Wednesday 13th November 2019

Archives for June 2019

Women Of Courage Series. #6. Annette. 72/2019.

Women of Courage Series. #6. Annette. 72/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

Welcome to Annette’s story.  She is 51. I have connected with Annette via her blog and on social media thanks to our mutual interest in art and creativity.  

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

When I think of times I’ve needed courage in my life, two things spring to mind.

The first is that as an adoptee, it has taken me many small steps of courage, over many years, to come to a place of peace and self-acceptance. Adoption promises happy endings to all involved. The reality is that adoption begins with loss and creates trauma. Working through how I feel about being adopted has been the most courageous internal work I’ve done in my life, so far.

The second thing that I’ve experienced that required courage was being diagnosed with heart failure. It took courage to accept my diagnosis and then make changes to my lifestyle.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Adoption has impacted everything about who I am, but it isn’t who I am.

I used to believe that I was broken or defective in some way. Why wouldn’t you think that when all you’ve been told as an adoptee is that your mother gave you away; that love equals abandonment. That’s a messed-up message, and in many cases was not in any way the truth of the circumstances around adoptions in this country.

As for my health issues, that changed everything for me, from what I eat, to how much I can drink every day, to realising that no, actually we’re not immortal. It’s been a good life lesson.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

Courage is not waking up one day with the confidence of a superhero.

Courage is incremental.

Courage manifests itself in tears, in trembling, and in the smallest actions. Often those actions begin in the mind, where we have to decide if we are going to act or hide.

Courage is accessible to all, though many of us don’t believe it.

Courage is believing you can act to change the circumstances, then following through.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Yes, I’m practised in courage, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily easy or automatic.

The deeper the fear, the harder it is to draw on the courage you need. But it’s there. It’s there in all of us.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Believe in yourself, and have COMPASSION on yourself.

Courage takes time to stir up. It can be an emotionally trying process. It can make you want to run away more than you’ve ever wanted to.

The tiniest, almost invisible to the naked eye steps you take towards courage count. Everything counts, not just what is seen or celebrated as courageous.

Courage isn’t about big things, it is about meaningful things. Learning to say no, being willing to say yes, making peace with yourself, loving the person you are, believing in your completely unearned worthiness; these are acts of courage.

 

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I believe in people’s ability to grow. I believe it because I’ve seen it in others, over and over again, and because I live it.

 

Thank you Annette. My life is richer from getting to know you too. I enjoy our conversations on-line about art and more.

Denyse.

Connect with Annette here on Social Media

Blog/Website:     www.igiveyoutheverbs.com

 

Twitter:    www.twitter.com/theverbsblog

 

Facebook Page :  www.facebook.com/IGiveYouTheVerbs

 

Instagram: www.instagram.com/igiveyoutheverbs

 

 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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Share Your Snaps #5. #LTW25/51. My Head & Neck Cancer Photos 2017-2019. 71/2019.

Share Your Snaps #5. #LTW25/51. My Head & Neck Cancer Photos 2017-2019. 71/2019.

I am choosing to celebrate my two years + since head and neck cancer diagnosis in images that mean much to me as a patient who is using this medium to show:

Surgeries,

Healing,

Gratitude,

Waiting, 

Becoming Well.

Some images may be confronting to you. The nature of having a head and neck cancer is that it is brutal in its ways of eradicating it. Be it surgery (my sole treatments), radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of all. Please consider using my experience to get your mouth checked and to follow up any pain, lumps & bumps in the head, neck, under ear areas….And please think about a donation to my Virtual Fundraiser for BeyondFive where I am a volunteer Ambassador. Link at the end. Thank you. 

 

1. Where recovery began. Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in July 2017 and realities of being home and what my body was doing to heal.

2. My ‘mouth’ reconstructed…and lots of waiting for more surgeries and needing to adapt to changes in my mouth. Surgery in Feb 2018 too.

3. And a 4th surgery…gets me closer to upper teeth but such a long wait with a stent attached inside. Getting my #HNC awareness happening & supporting the first Soup for the Soul event telling my local MP about it.

 

4. Many trips to Westmead as my mouth needed measurements, cleaning of abutments area and so on. I had 2 more surgeries to make my mouth ‘teeth ready.’ My first meeting with Central Coast HNC patients. I had not met another HNC patient till almost a year after my first surgery. And....S M I L E.

 

5. So many reasons to smile, show appreciation & help support the works of HNC groups, meet with Beyond Five, smile at my surgeon and see the realities of inside my mouth, with my prosthodontist telling me all about how this is screwed into the cheekbone and more. Yikes. No wonder it hurts at times.

6. With my recovery continuing my confidence improved.It was great to have some special occasions including a belated retirement medal presentation, meet-ups in December & Christmas at our place & to celebrate my 69th birthday at the the end of November.

7. In early Jan 2019 a quick trip to COBLH to see my surgeon where he confirmed ‘extra skin’ was just that, not cancer…and that threw me for a bit (cancer as a possibility). It was good to think about it and consider gratitude and we celebrated an 18th Bday & our Feb meeting of CC HNC support group had a special guest.

 

8. And the memories of the 2 years before were strong but I gave myself credit for getting through tough times then and now. Meeting up with friends AND authors who are friends was fab! My mouth reality is here too. Bit graphic: Before Cancer diagnosed.

 

9. Celebrated my 2 years since diagnosis with my husband on 17 May and he said ” time for the Apple Watch you’ve wanted”. Recently I’ve helped share another HNC patient’s story for Beyond Five, met my daughter for Mother’s Day, had another CC HNC group meeting at the Cancer Council, saw my prosthodontist, my dentist too…and at the special celebration of Chris O’Brien’s legacy for Head and Neck cancer in early June at COBLH loved seeing my surgeon, Prof Jonathan Clark (who became AM from Queen’s Bday honours the next weekend!) and my HNC Nurse Practitioner Justine. I am so fortunate!!

 

10. My friend updated my image for the blog after it had been showing my way before cancer image for 4 years. Now, that feels more like me!

 

Denyse Whelan Head and Neck Cancer Patient now Ambassador.

Consider a donation of $5 or more to my Virtual Event

For Head and Neck cancer patients, family and friends. This is a website and offers lots to help. It continues to grow and change but with no government funding, some donations by companies in related fields and one part-time business manager, a fund-raiser was initiated in 2018 called Soup for the Soul. Soup is often a food that patients with head and neck cancer can manage and it is comforting.

Soup for the Soul is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here.  World Head and Neck Cancer Day is on 27 July.

Have you shared your snaps today?

Denyse.

Kell also has a Monday linkup here. Join in!

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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Women Of Courage Series. #5. Kirsty Russell. 70/2019.

Women of Courage Series. #5. Kirsty Russell. 70/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

Welcome to Kirsty Russell who is 43. I am delighted to share her story as we have been blogging friends since 2012! 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

There have been many times in my life when I’ve had to be courageous and, to be honest, it takes courage every day to keep going. There have been three main challenges I’ve faced in my life where I’ve needed to draw on every ounce of courage I possess:

  • My kids’ diagnoses (albinism, autism, anxiety, sensory processing disorder) and my ongoing fight to support them in every possible way
  • A stress induced health scare five years ago (I thought I was having a stroke) which made me question everything in my life
  • The death of my parents (my Dad in 2015 and my Mum in 2018)

Each challenge forced me to rebuild my life, reevaluate my priorities and face my fears.

 

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

Following my kids’ diagnoses, I had to change the way I think and adapt how I live to meet their needs. I had to learn to advocate for them, which was hard for someone who avoids confrontation. I had to learn to think differently, to try to understand their behaviours, their anxieties and their challenges. I had to cultivate more patience (still working on that one!) and I had to open my mind to new ideas. Since my eldest son was born 15 years ago, I’ve been undergoing a transformation. It’s challenged my beliefs and hasn’t always been easy but I know I’m a better version of myself now, having gone through everything in that time.

Following my health scare, I had to re-evaluate my life, my priorities and my career in order to put my health first. I was working in a job I loved but could no longer juggle the stress of managing contracts and leading staff in part time hours while also being there for my kids. I’d drop the kids off at school, drive 30 minutes to the office, work for 5 hours with no break, then drive 30 minutes back to pick up the kids and take them to therapies and appointments. There was no time for me, let alone to breathe or think. While I left with sadness, 5 years on I know it was the best decision I could have made. Although I wish it hadn’t taken a near death experience to urge me to take some action…

Most recently, I had to dig deep to support both my parents through their separate cancer diagnoses and help them find peace, while trying to adjust to a new normal without them. Having to take the reins of their lives, while watching them fade away is something that has forever changed me. There’s nothing that can prepare you for that. You just have to be strong because there’s no alternative. Also, I never expected to be parent-less so young – there’s a burden of responsibility which sits on top of the weight of loneliness. I’m the eldest and I know I’m not alone but it feels like I am. Not having them here to celebrate the highs and to support me with the lows will never be okay but I have to find the strength to be at peace with it. To be honest, I’m still working on that.

 

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

You need to believe in yourself and in your ability to adapt and meet each challenge. Most things in life are thrust upon us but in rising to these challenges, it proves that we can rise to others of our own making. Life is too short to live in fear – that’s something that each of these experiences have taught me. Choose to look for the positives and make the best of each situation because none of us know what’s around the corner.

 

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

I’m about to take a huge leap of courage and launch a new business to help fellow parents and educators to find connection and work together to achieve better outcomes for students. I would never have considered taking this leap a few years back – I’ve been ruled by fear for most of my life. But the challenges I’ve been forced to face in the last few years have shown me I’m strong enough and brave enough – I just need to take a chance and start.

 

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

Lean into the situation. Don’t run from it. Face things head on. If you make the decision to face your fears and make the best of the situation you have a better chance of overcoming whatever life throws at you. That’s the only way I’ve been able to deal with all the challenges of my life and I hope it’s enough to see me through whatever comes next!

Thank you Kirsty for sharing your words. I am impressed with how much you do to advocate for many. I always enjoy our catch-ups too!

Denyse.

Follow Kirsty here on social media:

Blog/Website: https://positivespecialneedsparenting.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PosSNParenting

Facebook Page (not personal account): https://facebook.com/PositiveSpecialNeedsParenting

Instagram: https://instagram.com/PositiveSpecialNeedsParenting

Kirsty just added this…at my insistence!
I’m about to embark on the biggest opportunity of my life, presenting 2 sessions and being part of a parent discussion panel at the Asia Pacific Autism Conference in Singapore from June 20-22. I’ll be sharing what we’ve learned advocating for our son at school and providing information for professionals on how to more positively engage with parents of kids with autism. I’m equal parts proud, nervous, terrified and excited but I’m grateful to have the chance to hopefully make a difference.
Here is the link and I am sending her my congratulations and best wishes for this event! I do not believe this will be her ‘last’ appearance!

Next week’s Woman of Courage is Annette.

Annette is a blogger too but we have only met ‘virtually’.

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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I Am Grateful Series. 81-100. 69/2019.

I Am Grateful Series. 81-100. 69/2019.

I am grateful every day.

This is the last of the series of “I am grateful”. I know more now that I ever did that just stopping for a moment when I feel down or a bit anxious, to think of something I am grateful for can change my inner mood. I continue to be amazed by that and I am glad to remember to do this!

Since learning more about myself, from before, during and after my cancer diagnosis, I know that I am better emotionally when I express gratitude.

  • I do this in a number of ways.
  • I will silently think of 5 or 10 things (using my fingers!) that I have been grateful for that day before I go to sleep.
  • I always express my gratitude to the person who has served me and made me my coffee. There are very few exceptions to this and watching someone’s face light up means the gratitude bounces back I guess.

A few years back I wrote a post about gratitude and how I was keeping a journal then. I am re-posting here what was, and still is, an excellent source about the value of:

GRATITUDE

The social benefits are especially significant here because, after all, gratitude is a social emotion. I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.

Indeed, this cuts to very heart of my definition of gratitude, which has two components. First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.

The second part of gratitude is figuring out where that goodness comes from. We recognize the sources of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. It didn’t stem from anything we necessarily did ourselves in which we might take pride. We can appreciate positive traits in ourselves, but I think true gratitude involves a humble dependence on others: We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

from here.

I have been going out each day since late October 2017, dressing with purpose and having a coffee. In my small journal I might do some art or I might write to get my thoughts out.

Recently, I gave myself the challenge (I like a challenge!) of coming up with 20 things I was grateful for over 5 days, making a total of 100.

Over the past weeks I shared those groups of 20. Today’s is the final list. Of course, the grateful list can go on and on! I am sure there will be more.

81. That I am less impulsive in shopping now

82. Cool weather after heat waves

83. My behaviours when I am particularly stressed can few modified by me now with skills I have learned

84. Local ‘BIG’ shopping centres for browsing, people watching and sometimes buying

85. Waiting more patiently now: for big and little things/experiences

86. Realisation that eventually being able to buy our own place may not be ‘the be all and end all”

87. I have a range of strategies for self-help and modifications to my attitudes and behaviours

88. That I know what unconditional love it as a giver and recipient

89. My mind continues to stimulate me with new ways to create in art

90. Seeing young families interacting reminds me of the ‘load’ we can seem carry as parents but appreciate it is over before we realised it!

91. Sending appreciation in greetings, cards and gifts to those who have helped me or just to help someone know I am thinking of them.

92. Mandalas. I love to make them but I ‘see’ them everywhere too

93. Succulents: I am growing them successfully and love their patterns

94. My second favourite coffee order of a piccolo will do me if I can’t get a double shot small latte

95. Icing. On the little cakes. I know I am being a bit flippant here but I love the sensation and the taste. Much moreso since cancer in my mouth

96. Cooking for others in batches because I know it helps them to eat and me to share.

97. Being a planner. Not an over the top one as I was, but keeping appointments and so on.

98. My art journal and kit I take with me everywhere

99. Finding that I had cancer in May 2017 and that it could be removed and it was

100. That I am very grateful to be alive and living well.

101. For you, my blog readers, for being here and commenting! Oh so grateful.

 

How do you express gratitude?

Denyse.

Joining in with Min here for her Tuesday #ztt link up. This week will be the last for a while. See Min’s post.

Thank you readers who come here on Tuesdays to comment.

I came back to Tuesday blogging to support Min and to write on topics which fell into the broad groups via Zen Tips Tuesday. I was fortunate to be a guest poster here too. For now, and the foreseeable future I will not be writing posts as regularly on Tuesdays with the exception being in the lead-up to World Head and Neck Cancer Day on 27 July 2019.

                  Beyond Five.

Denyse Whelan Head and Neck Cancer Patient now Ambassador.

Consider a donation of $5 or more to my Virtual Event

For Head and Neck cancer patients, family and friends. This is a website and offers lots to help. It continues to grow and change but with no government funding, some donations by companies in related fields and one part-time business manager, a fund-raiser was initiated in 2018 called Soup for the Soul. Soup is often a food that patients with head and neck cancer can manage and it is comforting.

Soup for the Soul is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here. More about that as we get closer to World Head and Neck Cancer Day on 27 July.

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Thank You To Me. 24/51. #LifeThisWeek. 68/2019.

Thank You To Me. 24/51. #LifeThisWeek. 68/2019.

I saw this as a blog post on a U.S. Blogger’s page via a link-up and at the time of writing, I cannot remember ‘who’ to give credit. I am hoping one of my regular readers who links up may remember what I cannot.

Thank You To Me.

The A-Z of it!

A. Accepting most days what I find I can do and getting over what I can no longer.

B. Blogging. I am so appreciative that I took the opportunity to start a blog back in 2010 because over the years it has continued as a source of care, information and connection.

C. Cancer is not something anyone ever wants but I am, in so many ways thanking myself for the ways in which I have overcome challenges (and grown) associated with a serious head and neck cancer diagnosed only 2 years and one month ago.

D. Determination is generally a good quality and I am thankful at times that I can, with some thinking, pull back from something I am determined to do if it is not a great fit but I also LOVE that I am determined and get on with life as best I can.

E. Excited me is pretty cool and I know my energy levels are high when I am excited. I am so pleased that I can get excited about the little things in life as well as the more major events.

F. Family is so important to me and I am so thankful we got to raise two children who then went on to have their own families. Learning to step back from direct involvement in their now family-life has been hard but I am so glad I was guided by me (and my husband) to do so. Unlike my years of obligation to my direct family and how I am now independent is a very big deal for my….

G. Growth. In the past 5 years, I want to thank me for ALL I have had to learn through tears, stress, anxiety, IBS and cancer….as well as a close relationship with my…

H. Husband who, now it’s just us, is a fantastic partner, someone to laugh with, awesome hugger and downright good company and I love him very much.

I. I am interested in people and I hope use my intelligence wisely and with integrity.

J. Joking around and having fun is one way of relieving stress and reading out a joke without laughing can be very difficult.

K. Kilometres I travel safely in my wonderful car make me glad for my long-held driver’s…

L. Licence and that I am proud to say I have held it for 52 years!

M. Marriage and money. Actually marriage is, for us, better than money. We both think (despite little disagreements) that we did win the lottery in marriage and that is better than all the money in the world. 49 years since we met this October!

N. Newspapers and me. I grew up with this and I am always glad to find a newspaper to read. I thank those who still publish the ones you hold with both hands as you read. Free local paper to the Australian-wide newspapers, they are all great.

O. Optimism. Oh, I know I am not naturally an optimist as I follow the de-fault of…

P. Pessimism but if it’s taught me one thing, it is that I can be wary but I can also be brave!

Q. Questions are something I ask a lot. I ask to learn, and I ask to find out and I ask, I confess, to find out a bit of goss. Not much. But sometimes.

R. Retirement is a funny strange  interesting time. I thought I would love retirement but it seemed that I needed to re-think that and gradually lean into retirement rather than work one day, stop the next as it was in my father’s day.

S. Schools have been a loved part of my life since 1954 yet I am not a nerd. I had some ‘not nice’ things happen to me at school as do most of us, but with kind and inspirational teachers, I knew at age 11 I wanted to go into…

T. Teaching. I love little kids and watching them discover and learn. I enjoy conversations with them even before they can talk. I love learning from others too.

U. Understanding myself has taken a LONG time and I thank my mind for helping me do this in the past few years. I have read widely, studied, been to talks and I “think” as best as I can say I am…

V. Very pleased with the person I am learning to love and really enjoy being. ME!

W. What a lot of time it has taken though. I spent decades people pleasing and can still get caught up in it. It’s been in the last 2 years (with cancer) that I have learned more of the …

X. X-factor. How to gain a kind of balance between self-care and caring for others. I still do not get it right many times but I am so much more forgiving and compassionate with myself now.

Y. Youth! I have long left my youth but I try to remain youthful in my outlook and going with the times. Those times, especially via social media, may not quite match my values these days, yet I like learning the views of those who are younger. Mutual respect is a goal!

Z. Z for….the end? Sleeping. I don’t have a word for Z…oh yes I do Zest for living! I have that.

What would you ‘thank you’ for today?

Denyse.

Kell also has a Monday linkup here. Join in!

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

My Virtual Soup for the Soul Information

Please consider making a donation you can afford here:- To help raise awareness of Head & Neck Cancer.

I had no idea about Head and Neck cancers until I was diagnosed in May 2017!

‘Soup for the Soul’ is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here.

More about that as we get closer to World Head and Neck Cancer Day on 27 July.

 

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Women of Courage Series. #4. Debbie Harris. 67/2019.

Women of Courage Series. #4. Debbie Harris. 66/2019.

A series of blog posts on Denyse Whelan Blogs to be found here from mid May 2019: Wednesdays: each week.

Here is the introduction to the series.

Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief. It’s doing something that frightens you. We face situations that demand courage every day. These situations provide us with choices, and the way we respond to those choices determines our future. Dayne Shuda

 

Welcome to  Debbie Harris, aged 58 who is sharing her story today. 

 

What have you faced in your life where you have had to be courageous?

Despite what some people may think, my life is far from perfect and I have faced some truly terrible moments along the way. Some I didn’t know about at the time but required me to be ‘courageous’ to continue on – as a baby I contracted pneumonia, was hospitalised and then it went to double pneumonia with the added complication of Golden Staph infection – this resulted in having to have some of my left lung removed. I now have an amazing scar running down my left side! It’s horrific enough now that I’m fully grown but how must it have looked on a tiny baby??

I was involved in a tragic accident while on a school excursion in Noumea, New Caledonia at age 17 where the bus we were in rolled off the steep winding road on a wet night, rolling several times into the river below, drowning 2 students and a civilian and leaving many others severely injured.

I received a Brave Conduct Award from the Queen for my efforts, along with several other students who were involved.

From my blog post May 2018:

It was 40 years ago in May 1978 that I set off on a dream trip with my friends, my French teachers, and other French students from my school, all of us armed with a real sense of adventure. We headed off to New Caledonia ready to practice our French language skills and immerse ourselves in the culture of the French island.

I was 17 and in Year 12, my final year of school, at Bomaderry High School, a public high school on the NSW South Coast (Australia).

Little did we know that within a few days we would be heading home after surviving a tragic accident which took the lives of 3 people, two of whom were young students in the prime of their lives.

I was one of the oldest students on the trip with two of my best friends. But sadly only two of us returned home alive.

At 1.00am on Thursday 11 May 1978 we were returning in two buses to our hotel Chez Maitre Pierre at Hienghene, after spending the evening at a disco at a nearby resort, with a group of students from a Wagga school.

It was raining heavily, and I was on the first bus which left with 13 people on board – 4 adults and 9 students plus the bus driver.  I remember the road was winding, narrow and slippery.  The bus slid from the road and overturned, rolling four or five times down a forty-metre embankment, ending up submerged in the river, La Hienghene, with only a small part of the bus showing above the water.

I was thrown from the bus as it rolled down the embankment and sustained concussion, shock, cuts, glass embedded throughout my body and other minor injuries, but somehow, I had survived.

In total darkness, and with no sign of panic, those of us who had managed to escape from the bus immediately set about the task of rescuing the injured, resuscitating those who had drowned and caring for them until rescuers arrived, more than two hours later.

But for their actions the loss of life would have been far greater.

It was tragic – 3 of the 13 people aboard, died on that bus.

How did this change you in any way? Please outline further if this has been the case.

As I was only 17 at the time, I hadn’t really suffered any great losses.  This accident made me aware of how fragile life was and to live a good life wherever possible.  I didn’t get any counselling or support from professionals at the time, this would be very different scenario today!  I remember just having to continue on and so I did with help from family and my then boyfriend (now husband).  I think it gave me some resilience.

Is there something you learned from this that you could recommend to help others who need courage?

We all need to be brave in our own way and make the most of what life throws at us.  It’s funny that anyone who gets a bravery award says they didn’t feel brave they just did what they had to do at the time.  Those were my exact words when I was given the award.

Do you think you are able to be more courageous now if the life situation calls for it? Why is that?

Yes, I now tackle things head on.  Due to the accident I have a fear of heights, but I didn’t let it stop me from walking in the Himalayas in Nepal, tackling the infamous Kokoda Track, skiing in the Italian Alps.  I could have been put off from travelling and to be honest it took me 14 years before I travelled overseas again after the accident but now, I’m a fearless traveller, with my husband, family and even solo trips to Europe.  I grasp opportunities with both hands.

In late 2016 I was made redundant from my rewarding 22 year career of Managing Education programs and working with inmates in a correctional centre.  The government decided to outsource education provision (it was a cheaper option) and they decided they didn’t need qualified teachers in their system any longer.  I was 55 turning 56 at the time and this forced change to my lifestyle nearly brought me undone.  I needed all my courage to join with my Teachers Federation colleagues to fight this abominable decision.  I fought hard, rallied troops, spoke to the media and put myself out there- it was very scary.  But I had the courage of my convictions and I stuck with it.  Unfortunately, the changes went ahead as planned and I was suddenly a very young retiree.  I grieved for months but have bounced back with optimism and enthusiasm, created a new lifestyle and I am happy to say life is good!

Is there any message you would give to others facing a situation where courage could be needed?

I know it seems to be a cliché but really you just have to hang on. Try to take the positives out of a situation and get help if you need to.  My family keep me pretty grounded and don’t let me carry on too much!  Everyone sees courage differently and we need to respect these differences.

There is no one way to be brave, sometimes we just need to know it’s inside us all and hope that we will find it when it’s needed.

Do add anything else that you think would help others who read your post.

I hate roller coaster rides (I think due to my accident) but have learnt that if I close my eyes and count slowly they only last a few minutes at the most.  I don’t enjoy them but remind myself that ‘this too will pass’ – life’s a bit like that in many ways.

Many thanks to Debbie for her story of courage. I first ‘met’ Debbie on-line and as teachers who left their roles in circumstances beyond our control I ‘get’ her part in this post very much.

Denyse.

Follow Debbie here:

https://debs-world.com/2018/04/08/what-ive-learnt-from-surviving-a-school-trip-that-went-terribly-wrong/

Blog/Website: https://www.debs-world.com

Twitter: @wonderwomandebz

Facebook Page (not personal account): https://www.facebook.com/worldaccordingtoDebbie

Instagram: https://Instagram.com/debs__world

Next week’s Woman of Courage is Kirsty Russell. 

Joining each Wednesday with Sue and Leanne here for Mid Life Share the Love Linky.

On Thursdays I link here for Lovin Life with Leanne and friends and on Fridays, it’s Open Slather here with Alicia.

Copyright © 2019 denysewhelan.com.au – All rights reserved.

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I Am Grateful Series. 61-80. 66/2019.

Beyond Five.

Denyse Whelan Head and Neck Cancer Patient now Ambassador.

Consider a donation of $5 or more to my Virtual Event

For Head and Neck cancer patients, family and friends. This is a website and offers lots to help. It continues to grow and change but with no government funding, some donations by companies in related fields and one part-time business manager, a fund-raiser was initiated in 2018 called Soup for the Soul. Soup is often a food that patients with head and neck cancer can manage and it is comforting.

Soup for the Soul is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here. More about that as we get closer to World Head and Neck Cancer Day on 27 July.

 

 

 

I Am Grateful Series. 61-80. 65/2019.

I am grateful every day.

Since learning more about myself, from before, during and after my cancer diagnosis, I know that I am better emotionally when I express gratitude.

I do this in a number of ways.

  • I will silently think of 5 or 10 things (using my fingers!) that I have been grateful for that day before I go to sleep.
  • I always express my gratitude to the person who has served me and made me my coffee. There are very few exceptions to this and watching someone’s face light up means the gratitude bounces back I guess.
  • I consider how another person’s day may be going and ask them how they are because we connect that way and I am grateful for the exchange.

A few years back I wrote a post about gratitude and how I was keeping a journal then. I am re-posting here what was, and still is, an excellent source about the value of:

GRATITUDE

The social benefits are especially significant here because, after all, gratitude is a social emotion. I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.

Indeed, this cuts to very heart of my definition of gratitude, which has two components. First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.

The second part of gratitude is figuring out where that goodness comes from. We recognize the sources of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. It didn’t stem from anything we necessarily did ourselves in which we might take pride. We can appreciate positive traits in ourselves, but I think true gratitude involves a humble dependence on others: We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

from here.

I have been going out each day since late October 2017, dressing with purpose and having a coffee.

In my small journal I might do some art or I might write to get my thoughts out.

Recently, I gave myself the challenge (I like a challenge!) of coming up with 20 things/experiences I was grateful for over 5 days, making a total of 100. Over the past weeks and one last time next week, I  share the groups of 20.

61. That I got to live at 61 Curban St from 1959 till 1970

62. That my Aunty Poppy who died at this age, showed me what unconditional love was

63. My family: close and extended cares about me

64. That I am in essence a creative person

65. Cooking is a fun way to create: when I am in the mood

66. Colours delight me

67. I love to drive and staying safe is #1 priority & I got my licence in ’67!

68. My mind – given a good challenge and coming up with the answers

69. “Enough” money for coffee and a treat most weeks

70. That I “WILL” get to 70 on 30 November 2019

71. My ability to choose foods with better health outcomes than I used to

72. My recliner chair. Ahhhhh.

73. Warmth of the heated pad on my back in said chair..Ahhhhhh

74. ACCEPTANCE is a growing concept I am getting embedded within

75. My support for others with head and neck cancer is 100%

76. Walking. That I can. I do want to walk more too.

77. Enough clothes now for every season and reason and in my size.

78. My continued connections with education

79. That my husband has his space for his work and hobbies

80. That I too have my space for the above.

How do you express gratitude?

Denyse.

Joining in with Min here for her Tuesday #ztt link up.

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My Best Birthday Cake. 23/51. #LifeThisWeek. 65/2019.

Beyond Five.

 

Denyse Whelan Head and Neck Cancer Patientnow Ambassador.

Consider a donation of $5 or more to my Virtual Event

For Head and Neck cancer patients, family and friends. This is a website and offers lots to help. It continues to grow and change but with no government funding, some donations by companies in related fields and one part-time business manager, a fund-raiser was initiated in 2018 called Soup for the Soul. Soup is often a food that patients with head and neck cancer can manage and it is comforting.

Soup for the Soul is already live and I have a Virtual Soup for the Soul page here. More about that as we get closer to World Head and Neck Cancer Day on 27 July.

 

My Best Birthday Cake. 23/51. #LifeThisWeek. 64/2019.

I cannot think of a ‘best’ birthday cake so I am going on a trip down birthday cake lane!

I think any birthday cake made for me by my Mum was a great one.

Mum might not have liked eating cake much but she sure enjoyed making them for us kids, and then her grandkids and I do think she even contributed to a great-grandchild’s birthday cake way back.

I use many of Mum’s strategies in cake making as I have her basic cake recipe in her handwriting in my recipe collection. She did not have electric beaters until the late 1950s so making by hand was even harder. Mum never had a ‘proper mixmaster’ and neither have I. We both preferred the electric hand held mixers.

My First Birthday.

Made by Mum I am sure!

My 65th Birthday.

Made by my daughter. A favourite of my late Mum’s that my daughter and I often made. Orange cake. This was a special but somewhat sad occasion as it would be the last birthday celebrated in Sydney with our children and their children. We have not celebrated any birthdays with all of the  family since. For reasons that are about distance and changes in lives of those concerned. It happens, right?

My 67th Birthday.

One little cake made by me. My husband joined me when he came home from Lifeline counselling. I remember this day well. Making an effort with my appearance because my ill-effects from IBS and anxiety (grief-like) were getting a hold. We were not to know, that within 6 months I would be diagnosed with oral cancer. And, I also did not know this would be the last time I could blow out the candle!!

And, for my 69th Birthday!

My chosen celebration was morning tea out with my lovely husband and then at home I said “we’d better have a cake and a candle”. Of course, I always have little cakes in the freezer….and here was when I found out what small limitations my mouth now had. It does not seal properly either. But no matter, the cancer is gone.

How about you?

What are your memories of birthday cakes?

I should add, I like all Mums (and possibly Dads and grandparents) got a copy of the Women’s Weekly Birthday Cake Book. My daughter now has my original. I made the “one” for our son’s 1st birthday and he is now 40. Mum took to this book well. Over the years she made the racing car track, the number that was all lamingtons, a tennis racquet cake and later on…much later, our daughter made the Thomas the Tank for her then boyfriend’s 21st.

Denyse.

Kell also has a Monday linkup here. Join in!

You can link up something old or new, just come on in. * Please add just ONE post each week! * Feel free to go with the prompt for the week to add your ‘take’ on the prompt. Or not. * Please do stay to comment on my post as I always reply and it’s a bloggy thing to do! * Check out what others are up to by leaving a comment because we all love our comments, right! * Add a link back to this blog in your post somewhere. I don’t have a ‘button’ so a link in text is fine! *Posts deemed by me, the owner of the blog and the link-up, to be unsuitable for my audience will be deleted without notice. * THANK you for linking up today!

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Next week’s optional prompt 24/51 Thank You to Me. 17/6/19

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