Thursday 14th November 2019

Archives for Wednesday 17th July 2019

Women of Courage Series. #9. Min. 78/2019.

Women of Courage Series. #9. Min. 78/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

Welcome to Min’s story.  She is 55. I have connected with Min via blogging and on social media. Min has been a long-time supporter of this blog and I thank her for that! Here’s her story.

 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

I think there are many people who have faced far more challenging adversities in their lives than me but there have been a few occasions during my life where I have had to be courageous.  The most courageous I have ever had to be though was with the recent loss of my father and so that is what comes to mind straight away when asked on this occasion when I’ve had to be courageous.

I was with him at 1:15am on 2 December 2017 when he passed from this life to wherever it is that we go to next.  He was hospitalised for six weeks before he passed away.  In the beginning there was lots of hope that he would improve and get home again.  Then there was hope for him to stabilise and be transferred to a care facility.  Then there was the realisation that his time on earth was coming to an end and so with that came the need for me to brace and prepare myself for when that time came.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

I had to face one of my lifelong fears – the death of a parent.  It has changed me immensely.  I’ve learnt how the flip side to love feels – incredibly deep and raw pain, a huge hole of loss.  I’ve felt the depth and breadth of the love I have for my Dad, and he is worth every bit of the corresponding depth and breadth of pain I feel now.  It’s brought home the fact that none of us are immune.  All of us have to face this loss one day, and none of us get out of here alive.  We all will die one day.  It’s intensified my understanding of how precious our time is and how we should be spending our lives exactly how we want to and in a way that makes us happy.  It’s highlighted what’s important in life and what is not.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

I’ve learned that we are capable of more than we think we are.  I’ve always feared the loss of a parent and I never thought I would be able to cope with it or even survive it.  However, here I am – coping and surviving.  There is something within us that protects us and helps us through.  You still cry and grieve and hurt, but there is some kind of primal preservation ability within us that comes out to help us when we need it.  I can’t explain it but I can say that it surprised me, it’s real, and I welcomed it.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

To be honest, I’m not sure.  I think each situation that calls for courage is a new one, with different components, and therefore a completely new experience. The difference now is that I know that there is this primal preservation ability (PPA) within us that will help us when we need it and that does provide some reassurance.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

I guess I would firstly like to wrap my arms around them and let them know that I care and I wish them strength and love and support.  Then I’d like to remind them that though it might seem impossible to believe at first, and very little comfort, the truth of life is that from adversity strength is born and lessons are learned, so these hard times are in fact a part of our growth as humans, and life’s learning process.  I’d also say – just do it your way, not how you think it ‘should’ be done, and trust that you will be helped along by that PPA within you that I’ve spoken of.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I think it’s important to realise that some things that happen to us are with us for life. I lost my Dad. I don’t think I will ever ‘recover’ from that, nor will my grief ‘end’.  These things will be a part of me for the rest of my life, but as I’ve heard and read from others that have been through this, I believe that with time they will soften, becoming less of the deep wrenching pain.

I believe the most courageous thing we can do in the face of adversity (and after) is to look after ourselves.  After losing my Dad, in addition to grieving, I was actually suffering ‘shock’ and displayed many of those symptoms, particularly weakness, fatigue, and concentration & memory issues.  It’s important to realise that we’ve been through a trauma and to take care of ourselves.

“True courage is being able to smile in the face of adversity while embracing one’s own vulnerability.” ~ author unknown

 

Thank you Min for sharing your story and one that will resonate with many. Denyse.

Social Media: Follow Min here:

Blog/Website:  https://www.writeofthemiddle.com

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/riteofthemiddle

 Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/writeofthemiddle/

 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/writeofthemiddle/

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

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