Sunday 18th August 2019

I Remember. 46/52. #LifeThisWeek 2018.117.

I Remember. 46/52. #LifeThisWeek 2018.117.

This post, originally written last week for Share Your Snaps was not sitting right for that prompt and then I saw this one.

I Remember.

 

I have noticed in the years past that I get tense, twitchy and tetchy in November. I used to think it was because I was tired and the end of the school year is nigh. I no longer have that reason. I now think and feel it is related to my birthday on the last day of November.

My birthday approaching brings a mixed bag of feelings:

  • sad (older)
  • contentment (glad to be here post cancer)
  • regret (not appreciating some of the people in my life more)
  • resentment (because some of those people, hello my parents, raised me in a way that I felt special BUT I perceived that was the case only if I was/am thin, achieving, managing financially)
  • anticipation of both negative and positive aspects of the day which celebrates me.

I know this might sound grouchy and somewhat mean-spirited but instead of pretending and pushing my November feelings and thoughts away, I have admitted them…and along with these pictures, may help heal me  for future Novembers.

November is:

  • my parents’ wedding anniversary
  • armistice day – this year 100 years since 11.11.1918
  • anniversary of my aunt’s early death
  • getting ready for Christmas
  • remembering my teaching/principal roles at this time of the year
  • my birthday

 

Do you have memories of any times which leave you somewhat like my birthday month does?
I am deliberately choosing to post about gratitude this November and so far these are the images.

Share your photos and your stories anytime here!

Denyse.

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Joining Alicia here for Open Slather and Kell here for Mummy Mondays.

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 47/52. Best Cake I Have Eaten. 19/11/18.


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Comments

  1. I’m like that in February…well, a similar mood anyway. And yes, it’s the month before my birthday. There is an astrological reason behind it – a finishing off of the cycle – that I won’t bore you with lol.

    • It IS interesting. It took me a while to realise…many year I guess. The value of writing about it as a blog post is to know I am not alone and that helps too.

      Thanks for your insights too, Jo.

      Denyse x

      PS maybe I need some astrological understanding!

  2. Hi Denyse, what beautiful memories, even the not so good ones about surgery because even though that was such a difficult time you have blossomed and grown so much because of it. I usually remember times such as my Mum or Dad’s anniversary of when they died. Sad thoughts but also very happy memories which I reflect upon. I love the photos of you at 1, your Mum & Dad’s wedding and your Auntie Poppy, these are to be treasured. Happy birthday and enjoy!

    • Thanks Sue, it has done me good to reflect and realise, of course, I have much more to be grateful for but reminders like there are good for growth and understanding!

      Your kindness is always appreciated.

      Denyse x

  3. Those are all wonderful memories Denyse. Yes I’m a bit the same around my birthday. Grateful to still be here but sad that I’m getting older and those that I love are too. My birthday is in May and it’s a crazy month because there are a lot of family birthdays in May as well as Mother’s Day. Love all your photos in this post – such treasured memories! I hope you have a fabulous birthday at the end of the month! 🙂 xo

    • Gosh May is “crazy” for you for sure. I can get a bit down at times about the ageing thing but then can remember my gratitude about how well I have come through much.

      Thanks for the care and good wishes,

      Denyse x

  4. Glad you’ve managed to turn that on it’s head! November has a lot of fun things for you too! And birthdays are what you make them…:)

  5. Hi Denyse, I appreciated reading the honesty in your post and seeing your photos along the way. All the best for the rest of the month and especially for your birthday, lots of different emotions there for sure! As my birthday is closer to Christmas, it always gets caught up in all the celebratory hype but I actually enjoy making the most of it. I’ve shared an older post today, with memories of being a young mother once upon a time! Have a lovely week ahead and thanks again.

    • Thanks Deb, Oh gosh, seeing your daughter mothering is some shift isn’t it? I look forward to reading more.

      Birthdays are markers of life and I am glad you make the most of it. I shall do my best!

      Denyse x

  6. Thanks for the ‘hard’ honesty this week, Denyse. You are always frank and honest but I appreciate that this must have been a difficult to share because of the emotions some of your memories bring up. But the reflection will show you a path forward.

    I, on the other hand, love to bury and forget. I mark the time that passes beyond rough times with celebrating what I have right now. Problem is I wonder if I actually have learned what I was meant to from those bad times.

    Much love

    SSG xxx

    • Thank you so much. This post was like that to write…tough, but in a good way it helped reveal to me the WHY I have generally been like this most Novembers.

      I hate to say this but at some stage facing, then marching through those tough times has helped me grow the most ever. I am using the blog space to help me get this and it really does remind me of both how far I have come despite the odds.

      Lovely words from you today to help me get through too!

      Denyse x

  7. Big hugs to you Denyse. I’m sorry that November makes you feel like this. Is it bad that I’m starting to feel a little less enamoured by my birthday approaching as well?

    • Interesting isn’t it? You have had and will continue to have so much change. Give yourself a pat on the back for this…change (good) and not so good makes us grow…I am told!

      Denyse x

  8. Birthdays are hard aren’t they Denyse? They bring with them so many expectations and also the opportunity to take stock of the year that’s been – good and bad. I think your honest appraisal is something a lot of us can relate to. My birthday was on the 4th and I was extra careful to remove as many expectations from it as possible – just shared it with my husband and went and saw Bohemian Rhapsody at the movies. Much easier on the heart than previous years. Wishing you a really happy birthday month xxx

    • I understand that ‘expectation thing’ only too well….even though I wanted to downplay birthdays etc but there is an ‘edge’ to it of “how come they don’t remember me like I remember them.”

      It only bothers me slightly these days but it used to a lot so I am glad to have worked through it.

      Great to read you have too.

      Thanks for sharing your understanding.

      Denyse x

  9. Such an honest and beautifully written post. Birthdays can be tricky to navigate, reflecting on what has been and then having big expectations for the day.

  10. Thank you for sharing , your honesty and truths are important.
    November 12th (today) is my parents’ wedding anniversary should have been 53 yrs but cancer took that away 13 years ago.

    • That cancer is the gift that keeps giving..not…what a bugger that is. Thank you for always putting life after/with cancer in perspective for me too, Trish.

      I value our blogging friendship very much and the bonus of having met is awesome!

      Denyse. x

  11. I’ve never been good at celebrating things like birthdays. It always felt forced to me as a kid, as if someone was screaming BE GRATEFUL at me. And now I don’t really celebrate them…my birthday the other week we bought a couch and moved furniture haha. Great outcome of course but is that a celebratory thing to do? We were too pooped to so much as grab takeout after.

    • You do have such insight into your childhood from this end but I suspect, as a very intelligent person you “knew” these things about yourself and pressures from family/peers as a child too.

      Thanks Vanessa for your thoughts. I loved how you got to spend your birthday!

      Denyse x

  12. My memories are a little more random. Incredibly random in fact. LOL. What month is it again?

    • Oh dear. Memories …I reckon you have them but your mind is always a-buzz with the ‘next thing’ If you want a personal planner to let you know the day and the month I am offering LOL.

      Denyse x

  13. This is such a great way to try to make it a good month for you.
    It’s only been these last couple of years that celebrating has been more fun since I haven’t been working. We try to call it our birthday month and have something special almost every day…
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    • Well how sensible are you! Enjoying the month. I know some others who also do that.

      Good on you and that sunshine attitude. Wonderful Jodie

      Thank you!

      Denyse x

  14. I like that you’re not pushing it away or denying it. I think I feel like that around December usually – end of the year and all that. I’m waiting to be flooded by memories when I get to India later this week. I was thinking of writing to the prompt but might in fact write a late one! 😀

    • Oh yes, I have learned that anxiety and fear cannot be pushed away…and I so wish you well for the weeks ahead. So many expectations, some reality checks and probably along the way some great learning.

      Sending you love and all good wishes for the reunion!

      Denyse x

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