Friday 20th April 2018

What Is Friendship? #LifeThisWeek 16/52. 2018.33.

What Is Friendship? #LifeThisWeek 16/52. 2018.33.

When I selected this topic I already knew it may be a challenge to write about.

The challenge though was from my inner meaning of friendship.

I admit that having and keeping friends in the world of teaching has been hard. Why?

It’s because we move around from role to role and school to school. I know as I left work in schools to retire fully, I had hoped to keep connecting with some of the people but over time, the friendship drifted into nothingness. It was also one-sided I found.

Instead of berating myself about this, I looked at my life and why. It WAS about the moving on and about. It WAS also about interests changing too. We had a lot of couple friends as young teachers and enjoyed the company and camraderie, even keeping in touch once we were all back in Sydney. However, family changes and priorities, along with our health and moving away Sydney saw a decline in friendships.

But that was OK. That is life.

Luckily for me, I am social in my outlook and can arrange to meet with people who are on Facebook and that is fun. The friends on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have made many a lonely time better and I have met so many of these people via blogging I am very grateful.

And, despite the somewhat dated graphic above, when I put out the call on Facebook asking ‘what is friendship?’ I received some lovely and most helpful quotes! Thank you so much, Friends-in-the-Computer!

 

Friendship is surrounding yourself with people who celebrate you, not people who tolerate you. (E.)

Friendship is seeing each other after 18 months and everything is exactly as it was the last time you hung out. (L)

Friendship is comfort and ease, no judgement, just open hearts. (J

 Friendship is never having to be anyone other than yourself. (E)

(And never expecting your friend to be anyone other than themselves!) (E)

Friendship is always having each other’s backs, being each other’s greatest champion and greatest support. (A)

Friendship is everything that’s already been said and also being there through the good and bad, not just a “fair weather friend” if that makes sense. (V.)

Friendship is having the same sense of humour, good discussions (the flippant, the intense, the nonsensical and the hard), reciprocal gestures of support/acceptance of help (if these are imbalanced, the friendship is too), and being the rock of support in there with you without being the rescuer (and again, vice versa!) – give as generously as you receive! (K.)

Friendship is your friend arriving for dinner, and needing a little weep, and that just being part of a great evening together. Ease, love, acceptance, and solidarity. (A)

Friendship is a safe haven for kindred spirits. (V)

I liked these two quotes as well.

What I did love, and miss quite a bit, about friendships back in my working life and semi-retired life was getting together for a lunch, or a coffee date and having a good old catch up. This was fun.

However, I regard myself as fortunate to have married a man I love and who IS my best friend. He and I have seen each other through 47 years of love, triumphs, tragedies, child-rearing, illnesses, house buying and selling, and arguing! Yes, we are opposites in many ways but we are always there for each other!

Having a photo taken is NOT his favourite thing..so this pic is very much about being my best friend AND he has learned so much about photography being my ‘insta husband’ each morning! Thank you, B.

So what are your views on friendships?

Love to hear from you!

Denyse.

Joining with Alicia here – if she is having her link up this week.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s Optional Prompt: 17/52. School Holidays Memories. 23/4/18


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Memories of Sydney I Knew. 2018.32.

UPDATE: Recently I was contacted by a writer for Chris O’Brien Lifehouse to share my story about my cancer as my professional team had let the organisation know I was blogging my way through this! It was published last week and it helped me to remember that I CAN do this…as the next surgery, on May 16 was something I was dreading. Now I realised, I have to do what I have to do to get well and use this mouth of mine as intended! Here is the link and whilst I was wanting to be more light-hearted this week, it is timely that it has been published. Denyse x

Memories of Sydney I Knew. 2018.32.

Aged 10, I  moved to Sydney’s Balgowlah Heights with my parents and brother when Dad received a work promotion.

Memories of coming to Sydney then, involved “NOT” finding a place to live on the southern side of the city as Mum and Dad had hoped because it would be closer to friends and family in their home towns of Wollongong and Dapto. It was getting pretty close to when we literally had to move from Gwynneville in Wollongong as people had bought our house and Dad was already commuting to Sydney.

Then one day, Dad was told of the somewhat newly developed area called Balgowlah Heights. Near Manly. Over the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Over we went in our Holden and I will never forget seeing the spans and patterns of the Bridge for the first time AND how we could pay the toll (which was per head in the car) to the man with our shillings or sixpences.

 

 

By December 1959 we had moved to what would be Mum and Dad’s house until Mum’s death in 2007, and Dad’s alone until he sold in 2011.

Dad & Mum – Around the late 1990s.

Driving up the old street recently. Cannot see ‘our house’ for the trees! I barely recognise the ‘old neighbourhood’ as most dwellings have been renovated.

But not ‘our old house’. Bought by architects in 2011 and with a young family then we know there are renovations coming but not sure when or what! The house (but not the garden) looks the same as when Mum and Dad lived there.

I lived there through my last 2 primary school years where I attended Balgowlah Heights P.S. and then to Manly Girls High School for my SIX years of schooling under the new Wyndham Scheme. Then in 1968 and 1969 I lived at home and commuted by Dad’s car, borrowing Mum’s or going by bus to the city and onto Balmain Teachers’ College.

I lived in Sydney’s northern beaches area from 10 to 20. Golden years for this teen and young woman!

The view from Arabanoo Lookout Balgowlah Heights down to Manly and beyond is Manly Beach.

Dobroyd Point where many of us played as kids, learned to drive around its one-way road, played sport on the newly made Tania Oval…and just look at this view of the harbour and North Head & South Head.

Manly Beach. Iconic. My Dad used to walk here while he still could drive his car. We tended to swim further up at Queenscliff as a family and for me as a teen, it was to the ‘middle’ one between Manly and Queensie, North Steyne where I surfed and met friends…

From the walkway leading to Shelley Beach and Fairy Bower, this is the view looking back to Manly. Magical day!

Do you know Sydney?

What memories do you have of Sydney?

What places in Sydney do you enjoy visiting?

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie Purtell here for I Blog On Tuesdays.

On Wednesday I link here with Sue and Leanne for Midlife Share the Love Party.

Thursdays it’s time for the Lovin’ Life Linky with Leanne here.

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Changes To ‘MY’* Cancer Recovery Plan. 2018.30.

Changes To ‘MY’* Cancer Recovery Plan. 2018.30.

Are you a planner?

Are you someone who is pretty well organised ahead of time for: birthday cards to be sent, lists for shopping to be made, appointments made and kept…and attended…should I go on?

Well, I am.

It is part of my DNA I reckon!

Yet, as I wrote here only last week, there I was saying I was becoming used to uncertainty.

That was Tuesday.

On Wednesday  28 March 2018 I got an inkling things with my cancer recovery were not going according to MY* plan. That is, what I reasonably anticipated given the information I had prior to each surgery and after it. OK, I admit it: once I hear a time frame I tend to believe it and stick to it.

Do Read on.

What Plan Did I Have?

Not for the year I mention..but you get what I mean!

A linear, calendar one of course! That’s how I have been used to life moseying along. I know, I am supposed to have embraced uncertainty but I admit, like 99% of us humans, I am digging the certain …the plan….the ‘being sure’.

  • 17 May 2017: Cancer Diagnosis Received by a telephone call from the Oral Surgeon who took the biopsy the previous week.
  • 18 May 2017: Meet With Head & Neck Surgeons at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse* Camperdown in Sydney for Overall Diagnosis and Plan For Radical Surgery.
  • 24 May 2017: Meet with Prosthodontist at Westmead Oral Services who will oversee and make all to do with my ‘newly reconstructed mouth’ during and post surgery.
  • 30 May 2017: Second Visit to Prosthodontist and CT scans readying my Professional team to make decisions about parts of my leg to be used for reconstructive surgery in my mouth.
  • 6 July 2017: Big Surgery: #1. 11 hours.
  • 6 July-15 July 2017: Recovery in Chris O’Brien Lifehouse.
  • 15 July – 27 July 2017: Recovery at Home, Treatment of Leg Wounds by Community Nurse, Visit to Surgical Team, A/Prof Ebrahimi and Justine Oates – Head & Neck Cancer Nurse Specialist.
  • 28 July 2017 – 21 September 2017: Recovery at home, visits by Community Nurse decreasing and in mid August I began driving again as ‘boot’ on leg was off. Independence increased.
  • 21 September 2017 – 9 October 2017: Continued wellness returning, eating always a challenge but doing what I can to prepare meals for me, seeing our GP for support (from July actually!) for any concerns I had inside my mouth. If he had any concerns, I could contact Prof Clark.
  • 10 October 2017: Visit to Chris O’Brien Lifehouse to see Prof Clark. Told 2nd Surgery would likely be before Christmas.
  • 11 October 2017 – 5 November 2017: continued independence and back into life as best I could. Started my Outfit of the Day pics!
  • 6 November 2017: Visit to Westmead for planning for next surgery. I admit, I often do not exactly understand the ins and outs of my surgeries… even though it is well-explained. I sometimes have to ask my husband about it. I blame being spatially-challenged and that it is all happening inside my mouth! 
  • 8 November 2017: Phone call from Prof Clark’s Practice Manager, Julie who is awesomely patient with ME that my 2nd surgery is next week! OKayyyy. And it is a day surgery only.
  • 15 November 2017. Leave the Central Coast at 6.00 a.m. to get to COBLH* by 9.00 a.m. We made it. But I confess my anxiety was high and tears on the Harbour Bridge in peak hour traffic were evidence of that. Surgery around 2 hours at 11.30 and we were on our way home by 3.
  • 15 November 2017 – 20 November 2017: Recovery at home. More stitches and re-arrangements in my upper mouth was OK. Pretty painful as nerves seem to have been affected by it did recede. But, a skin graft was taken from my right thigh to add extra skin inside my flap to grow to help my upper lip reconstruction. Visited Prof Clark at St George Hospital. I was going OK but one side of the opened then stitched ‘flap’ was showing some silicon (should not have) so “keep an eye on it”. We did.
  • 29 November 2017: weird but wonderful event. I could have a LONG bath…previously I could not get my leg wet…and over time in that bath, undo the bandage and let the wound covering get wet. It did, and I did this over the next few nights. Until, it eventually came away leaving pink new skin.
  • 5 December 2017: To Prof Clark at COBLH. The flap area did keep retreating somewhat and the silicone was showing. Prof Clark cut a bit off. Then he asked my husband to take pics inside my mouth and send them to him from time to time.
  • 6 December 2017 – end of December 2017. I admit I was worried about the flap and what that might mean but Prof Clark eventually said, things are OK and you can stop sending the pics. Phew. It is VERY hard to get pics inside the upper mouth!
  • January 2018: Just the usual at home activities and going out for a coffee & buying clothes (shh).I knew a 3rd surgery was ahead but unsure when. However, it was to my surprise that I found it would be on 7 February 2018.
  • 6 February – 7 February 2018: No drive down on the day of surgery this time, meant after an overnight stay in the same street as COBLH I could walk with my husband up to Day Surgery admissions by 6.30 a.m. and was in theatre by 7.30 a.m. having said hello to Dr Deshpande (my Prosthodontist) and being blown a sweet kiss from Cate Froggatt who is the Chief Nurse working alongside Prof Clark.
  • 7 February 2018: Back in Day surgery by mid morning and got dressed to go home. Was sporting two foam pieces with stitches attached out of my nose, above my lip…that WAS a surprise. Mouth was its usual uncomfy place but with added hardware. More abutments had been added to my ‘new jaw’ and a stent (mouth guard) covered it all. OK. Hard to get used to. It was uncomfy and eating even more of a challenge.
  • 14 February 2018: a hot and long drive to see Prof Clark, and the helpful Priscilla looking after my IPTAAS forms, and then chatting with Cate about my blog. She had read it and was recommending Nadia at Beyond Five check it out. My foam pieces and stitches came out. Yay. Sent home knowing then I would not see Prof Clark again till a cancer check on 22 May 2018 but would see a LOT of Dr Deshpande.
  • 23 February 2018: to Westmead where Dr Deshpande’s colleague (who had also attended my surgeries) Dr McLachlan removed the very stinky stent. Dr D had a broken hand so my mouth was observed by him and anything that needed to be done was by Dr McL. They were so pleased with the health of the gums, they said I could have the stent off. Cue smiling and hallelujah!
  • 26 February 2018. Disappointment but Prof Clark deemed that the stent go back on. For the reasons of keeping the gums in check. I needed to remember this is about getting my mouth right!
  • 1 March 2018. To Westmead and both Dr D and Dr McL observed and cleaned the area and put the stent back with gel only. NO gauze.
  • 1 March – 6 March 2018. In pain. A lot. Where the stent met my inner cheeks. I rang Dr D and he told me to return the next day.
  • 7 March 2018. Dr D reduced the edge of the stent and it was back on and I was in much less pain. Phew.
  • 15 March 2018. To Westmead where stent was removed for impressions to be made for the ‘false teeth’ to be made in wax to get an idea of how my smile and position of upper teeth will appear. At this visit, Dr D reiterated his concern that my mouth is too tight to take the implants.
  • 28 March 2018. To Westmead where the fruits of Dr D’s labours in the time since last visit had me happy (after some initial reservation) to see my smile again.

So what has happened since last week is that on Thursday before Easter, I was told by Dr D (after my phone call from Prof Clark’s Priscilla booking me in to see him early May) that in consultation with Prof C, the fact that my mouth was too tight would mean a 4th Surgery on 16 May.

I was sad. I was a bit over it all but I also knew deep down this was probably going to happen.

What now?

12 April 2018. To Westmead to have my upper false teeth fitted to the abutments for me to get used to the teeth in my mouth for the next month. I am unsure that they will help me with eating but we shall see. I am certainly pleased that Dr D wants me to try these teeth as he believes there is a social benefit too.

1 May 2018.  To COBLH to see Prof Clark, wearing my ‘new but temporary teeth” and for him to check out the area ready for vestibulplasty #3 and surgery #4.

16 May 2018. Planned Day surgery. We will come down and stay the night before. From what I am told by Dr D the plan will be for me to recover for 10 days at home (with the potentially stinky gauze under the new stent. Sigh.

22 May 2018. Post- op Check up at COBLH with Prof Clark. Hopefully all is well and any stitches that need removing are. Unsure if I will be wearing the foam blocks again.

Late May 2018: Westmead for stent to be removed, gauze taken out, area cleaned and impressions made for …the implants. Eventually I will have the implants but it will depend on the healing.

May into June 2018: Keeping the stent in all the time with visits at intervals to Westmead.

June into July 2018. As above, with a view to impressions and so on for implants.

What have I learned about planning and cancer?

  • That each person’s body heals at its own pace and it may not always be what the optimum is.
  • When I learned about the surgery I would be having, in May 2017, it was set out that from surgery (it ended up being in early July) to implanted teeth, is usually around 8-9 months.
  • What is my forecast now that a 4th surgery is planned?
  • It is close to 12 months from the first surgery.
  • In fact, this 4th surgery will be one day short of the anniversary of the day I was diagnosed.
  • I accept that I have the best people caring for me who have my best interests at heart.
  • I accept too, that despite my planning and the fact “I do all I can to heal well” sometimes bodies do what they do.

Last Wednesday was a highlight of HOPE. I think every cancer patient wants HOPE.

Mine came unexpectedly when I saw myself SMILE again. It was better than I ever imagined.

In light of my selfies and all the record-keeping I have been doing in processing who is this Denyse now…I made a small video of my face…and smiles and more from my 65th Birthday to last Wednesday. It is good for me to see the progress. I hope you can check it out too.

I know this was a long post and if you read all the way, thank you!

It was helpful for me to write it and to make the little vid.

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie Purtell for I Blog on Tuesdays here.

Joining with the linky called Midlife Share the Love with Sue and Leanne here on Wednesday.

And lastly but never least is Leanne’s Lovin’ Life link up on Thursdays here.

 

 

 

 

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Learning To Deal With Uncertainty Via Cancer. 2018.28.

Learning to Deal With Uncertainty Via Cancer . 2018.28.

In the past four years I have been on such a long and hard learning experience.

Perhaps I am short-changing that time frame.

Possibly it has been since 2003 when I had to resign, for medical reasons, from my substantive role as a K-6 Principal.

However, in May 2004  I was deemed well enough to return to teaching duties only and that was fine by me because I actually missed schools!

In my working life in N.S.W. public schools from 1970 until 2010 I liked the certainty:

  • of the school day,
  • the rhythm of schools
  • and the fact that my work life was timetabled
  • and I could work knowing I had familiarity and knowledge.

I now modify the above by adding: no school day was ever the same and of course there were many uncertain times and experiences but they were all familiar and I understood them well.

In the years following my retirement from teaching in 2010 up to 2014 I decided that helping families learn more about transitioning to school would be good and set up a solo education consultancy. There was some certainty in this once I found a group of early childhood centres who were not only interested in my work, but would pay me a fee too. Win!

In 2013 I was fortunate to meet then Prime Minister Julia Gillard who thanked me for my work in education.

What changed for me and how did I HAVE to learn to deal with uncertainty?

Three major triggers during 2014 and into 2015.

  1. Deciding to sell our Sydney home of over 18 years, pay off the mortgage and other debts and move to rent a place on the Central Coast.
  2. Resign or down-grading my employment status in education: teaching at Uni, having my business and remaining as an observer for (then) NSW Teachers’ Institute.
  3. Leaving the families of our adult children and their children with whom we have loved and connected from 1996 to the present including daily child-care before they started school.

I have written about them before, but the memories of those times appear in my ‘on this day’ in Facebook and in ‘time hop’ so I see and recall them usually with a sickening thud to my gut. But then because it is NOW in 2018 and I am learning much more about how to manage uncertainty I am able to counter it!

Sign Above Where I Blog. B.Be Brave O.Optimistic L.Learning & Loving. D. Determined Denyse.

Where were we?

The rational and thinking brain does not  know why because it was logical back in 2014 and KNEW the decisions we were making to commence what felt like a proper retirement for us both were right. We needed to have no more debt. We wanted to live away from Sydney. We had been told my our family that childcare was no longer required.

The thing is, I found out in many hard ways that I had created a situation (or actually more than one) where my inner soul and feelings were in conflict with my brain choices. I spent all of 2015 trying to make sense of it and until a psychologist told me: Denyse, feelings take a lot longer to catch up with decisions and change, I felt I was doing it all wrong!

And in some ways I was.

I was ignorant of so much. I finally accepted the sadness and grief that enveloped me for that year. I actually thought things would improve for me when we moved house at the end of 2015 but it was short-lived. My brain was now on super alert setting and affected my decisions and my life. I tried medications (no, none helped) and meditation (a little bit helped) and walking and art too.

But it was not until I started learning more about the Buddhist way of living in the now, as it is all the certainty we know from teachers Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, Tara Brach, and Anne Lamott  more that I clicked:

OH. I cannot control anything really.

At all. I can control my responses.

A big gap was closing in my learning. My husband had been doing his level best to enlighten me but I was not ready. Or, I was obstinate and wanted proof!

So for all of 2016 I continued to ‘try’ to accept things but then I would revert to the default in my brain and work on all the ways “I” could control life. This did not make a happy Denyse even though I felt I needed to look like I had things under control. Ha! My Irritable Bowel Syndrome told me in its very special way “no you do not!”.

Into 2017 we (my brain and my feelings) went… and matters worsened. And I hated how reclusive I became. I rejected ideas of trying exposure therapy because ….no control!  It was a to and fro between head and heart (with the gut in the chorus) until matters changed dramatically.

Late March – early April 2017.

I HAD to follow through with using graded exposure therapy to get my awfully sore gums and teeth sorted. I did.

It felt a bit better and when my new local GP met me and suggested a small dose of an evening anti-depressant from the ‘old school’ which would help ‘firm up’ my IBS issues, I trusted him and gave things a go.

THEN. May 2017.

I had a biopsy, I thought something serious was wrong in my mouth post teeth/bridge extraction and I was right. Squamous Cell Carcinoma in my upper gums and away I went on the cancer journey.

WHAT DOES HAVING CANCER HAVE TO DO WITH UNCERTAINTY?

Everything for me. I had to change so much in terms of my ill-founded beliefs that I could control my life.

Nope. That was a BIG lesson.

What I did learn, and have  learned every.single.day. since May 2017 is that I need to trust those who care for me and provide their services as they know more about this cancer of mine than I ever will.

This does not mean I surrender because no-one does that without thinking. What I learned about myself is that I can get through some very tough times (I did and have) because I can let time pass, let my body heal in its way and take the advice of those who are experts in the field where I am not.

Of course I ask questions! In fact, I sent off about 20 before my huge initial surgery in July 2017 but I had a much greater sense of security in having met the Professor and Associate Professor, the Prosthodontist and the Practice Manager. No-one seemed to mind my questions and it was clear to me, that by asking I was helping myself be better prepared for not only cancer surgery but for the relative uncertainty in the life ahead.

On Thursday last…waiting for the next part of the treatment. Selfies rule, right?

And now, into almost the fourth month of 2018 I am now driving myself to the prosthodontist appointments in Westmead and managing my physical and emotional health whilst doing so…and in between visits and surgeries I am doing the best I can to stay well and do as is required for my continued health.

I am letting uncertainty into my life as a gift for what it teaches me:

patience

courage

confidence

trust

I have said, more than a few times, that this cancer diagnosis (and subsequent surgeries and treatments) has helped me get back a Denyse I really like being and a person who is more out-going (as I used to be many years ago) and one who is more loving and giving to others.

What lesson(s) in life have you learned about yourself?

Do you have any issues with surrendering control?

Tell me more in the comments if you are prepared to share!

Denyse.

Joining with three generous and sharing bloggers who host link ups:

Kylie Purtell here for the I Blog On Tuesdays link up.

Sue L and Leanne L  here who host the Midlife Share the Love Linky Party on Wednesdays.

Leanne who is the sweetest hostess here on Thursdays for Lovin’ Life.

 

 

 

 

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The Story of My First Name. #LifeThisWeek. 13/52. 2018.27.

The Story of My First Name. #LifeThisWeek. 13/52. 2018.27.

Happy 1/4 of the Year of 2018 GONE…

I know, it just started right?

And before I forget: the weekend coming, when the EB may visit (if you believe), do not forget to turn BACK the clocks…and Queenslanders, NT peeps and WA wonders, we are BACK..at what I call NORMAL transmission.

Ok, sorry to those who LOVE Daylight Saving. I admit, this time round it was not too bad. Probably because we did not have 5 days of temps over 38 deg as in February 2017.

Paternal Grandmother, Dad, Me, and Paternal Great Grandmother: My Christening in Wollongong in early 1950.

The optional prompt today…best I get on with it!

My first name is Denyse.

I do not like it much at all.

was to be named Jennifer.

I like that name.

But no, first child to my parents back in 1949 and Mum won! The naming game.

I was to be Denise Jennifer.

What do you notice?

Yes, that is NOT how I spell my name.

Dad went one up…and he changed to spelling on my birth certificate application so I became:

Denyse Jennifer.

And, I have no inkling why, but I “was” the only person in our little family to have a second name. Dad and Mum did not (babies of 1924) neither has my brother born after me. Must note this to ask Dad.

I don’t mind that the spelling is unusual BUT it becomes tedious ensuring the spelling is correct and once I could spell and read around 6 years of age I have been spelling my name for teachers, and all the people who want to know your first name: medical people, forms people,marriage certificate people and more. Including these:

 

And just for the fun of how my name can sound as people in high school told me: DEN W(y)ISE…so when I first tweeted and for about 50,000 tweets from 2010 to around 2014 when I closed that account my handle was: denwise1. Den Wise One. I liked it. In fact, a number of people who got to know me back then still call me Den. It is sweet that they do but my name was only ever shortened by me (and some others) to D or Dee or DJ.

So, everyone, now I have let you in on the story of my name, what is the story of yours?

Names are very challenging to get right. I admit, that I was pernickty about how I wanted our daughter’s name spelled (shades of Dad!) so I completed the form for her name in hospital!

One more thing, as teachers it can be very hard to select a name for your child IF, heaven forbid, you have taught someone of that name….ahem..and they were NOT the best kids you have come across in a classroom. To avoid any hurt or incrimination, I will not say what those names were. BUT…no, I still won’t…sorry! And hate to say it, it was 90% the boys.

Denyse.

Linking up with Alicia here for Open Slather.

Life This Week 13/52.

 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week is the optional prompt’: 14/52.  “Foods I Dislike.” 2.4.18.


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Telling My Story. Chapter 1. 2018.26.

Telling My Story. Chapter 1. 2018.26.

 

Photo of Me on my 67th Birthday 30.11.2016.

The day before I was diagnosed with upper gum cancer I published ‘the first’ of a fore-shadowed series of posts about Telling My Story.

The response to the post of 16 May 2017 was well-received and I am glad I made a start. Here it is. I have included, from that post of almost a year ago, the introduction:

Recently I decided to begin Telling My Story.

Initially it was school-career based in a memoir genre. Then I wanted to tell what had happened in my life once I’d reached 60 and what I had learned. Where I am at now it a mix of all of this! I am going to start here: the beginning of my life, and interspersed with my career will be aspects of my life and how I have grown and changed…over and over!

I hope you will find something of interest. I know essentially I am doing this for me as it helps. However, as a blogger, I would like to think it has enough appeal for you to enjoy too.

I admit it was a pretty full-on time from 17th May 2017 and my mind was in quite a few places where blogging took a lesser priority but I knew I wanted to keep on doing this story of my life. I am finally ready to dive deep and remember where I was and what I want to say next!

Fast Forward: 2015 I returned to my old H.S. and presented at my last ever teacher professional meeting. I was retired in full after this!

High School Years. 1962-1967.

I was part of the cohort of N.S.W. students to enter high school in 1962 and become ‘the guinea pigs’ for the introduction of the Wyndham Scheme where it was decided that breaking the high school years up into 2 sections was the best plan. The first was Forms (years) 1 to 4 with an external School Certificate examination and then Forms 5 & 6 with an external Higher School Certificate.

The previous system which had been around for decades had students doing an Intermediate Certificate at the end of 3rd Year (and could leave school for work or a trade) and those who wanted to train, for example, as teachers or go to University went to do the Leaving Certificate at the end of 5th Year.

I was in a public primary school at Balgowlah Heights on the Northern Beaches in Sydney and the ‘feeder’ High School for my area was Manly Girls High School. It was located quite a way from home & not in Manly but a bus took us from a street near home to school and then the same in the afternoon. Manly Girls High was only pretty new too. So, when we arrived, there were students doing the five years and us, the newbies. There were at least 5 classes of 35+ students in this cohort of mine and I was placed in 1A. . This was, apparently, based on ability from primary school testing. In 2nd Form 2A meant I was studying the compulsory English, Maths, Science & History  along with my chosen subjects of French and German. We also had P.E., music lessons too. I admit I was not a swot but enjoyed the social aspect of school. I have written about that before here!

In the photo we are in Winter uniform (tunic, long sleeved shirts, tie, blazer). I am 3rd row, 2nd from left.

The school uniforms were traditional even though we were essentially a new school. The  main colour was brown, with green too. Who picks that, I ask? There were summer and winter uniforms and prefects checked length of uniforms (visually) as we walked into school and also…if our socks were turned down correctly. If we were seen in public (for example, my bus went through Manly and if I needed to go to the dentist or elsewhere, I would get off the bus there) and we had to ensure we had hat and gloves on. Even in Summer. I am not making this up.

 

First Day of High School. Gloves must be in my pocket! Summer Uniform was beige. Hats were made of straw…and flung around on the bus ( oh, not for a while!)

Our headmistress (no principal title for her!) was very English private school in her policies and we even sang British anthems at Assemblies: Jerusalem being one. (mind you I actually still like it!). To officially open the school we had the daughter of the Governor General of Australia do the honours. As in all things with government the official opening came way after the actual opening – I was in my 3rd year of H.S. but then – but we all got our photo taken to mark the occasion.

 

 

With our group being the first  to have two senior years we got the chance to have (and help design) a senior uniform. By now, the old headmistress had been replaced by a more reasonable head…but a deputy head who was dragon-like in her insistence on petty rules also arrived. Sigh. We also had the choices in subjects and could take 6 subjects in Form 5 and then drop one if we wished into the Higher School Certificate Year. I immediately dropped Science! No good at science ever. So my subjects ended up as compulsory: English and Maths, Modern History, French and German.

 

On Being The First Group To Complete Six Years at High School.

Last year it was the 50th anniversary of the first students to complete the 6 years of high school with the Higher School Certificate examination at its end. In the many years since we did it in 1967 there have been changes, such as making English the only mandatory subject and allowing many more ‘mini but specialised’ subjects into the list. The purpose as was foreshadowed by the Wyndham School of the additional year at school was to add maturity and experience in completing more complex subjects to enable most of those sitting the H.S.C. to go to University or, as in my case, Teachers’ College as they were known then.

The formal end of compulsory schooling was via the external examination called the School Certificate. It was rigorous and we sat for it in a similar way to the H.S.C. After this examination was passed (or not) students could decide to:

  • by passing, they could continue their education into the last 2 years of school at senior level
  • by passing, they could choose to leave and enter into the workforce or get a traineeship or apprenticeship and many did
  • by failing (awful word) repeat the year OR if they were 15 and over, could leave school without the qualification and enter the workforce.

There was nothing like the services of centrelink or similar. In fact, it was true that most people did get work or trained for a career. Some professions like nursing took entrants in with a School Certificate (or the H.S.C.) and they did hospital-based training as well as work in the hospitals. They were paid as they did so. They often lived-in and would have to pay board etc.

For those wanting to attend University in the time of my school leaving, there were paid Commonwealth Scholarships for University for those who wanted to do a degree (say B.A. or B.Sc) and then a Dip. Ed. to become a High School Teacher. These scholarships, earned via the quality of the final examination results,  indentured the student to work in a particular place/area of Australia for an agreed time. For me, as a new-to-be teacher in a N.S.W. Public School I secured a teachers’ scholarship which paid me an allowance to study and as I was living at home I did not need board and food allowances as my husband did when he went to teachers’ college away from home. We were both ‘bonded’ to the N.S.W. Department of Education for the first 3 years of our teaching and could be sent anywhere in N.S.W. or forfeit the bond and not have work from this employer. Neither of us did that..and if we had, we never would have met! That’s a whole chapter in the future!

This is actually still a provision of accepting a role of permanence in N.S.W. Department of Education : whilst in our employ you can and may be instructed to teach anywhere in N.S.W. When I was teaching Masters of Teaching students in 2013 and 2014 I told them of this and many were in disbelief. Unfortunately there is much less of the pioneer spirit had by those of us who graduated in the 1950s and 1960s which is a shame as there is so much to learn by moving away from your home and comfort zone.

The Social Aspects of My Teens 1962-1967. This will be the next chapter!!

What was high school like for you?

What kind of uniform did you have?

Did you go to High School to learn or to play?

I will be looking forward to reading your responses!

Denyse.

Joining with Kylie Purtell here on Tuesdays for her link up called I Blog On Tuesdays.

On Wednesdays I link here with Sue and Leanne for Midlife Share the Love link up.

And of course, never least…but the last link up of the week is with Leanne here for Lovin’ Life.

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Out My Window I See. #LifeThisWeek 12/52. 2018.25.

Out My Window I See. #LifeThisWeek 12/52. 2018.25.

I have struggled with this title.

I wanted to make it short and pithy but to do so, I omitted of.

Grammar nerds, do you forgive me?

So, out OF my window I see……

Not much but for me, it is plenty to see.

This is the view from the window in a bedroom of the house we are renting.

It has a double bunk set on one wall for the rare occasions we have anyone sleepover.

The rest of the room is devoted to my creative pursuits: writing, journalling, art and crafts of many kinds.

It is when I am seated at the large desk with hutch (that’s the containers of brushes etc in the shadow) that I look out here on:

  • the covered verandah of this house
  • our outdoor setting which gets used rarely now
  • the flags of ‘buddhism’ sayings that hang under the umbrella of the outdoor setting
  • a fish windsock/mobile
  • some chimes (one is bound as it is very noisy!)
  • rainbow mobiles hung from the umbrella
  • an outdoor clock
  • a hanging mobile on the clock
  • the house next door – which is fortress-like* and we only see the man who owns it occasionally as he works for a security company*.
  • some trees from houses nearby
  • some little parts of the sky

I have used this space since we moved here in November 2015 and it has seen some sad times for me. I have used this place as a space to listen to CDs to help me through very challenging times and to meditate too. I have used it to make crafty items along with visiting grandkids when they come on rare occasions. I also use it every day for a creative activity such as painting, mandala-creating and journalling. It is a great room as I have access within arm’s reach from my office chair to all the materials I need.

However, on many occasions I like to just view the outside and think and remember.

The outdoor setting was at our house at Glenwood and was used every day for creative play when we cared for our younger grandkids and it was also the space around which the family sat for barbecues and parties for birthdays too.

The outdoor clock was on the fence at Glenwood and the grandkids loved it. The hanging mobile is a car carrying a surf-board I bought for my grandson (his sisters had fairy ones!).

The buddhism flags are there for me to look at and remember what is important and for them to just ‘fly’ is lovely.

The windsock fish was bought by me at a toy store after a significant breakthrough in my sessions with the psychologist in 2015.

There it is.

Out OF my window!

What do you see out of YOUR or any other window?

Tell me in the comments!

Cheers,

Denyse.

Joining with Alicia here as it’s her Monday linky called Open Slather.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week is the optional prompt’: 13/52.  “Story of My First Name.” 26.3.18.


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Eating After My Gum Cancer Surgery. Part Two. 2018.24.

Eating After My Gum Cancer Surgery. Part Two. 2018.24.

Now where was I?

Oh yes, about my eating after cancer surgery. Part One is here.

Let me tell you this eating with only 8 teeth on the lower jaw and one tongue has called for:

  • imagination – what might that food feel like in my mouth and will it be able to break down to enable swallowing
  • care of my mouth. Yes, this mouth needs even more oral care now. So it is brushing of my teeth and rinsing with a particular mouth wash after morning and evening meals
  • shopping lists for foods I had not previously considered eating but do because of nourishment and ease of eating
  • trying to remain creative with meal choices for me while I am very restricted. It is hard and I do get frustrated but I try to remember it is not forever
  • nothing that is pre-made or take-away (boo to having to make everything from scratch) unless it is a plain cake, a scone or yoghurt.

My mouth: at least the lips seal but it remains a challenge to get any drink into it. I use a ‘squirt’ water bottle and when having a cuppa – tea of coffee – I have a serviette under my mouth. Messy Me.

As the initial months changed from me being dependent on my husband for meal-prep and shopping to me doing this for myself it did give me freer rein for creativity and independence but in some ways in was harder. My husband eats very simply but from a different meal-base to me (and it has been like that even before my cancer) so there have been few shared meals….except for that one time, before I had surgery #2 and he made a Baked Lamb Dinner…which was so soft and delicious and easy-t0-swallow the memories are fresh!

MEALS & SNACKS.

BREAKFAST.

Once I learned that tiny slivers of toast do not equate with a satisfying breakfast, this long-time cereal avoider embraced weetbix and I am a two weetbix, sugar and milk girl every day.

MORNING TEA.

This is mostly Morning Coffee as I go out each morning around 10.30-11 for my daily outing. See more about that here. More often than not it is just a coffee but on some occasions I can add a treat. It takes me a long time to eat some of these and I often bring part of it home.

LUNCH.

If I have had a snack as above I will not have anything for lunch…because I will still be full and I cannot find the energy to try to decide what I will take ages to make and then ages to eat. It is true! However, I know the value of nutrition and need to give myself more credit for knowing actually what to select and eat it. The last few weeks I have found it harder as I have a 3rd surgery which has left me in some discomfort and even less room inside the mouth as a stent is in there where the implants will eventually go.

On the way home from Sydney when I saw the Professor recently my husband ate the cheese sandwich we took for him and I had a little kids’ yoghurt with the squirty-top.

AFTERNOON TEA.
Depending on how much I have eaten at lunch, this may not be anything or it might be a cup of tea with biscuits that can be dunked. Yes. Only those. I have tried a few but only these work for me: Malt biscuits, Scotch Fingers, Orange Creams. Even gave Tim Tams a go but the biscuit part was too hard for my mouth.

DINNER.

I have always cooked in bulk for me and for my Dad. I often made spag bol variations and beef casseroles and chicken ones too. However, I am someone who craves variety and I was O.V.E.R. anything with chicken once all of the chicken soup with vegies were done and even those with added noodles. I had low iron after surgery so determined to eat myself better (along with the iron tablets) I used red meat meals.

I made and still have in the freezer in small meal sizes for me: Beef Casserole and Veggies  along with smoothly blended mash potato & sweet potato frozen in small meal sizes to add on top. Spaghetti Bolognaise and Pasta Bake. For a change of taste, some Salmon. Cheese and Rice meals which are a comfort meal I invented ages ago. I have also cooked chicken mince with sweet and sour sauce to add to rice.

OTHER SNACKS AND TREATS A.K.A. BEATING THE BOREDOM.

Firstly what you need to know:

I cannot bite anything.

I cannot, at the moment, completely seal my lips.

I cannot use a straw because of how my mouth has been changed.

I can put very small bite-sized pieces of suitable food into my mouth, allow them to move against my lower teeth along with some encouragement from the tongue and then when I believed they are small enough and soft enough I swallow.

I have not choked (yet) but I will always have water bottle next to me when I eat.

I use a teaspoon for eating my meals & some snacks unless it is bite-sized as above and I can use my hands.

The softer and wetter a food is, the easier it will go down.

 

PUTTING IT INTO PERSPECTIVE.

I miss the many textures and tastes of so many foods  but I am also grateful to be able to eat after this surgery as not all of those having surgery like mine get to do that. Some have to eat permanently through their stomach or via a feeding tube. I do try to keep my whingeing to a minimum as a result.

I am so very grateful to the team who has brought me to this point. From Friday 23 February my trips to Sydney will be to Westmead Oral Restorative Services where my upper jaw implants are being planned. Currently the most recent surgery saw a large stent/mouthguard put over the area where the implants will go and it has made my mouth quite painful. Eating has been even harder.

I am over 9 months into my cancer journey and am hopeful that all that needs to be done will have occurred by the time May comes…my first year anniversary. We shall see! Meanwhile, I will be doing some more ‘out for coffee’ visits and eating as safely and nutritiously as I can.

Sunday Night Dinner: my invention…taco in a bowl!

And me on Sunday 18 February. Check out my top lip! My mouth above is swollen because of recent surgery to add more skin to my top lip (thank you) and added in there is the stent pushing the top jaw forward. Uncomfy, yes. Worth it. Hell Yes.

I hope that you have found reading both parts of my story of Eating After Gum Cancer Surgery of interest. My operations took place here at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse and the Team headed by Professor Jonathan Clark performed all three of my surgeries. I follow Head and Neck Cancer Support Australia on Facebook and Beyond Five

On Friday 23 February I visited Westmead Oral Health Services and the two men who are part of my surgical team as well, determined that I could do without the stent for the next 4 weeks and so this was good news. My photo updating the one above is here:

UPDATE: 

Unfortunately my relief was short-lived as when my surgeon saw the pictures of my gums on Monday 26 Feb he wanted the stent returned on my  visit on Thursday 1 March. At the time of publishing this post I will be two days away from having the uncomfortable hard plastic stent removed and first impressions made…..which mean teeth will take months from then but my prosthodontist says “we have to get it perfect, Denyse.” Sigh.

Denyse.

Linking with Kylie Purtell for I Blog on Tuesdays here, with Leanne here for Lovin’ Life Link up for Thursday’s Lovin Life Linky  and on Wednesday, with Sue here for her link up.

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