Thursday 20th February 2020

Archives for January 2020

Women Of Courage Series 2020. Accidental Feminists’ Author: Jane Caro AM. 8/2020.

Women Of Courage Series 2020. Accidental Feminists Author: Jane Caro AM. 8/2020.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid-May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda.

The posts are returning each Wednesday from now…and I have posts waiting ‘in drafts’ for publication until April 2020. Do tell me in the comments if you would like to be part of this series. Already 27 women (including  Jane and I ) have shared their stories.

 

 

In April 2019 I attended Newcastle Writers’ Festival and got to hear, amongst others, Author and Public Education Advocate, Jane Caro speak. Jane’s been known to me for a long time via social media, her other books and her involvement in promoting public education. She spoke at length of the roles we women have played and often at great loss or expense to our health, welfare and future financial security in her book Accidental Feminists.

 

Her written and spoken words really made me think.

Women do so much unsung, not necessarily because of not wanting people to know, but because we “just do get on.” I know that my life has taken some not great twists and turns and I realised I drew on resources of courage to do so.

This led me to finding out more about courage from others.

Introducing Jane Caro A.M.

Many of you may have seen Jane speak and give commentary on TV shows like The Drum and on Morning T.V. Jane’s voice, particularly in terms of Public Education has been remarkable. She went to a N.S.W. Public High School – Forest High and I went to another local Northern Beaches public high school too. Jane is younger than I but we share some common elements in our upbringing in new-ish suburbs that now command million dollar prices. I knew of Jane’s career in advertising (she has appeared on Gruen) from her first book and she has written others. Find them here. Jane generously took time to complete the same questions I asked others, and like others who I call “Women of Courage” she does not see herself that way. Enough from me, thank you Jane Caro.

 

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

People often say they admire my courage, but I don’t really feel that I am courageous. Reason being, I am not afraid. Courage, to me, means doing something you are genuinely afraid to do and – th thing that most people see as courageous – speaking my mind – privately or publicly – is not something I am afraid of. It seems it is something many others are afraid to do – hence they mistakenly ascribe courage to me. I find this terribly sad. We ought to live in a society and at a time where being straightforward and candid is applauded, not punished. For many, especially many women, the opposite seems to be true.

Sure, many people (usually men) try to shut me down by insults, sneers, mockery, threats and general nastiness but I long ago realized they only have the power to hurt me if I give them that power, otherwise their weapons shrivel and die because I will not respond the way they want me to. No doubt being forthright has cost me work, promotion and opportunities, but it has also delivered all of those (well, except promotion, we only want lily-livered leaders apparently) and, best of all, it has delivered self-respect.

Was I born this way? Certainly not. I was hyper-sensitive as a child and young person about what people thought of me and I knew they did not think well of me. What is bearable in an old lady is unbearable in a young one, I think, which is why so many of my younger feminist friends cop so much more abuse than I do. I suffered from an anxiety neurosis as a young woman and it was in overcoming that that I feel I did something that required actual courage.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

The neurosis was so debilitating and intense that it forced me to seek help via a variety of therapists, some more helpful than others. I learnt an enormous amount about myself and about people in general in the process of that therapy that has served me well ever since. Not least how to hang on to my own power in the face of criticism, abuse and bullying.

I think women are trained to seek approval and that is why we so fear conflict or unpleasantness or find it so hard to express ourselves without fear. This training makes sense when you are a member of a subordinate group. It can be dangerous not to be approved of and to be excluded. As a result of my therapy, I gave up seeking approval. All I try to do now is be as much myself as I can.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

After about 15 years of mental tribulation – I functioned fine, I just felt like shit – I finally overcame my anxiety neurosis (some may feel I have over-corrected). It didn’t disappear in a puff of smoke, just dwindled away slowly until I no longer suffered from anxiety at all. The dwindling began after I faced real danger (I have lived a very protected life) when my first child was born premature, caught an infection, stopped breathing in my arms and almost died.

She was so sick she got the last available neo-natal intensive care bed available that night in NSW. She eventually stopped breathing at least 4 times and had to be intubated. The next morning, I asked for help (as going to therapy had taught me to do) and spoke to neo-natologist and grief counsellor Dr Peter Barr. He said these three sentences to me that began to crack the carapace of anxiety I had been living behind. “There’s nothing special about you, there’s nothing special about Polly (my daughter). Terrible things can happen, and they can happen to anyone. Safety is an illusion, danger is reality.”

Sounds brutal but it was just what I needed. What he was saying to me was that I could not control what happened which, as it turns out, was what my anxiety neurosis was all about. I was both thinking of all the terrible things that might happen as a sort of spell to stop them happening, while at the same time fearing that by thinking about them, I was conjuring them up. Of course, I had no such power – none of us do. As a result of Polly’s near death (she survived with no ill effects) I began to let go of the illusion of control and with it came a loss of fear. If I can’t control my own or anyone else’s safety – no matter how much I love them – no point worrying about danger until it happens.

If I can’t control how you will react to what I say, to what you think of me on TV or when I give a speech, I shall just put my energy into controlling what I can – my research and preparation for the task and let your reaction be yours. I shall not worry about whether you like or approve of me because doing so makes no difference to whether you do or not. I finally learnt the truth and power of what we call ‘boundaries’ – simply where I stop and you start. Once you know what you can control (inputs) and what you can’t (outcomes) life gets much easier and you don’t actually need courage.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I don’t know and -with respect – I don’t really care.

For the situations that may await me I will do no preparation or worrying. I will deal with them as they appear and I will deal with them as I need to which may be with courage or may be with full on weeping, whining and falling apart. I have learnt to trust my emotions rather than fear them or try to control them. Sometimes the strongest thing to be is not strong – but honestly vulnerable and needy. I don’t need to be better, nicer, smarter or more courageous than I am. I just need to be as I am.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Be yourself. Accept and celebrate your messy, needy, unwieldy bits – they’re the best and most genuine part of you.

Don’t pretend, especially don’t pretend to yourself.

Don’t strive, just be.

Have fun and never,ever,ever feel guilty about that.

Know where you stop and others start.

And stop seeking approval. You are fine just the way you are, you just need to believe it.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

Life is short, stop trying so hard.

 

I have read Jane’s words over and over and wish to take many of her messages on-board. The quote from the neo-natologist still blows me away. I too need to remember this.

With much gratitude Jane, for your time and advice. Love that you could share here too.

Denyse.

 

Social Media:

Jane Caro  on 26 January 2020 is found here.

Twitter: @janecaro

Bio: AM. Walkley award winner. Novelist (Just a Girl, Just a Queen, Just Flesh & Blood), author (Plain Speaking Jane, Stupid Country, F Word, Accidental Feminists)

 

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Australia. School Days. 4/51. #LifeThisWeek. 7/2020.

Australia. School Days. 4/51. #LifeThisWeek. 7/2020.

In years past I may have written about Australia Day.  This link I found very helpful about reconciliation.

I now write of my love for this country and all its people. Particularly those of the first nations as I pay my respect on the home page of my blog.

Love seeing these flags fly together. Thank you NSW Public School.

School’s Back. Almost.

In Australia schools return for first term of the year around the end of the summer holidays: late January or early February. It is not a great time of year weather-wise as it is often hotter in the coming months that any other time. However, after almost 6 weeks of school holidays. parents are practically willing schools to be open…and they are! Mind you, I know that schools have been occupied in recent weeks (before school returned) getting classrooms ready, holding meetings, having open days for new families…and in some of the worst affected areas, trying to establish some school buildings where they have been destroyed by recent bushfires.

It about now that in many Australian homes, there are parents doing this:- approaching child’s bedroom. Knocking on the door. It’s the first day of school. No answer. Open the door, go to the window, draw the curtains, and say “come on, it’s time to get to school.” “nnnnnooo, do I have to?” says occupant of bed. “yes you do”. But “whyyyyy?” “Because you’re the principal and that’s why.”

Wishing this favourite school of mine…North Kellyville P.S, a great second year! #IBelongatNK What a year ahead..and this photo is from the beginning of 2019.

27th January. A day of note in my life.

On 27.1.1970 I commenced my role a permanent teacher with N.S.W. Department of Education at Barraba Central School. It was (still is) K-12 school in north-western N.S.W. My parents drove me up there with all my teaching resources and clothes and whatever else 20 year old me would have needed. After meeting the school’s Deputy, he recommended if I was looking for a place to stay, the share house with 3 other teachers was just opposite the school. That is where I was accepted and lived for my first year of teaching. More about that here in Telling My Story.

 

Where I lived as a first year teacher in Barraba, N.S.W.

Memories of Reading. At School.

I love(d) reading and cannot remember learning to read other than sitting in front of charts with the consonants and vowels listed and we had to chant them…

a (a, not the letter name) is for apple b is for boat  c is for car  d is for duck….you get the idea. I also add that some 15 years after learning from these, I had them to teach from in my 1970s classrooms.

One reading idea which took off in the 1980s was Drop Everything And Read. D.E.A.R. In the K-6 schools where I was a teacher and school executive these were allocated times in each day 0 usually straight after lunch break for EVERYONE in the school to read in silence. Kids could bring in their own books or magazines. It was about a period of sharing the love for reading and need to read..in an enjoyable and relaxed way. Some kids in my year 2 classes had ‘chapter books’ (that was such a landmark for many!) and some could use the class readers, or picture books or bring in their own.

An important part of this Uninterrupted Sustained Silent Reading (U.S.S.R. was another acronym) was the quiet, the time to be with the book/magazine and to be immersed. Of course not every child could do this but there were more that could. I, the teacher, also read. So did the office staff. BUT…sadly, and I cannot tell you when, this idea as a whole school program discontinued in many place.

BUT…the good news! 

Individual schools and teachers are continuing the practice individually or as a school program and it is mostly in High Schools. Big yay for that. Here’s some screen shots of twitter conversations and a poll I carried out.

This one was of special interest as I know how hard teachers are working in schools to comply with marking, testing, and so much more…sadly even their own reading for interest or enjoyment is being compromised…..

I am glad to see this practice happening in many high schools. I know it’s a challenge to find time in any school day for sustained reading. However, if you can find time at home, even better. There are of course, reluctant and non-readers and my friend and teacher-librarian Megan Daley (see her details here from when she was featured as a Woman of Courage) has many categories to help families choose titles and stories to engage all readers.

Quite a few years ago, I too wrote the topic of reading…and here’s my advice: from K-2 teacher, K-6 principal and mother and grandmother!

 

My suggestions for 10 Ways to Raise a Reader.

  1. Before you have your child(ren) enjoy reading yourself.
  2. Find a wide range of reading interests as reading does not have to be restricted to books and fiction.
  3. Think: reading is around us! Signs, newspapers, magazines, on-line, captions, instructions, comics, picture books and more.
  4. Talk about reading with your child(ren)’s other parent. Do you both have a way of viewing reading as important?
  5. Child is in utero….read to said child! It can be an instruction manual if you like, but a picture book read in your voice will be remembered by your child once he or she is born. It is true!
  6. Make a habit of reading a story from a picture book (showing the pictures too) every night at a similar time to create a habit of this ‘wonder of words and images’ in your child’s life from BIRTH.
  7. Continue above..not as an oral reading practice session  (please!) at bedtime until you and your child cannot fit together for the closeness of story time (this is part of the wonderful way to raise a reader!).
  8. Be seen to read yourself.
  9. Make reading a natural part of your child’s day by having books around, on benches, in the car, by the bedside and near the media which can be swtiched off for “silent reading time” or “D.rop E.verything A.nd R.ead” time at home.
  10. Encourage library membership, books and book vouchers as gifts and do not forget the enjoyment of being read to by an adult. Kids reading to adults can be reserved for the after-school reader practice.

From Parents To Their Child’s First Educator/Teacher.

And, finally but not last…My time-honoured message from parents to their children’s educators. Made by me and made beautiful by Kelly Exeter. You may definitely share this. I made it to be shared.

Whatever you are up to on 27 January 2020 I hope it goes well. From the website here. 

Our First Peoples are the traditional custodians of our beautiful lands and waterways and have a fundamental role in the great Australian story. 

We aspire to an Australia Day that can increasingly include a recognition and celebration by all Australians of the importance of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders to our nation.

Thank you for being part of Life This Week’s community.

I always appreciate your blog posts and comments.

Denyse.

Link Up #173

 

Link Up #173. Life This Week.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week!

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice.

* THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 5/51 Share Your Snaps #1. 3.2.2020.

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Click here to enter


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Birth Stories. #1. An Occasional Series. 6/2020.

Birth Stories. #1. An Occasional Series. 6/2020.

Who doesn’t enjoy a birth story?

Oh, maybe that should read…would you enjoy reading some birth stories?

If YES… read on.

If NO…Thank you for reading so far. I will catch you back here soon I hope!!

Images of the most of the babies are photos from their first day/night of life. I have a framed photo collage of each of the 2 groups of 4 grandchildren. Very special memories.

The ‘last’ grandchild’s BIRTHday.

This (bad) photo taken at sunrise was when I drove to Sydney – around 90 minutes from our new place of residence on the Central Coast. I had been on “Grandma-standby” for a few days but with the birth now not expected till the following week, I got quite a shock/surprise to get the news that our son and his wife were on their way to the hospital and a neighbour was in the house while the siblings slept. That dear ‘breech’ baby wanted out of there and she was delivered naturally and both mother and baby were well. I waited at our son’s house with his sister (who had also been called to relieve the neighbour) till he arrived home with the news for us all…and with great relief, we left the family and went for a much-needed breakfast.

Here she is: 

Our daughter’s arrival. LONG time ago. 

So, this young, married, and pregnant teacher (me!) soon learned the hard way about being pregnant. I was going well. We lived outside a country town in north west N.S.W. in 1971. I saw the local G.P. for my check-ups and then… BOOM! “No, you won’t be having your baby here as you need specialist attention and that is urgent.”

Yikes. Way to scare a mother-to-be and the father too… yet he is not really scared of anything. So, chastened, worried (because I had gained a LOT of weight in a short space of time) we arrived at Tamworth, two hours from home,  to meet the Ob/Gyn. His examination ended up with me getting a diagnosis of then toxaemia, (pre-eclampsia) and taken straight to the hospital for bed rest and diuretics and keeping me and baby well. It was a LONG week I was there, confined and scared…because I knew nothing really. The treatment worked and my now Doctor let me home with the promise of returning in 2 weeks for induction AND (I never understood this, but obeyed) eat lots of lollies.

Dutifully, we returned one Wednesday evening and after admission, some induction strategies began. Pills and pessaries I think. Husband went home (2 hours away) as he had to teach at his one teacher school. No progress towards labour that night. All day Thursday still nothing much. Was transferred to labour ward that night and the Ob/Gyn visited and broke my waters. He was surprised to see some blood and explained it was likely to be a placenta previa partly covering the cervix that had been noted in a pelvic Xray (yes, of my baby and me)  but he showed no real concern. In this time nothing happened. Boring. Waiting. Boring but wait. It was Friday. Off to delivery suite. No idea why. BUT I did have some pains like periods. Nothing much given for pain other than some gas (mask). My husband called around 1 p.m. to be told “no she is not in labour don’t come down in this awful weather.”

Meanwhile, this pain which grew was in the back and more. A wonderful midwife was so kind. But still….I had no idea UNTIL around 4-4.30 I wanted to be sick (not like me ever) and I wanted to leave. Those who have given birth will know this is called transition. I did not but the pain escalated, as did my tightening of the poor midwife’s hand…and around 5-5.30 they called in the Ob/Gyn…he arrived in his whites. His squash gear! And by 6.35 p.m. I had delivered our little ray of sunshine. There were no pain meds. I was on a high. He even managed to stitch me and tell me 9/10. I thought it was my performance …later I found it was the baby’s APGAR.

The lovely Ob/Gyn then left the room but I could hear him on the phone “Mr Whelan you have a beautiful daughter”……and with that, my husband and his mate (my principal) got in the car and began the drive in the rotten winter night to meet his daughter.

But he could only see her through the glass. She was held to the glass for him to ‘meet’. Then he came to see me. “She has your fat cheeks and a dimple and my long fingers”. True. Back in those days no-one got to hold the baby except for the mother and nurses and it was not until we were discharged 6 days later that he got to hold his daughter and meet her properly.

Here she is in 1972 with “our bags” ready for me to go to school and her to daycare with my boss’ wife in the residence next door to school. So grateful for this!

Our first grandson’s arrival.

If you remember hot and stormy weather (oh yes, we have quite a bit of that lately!) then I can vouch for it early in the 2000s too. One very hot (up to 40s) Monday in mid January, our daughter was admitted to hospital for an induction for the birth of her 3rd child. She and her then husband were all for me being around  (this is the last Mum, so it’s fine if you want to be there). Once we knew that she was in her delivery suite, and the 2 siblings (then 4 and almost 2) were OK with my husband, Papa, I set off with camera(s) and ready to be there. But….I can now tell you truthfully, it was not the space for me.

Back then, despite thinking I could do this, my anxiety was quite high – because I was certainly not able to help in any way and it became confronting to be in the room where I was no help – my words. So, as my daughter laboured….and continued to resist epidural notion, I needed to be elsewhere…so went out for a walk around the wards. I passed an anaesthetist moving fast towards my daughter’s room as I had heard “get me the epidural” words….but alas, not to be. I then heard what was for me “loud noises” and tried to compose myself as I re-entered the room….and it turned out, that it was my grandson’s birth that had been the source of the sounds and there he was!!

He was so attentive I will never forget his engagement with me. The eyes! There was a bit of a kerfuffle I will call it though when her Ob/Gyn arrived, as the midwife had safely delivered B. He was asking why she hadn’t called him earlier. I remember her trying and it being constantly engaged. He was about 15 minutes drive from the hospital and it was school holidays. Before our grandson arrived and I heard the midwife trying to make these calls, we concluded it was probably not going through as back then only one phone line did the internet too. We reckoned it was his daughters!

Nevertheless the issue  settled.

But the weather did not that night. Around the time of B’s birth one of those raging southerlies arrived and with a hospital on top of a rise in Sydney’s north shore, we could feel its impact. When I left to drive home, around 8 p.m. everything outside the San at Wahroonga was dark. I wended my way through a tree-branch strewn carpark and drove slowly home via blacked out traffic lights and rain. We had tried calling my husband with the news but did not then know the phones were out too. My excited arrival home, in the dark, was chastened by “shush, I just got the girls to sleep, it’s been very scary”….and “oh” from me…then I told him of the news. I am afraid his tiredness meant a less enthusiastic response but the next day, we loaded up the brand new sisters and went to meet Mr Now Firelite DJ when he was one day old.

Here he is.

 

There are more stories to tell.

Like it says, this will be an occasional series.

I have deliberately kept all details as private as I can for those here.

Do you like to share stories like these?

I hope so but I do know that they do not appeal to all.

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Remember This. 3/51 #LifeThisWeek. 5/2020.

Remember This. 3/51 #LifeThisWeek. 5/2020.

My plan for today’s post went back to the drafts when what I am sharing came through my social media. I want to remember this….how I have watched (via the internet) a person I’ve known as a blogger…as a young mum and wife…wend her way through the challenges of life that might for some be too much.

We share a love of photography, the beach, nature, kids, art, journalling and blogging.

Becky from here (do read her blog even though she has not updated for a while)  and also here on Instagram wrote this and I “wowed” and “woahed” my way through.

You see, I have taken an interest (from a distance literally) in Becky and her husband’s and family’s welfare for a while but moreso in the recent bushfires which were coming VERY close..too close to where they live on the far south coast and they needed to retreat to family in Canberra. I know they are home now and thankful their place is intact. The memories of what remains must be awful.

Becky and I, along with a few others in instagram, share our love for #1secondaday which is an app recording the month/year one second at a time. Becky was sharing hers and I saw what she wrote.

Remember this! Gratitude. Find it. Feel it. Be it. It’s part of Becky’s took to keep on keeping on through her mental health days and nights.

Like I said to her, “I am so proud of you”. I hope you too can remember this: Becky Found Gratitude Every Day.

 

2019’s 1SE. I had planned to say a lot when I shared it. About the year, about mental illness, about me having dropped all the balls that were once in the air. About people who are really there for you even when you’re not actively able to reach out to them- and those who disappear. About being seen as a ‘poster girl’ for mental illness, approached for tips and ideas for helping someone who is struggling but rarely being on the receiving end of those actions. About disappointing myself, stigma and toxic positivity.

There was a lot. It probably would have ended up as a blog post, I guess.
It’s all still very relevant to my situation, but I don’t have the energy to put it all together.

What I DO want to say though, is this; if you’re practising gratitude, focusing on those beautiful moments, acknowledging that you are blessed and you’re STILL suffering through the darkness of depression you are not broken. This thing I do everyday is part of remembering the good things (memory like a sieve), being so very thankful for this life, being in awe of these little people. But, I’m still not ok.

Being depressed doesn’t make you an ungrateful pessimist anymore than having a broken leg does.

Thank you so much Becky for sharing.

I hope too, that when you are up for writing a blog post again, you pop in here. Or, as I often recommend, link up an old post on a Monday. All are welcome!

 

So, I ask the question….as above….

And take care everyone.

Denyse.

I was inspired by Becky’s story, but I am also aware that mental health does not always treat us well.

If you need to chat confidentially to someone do call Lifeline 13 11 14.

 

Link Up #172. Life This Week.

Link Up #172. Life This Week.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week!

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice.

* THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 4/51 Australia 27.1.2020

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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Try This: Gratitude: 5, 10, 15. 4/2020.

Try This: Gratitude: 5, 10, 15. 4/2020.

Here’s something to complement and build on the Good News post from Monday!

I thought that there have been so many positive reactions to the Good News here that it was timely to add an idea about:

G R A T I T U D E

and how making a connection with yourself, the world and your inner being, you can indeed seek good news in your life from the use of gratitude as a marker.

Being 15 January when this post goes live, I chose to make a challenge based on:

5

  1. To see a flower bloom like this one
  2. To know that nature is an amazing re-generator
  3. To feel the wind on my face at the lake on Tuesday
  4. To watch a pair of swans glide by in front of me
  5. To have a hairdresser who gets my hair!

10

  1. To see a flower bloom like this one
  2. To know that nature is an amazing re-generator
  3. To feel the wind on my face at the lake on Tuesday
  4. To watch a pair of swans glide by in front of me
  5. To have a hairdresser who gets my hair!
  6. To be able to find food in my supermarket that is affordable
  7. To enjoy making meals and snacks that work for me
  8. To use technology that connects me with people I may never meet but are already friends
  9. To be able to breathe with ease since much of the bushfire smoke has gone
  10. To take myself out for coffee most days

 

15

  1. To see a flower bloom like this one
  2. To know that nature is an amazing re-generator
  3. To feel the wind on my face at the lake on Tuesday
  4. To watch a pair of swans glide by in front of me
  5. To have a hairdresser who gets my hair!
  6. To be able to find food in my supermarket that is affordable
  7. To enjoy making meals and snacks that work for me
  8. To use technology that connects me with people I may never meet but are already friends
  9. To be able to breathe with ease since much of the bushfire smoke has gone
  10. To take myself out for coffee most days
  11. To find that I can bring myself calm inside as I do some art
  12. To have the best head and neck professional team caring for me since May 2017
  13. To hear the bellbirds as I drive on the Pacific Highway near the small waterways
  14. To know that I am loved by my husband
  15. To find gratitude in more and more as time goes on

 

This is something for readers to consider.

Maybe 5 is doable.

Maybe 10 is…

or you could s   t   r   e   t  c   h   to 15.

Whatever is what you can decide to do, will, I can guarantee bring a shift to your inner self.

Trust me! I was late to this but now I cannot NOT find gratitude around me.

Come on, give it a go.

Share the word on gratitude too.

Tell me in the comments, what are you grateful for right now!

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

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Good News. 2/51 #LifeThisWeek. 3/2020.

Good News. 2/51 #LifeThisWeek. 3/2020.

There is no  not much good news at the moment, right?

We hear of world conflicts that could escalate to wars anytime a certain person in charge of a country decided to say ‘do it’.

We read of the numbers of fauna destroyed in the Australian bush fires.

We see, nightly (and all day if we cling to our social media accounts) the fires. The exhaustion of firies, the loss of housing, infrastructure and so much more GONE to the beast that is fire.

Sigh.

Time to SEARCH for good news.

Here’s some I found.

Little but more than that, it is significant that we CAN and DO look for the good….

NINE TEN Good News Stories! 

ONE. On one of the hottest days this summer…this bloom appeared. By itself. Just flowered.

TWO. A wee gift from my 10 year old granddaughter on Christmas Day. Treasured.

THREE. I was never sure IF I wanted to upgrade to a new Iphone until I realised I HAD to get one when my Iphone 6+ was not going so well. I did my research, spoke to an Apple guy and then, later when I was ready to get this phone, I was confident and let the sales person at Telstra know EXACTLY what I wanted. The good news in that transaction was that I was not treated like a ‘little old lady’ and I was not at all patronised. Win!

FOUR. For someone whose iphone stores 1000s of my photos I admit the weather outside was totally NOT conducive to sharing pics until I saw this flame (I know, irony) tree and used the different camera lens to capture this. Liked its flexibility.

FIVE. This is so not a sponsored post but one of the kindest women on-line is Kirsten who “IS” Bettyquette. Once I had my new phone I realised I also needed a new pop socket. And a love heart to join my head and neck cancer colours on my lanyard. And some coconut oil. In the week when Bettyquette went back to work, over one 24 hour period ALL proceeds from sales ($1300+) went to one of the charities supporting fire relief. Kirsten is also here as a Woman of Courage.

SIX. Every year he wonders how come he is still around. Well, Dad, you are! Happy 96th for last Saturday. Here he is (photo approved) giving me his latest (and some repeated) news last week after we shared the morning tea I brought with me from home.

SEVEN. As a family we stopped Christmas presents for the adults some time ago. Our daughter, however, did not get the memo in 2019. She generously bought her dad a Bunnings voucher…and for me, THIS. Tickets to see Boy Swallows Universe in Brisbane in September with her.

EIGHT. Knowing my story with head and neck cancer AND eating, many readers know it is a challenge. Sometimes the biggest challenge is in me giving something a go. Delighted that I could manage the small prawns on Christmas Day, I recently treated myself to a few, added avocado with a non-spicy sauce I made, and some brown bread with butter. A sensory delight!!

NINE. A great reminder of nature is to be by the ocean. I walked a little way along here last week after seeing Dad. The ocean was pretty fierce and there was quite a bit of haze from the smoke but looking at the patterns in the rocks reminded me of how time takes its toll on the universe…not just people.

TEN. Added after a cool change and R for R A I N falling. Friday into Saturday. Yay for THIS good news.

There! I could find good news by looking for it. I know for me if I spend too much time on social media: hello Twitter….I end up getting mad and sad. So, having taken myself away and looking more around me, I found the good news!

It’s out there!

We just need to look, listen and appreciate it.

Hope you are travelling OK this week…and thank you for joining me today for the second Life This Week in 2020.

Denyse.

Link Up #171. Life This Week. 

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week!

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice.

* THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 3/51. Remember This. 20.1.2020.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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How Am I Grateful? 2/2020.

How Am I Grateful? 2/2020.

It’s an interesting question!

One I find hard to answer in summary except that I will do what I can here now!

In the first blog post of 2020 I wrote this:

It was a long read…which I did intersperse with photos to illustrate my message – teacher-me!

However, I know that for some gratitude seems ‘oh so on trend’ and what might be next.

Well, I am going to say whilst I do not mind being up with the trends, gratitude has been around for far longer than I have…and any other influencer..(joke).

And gratitude, just like any mindful practice does need to be practised and noticed and felt. Every Day.

 

But what about this? 

As I write this post, it’s Saturday 4 January 2020 when it seems more than I can imagine of Australia is burning. Fires are consuming towns, rainforests, fields, mountains, grassy slopes and all in its path. That path has included a number of people (some not yet accounted for), hundreds of dwellings, millions of animals and more. It is 43 degrees outside here and around 3 streets away the power is out. So far our house is not affected and the air-con is running.

I do not find this a comfortable place to be in my mind and in my body. I made this meme ages ago to remind me that this is what I have to do. If I cannot, then I am fighting an unwinnable fight.

How on earth do I ‘sit with this?’

  • I noticed that my mind was starting to go down the path of ‘what ifs’ and ‘o. m. g.’ and my body started to tighten.
  • I felt teary and a little out of control of my emotions.
  • I knew that I could cry, tell my husband, seek answers to the unanswerable….but what then?

So, I took notice of my mind and body’s signals and did a few things I know that can help.

  • I am better when I am just painting some lines or strokes…on a page…it seems that in itself for me that is calming
  • I did just that on a large page
  • I came here, to share some of my words. The blog is good for that!
  • I told myself that it is OK to feel scared as these times are frightening
  • However, I also told myself that the evidence is here that I am safe, well and cool.

Strategies which work(ed). For me.

I have just told my husband – the one who would have had to help me through in the past – and of course he is pleased I can see life and its challenges better these days. I am grateful that he was patient enough in the past years to help me see/feel/be grateful even when I had no real idea.

Now, I feel better physically.

I will do some more art.

In fact, I used some of that energy I needed to dissipate and cooked some meals for me, my husband and dad.

And I will realised that I can send out loving kindness messages to people who really are doing it tough today, no matter where they are.

I am grateful that I know this practice and it works for me too.

For you! And you too….sending loving kindness.

I now know, it is not about ‘the actual words’ but the intent. The sharing of our messages of well-being, hope and love for each other.

The human connections.

What are you grateful for today…and every day?

Denyse.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Word of Year: Gratitude. 1/51 #LifeThisWeek 1/2020.

Word of Year: Gratitude 1/51 #LifeThisWeek1/2020.

This Link Up Has Been Part of Each Monday Since September 2016….almost every Monday: summer holidays & my cancer surgery July 2017 excepted.

This is #LifeThisWeek 170. I appreciate each and every blogger who links up. Thank you. Onward in 2020! 

Welcome to 2020 and Life This Week! I hope you are doing well. The past months in Australia have been very challenging with excessive heat and many fires which have caused enormous damage and loss. I send my commiserations to those affected.

In the last post for 2019, I did give a hint in the form of the beginning letter of each of the ten new optional prompts for 2020.

    R    A    T     I    T     U    D     E

I admit I have been somewhat late to the understanding of the purpose of gratitude….and then I saw this quote:

In daily life, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us happy.

Br. David Steindl-Rast. Network for Grateful Living.

That made sense to me even more as I have learned much about gratitude and me since doing the 30 days of gratitude in the lead up to my 70th Birthday.

Over the past few years my husband’s words to me often included “what have you been grateful for today?” or “what went well for you today?”. Yes, I could answer him mostly in a positive way but until I had a shift in the form of my own revelations I guess I was paying lip service to gratitude. From time to time, I would think about what I was grateful for and write things down then I would leave it.

I need to add these words that are for me, similar to gratitude and will see me using them:

  • thankful
  • blessed (yes, not a joke)
  • content
  • grateful
  • fortunate

As someone who needs evidence I did my research and continue to read more on gratitude. This article, mentions many of those I have come to know from my reading and listening which is why I am including much of the article. It is from a US source.

 

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. In fact over the years I’ve come to realize that gratitude is perhaps our most powerful and profound emotion. And that’s the only problem with Thanksgiving — by giving gratitude its one big day a year, do we run the risk of not giving it enough of our time and attention the other 364 days?

That would be a shame, because gratitude isn’t just a courtesy, or amatter of good manners. It’s our gateway to grace. It’s no coincidence that gratitude shares the same Latin root — gratus — as the word grace. So in addition to a day of gratitude, we can choose to live in a state of gratitude — and thus in a state of grace.

We live in a stress-filled, sleep-deprived, burned out world. In fact, for many, Thanksgiving itself is one of the most stressful days of the year. And that’s ironic, because the answer to Thanksgiving stress is right there in the word itself. Whenever we find ourselves in that stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset — including this week — gratitude is the brake lever. It gives us perspective and allows us to reset and recharge.

Though they didn’t have Thanksgiving, the ancients certainly knew the value of giving thanks. Cicero wrote that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all the others.” It took a few thousand years, but this wisdom has since been validated by a mountain of science. And we still haven’t reached the end of the list of what gratitude can do.

Robert Emmons, of the University of California, Davis, and Michael McCullough, of the University of Miami, are two of the foremost gratitude researchers. In one study, for several weeks, one group of participants wrote down things they were thankful for. A second group noted things that had annoyed them. The first group ended up feeling more optimistic and happy about their lives. And they even exercised more and slept better. But it wasn’t because the first group had more things to be thankful for — it was the act of thinking about what they were grateful forthat gave them such a tangible boost in well-being. We’re grateful not for the things we expect, but just the opposite.

“At the cornerstone of gratitude is the notion of undeserved merit,” Emmons and McCullough write in their book, The Psychology of Gratitude. “The grateful person recognizes that he or she did nothing to deserve the gift or benefit; it was freely bestowed.” It’s like white blood cells for the soul, protecting us from cynicism, entitlement, anger and resignation — a small miracle that produces a lingering moment of grace. And as they conclude in their study, when we choose to continue creating these moments, the consequences are powerful. “A life oriented around gratefulness is the panacea for insatiable yearnings and life’s ills,” they write.

Martin Seligman, of the University of Pennsylvania — and one of the founders of the field of positive psychology — has shown that the benefits of a single gratitude exercise — in one study, writing and delivering a thank you letter — can last for an entire month. Gratitude has also been found to lower levels of stress and depression, and improve sleep. Researchers at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine found that gratitude exercises can lower levels of inflammation, which improves heart health. In adolescents, gratitude has been found to reduce materialism and increase generosity, and lead to healthier eating. At the other end of life, gratitude has been found to reduce loneliness in the elderly.

And before I go to sleep, I’ll quickly write down a few things I’m grateful for. It focuses my mind on all the many blessings in my life, big and small — and shrinks the list of unresolved problems. Of course, we all have a mix of both in our lives, but it’s up to us to choose which frames our outlook and our daily lives. As Charles Dickens wrote, “reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

And it’s not just our present blessings. The power of gratitude can also extend to what hasn’t happened — all those close shaves with “disaster” of some kind or another, all the bad things that could happen to us and just… don’t. That distance between them happening and not happening is grace. It’s summed up in one of my favorite quotes (attributed to the eighth-century Muslim jurist Imam Al-Shafi’i): “My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.”

And then there are the disasters that do happen, that leave us broken and in pain. For me, such a moment was losing my first baby when I was 36. Losing a baby brings up so many unspoken fears and worst-case scenarios: Will I ever be able to carry a baby to term? Will I ever be able to become a mother? Everything felt broken inside. My mother had once shown me a quote from Aeschylus that spoke to me in those hours: “And even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” And there it is again: grace. Gratus. Gratitude. It wasn’t a magic bullet. It didn’t erase my grief. I wouldn’t have wanted it to. But it told me I could get through it, and that I was strong enough to take this, carry it with me and keep going.

There are, of course, countless ways to bring the power of gratitude into your life. Mark Williams, of the University ofOxford, suggests a daily “10-finger gratitude exercise,” in which you list 10 things you’re grateful for and count them out on your fingers. Coming up with 10 won’t always be easy. But that’s the point — it’s about, as he puts it in his book Mindfulness, “intentionally bringing into awareness the tiny, previously unnoticed elements of the day.”

Laurie Santos taught Yale’s most popular class, “Psychology and the Good Life,” also known as the “happiness course.” To get the full effect of gratitude, “you have to take time to feel it,” she says. “It’s a moment to really reflect on, ‘What would my life be like without this thing?’”

That’s why gratitude has been at the core of every tradition that focuses on what it means to live a good life. “Our minds are terrible at accurately predicting what will make us happy,” she says. “I think that’s why humans have historically needed religion and faith. Those traditions push us in the direction of doing acts of charity, having gratitude, being in communities where we connect with people — all things that give us a boost. Luckily, nonbelievers can get a boost from those habits, too.”

You can even work gratitude into your life through habit stacking, creating a healthy new habit by “stacking” it onto an existing habit.

For instance: Think of three things you’re grateful for while brushing your teeth or during some other part of your morning or nighttime routine. It doesn’t have to be about something big or life-changing. It can be gratitude for your morning coffee, or a random interaction with someone who made us smile that day, or a piece of nature on the way to work. Or it can be simply gratitude for being alive.

Subscribe here for my Weekly Thoughts Newsletter, where you’ll find my take on the week’s news, my favourite pieces on how we can thrive even in our stressful world, and some fun and inspiring extras.

This word, and those like it, along with more will be the subject of further explanation in my post on Wednesday.

I hope, that you may find some reasons to be grateful in your life today….

Thank you for being part of Life This Week 2020.

Denyse.

 

Link Up #170. Life This Week.

You can link up something old or new, just come on in.

* Please add just ONE post each week!

* Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not.

* Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do!

* Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right!

* Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere, or on your sidebar.

*Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice.

* THANK you for linking up today!

Next Week’s weekly optional prompt is: 2/51 Good News 13.1.2020.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


Copyright © 2020 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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