself to Gosford, forgetting it was 45 mins each way.

      I need to take myself and give me some quiet time. You are sounding like you are finding out more about what works for Deb now in the full time workplace and what needs monitoring. Personally I salute you: it is hard work ….and actually no money compensates for some days does it?

      Denyse x

  13. This post puts so much into perspective. It’s true – anxiety can be high for no reason & then suddenly there is a reason and you really need that courage. BOLD is the perfect word for you this year.

    • Yes, it’s the ‘what am I anxious about’ that seems to make it even more powerful. Thank Jo, BOLD is proving helpful this year! Still does not stop some of my whingeing about pain but I whinge less!

  14. It’s good to hear that you are feeling better Denyse. I can relate to much of what you just described in terms of how you were feeling mentally, though my circumstances have been very different to yours. I’ve been amazed to learn how easily one’s mind can take control of you rather than it being the other way around. Absolutely amazed that it happened to me. I too am feeling much better and wrote my first post in about 5 months this week! It felt good.

    I hope your appointment went well on Wednesday.
    Take care.
    Shauna x

    • Yay for you too. How good to hear from you and know that some of the ‘awful’ has buzzed off. That you are blogging again is fabbo. I hope you link up whenever you get the chance. Your writing is always a welcome breath of fresh air for me. Things went well from the surgeon’s perspective on Wednesday and he doesnt want to see me till the 3 month cancer check time. Meanwhile I have some pain in one spot in my mouth that I can manage until my visit to the Oral Restorative guy in Westmead next Friday. Take care of you too! Denyse xx

  15. I think fear is the biggest tool we use against ourselves, even in little things in our lives. I know I have to ask for God’s peace to replace it at times when it’s strange that fear would even be part of the equation.
    I am so glad I clicked on your blog link today. I didn’t remember your name but I remembered your mention of cancer and have been praying for you. 🙂

    • Wow. Thank you so much for visiting here and leaving me such a lovely comment. I do appreciate you finding me again and I sure do miss some of the link ups that have disappeared. I run a Monday one which you would be most welcome to join in. Every 5th week is now a photo-sharing prompt and I recall your photos when we linked up on Jen’s blog. Your words have meant a lot and I am glad you found me again! Denyse x

Denyse values & reads every comment written, thank you. There is always a reply.

*