Sunday 18th August 2019

The Big C and Me. 15/2019.

Tuesday 12th February 2019 by 24 Comments

The Big C and Me. 15/2019.

It’s time to share more about me and the Big C.

Yes, it’s about C for…..

CONFIDENCE!

(ha! not the other big C for cancer)

I think I give an outward show of being confident. It is not really a fake it till I make it confidence either.

It is about self-confidence in selected settings.

  • I am confident about my school life and teaching days and enjoy sharing the stories from then.
  • I love this part of me that can share now. I know there were days in education that were not always great (yes, my emotional health took a beating in 2002) but I have grown so much as a person and learner since then.

 

  • I am getting more confident of how I am managing my self-care in regards to less anxiety that plagued me for the years of my transition into retirement.
  • What good news that is! It was horrible for me with IBS thrown into the mix and I have done so well taking on board exposure therapy and a small medication routine.

 

  • I am less than confident in my belief about how well I am going in terms of my mental outlook since my cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatments and surgeries.
  • What is the evidence each day? None, really. It just happens sometimes.

 

  • I remain under-confident about my changed appearance a.k.a. my body’s change from very overweight to ‘almost normal weight’ and then back to a slightly ‘overweight’ status.
  • Am I taking steps to understand this huge shift and learning as I go? Yes. Every day.

 

  • I am still not as confident as I think I need to be to take on a continuing role in educating others about Head and Neck cancer because I am sensing judgment of others. I do know that I call upon courage to help me through even I have doubts.
  • Do I have evidence? Not really.

WHY?

I am who I am.

I am the product of a childhood and teen years spent in a dominant paternal household. I was told what to do. I may not always have done it but the memory of “other people’s words” being my measure for self remain.

I am able to give myself a ‘good talking to’ at times and can turn this matter of lack of self-confidence around.

But it takes energy and time AND motivation. I do not always have these on hand together and so there are days when my lack of self-confidence AND worth impact me more.

I am learning more in terms of self-compassion and how each of us is connected via shared humanity.

AM I FOOLING ANYONE?

Possibly but what of it?

  • I am on Instagram each day keeping myself accountable for dressing with purpose and going out somewhere for coffee.
  • This does help me ramp up some of my confidence in just doing so. I am not reliant on the comments as much any more because I know the effort I put in makes the outcome worth it.
  • But then when I have kind followers write comments of “congratulations, kindness and cheering me on” I do appreciate this a lot but also that inner critic rises up and adds her voice “would they say that if they really knew me?”
  • Lies. I do not tell them as far as I am aware but it seems maybe I am believing them from this inner critic. Who? Moi?

WHAT NOW?

Onward.

I know that putting these words here has helped me see that it’s my faulty thinking that has been affecting my self-confidence.

OK! How to change that?

  • Already I have in some ways as I now recognise this inner critic voice and her role.

 

  • My actions, my words and my inner life help me remember MUCH more about the confidence I like to have and know I can bring more to the fore.

 

  • Each time I dress and go out for coffee, I am embedding self-confidence.

 

  • My daily journal keeping can continue to be a ‘write it all down’ place and then review for evidence of this confidence tracking upwards not the downwards the inner critic can believe.

 

  • My on-line interactions with people from my various communities in education, blogging and head and neck cancer are ways in which I grow my self-confidence and also give back to others where I can and it is asked for.

 

  • Seeing myself as others do and may. It helps to believe that I am both good and doing good. This is something I have struggled with all of my life and want it to change. I can do this. I will remind myself more.

 

  • Maintaining practices of:

 

  • being in nature,
  • time-outs with my art journal,
  • chats with my husband, meditation each night,
  • helping my physical body to relax,
  • exercising within my limitations,
  • planning to eat well and doing the same without any deprivation,
  • cancer checks and better understanding of the fact that cancer actually never leaves but might take a back seat in my life,
  • taking time to make contact with family and friends,
  • exploring the local area’s beauty,
  • browsing at the shops,
  • reading,
  • keeping to a timetable of sorts each day for balance in my life.

Already I feel better!

Thanks for reading.

Do you have an issue with the Big C?

 

Denyse.

Joining with my blogging friends here:

Min on Tuesdays here for #ZenTipsTuesday

Sue & Leanne on Wednesdays  here for #MidlifeShareTheLove

Leanne & Crew on Thursdays  here for #LovinLife

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Denyse Whelan Blogs, Head & Neck Cancer Awareness, Health & Mindfulness, Stories From Life's Experiences., What I Wore: Self-Care & Confidence Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

November Notes #3. 2018.119.

Thursday 15th November 2018 by 14 Comments

November Notes #3. 2018.119.

I have reflected and decided that…..my daily “outfit” photos will continue.

Initially I was going to stop at the 12 month mark, i.e. end of October 2018.

And then I thought, go to the end of the year.

A blogging friend said “stop doing it if it has served its purpose.”

This was good advice and then I considered what my purpose was and is.

  • initially it was to get a more confident me to have a photo taken and put it on social media. (Y)
  • then it became enjoying finding new items of clothing that fit and were ‘on special. (Y)
  • as it continued into the beginning of 2018, I set a challenge of “no repeating an outfit. (Y)
  • the above petered out as I began dressing for the situation each day and so needed to be mindful of the weather and where I was going. This has continued (Y)
  • to be noticed as someone who is/was prepared to be photographed during face altering cancer surgeries. (Y)
  • sharing my images on line with many hashtags became tedious and I have a private account so #hashtags are not even seen and I stopped (Y)

What now?

I keep on. I do agree with my fellow Head and Neck cancer patient friends on-line and in real life that each of us needs a purpose each day and one of mine that is 99% non-negotiable is to:

  • dress with purpose
  • have a photograph taken
  • go out for a coffee alone, with my husband or meet up with a friend.

The following collages are from around March 2018 until October 2018.

Scroll through to some fun and other images…including one or two of the Instagram Photographer Husband.

Here’s a few more reasons why this will continue…for some laughs and to remind ME how far I have come despite a cancer which took away half of the inside of my mouth.

Thank you most of all the my partner in life for care, encouragement, saying “smile” to me, and loving me!
The feeling is mutual. This photo was before one of our Morning Tea ‘dates’ recently.

What do you do with purpose each day?

Have you been sharing what you wear on social media?

Tell us more!

Denyse.

Joining with Leanne (who is doing outfit shots and looks amazing!) here for Lovin’ Life linky on Thursdays.

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Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.115.

Tuesday 6th November 2018 by 22 Comments

Look Good Feel Better Workshop. 2018.105.

Look Good Feel Better workshops are open to anyone undergoing treatment for any sort of cancer.

https://lgfb.org.au/workshop/

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a Look Good Feel Better Workshop in my local area.

It was held in a private room within a community church. It is free and available, on application, to any person with cancer. It started at 10 and ran till 12.30. There was no break nor any refreshments other than water.

There were three women from “Look Good Feel Better” waiting for me and the other people who arrived. Each of us chatted briefly and then we sat around a well-organised table with individual places, products, a bag and mirror. There was help from the ladies as we were given tips on how to make up our faces and things were done in a clean and hygenic manner.

The co-ordinator, Cindy, pictured here with me, ran the event aided by a volunteer and her volunteer co-ordinator Kate.

Cindy, the Co-ordinator with Me…after-shot!

Interested in Being a Volunteer? 

The Look Good Feel Better program relies heavily on our team of 1,300 dedicated and passionate individuals who volunteer their time, knowledge and expertise to help deliver our workshops across Australia.

We ask that our volunteers are over 18 years of age and can commit to a minimum of FOUR workshops per calendar year (where available in your region) to ensure we have sufficient volunteer support for our workshops to run.

The first section (around an hour) was very helpful and I did pick up some tips for my poor ravaged skin on this face that has undergone four surgeries! We learned about the sun protection levels and the fact that those undergoing treatments may be even more damaged by the sun so to take good care. We found out about facial tricks – to hide or minimize ‘flaws’ and I learned more about using the concealing ‘green’ stick on red places.

I seemed to be the only one there who was not affected by hair loss or potential hair loss but not everyone shared what their cancer was so I am surmising.

The second section was not relevant to me and I did think about leaving before it started but to support the lady next to me, I stayed. This section was about losing hair, head coverings, tricks and tips and wigs. I am glad I was there for this lady and I do hope now she has started her chemo she is a little more prepared.

 

Look Good Feel Better is a national free, non-medical, brand-neutral program dedicated to helping you face your cancer with confidence. 

While most changes in your appearance are temporary, we believe that taking control of your appearance is one of the simplest and most effective ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence while going through treatment.

Can’t get to a workshop?

Home-delivered Confidence-Kits are a supplementary service developed to assist cancer patients who are unable to attend a Look Good Feel Better workshop for health, travel or personal reasons.

I came away feeling a bit flat which may have been because “my cancer” is not well-known. The second session in particular geared to those, who through cancer treatments have had hair loss  including eye lashes and eyebrows. I fully understand that more women need this kind of help and support through treatment as do others who have chemo.

There was little to no interest in knowing more or even hearing about my head and neck cancer, but those of us head and neck patients find this is a general response. Now you know why I try to educate and help others as I was ignorant too about head and neck cancers till my diagnosis!!

I would however like to thank those who shared their morning with me, particularly the fellow cancer patients. Some were incredibly kind and generous with their tips to others, like the lady next to me who was scared pre-chemo, and one lady had us all ‘fooled’ when her beautiful head of hair proved to be a wig.

Thanks to those who volunteer with the organisation, Look Good Feel Better, and those who work hard to see it happens. From the time I got my initial email, to the time of attendance the communication was excellent. In fact, I was able to change the day of mine to “when I would have my teeth” and they were happy to do that.

We all got the new products that were on our placemat at our table and each is now in my bathroom and I am using the eye brown pencil, the blusher, the big brush, the mineral foundation and the tinted moisturiser.

Have you attended a workshop?

Do you know someone who might benefit?

Put them in touch via the website and they will be looked after.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie for I Blog On Tuesdays here and with Sue & Leanne here for Midlife Share The Love on Wednesdays.

 

 

 

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November Notes.#1. 2018.113.

Thursday 1st November 2018 by 12 Comments

November Notes.#1. 2018.113.

November notes are related to health and mindfulness and in November in Australia we see the jacarandas in bloom. This reminds us of….for some exams are just around the corner, it’s almost the end of the academic year and it’s closer to Christmas than we think.

A year ago, on 30 October to be exact, I began a practice that was going to be for 32 days in length. It was to ‘dare to post’ a photo of myself every day from then until I turned 68 on 30 November 2017.

As regular readers know 2017 brought a significant and blindsiding diagnosis of cancer: head and neck cancer located in my upper gums and under the top lip. If that doesn’t give anyone a shake-up then I don’t know what might.

I have always enjoyed sharing my life via photos on social media, instagram for preference, and as someone who had also, in that ‘life-altering year’, lost even more weight, new clothes and an appreciation of a more physically comfortable body gave me an idea. It was not my original idea as others before me were already snapping themselves with hashtags:

#everydaystyle

#dresswithpurpose

#outfitoftheday

#over60sstyle

and more….and I thought, maybe I could challenge myself to do this. I decided a little matter of not being able to open my mouth to smile would not stop me, so off I went. I wrote about it here in 2017.

Until I was 68. Then it changed. Again. I liked doing this so much I continued. Here are some of the shots back then.

In 2017 I used collages. It was a good chance for me to show the world how my ‘mouth’ was going – post July and then November 2017 ops

 

And, my husband made me smile (most times) for the pics. Finding some backgrounds was interesting.

My ‘telling it as it is” shot. I was in pain in my face from surgery, but we went to the beach to distract me…I also went bare-legged (right leg) to show my surgical scars.

Once I established this great routine, I added another, once I could be sure I could do it. Out for a coffee. Every day.

 

And as the weather warmed, it was clear I needed to shop for new items.

 

Once I was less fatigued, I found shopping for some new clothes (only ever ones on special) was a big distraction from cancer and the surgeries’ effects.

Another significant day: We attended our granddaughter’s 21st in Sydney where I saw family who had not seen me since surgeries and I got another dress for the occasion.

Deciding to go on after my birthday! Christmas Day shot with 3 of our grandkids.

And then into 2018.

 

I like a challenge, so a self-determined one, was that every day the clothes would be different. I kept as accurate a record as I could and it was also, ahem, great getting my shopping gene back. My mum liked to shop for clothes and shoes. As I can not find pretty shoes because of awful feet, I went for the clothes. The ladies in the local Rockmans, Millers and Suzanne Grae got to know me well and bargains were had.

It was a great thing for my mental health as there were days when, like all of us, I just would think, “I cannot be bothered”. They were the days, I recognised were the ones when I need to be bothered the most. So, as someone who keeps to her word, I went on.

I believe that this helped my recovery and in a future post or two in November Notes, I will share more.

  • Do you take part in any daily Instagram challenges?
  • Would you post photos of yourself on social media?
  • If the answer is yes, yay for you! If no, what is stopping you?
  • Can you consider that this is something that may be good for your health too?

Enough from me!

Denyse.

Joining with Leanne here for Lovin Life link up on Thursdays.

 

 

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What I Wore This Week. 4. 2018.86.

Saturday 1st September 2018 by 10 Comments

What I Wore This Week. 4. 2018.86.

I began this Saturday post 3 weeks ago, and will consider next week how I feel about continuing it.

Initially it was at the request of a facebook friend and I was flattered to know that she was interested in, and wanted to see more of what I wore.

I admit, I am coming into the 11th month of #dressingwithpurpose and wondered if people might be sick of seeing my image every.single.day.

Then I put another spin on this and decided, I am doing this for my mood, to get up and have somewhere to go and to record the photo. 

So it is a YES to continue and a MAYBE to posting here each week.

I would like to know what this post means to you as a reader/blogger too.

Denyse.

Family visiting for lunch. But first coffee in Wyong.

 

Off to Lake Haven for Coffee.

 

Check up at Westmead

 

To Lake Haven for…coffee with my hub. Dressed in RED because needing the boost

 

To Podiatrist at Budgewoi, then coffee (& carrot cake!)

 

Grocery shopping..then coffee at Charmhaven

 

Needing a boost in mood. Off to Erina to get art supplies and have a coffee out. Worked!

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What I Wore This Week. 3. 2018.81.

Saturday 25th August 2018 by 21 Comments

What I Wore This Week. 3. 2018.81.

Honestly and truly, who has been distracted today and totally forgotten to post:

What I Wore This Week?

Me, that’s who.

For a pretty good reason.

It was, in its own way, a LONG time coming and a busy week at that so the first thing to say is what I wore this week, the MOST was this:

My SMILE. Back after almost 14 months.

It sure was a long time coming, and I have documented that more here and here.

So, what else I wore is here:

Sunday

Monday

 

Tuesday: TEETH day: Before and After!

Edited: I have just heard from Styling You’s Facebook page that this pic about – before and after – has won me a copy of the Nikki’s book as winner of Outfit of the Week. Lovely!

Wednesday

 

Thursday

 

 

Friday

 

Saturday

What did you wear this week?

Denyse.

Linked up with two Aussie favourites: All Mum Said and One Mother Hen this Monday 27 August 2018.

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What I Wore This Week. 2. 2018.77.

Saturday 18th August 2018 by

What I Wore This Week. 2. 2018.77.

Thank you to the readers and commenters from last week’s first post in this series:

What I Wore This Week.

Here is the link if you want to find out more about the why and the what for me!

I linked up with some new (to me) linky parties and the hosts were very friendly and kindly came to comment here.

Thank you!

This week has been, in its own way, busy but good. Generally good. My husband is recovering from an illness and he is taking it easy so we missed out ‘morning tea ritual’ on Friday. We will catch up I am sure.

What did you wear this week?

I hope a smile was there too.

I am excited that in this coming week, I am highly likely to be wearing a smile that includes upper teeth!

Next week’s post will tell!

Have a great weekend ahead.

Denyse.

 

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What I Wore This Week.1. 2018.73.

Saturday 11th August 2018 by

What I Wore This Week.1. 2018.73.

This introduction is to a blog post I will do most weeks.

I will not always do this long introduction but as a teacher…that is what I do….!

Some time ago I wrote here about the importance for me to:

  • have a purpose in each day
  • get dressed with a view to going out somewhere that day
  • having a photo taken – by my husband – adding it to my Instagram feed, personal facebook and twitter accounts
  • take pride in my personal appearance following a diagnosis of cancer back in May 2017
  • enjoy wearing clothes I may never have fitted in previous years because over the past few years, I have lost weight
  • finally believe in myself as someone who can look good and feel good rather than the person of the past who hid behind her weight
  • take better care of my inner self as the outer self is showing by doing some Calm meditation, taking myself into nature somewhere each day, and by creating something in the form that I enjoy.
  • believe that I not only can wear lovely clothes but that I need to as I have not ever previously given myself permission to do so on most occasions
  • some of the #hashtags I use on my photos are: #ootd (outfit of the day) #dresswithpurpose #everydaystyle
  • I buy all of my clothes from local Australian stores including Millers, Rockmans, Suzanne Grae, Noni B.
  • I do not have any items of clothing that are sent to me or are sponsored.
  • I tend to buy all of the clothes at sale prices.
  • I organise my wardrobe in colours….mostly reds/pinks/oranges….and blues/greens

If you are new here, the links I have provided above will give you more explanation of my points!

The photos are curated by me for Instagram. I have a private account as I was hacked last year. If you would like to follow me, just ask: @denysewhelan

This week, I wore:

I hope this post has been helpful and of interest.

Do let me know in the comments!

What are you wearing?

Denyse.

P.S….. a very important “what I wore”. Since cancer surgery in May 2017 I have been without any upper teeth. On Monday at my prosthodontist visit, I got to wear something I had not for over one year: MY SMILE!

 

 

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